Many people struggle with maintaining healthy eating habits. There are so many triggers that interfere with the best intentions. When you feel stressed, you eat unhealthy, when you party you eat unhealthy, you never drink enough water, it’s too hard to exercise, and no matter how many times you commit to the gym, you don’t stick with it.
So what do you do?
You promise yourself to start today. OOPS, that didn’t work, so you negotiate with yourself to try again tomorrow. Uh-oohh, you fail again! Now you’re feeling so guilty that you gobble down a bag of Cheetos and swear off snack (as you finish licking the bag) starting after this escapade.
Excuses are like greeting cards; there is one for every occasion, including not eating healthy.
Chances are, you are well aware you should drink water, but you buy a Coke because the Cheetos are so salty and something sweet and fizzy goes so much better with it. Not to mention, you are swearing off snacks, so you commit to drinking water, starting tomorrow, of course.
You were on your way to the gym, but suddenly you have amnesia and cannot remember why you had to get a workout today. The excuses for not going are plentiful, and at that moment, they all seem pretty valid, so you blow it off. You opt for a shopping trip instead and convince yourself that all that walking will be like getting a workout in. If you’re really trying, you tell yourself you will park waaaaay in the back of the parking lot to get those extra steps in. What happens next? A rain cloud suddenly moves in, and you can’t risk getting stuck in the rain, so you circle the parking lot for 10 minutes to get the closest space possible.
But you do walk around the store.
As you’re walking around, the thoughts in your head might be telling you you are a loser, can’t do it, always fail, and/or any number of damaging limiting beliefs.
So what happens next?
First of all, what happens if you do nothing? Well, the truth is NOTHING! Nothing happens. The world won’t end, you probably won’t get struck by lightning or win the lottery-life will go on! You still spend time with the family, go to work, hang out with friends, and carry on. In short, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.
Assuming you’re not endangering your healthy, nothing horrible will happen. However, nothing AMAZING will happen either! You may never know the joy of feeling confident and energized from the inside out. You may never experience the satisfaction of crossing the finish line of a marathon or wearing a smoking hot dress to the party and being the center of attention. Opportunities that you had no idea were available to you may pass because you’re stuck in a comfort zone.
The question about getting fit and eating healthy you should be asking yourself:
The real question you are undoubtedly asking yourself if you’re still reading this post is: what happens if you actually do something? What awesome benefits and value can you add to your life, forever!
Maybe you’re asking yourself: Do something about what?
You see, it’s not the snacking or overeating that is the real challenge. If it was, you could go to a nutritionist and get a personal trainer. That would nip it in the bud quick.
Be brutally honest with yourself right now, and ask yourself if that would truly solve the problem. If you can sincerely answer “yes,” then, of course, I want you to turn off the computer and get to the gym right now. Hire a trainer, get in shape, meet your goal, and live happily ever after.
However, the chances are that most of you reading this cannot sincerely say that is the answer. Many of you have tried it already and know the results were temporary at best. Several others have gone to extremes such as uber-expensive or restrictive diets, surgery, or supplements that are more harmful than helpful.
…here’s some free life-coaching tips!
Listen up, I’m talking to you! I am offering you some valuable health and wellness coaching for free, right here and now:
First of all, stop and visualize what is good for your body. What makes you feel energized, focused, and ready to take on the day? Then, slow down your thoughts and engage your senses. See the colors of it vividly. Can you smell it? Feel it’s crunchy or chewy textures? Imagine how it tastes as you swallow it down ? Do you hear the crunch of it?
Now, bring your full awareness to your body. Notice your breath; listen to the pulse of your heart; imagine your digestive system functioning like a well-oiled machine; visualize all of your internal systems working together to power the most amazing creation ever, the human body. Bring your awareness to how your brain is the center of control as you wiggle your fingers and toes just by thinking about it.
As you gain increased awareness and appreciation for your body, you will automatically begin to love it more, feed it better, move it better, and feel great about it.
Remember, your body loves you. It takes you everywhere always; stays with you; goes with you; and sleeps with you! What can you do to show your body some love? Maybe you can give your body some rest? Perhaps a glass of room temperature water?
You are a good person. If you’re still reading now, you desire growth to get fit or eat healthy; you strongly value your health. Being healthy is not only an act of service for yourself, but it helps others too. If you don’t have your health, you don’t have yourself. Naturally, if you don’t have yourself, nobody has you either. Who needs and depends on you? What would life look like if you were the energetic and focused person you want to be?
This one many tools life coaches use to help clients meet their goals and create lasting change. These tools are powerful and effective and produce change faster than you might think. Any time you pursue a goal, make sure that it aligned with your vision and values and no one else’s and you will have success in living the life you deserve!
And why do we seek it? As a mindset and clarity coach, I’m always curious about what my clients hope to achieve from seeking a mindset shift. Is it a new skill? A new focus in life? A new direction?
For me, I’ve needed to shift gears a few times in my life – and for the longest time, I did it without my own personal life coach. But once I leaned in, focused on me, and discovered a mentor, I became unstoppable. In my process, I realized that mindset shifts come with a few components, like a recipe in a kitchen. For example, sometimes you need a dash; sometimes, you need a whole heap of an ingredient.
6 components that create a growth mindset:
I’ve identified six components that work in tandem together that assist with creating new patterns of thought. They are…
COACHING & MENTORSHIP
We seek mindset shifts when something feels out of balance, and your intuition suggests something needs to change. For instance, you wake up one morning and feel you can no longer continue to remain stuck in the place you are at – and to get where you want to go – you need to break the chains that are binding you to the present.
We nearly always know WHERE we want to go – it’s the path that becomes fuzzy and unclear. Other times, the path forward is so embodied in fear that we remain paralyzed in the present, unable to walk forward to your desired future. But you know the only way forward is to take that step.
Do you often do “impressively well” for weeks, only to end up losing motivation?
So, you puff up our chest, you set a goal, and you muster the courage to march with vigor towards the desired outcome. You do impressively well for a few weeks, and then you find yourself losing motivation, falling off your routine, and veering course from your goal. You ask yourself as you sit on the couch eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream feeling defeated, “Why do I always fall short of making shit happen in my life?”
First of all, it is vital to understand and accept this truth- You are NOT alone, and there IS a way. There is a solid formula to help you through.
Our minds are the most powerful muscle we have, and it’s all ours to use whatever we choose to do with it.
The mind can plan games, it can alert our inner critic to keep us playing small, and it can also be your own superpower. But one thing is known for a fact – ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE THE POWER OF YOUR MINDSET.
You own that choice.
A mindset is a grouping of assumptions we have that has been developed and learned over time, perhaps throughout our entire life. It’s like someone stuck you in 4th gear and left you there, not telling you there was a 5th, 6th, or 7th gear. These assumptions are so deeply ingrained in us we end up adopting prior behaviors and choices without ever second-guessing what could be possible.
So, if your mindset is a muscle that you can flex, then it can also get stronger. Just like your biceps and triceps, if you exercise them often, except your mindset can be exponentially more powerful.
Your first step in gaining a new mindset is finding clarity. Clarity around what you want to achieve, what your value system is, and exactly what you hope to achieve by discovering a new mindset. Is it greater health? Improved habits? A new line of income? A validating and fulfilling line of work? A personal goal you’ve been thinking about achieving for years? Whatever it is, finding clarity on the END GOAL is a top priority.
COURAGE & DISCIPLINE:
So you’ve decided to make a shift. Our first thought is to hold this “outcome” close to our chest like we are playing a mean game of Texas Hold ‘Em, and our poker face is The Dead Sea. If this is you, I’m about to rattle your cage a little bit. Staying silent about this shift will not serve you well. It gives you an “out” when motivation starts to subside, and your voice of self-doubt starts to creep in. This voice reminds you of the safe place to stay. It rekindles the old assumptions and stories that have kept you playing small all these years. You need to roll past that.
Shifting your mindset takes tremendous courage, passion, and discipline. For 95% of us, you cannot do it alone. You must share out loud with passion the shift you desire. Saying it out loud is preaching it to the Universe. And once the Universe has ahold of your desire, anything is possible. It gives you accountability to at least ONE person. That one may just be enough to keep you moving forward. It could be your spouse, a family member, or someone you trust and admire. My recommendation is to share this with a trusted friend or even a life coach who has your best interests at heart.
When it comes to making a mindset shift, it’s important to have someone in your court on your team rooting for you all the way.
A certified life coach that focuses on clarity, mindset, goals, and growth is very helpful in this context.
A good coach that you connect with will reflect your own thoughts and emotions to the point that they become crystal clear and allow you to find your path – “coaching” yourself to your own vision.
“Mentorship” is the process of sharing years of experience to offer a solution that aligns with the reflection of your goals. I believe you need both… Reflection and direction go hand in hand.
DESIRE AND CHALLENGE:
Having the desire to change and create a new mindset is certainly the start. But it’s just that… a start. Desire gets you to the starting line of a mindset shift.
But you must be ready to dig in and make meaningful change, and that is a challenge. The challenge is leaning into pain. Leaning in to the process of shifting patterns. Leaning in to the process of strengthening the muscle of the mind. You’re going to feel like an athlete training for a marathon. You will feel discomfort, frustration, fear, and sometimes even isolation. The challenge is pushing through it. You are elevating to a new space where bigger dreams happen, and new realities take shape.
To create the mindset shift, your desire to change has to be greater than the frustration of being stuck.
So, are you ready for the challenge?
Are you ready to lean in and do some amazing work that will lead to mindset shifts that last a lifetime? My passion is guiding others to a better place with easy steps. You deserve the fruits of your dreams. Having a life coach in your corner to break down the steps and outline your roadmap is the key to your success.
Change your mindset, change your world. Mindset shifts are truly magical.
Performance Coach and successful entrepreneur, Lea focuses on helping entrepreneurs grow their business, develop strategic marketing plans, and take flight in business. https://mcculloughcoaching.as.me/Goals
Coaches are not therapists, but what are the problems a life-coach can help solve?
Who do you call when you have a broken pipe at home? Where do you go when you need a haircut? What if you were looking for legal advice? Would you ask a friend? A neighbor? Your spouse? Only if they happened to be a plumber, hairdresser, or lawyer, right? So why not enlist professional help to reach your life goals? It’s not always best to rely on families or friends to support us in achieving our dreams and goals, so where are we supposed to turn?
While hiring a coach may not seem like the obvious answer in ordinary life situations, here is a list of the problems a life coach can help solve.
These concerns keep some of the most talented people from reaching their potential.
However, you don’t have anything you need to “heal,” so seeing a therapist is not the right approach. This is one of the most frequent problems a life coach can help solve. Certified life-coaches are very forward-thinking and solutions-oriented.
You know what the problem is, but you can’t figure out the solution.
Sometimes the most rewarding problem a life coach can help solve is making it easier for YOU to identify the solution.
Have you ever thought to yourself why success looks so easy for some people?Surely, they are just lucky, right? NO, they aren’t! They have struggles and challenges, just like everyone else! On the other hand, what is different is they don’t fixate on what the problem is. Instead, they direct their focus to what the solution is.
Granted, sometimes it is hard to “see the trees for the forest,” and that is precisely where a coach can help you. However, they aren’t going just to give you answers. In contrast, they will skillfully ask questions that get you to dig deep within yourself. You have the inner wisdom to make the best decisions for you, and a coach will help you discover it!
You don’t want to leave your comfort zone because you’re afraid of failure
Equally as commonplace is the fear of failure. In fact, it is the number-one obstacle people face when contemplating change. For instance, coaches help clients work past the shame associated with perceived failures. Meanwhile, they help to shift your perspective and view challenges positively instead of fearfully. With these in mind, they help you break broad goals into small and achievable ones. In the end, regardless of the outcome, you will go further than you would have on your own.
You live for Fridays, and by Sunday evening, you are starting to feel bummed. On top of that, you wake up on Mondays feeling grouchy and imagine every possible scenario that might excuse you. By the same token, you’ve thought about going back to school to learn something for a more rewarding career but have no idea where to start. Who would you ask for help? This is one of the most frequent problems a life-coach can help solve.
A career coach will help you identify career paths that are in line with your passion and strengths. Also, they will help you craft a resume that will get seen; prepare for the interview, and negotiate salary once hired.
In short, life goes by too fast to spend 1/3 of it in misery. Don’t let that be you.
A life-coach can help solve problems like breaking bad habits and developing good ones
All of us have tried to break bad habits and start new ones at some point in our lives. Sometimes we have permanent success while others success was fleeting. Health and wellness life coaches help clients break through the barriers that have kept them from achieving permanent and lasting results. For example, these are some habits clients break and/or form with their coaches:
A life-coach can help solve many problems. Hiring a life coach may not be your default answer for any of the above, but if you stop to think about it, it makes total sense to seek the same personalized support to reach your life goals as you would to fix a broken pipe or have your teeth cleaned. Becoming happy, resilient, and living with passion and purpose are only some of the gains you can expect from working with a certified coach.
We have found that every great coach has a great coach. Here are the times great coaches will work with their coaches, and we suggest you do too:
1. You’re inspired but unsure “I’m gonna make this happen, but HOW do I make it happen?”
You have a dream, a vision, and/or a goal. You’ve either tried and didn’t get there; started with excitement and enthusiasm, only to peter-out halfway through; or you simply do not know where to start. Whether you want to lose a few pounds, find the love of your life, make a total career switch, or build the business of your dreams, a great coach can help you overcome obstacles, strategize next steps, keep you accountable and motivated, and support you while you create your dream. They also can see your “blind-spot” and help you avoid making costly mistakes.
2. You wake up one day feeling blah and realize “Nothing is happening”
You’re simply stuck. Things aren’t bad but they aren’t great either. Nothing really excites you, and you’re just out of ideas. A personal life coach can help you uncover why you’re stuck, form a collaborative think-tank with you, and re energize your plans to start moving forward. They will help you reignite a passion for life and find your purpose, causing a whole new perspective will cause a total paradigm shift.
3. You’re overwhelmed and wonder “What the heck is happening?”
Sometimes in life, things are beyond our control, and nothing seems to go right or make sense. There are always things we cannot control, but the one piece we can control is ourselves. Sometimes the root is our own belief systems; others it is because we have changed while others haven’t, or have we just changed differently OR beliefs that worked in the past no longer serve us anymore. This is a great time to hire a life coach. Having a skilled and objective coach can help quickly identify any beliefs running in the background and raise your conscious awareness and make moving forward virtually effortless.
4. You’re so excited “Something wonderful happened”
Yay for YOU! You started a new business, got promoted, married or had a baby; suddenly, you don’t recognize your life anymore because life as you knew it no longer exists. Change, even when it is fantastic, can throw us off-center. So many unexpected things come with change, even good ones. Your life coach can help you navigate this new beginning and support you in transition.
5. You’re in a good place but “Now what happens?”
You just overcame a major obstacle and are out of the weeds, so to speak, Now what? Overcoming a crisis can be exhausting and leave us feeling empty and off-center. When things go from crisis-mode to maintenance, it’s not always easy to shift gears back into production. Fortunately for you, you are closer than you think! Hire a life coach, and they will help you figure out when your next steps can be. They will help you create that amazing life you’ve been dreaming about and support you through exciting elements that may be a little scary but in the most wonderful way
6. You’re not feeling up to par “Something Terrible happened”
Ultimately, any time you want to take your life to the next level is a great time to hire a life coach. The most successful people are open-minded and willing to try new things. A coach will improve your self-awareness, help you stay focused, and access your greatest talents while keeping you motivated to go the distance. You can possibly do this on your own if you are super-disciplined and ambitious. However, you can do it so much quicker with motivation and accountability behind you.
Life is not always kind. Loved ones pass away, relationships end in heartbreak, healthy people succumb to illness, and jobs are lost. It can just really stink sometimes. I am so sorry if this is you. Having a healthy support system is so important when life takes a turn. It’s not always easy to turn to friends in these situations. A coach allows it to be “all about you” by offering you their undivided attention, and compassion will enable you to process in a confidential and safe place. There are no shortcuts through the grieving process, but a good coach can help you find the path back to living happily and lighten the sadness and despair.
If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!
Things are uncertain right now, and many people are worrying about the future and our “new normal.” While some level of concern is natural given the circumstances, being consumed with anxiety and fear will not help anyone and is quite harmful. Chronic worry can create several mental and physical health issues, and it ultimately robs you from experiencing joy.
Are you the type of person that is always thinking and analyzing, and then over-thinking and over-analyzing? Do you have a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep because your brain just won’t stop? If so, read on, this might be for you!
Not everyone is prone to the same level of angst, and here are some of the habits of people who have either overcome the worrying habit or have never had it.
Many psychotherapists and personal life coaches help their clients break through various blockages by learning how to overcome limiting beliefs. The process includes a few steps. In short, the steps are:
When you find yourself getting anxious, slow down and get real honest about your thoughts. Awareness is the stepping stone to change because you can’t fix anything if you don’t know what it is you’re trying to fix.
Take a moment to stop and listen to your inner voice. The goal is to uncover the thoughts behind the feelings. Recognize what limiting beliefs you are buying into. For example, if you are worried about a presentation you are giving at work tomorrow, pay attention to the messages like “I’ll lose my job,” “My boss will think I can’t do my job”, or “everyone will laugh at me. ”
Just because you’re thinking these things does not mean they are true. You and you alone decide whether to give them power. They only have as much influence over you as you give them. Make a conscious decision not to give them any power.
Think about how true they are, bearing in mind that 85% of our worst fears never materialize. Would you really lose your job? Are the people you work with that unprofessional? Even if they are, isn’t that a representation of them and their issues, not yours? They do not have the right to validate you unless you willingly surrender it.
Are you focusing on the one thing that may go wrong and ignoring the ten things that will go right? Why? Be curious about your thoughts without being judgmental. The last thing you want to do is beat yourself up for thinking that way. Lastly, keep perspective on how much something that worries you truly matters. Ask yourself, how much will this matter in 10 years? Or in ten months? Some things won’t even matter In ten minutes.
Whatever thoughts you uncover, ask yourself if they are helping or hurting you.
You are the author of your own book. When those types of thoughts come to consciousness, let yourself write a new story. Make sure the new story is one of confidence. Empower yourself to trust that whatever the future holds, you are resilient and will adapt. Remember that those old stories are lies and your mind playing tricks on you. Don’t fall for the tricks.
Practice and Succeed:
There is no magic sauce that will keep you from worrying, and this process takes time and practice. Make a toolbox for yourself and fill it with “growth tools” to help you form better habits and make these changes permanent and automatic. Growth tools can consist of things like journaling, affirmations, meditation, talking things out, or various NLP techniques like anchoring.
First of all, don’t believe in mass media. Every minute of every day, we are inundated with unrealistic messages of what life is supposed to look like. Double down on what we are supposed to look like. A lot of what you’re worrying about stems from getting sucked into thinking that things should be a certain way, but they’re not.
Accept what you cannot change, and change what you can.
The truth is you only have control over your actions, not the outcomes. Worrying about not being able to control the future is as effective as “trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum” (Baz Luhrmann). Yes, things are unpredictable right now. Jobs may be lost; stock markets will fluctuate; some people will get sick. Unfortunately, that is the harsh reality of life and has been for thousands of years. Make the smartest decisions you can and find peace in knowing that the results are not in your control.
Remember, too, that we live in the age of convenience and comfort. While we are very used to having what we want when we want it, most of those things are life’s little luxuries but not life’s basic necessities. Know the difference between needs and wants and then find gratitude in what you do have.
Some of the wisest and strongest people will tell you that horrible times make us humble and grateful. Also, many of the best things in life come from some of the worst things. This too, shall pass.
Peace of mind is an inside job, do not tie yours to external things.
It’s a matter of perspective.
Overcoming the worrying habit can be as easy as a shift in perspective. Think about something you are concerned about or something that really scares you. Take, for example, snakes. To say the least, if you don’t like snakes, the thought of finding one in your living room is nerve-wracking. However, some people love snakes and find them fascinating. On the other hand, they would probably be amused to find a snake in their house. They might even pick it up and play with it. The snake isn’t what is scary at all; it is our perspective about snakes that makes them so terrifying or not.
Another example is worrying it might rain on your wedding day. Most people either love or hate the rain. One would worry it will ruin everything while the other may consider it a good omen. Same rain, different meaning attached to it.
The trick is to learn to keep an open mind. Typically we are used to seeing things one way, yet a new perspective could change everything.
This is another powerful NLP technique. Disassociation is when you can detach from yourself as if you were watching someone else experiencing what you are going through. Think of it like seeing yourself on TV or in a movie. If that is too hard, try and imagine yourself talking to a friend who has your concern. What do you see? What would you say to them? How would you help them overcome worrying about that situation?
Remember worrying is not problem-solving. It will paralyze you.
Try meditation to be free from worrying
Anyone can learn to meditate, and it is not just for yogis or spiritual gurus. There is extensive research that lists the physical and mental health benefits of mindfulness. It is my “go-to” for breaking bad habits and creating good ones. Why? It has to do with the unconscious thoughts that we all have, and being in a meditative state helps to change them deeply and permanently.
If that doesn’t sound like it is for you, try deep diaphragmatic breathing. Basically, that is a medical term for breathing deep into your belly. The best way to do that is to breathe in long and slow through your nose. Hold that breath for a few seconds and then release long and slow through your mouth. The mind follows the breath, so breathing long and slow will help quiet some of the frantic chatter in the head. Also, when we are worrying about things we are living in the future. The future isn’t here yet, so it is better to get present in the NOW. Anytime you focus on your body or your breathing, you can only be in the present moment.
Besides, taking good physical care of yourself helps manage anxiety and stress. Eating well, getting some exercise, limiting caffeine and alcohol, but drinking plenty of water and getting quality sleep are all vital to your overall wellbeing. A holistic approach to wellness stabilizes your body chemistry, directly affecting your moods, thoughts, and behavior. You don’t have to become a health fanatic, but if your wellness plan needs some love, simple changes like cutting out some junk foods and 10 minutes of stretching or walking can help you feel more relaxed.
When you need urgent relief, try this….
When all else fails, or you need to calm down before you can try anything, this technique will help you to relax. Also, you can do it anywhere! In your car, at work, in bed, at dinner, literally anywhere.
Start by wiggling your toes and then squeezing them as tight as you can. Hold that for 2-3 seconds. Then notice your feet and squeeze your toes and feet as tight as you can. Again, do this for a few seconds. Repeat the same thing with your calves, squeezing your toes, feet, and calves as tight as you can. Work your way up your body one area at a time. When you’ve included every body part, do one final full-body squeeze for about 5 seconds. When you are finished, you will notice that tensions is gone and and you are more relaxed.
It is hard to wrap our heads around how quickly life has changed in the last three months, but for sure, there are several life lessons we have learned during the pandemic. For many, there is a renewed appreciation for timeless values.
Simple things that we took for granted, like going to our favorite restaurant, hanging out with dear friends, bargain hunting at the mall, or listening to audiobooks during our morning commute to work now seem like a faded memory. The world has never been so uncertain. Yet, despite such hard times, people are coming together to support one another. How can that be anything but a good thing?
Life before Covid-19
Before the onset of 2020, a difficult life lesson consisted of figuring out more ways to suit up and show up for the rat race and trying to cram everything in from a quick morning workout, putting in a 50-hour workweek, carting the kids around from club to club, running errands, doing the house chores, maintaining some semblance of family life and maybe, just maybe even social life. It’s exhausting to think about it, never mind live it.
On top of that, we’ve become so addicted to technology. From the moment we wake up to the time we go to bed, we fixate on our mobile screens, scanning emails, checking-in on social media, and utilizing seven different apps to function in daily life. Yesterday’s life lesson was all about knowing how to keep up with the latest platforms and stay relevant.
In the odd event families did sit together at the dinner table, hardly anyone spoke. Everyone would be busy on their phones, browsing on their social media, texting friends, or coworkers, or playing games with total strangers. Technology keeps us connected but at the same time, replaced face to face authentic human interaction.
If you’re under the age of thirty, this is just normal. For those who are older, this is akin to living out an 80’s science fiction become a reality.
…and here comes the “new normal”
And then BOOM! Then came this thing called the novel coronavirus. It isn’t like the annual cold & flu that goes around the office. It’s affecting every city in every state in virtually every country. We are confronted with a fatal virus that has spread all over the world.
In 20 years we will all look back at 2020 as the year that a “new normal” was born. We don’t even know what that new normal is quite yet. However, it will be the science fiction movie that became a reality for millennials.
Like a bad dream, governments across the globe ordered mandatory lockdowns. Businesses closed or at best had to recalibrate and offer curbside or online services. The economic projections are not optimistic, and the true impact is still unknown. Suddenly, we are all confronted with feelings of angst, fear, anger, frustration, isolation, and even the most introverted are left craving social interaction.
The irony of life is that it often takes a tragedy to bring people together.
Children spend more time being nurtured by their parents and less with caregivers who are not as bonded. Married couples, which hardly found time for one another before, suddenly felt closer.
We’ve upped our technology skills in a way that adds to family values instead of taking away from them. Grandma’s and grandpa’s who never heard of SKYPE or Zoom before are connecting with their loved ones face to face, a step up from over the phone.
Despite the shutdown, many people haven’t skipped a beat in their professional lives thanks to that same technology.
How are people spending their free time? They’re using it to better themselves, learning new things via online courses, YouTube, or old-fashioned books. Others have revisited old hobbies they were too busy for, like drawing or painting. Others cultivated new ones, like taking online yoga classes. These aren’t new life lessons brought about by the pandemic, but old traditional ones revisited.
Within a matter of weeks, the practice of human connection from a novel cliché to a heartfelt personal value. Millions across the globe began to reach out to distant family members that they’ve had spats or just lost touch. Others called old friends that they’ve just been too busy to make time for, picking up the conversation on the same sentence they left off at 10 years ago. They’re going out of their way to help their neighbors, those same neighbors they’ve only waved to in passing over the last 6 months.
Suddenly, a sense of gratitude for some of the little things in life has been inspired. Heck, when before 2020 were you ever grateful just to have toilet paper? How often did you stop and think about how precious your health is? We’re all getting enough rest and have come to appreciate the benefit of a nice nap.
In a world obsessed with images, vanity has taken the backseat as we’ve all learned to accept some pretty funky do-it-yourself haircuts.
Earth got a much-deserved break from us too. As the world closed down, it was only a matter of days before we had real evidence of environmental restoration. Grid-lock traffic came to a screeching halt, and we all watched viral videos of wildlife reclaiming what they believe to be theirs. The air we breathe is cleaner, and studies say it is possible to continue this trend.
Call me sentimental, but it seems like re-learning these treasured life-lessons based in good old-fashioned and traditional values like helping one another, appreciating family, making personal sacrifices for the greater good, and uniting has taken on a new life of their own.
As scary and as devastating as the virus is, there is a silver lining. You may have to adjust your vision to see it and it is likely a wake-up call to get us all to rethink the meaning of life and to reprioritize what truly matters.
Few can disagree that compassion, generosity, and goodwill have helped everyone get through these tough times. And, when the dust settles, many of us will remember this time, when life was simple easy, with fondness.
There are two significant mindsets that we build our worldview on: We are either The Victim or The Creator
Since childhood, my passion was to have self-awareness and how life shaped me and also to talk to people from all walks of life to learn about their thoughts, motivations, desires, and fears so that I could see how experiences changed them. The more people I talked to and the more I learned about them, it became evident that the main difference between someone who turns their dreams into reality and people who are stuck with their life is their attitude. How people interpret the events of their life becomes their beliefs, and their beliefs are what determine if they will live their dreams or not.
How do victims see the world?
The Victims believe that they are the sufferer of their circumstances and do not have the power to bring about a change in their world. When it comes to their problems, they blame politicians, family, country, the media, or anything outside of them. They are unhappy with their lives, but it is someone or something else’s fault. The truth is they are happy to feed on others’ attention as they complain, and they feel comfortable to stick to this stage. Blaming others is easy and requires no effort.
How do creators see the world?
Creators, on the other hand, understand that, to a large degree, they are in
control of their lives. They don’t blame
others for their shortcomings or wallow in self-pity when things don’t go their
way. They analyse and observe their difficulties from
all angles and are willing to change their perspective and behaviours to get closer to success.
Creators don’t get stuck by taking everything personally, they can detach themselves from the level of
ego and, through their continuous observations grow their understanding of the
connectedness of life on a deeper level with their experience.
Why is perspective so important?
reason why I place this as the most important lesson that I have learned in
life is that: The quality of our lives depends on which of these two positions
we take most.
Victims often find themselves in a pattern
where every day feels the same, and life seems to be passing them by. Time goes by, and they feel like nothing has
been accomplished or achieved. They have
excuse after excuse but not one legitimate reason.
On the other hand, the Creators choose to be proactive. They learn to take the lead of their life and
“sail their own boat” in the direction they want to explore. Therefore they are full of experiences that
fulfill their desires at that moment in time.
How can you become a creator in your life
What is the key element to step into the Creator mindset? To mature and take responsibility for one’s decisions and the consequences that come with them. It is not always easy to take responsibility but that is the difference between the victim and the creator.
Believe that your life is created by the decisions you make.
Sometimes the smallest choice that we pick
out of the many creates the biggest effect on our life: For no reason, you
decide to take a different route to work, which creates a whole different path for
the day. If you took your normal road,
you could have been a fatal accident, but since you didn’t, you arrive safely.
Many people talk about listening to their intuition,
and it somehow saved their life or created for some amazing circumstances which
never would have happened otherwise. The opposite can also happen when a seemingly small choice leads to misfortune.
These types of choices are not the ones we
actively have control of. They are a
matter of the ‘laws of nature’ or fate.
Our habits, the decisions we make every day
are the ones that shape our reality. When
we continuously eat more calories than we use up, it is almost sure that we
will gain weight over time. If we put effort into learning something new, this
skill will evolve and grow over time. If we drive recklessly, we have an
increased chance of getting into legal troubles, having an accident, killing someone else, or
Regardless of what we choose in our daily
life, we shape our world. Each decision adds to our future, whether it’s going
to blossom with new opportunities or feeling beat up by life, becoming tired
There are so many outcomes that you can predict if you look at your choices by adding your common sense to it! We dislike using that part of our sensibility because many times, it goes against our desires, and we ‘want to control an outcome’ so we overlook logic and reason and focus on emotion.
You can’t fill an inner void with outer things.
The ego runs in a continuous loop that keeps
telling us we need things (outside of us) to finally become
happy/successful/content/etc… but it never seems to last very long. So we keep
creating cycles when we run after stuff/goals to achieve to make ourselves feel
good within ourselves because we aren’t present with ourselves and grateful at
this present moment. When it is the case, we can never succeed the way we want
to because the only thing how we can fill our internal void is to turn to
Use your intuition!
Trust yourself. When you have an intense sensation within you
about what you should choose to do it is usually in alignment with the deepest
parts of you. This will create positive
changes in your life in the long term. Sometimes what we sense on this level seems
illogical but somehow, these deep internal suggestions connect us with those
events we wish to experience.
Understand what you want and why you want it!
Sounds very obvious, and still, many of
us can only articulate what we do not wish to have and experience in our
world. Only when we know what we want and what it means to us, we can choose
the choices that take us closer to get there.
No wind supports a sailor who doesn’t know
where he wants to go or only knows where he does not want to end up.
It is not what you find in life, but what you make out of it what matters!
I have heard once
that the best chef is one who can make a tasty dish out of the ingredients he
finds at home. I agree, and I love to apply this method in my world. We like to
believe what we have is not enough to create something amazing, so we keep
looking outside. But the thing is that all of us already have enough to create
something extraordinary! I believe that bringing the best out of what we
already have is the attitude that can serve us best in the world to keep
ourselves not only grateful but also inventive and open-minded when it is about
new elements that come to our world.
It is easy to get
lost in the options that are in front of us if we have no idea what are the
things that really “float your boat” or what “crumbles your
cookies.” We all have heard stories
about lottery winners who found themselves miserable, or talented people who wasted
their life getting sucked into addictions, or people who have incredible luck
and opportunity but were too damn afraid to take it.
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, on things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like” Will Rogers
no amount of money can help a person to become truly happy if they can’t
connect with others, or have low self-esteem, or no real sense of purpose to
live an authentic life. For this person,
money is only lending them an illusion that is attractive to others, but it is
a temporary fix to a deeper, permanent problem.
can be wonderful; the difference is that a truly happy person does not connect
their self-worth or their deep fulfillment to the money or material things. A balanced person relies on his personal
skills and capacities as a priority to create their life and can creatively
make use of the elements that are in his surroundings. They do not get scared
if he needs a doorstop but doesn’t have one; instead, they look around and find
something that will serve the purpose and continues the project.
short, when we know what we are doing and why we are doing it, the world provides
us an easy way to fulfill our desires. All we need to do is to open our senses
and notice them!
‘How can you be fully in peace with who you are at this moment in time?’
There is no better question to ask when
turning from victim to creator.
It all boils down to self-acceptance. This isn’t the kind of self-acceptance you
proclaim to your therapist when they ask you, ‘Do you love yourself?’. In which case, of course, you say ‘Yes!’.
By true self-acceptance, I mean when your
heart is fully involved, and you have no lumps and bumps regarding this
question on the level of feelings and sensation.
Self-love is not a face-mask with a never-ending
smile or a continuous can-do attitude.
is the deep and peaceful inhalation and exhalation about our existence.
It is having an awareness of our strengths
and weaknesses with knowing that everything is as it should be here and now
while experiencing inner-peace.
real self-acceptance is very difficult because
We were conditioned to believe
that we must act in specific ways to have the acceptance/love/care of others.
We continuously compare
ourselves to the standards set by the world, forgetting that we see only the
best of others and compare it to the worst of ourselves.
The person who embraces
themselves ignores the opinions of the world and listens and acts to their
inner voice. They are aware there may be negativity, but they do not let that
negativity determine their dreams and desires. They do not act according to
other’s standards or view themselves through other’s lenses. Their state of being comes from their heart
over their head, and they feel connected to their core and authentic being.
How does low self-acceptance influence your decisions?
Here are two examples:
When you have a negative and
unrealistic image about yourself, it affects your decisions. For instance, you wish
you could learn to dance, but you are shy because you think that your moves are
gawky, so you talk yourself out of taking lessons.
When you have low self-esteem, it is tough to let go of a relationship that does not give you value any longer. Why? First, you are likely feeding off each others’ energy, and you are scared to be alone.
In healthy relationships, you stay because you WANT to be there and not because you NEED to be, or are afraid to not be.
Your interpretation of life events:
People with low self-acceptance tend to
project their insecurities in their body language, speech patterns, and social
skills. Everything they hear, see, and
experience must pass through a “negative” filter and ends up being interpreted in
a negative way that will mirror the same negative feelings that they have.
With healthy esteem, they see the world for
what it is. They can observe events without
internalizing them or taking them personally and emotionally. They learn from things that go awry and
revise their strategy to adapt to reality.
The state of our self-acceptance is within
all of our actions/reactions and determines how we act. We can choose to settle for less than what we
dream of OR we can dare to go for it and allow ourselves to enjoy our world by
living true to ourselves. This is much
better than choosing to never measure up to other’s standards and go through
life with the weight of the world placed on our back.
Embracing yourself fully from your heart is
the entrance for creating a quality life for yourself where you enjoy your
creations. No work for this is a waste of time!
Oh, and one last thing…..
forget to laugh!
Becoming an adult is not easy and being one isn’t
With several responsibilities such as family, work,
friends, etc… on our shoulders, it is easy to get stuck in a rut. Don’t let life become a heavy burden. Remember to have fun and enjoy the experience. Be a creator, but don’t forget to enjoy the silly
little ways of life that are non-sense and holds no weight in their results.
Blow soap-bubbles with your kids, or make up funny
stories with them and laugh together! Go to a comedy show, or watch a movie
that makes you laugh with your partner, then talk gibberish while you tickle
them in the bed!
Most importantly, don’t take yourself too seriously. Remember to laugh at anything, especially at yourself sometimes! The world will keep spinning, no matter what.
From Hungary, ‘Be Real! Life Coaching’ has been her dream her whole life. Always interested in learning how people make sense of the world and form their adult perspectives, she believes the key to true happiness lies in fully accepting oneself exactly as they are.
The ripple effects of COVID-19 are impacting us all, and this is a difficult time for everyone right now. For those who suffer from anxiety and depression, or any mental illness, it is so important to pay equal attention to staying healthy emotionally as much as it is physically. Managing depression when routines are interrupted and we are more isolated takes some effort. Here are some ideas that may be new, or may be reminders of old ones that have been forgotten.
Our 2 cents worth to manage a depression (or any other) rut
What’s on your “if only I had enough time, I’d…….list?”
We all have one and some of us have very long ones. Everything from cleaning the garage, spring cleaning closets and draws, painting a room, or weeding the garden. By now a lot of us have realized that having time isn’t the only reason these things didn’t get done. Most of them aren’t a ton of fun and time seems endless right now so we put them off. It may seem harmless to procrastinate with them but if you’re prone to depression, its a slippery slope and here’s why:
Motion creates motion; no motion creates no motion. In other words, doing something gives you energy to do more. Not doing anything makes it even harder to get moving later.
Getting things done boosts confidence. It gives us a “lift” and actually helps us gain clarity. One of the toughest things in managing depression or a rut is the feeling overwhelm and brain fog. Stay busy and keep a sense of purpose. You’ll feel much better for it.
As long as the stay at home order seems to be in effect, when it’s over you’ll either look back and feel good about turning into a productive venture or you’ll beat yourself up for letting the time slip by. You have a choice which it will be but you have to make the decision today.
You don’t have to kill yourself trying to crush your “to-do” list, but try and spend an hour or so every day doing something that you don’t usually have time to. Managing depression requires us to stay engaged with the world and not just ‘check-out’.
Think positive and have gratitude to combat gloominess
Change your perspective on current events
There’s a lot of bad news on TV, radio, and social media right now. It’s easy to sucked into all of the fear and negativity. However, it is possible to take everything seriously, be responsible yet still have a positive attitude and combat gloominess. Try not to fixate on what’s wrong in the world, what you can’t do, or can’t have right now. Manage the blues by finding what’s right, what you can do and do have, right now. Instead of focusing on the inconveniences, appreciate the down-time, a chance to regroup, stop and smell the roses that you were too busy rushing around to before. Thinking positive thoughts and feeling grateful actually triggers chemicals in the brain that willl lighten your mood.
Beat the blues with a gratitude list
You can’t feel gratitude and depression at the same time
Feeling gratitude Is synonymous with feeling happy. Happiness and depression cannot exist in the same space. Make a list of 20 things you are grateful for, or for fun, make an A-Z list with something for every letter in the alphabet. After you finish the list, circle 5 things and stop and truly feel the gratitude. Its sometimes easy to ramble off an “intellectual’ list of things to be grateful for, but gratitude is not a thought, it is a feeling, and it is an action. Feel the appreciation and then act on it. Tell the people you love how much they mean to you, do something nice for someone who you are grateful to. Do it wholly unsolicited and expect nothing in return. Just express your gratitude. You’ll feel amazing after.
Shake the blah’s by bumping up your self care routine
One of the first things that go out the window for people with depression is self-care. Now is a time you need yourself the most, please do not abandon you. Everyone has their own definition of self-care and beyond just good hygiene, it’s a good measure to stay present with the “self” and create the vital feeling of being nurtured and loved, by the one who you most, YOU!
There are so many things you can do. Give yourself a facial, do a body scrub, deep condition your hair, paint your finger and/or toe nails. Light some candles and take a bubble bath. Drench yourself in moisturizer , lord knows we’re all washing our hands 15 times a day an truly need it!
Get dressed already! Pajama days are great; I love them too! Try and limit them to no more than 1-in-a-row. It’s easy to fall into a funk when you’re not having to suit-up and show up for work or you can’t even leave the house and interact with people. Do your best to show up and play the part., even if that part seems smaller right now. You don’t have to put on a professional outfit, but don’t live in jammies or sweats until the crisis ends.
Fight the funk by keeping your mind active, learn something new!
Make a list of 10 things you’ve wondered about. The pyramids in Egypt; the life span of birds; how to make bread; how to change a tire; the lives of famous musicians/actors. Whatever it is that sparks your curiosity, take one at a time and really learn about it. Read articles, listen to podcasts, maybe find a documentary. Spending hours online with mindless interaction on social media typically won’t leave you feeling fulfilled, Learning will. When we learn, we grow, and staying in a forward-thinking and growth mindset helps to fight the funk that comes with too much downtime.
Listen to or read something that inspires you.
There’s not a whole lot of uplifting news in the mainstream right now. It’s a good time to seek it out actively. There’s a plethora of inspirational talks on YouTube. A simple search term “inspirational” will get it done. I personally love audio books, and here are my two faves right now:
Time Warrior by Steve Chandler In this book Chandler gives 100 strategies to change your perspective of time, time management, and quite honestly, life in general. Every chapter offers a deep thought to ponder.
You are a Badass by Jen Sincero I love Jen Sincero’s sense of humor and had many well needed laughs listening to her. Not only is she funny but there are about 27 great suggestions for anyone looking to level-up in life.
Either of these books are bound to leave you feeling inspired? If you’re ready to take inspiration to the next level, make a vision board. Psychologists agree that vision boards improve motivation, and motivation is not compatible with depression. Your board will help you remember your “why,” and that will enhance your sense of purpose.
Managing Depression alone is rough
Don’t got it alone, break the isolation
Sometimes easier said than done but is super important to stay tethered and connected to the world. Pick up the phone and call friends or family members. Better yet, SKYPE or use Zoom. Check in on your colleagues, chances are they’d be thrilled to connect with someone too. Too much time in ones own head can spiral downward, so it’s essential to keep a strong support network. Be honest with trusted others about how you feel. No one is expected to have their “happy-face” on all the time right now. Don’t be afraid to express yourself, good or bad.
Reach out to someone who may be in need. Nothing beats the blues and lifts the spirits more and gives one a sense of purpose than helping another. Whether it’s an elderly neighbor who needs you to run to the grocery store, a friend who is in relationship hell or another person who is just stressed out from the news, be the light of their day. Offer yourself to help or be a shoulder to lean on. Let it be all about them; your turn can come later if need be. Getting outside of the self will beat the blah’s and boost your mood, leaving you feeling fulfilled.
Its easy to get into some funky eating habits when we’re stuck inside, and the produce department at the grocery store is suddenly barren. It seems so acceptable to give in to cravings because the truth is life is just a bit challenging right now and comfort food can take the edge off. Just be mindful of what you’re putting in your body and try to make healthy choices. Sugar spikes wreak havoc on one’s mood and leave people feeling sluggish and down. Too much alcohol will not fix anything, and the hangover and dehydration are such downers. Couple that with feelings of guilt and shame many people experience after such escapades, and it can be a real slippery slope.
and drink more water and less caffeinated beverages, sodas, alcohol, or even
too much juice. Hydration is vital to
all of your body functions, to even mild dehydration contributes to emotional
Caffeine is a diuretic, and
sugar/alcohol screws with hydration levels too.
If you fall short of your health ideals (or any other), don’t beat yourself up, just accept it and try again tomorrow. Feeling bad about yourself isn’t going to help anything and makes it even harder to make healthy choices, just let that $#!+ go and move on. You’ll be better for it.
Add Turmeric Curcumin to your arsenal of natural remedies
There are so many health benefits of turmeric curcumin. In addition to being great in the kitchen, research shows that turmeric curcumin helps with inflammations, arthritis, skin, weight loss and influences many biological mechanisms linked to depression. There’s also evidence has positive behavioral effects for those who suffer from chronic stress. With so many positive benefits, and no side effects, its turmeric curcumin is a great add to your daily supplements. Make sure to use one with bioperine for maximum absorption and the best results.
Get some Exercise
Even if you’re in full-blown quarantine, outdoors is still open. If you’re not suffering from illness, you can at least go for a walk. Find a place you can appreciate natural beauty or admire some cool architecture.
There is overwhelming evidence that moderate exercise has a positive effect in fighting depressions. If you can’t leave home, spend a few minutes stretching. Stretching releases both physical and emotional tensions. Try
Science proves that the physical and emotional value of mediation is profound. For many meditations is a spiritual practice. If you aren’t the spiritual type, you still benefit dramatically from practicing mindfulness. Staying “grounded” through mindfulness will preserve your inner peace and sense of security. If you are new to the idea, here is a simple and practical strategy to get started: A Beginners Guide to Meditation for Wellness.
Final thoughts to banish heaviness of heart
Lastly, be gentle with yourself. Some days are going to be better than others. Be quick to celebrate the wins and forgive the less than perfect days. That same rule applies to others. Find other people doing something right and praise them for it. The world was a broken place long before COVID-19 and is indeed vibrating much more fear and negativity right now. Every one of us could all use some more love. It starts with you! Love yourself, love others, and please stay well!
We all have fears. Each and every one of us. Some fears are good and healthy to have. It is wise not to put your hand in a fire because
you’re afraid of getting burned. It’s a
little much to avoid lighting candles at dinner because they are a fire
hazard. The difference is the level at
which fear dictates how one lives.
What separates those who seem to have bulletproof
confidence, and are those who over-react?
The thoughts behind the fear and the meaning that is attached to them.
The underlying fears might be: being too old, not being good enough to do
something else, disappointing someone else, giving up the illusion of security
for the unknown.
Underneath those fears are still more fears and
“ My friend was 50 and changed jobs, and she was the talk for months. No one expected her to succeed. She
almost lost her marriage; her husband was furious.”
And so on.
A confident person also has anxious feelings
about a change. Their thinking is more
“OK, I’m 50, but I could be working for a minimum of 15 more
If I love it, I might do it till I’m 80 “
They either don’t care what other people think,
or they consider what others will say but know that those worthy of their
friendship will support them, and those who don’t aren’t. They understand there will be an adjustment
with their relationship, but they work it out with their spouse and find a way
to prioritize tasks and get it done.
One person spends another 15 years surviving, and
the other creates a life they love.
At the core of fears that do not serve us and yet
have control in ones, life is a negative thought pattern. That negativity is
likely not even conscious, making it harder to manage and move past.
Thinking positive will take some commitment and
practice, but you can turn irrational fears around if you are willing to make a
conscious effort to be better. When you
get better at focusing on your strengths more than your shortcomings you gain
confidence; when you expect the best outcome more than the worst, you gain
motivation; and when you chose to act in the face of fear instead of allowing
it to dictate your life, you gain courage.
All of these lead to a life of greater peace and happiness.
The tips below are not necessarily easy, but they
are simple, practical suggestions that you can use to develop more positive
thinking patterns. When you change the
way you think, you will be able to take control during times of fear and be
more productive and successful in reaching your goals.
Take care of yourself first.
Taking control of your life requires a strong baseline. Make sure your basic needs are met. It’s hard to have clarity and focus when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Eat well, get enough exercise, make sure you have healthy social interaction, and get enough sleep.
Look at the fears behind the fears; they tell you more about yourself than the “surface layer” thoughts. To gain this insight, you’ll have to slow yourself down and find a way to dig below the surface or conscious thoughts. If you’re not sure how to do this, here are a couple of suggestions.
Identify what you are really afraid of.
Talk it out with a trusted friend or mentor. Try and uncover your “why’s”. Why are you afraid to (for ex:) change
jobs? Why do you believe you’re too old
to? Why does that matter? And so on.
If you can do this 3-5 times, you should be able to uncover a more
deep-seated, core level fear.
Try quiet mindfulness or meditation. Sometimes when we try and sit quietly, the
thoughts come racing fast and furious.
Notice those thoughts. Think of
what your heart’s desire genuinely is and pretend you already have it. Chances are your knee jerk reaction will be
all of the reasons that it is not possible.
PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE THOUGHTS, they are clues to your core fears.
Grab a pen and paper and start writing. Don’t try and censor your thoughts; no one is
going to read this. Just start writing
about what you want and what stops you from getting it. Similar to meditation, the underlying
blockages are likely to present themselves.
Write anything that comes to mind, regardless of what it is. After about 15-20 minutes, go back and read
it. You’ve probably got some new self-awareness
on the paper.
Crush your Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANT’s)
Famous author and mental health expert Dr. Daniel Amen describes ANTs
as the unconscious thoughts that bring you down.
Ask yourself: Is this really true? Maybe it was true in the past, but
is it still true today? Do you know
someone who defies this? What do you
really have to lose if you try and things don’t go exactly as planned? Has catastrophe ever really entered your
life because you took a chance on your goals?
Everyone has fear, but successful people feel the fear and do it
anyway. A great book by that title,
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, by Susan Jeffers offers
excellent ideas to overcome crippling fears.
Remember, negative thoughts only have as much power that you give them. When you recognize them, don’t give them credence. Try to detach from them and replace them with something empowering. One way to diffuse their strength is to laugh them off. If you notice yourself thinking “I’m not smart enough to be a _________ (dream job)” instead of believing that lie, laugh at the fact that some small, childish part of you is silly even to think that, but there is a stronger, healthier part of you that is wise enough to know the truth and simply dismiss it. Move on to something else so that you don’t continue the story in your head.
When you focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t, stress and fear are deflated. Take a few moments throughout the day to notice the things you do have, the things you’re doing great, the people who you support, and support you. The positive feelings that come from gratitude will crush the negativity that fear generates.
Create a new story.
Don’t get analysis paralysis, but consider different outcomes. Sometimes fears take over, and we start practicing terror, imagining all kinds of unlikely events. Thinking about the “worst-case scenario” is helps some people muster the courage to take the plunge, but we find two flaws in this strategy. First of all, it often cripples action, and it rarely comes to pass. Second, it is based in negativity, and negative thoughts lead to more negative thoughts. Try thinking about the best-case scenario. The ultimate may not come to pass either, but positive thoughts lead to more positive thoughts, and you’ll still go farther than you would otherwise go. Think about what it means to be successful. Who do you need to be to get there? What do you need to do to make it happen? What supports do you have in place?
with being uncomfortable. Nothing
great will ever come from a comfort zone.
Reading books, watching videos, writing journals are all great ways to
learn about yourself and what to do, but they mean absolutely NOTHING if you
don’t take action. Changing your
thoughts and behaviors is a process, and miracles won’t happen overnight.
However, if you start now, and push yourself just a little bit every day, in a
month, you’ll see a difference, and in 6 months you’ll be amazed. A year from now, you might just have a brand
Now, try this on for size FEAR: FACE EVERYTHING
you ready to take control of your life and believe you’ll go further with
support than on your own, why not try working with a professional
Life-Coach? Life Coach
Library makes it convenient to find the best coach for you, and the process
The retail world would have you think that if you’re
not spending a sentimental and romantic February 14th with a special
someone that you are missing out. Every
website has Valentine’s advertisements practically every TV and radio station
talks about it or fills the airwaves with jewelry, chocolate, card, and other
commercials designed to pull on your heartstrings. There’s dozens of Romcoms, novels, and memes
on the internet, depicting single people as depressed, introverted loners who
will cry themselves to sleep on February 14th.
Please don’t fall for it.
There is something powerful about being free and
independent, and there is no need to go on a date just for the heck of it.
Don’t stress out; there are plenty of reasons to celebrate being single on
No Valentine’s day anxiety
Ladies can be relieved that they don’t have to change
clothes 15 times, worry about the extra weight that came with Christmas
festivities, or spend an hour trying to get every strand of hair and speck of
Guys don’t have to sweat getting the right gift and
card. You know, this one’s too serious,
that one’s not serious enough, a card that seems funny to you and your guy
friends could royally piss her off, but you aren’t sure….
Restaurants are all booked solid, and if you didn’t
make a reservation in January, there’s likely either an hours-long wait, or
it’ll feel like New Years because you’re eating dinner at midnight bringing in
can stay home in your sweats and binge-watch Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones,
You will save
The average person spends close to $200
on Valentine’s day with men spending as high as $399.
A beautiful gift, fancy dinners, French wine, and flowers don’t come cheap. But
don’t worry, you can have a good night’s sleep knowing you’ll be saving a lot
of money. Buy yourself something you’ve
really wanted and be your own Valentine.
The morning after, you will be one of the few people
who will not be disappointed. While the night might not have been special, it
was also not a let-down or, in some cases, an absolute disaster! You spent the
whole day, exactly the way you wanted to, and that’s what matters.
Better to be single than with the wrong person
Some people are single just because they like being alone. Others have had some rough relationships and have come to the decision that being alone is better than wasting your life with someone you aren’t totally feeling, Being with the wrong person is like being in a trap because you don’t even have the option to find the right one. Anyone who has ever been stuck in bad relationships knows and appreciates having space and opportunity to find someone special.
The Potential of finding the right partner
Every new turn in life is an opportunity to start all
over again. If you are single, but would like to find someone, there is plenty
of opportunities to connect with other singles.
Take your time and find someone with who you can connect and have a
healthy and fulfilling relationship.
You might not be single until next Valentine’s day – savor this moment!
If finding or keeping healthy, loving, and fulfilling relationships in your life is a priority and you think you’d benefit from honed relationship guidance, talk to a relationship coach and see how they can help you get to the next level.
An emotional detox refers to a mindful practice wherein we take the time
to process unresolved emotions, thoughts, and trauma which have been left to go
stale. Much like food which has been left to rot, our long overdue traumas and
emotions can make us very ill But
instead of chucking it all in the bin and starting over, emotional detoxing
encourages us to properly and fully work with that which is causing
us harm. We’re aiming to work through our troubles rather than shoving them to
the side and labeling them as ‘do not
How do I know if I need an emotional detox?
Are you afraid to say the word ‘no’
? Maybe you’re constantly trying to fix other people’s problems? Do you
often put the needs of others before your own? And, finally, are you a chronic
overthinker who loses sleep over the smallest of things?
If you answered yes to any or all of the above then
you’ll benefit greatly from an emotional detox.
There are various
mental and physical symptoms to consider when thinking about emotional detox.
You don’t have to wait until you experience any of these to start your detox,
instead you should act quickly and often
in order to avoid a build-up of negative emotions and trauma.
Watch out for the following:
Often considered a
sign of heightened
stress levels(or the need for an eye
appointment), frequent and uncomfortable headaches are a sure sign that you
may need to emotionally detox. It goes hand in hand with reducing the levels of
cortisol (stress hormone) in the
blood which can trigger a variety of adverse reactions in the body.
If the headaches
escalate to migraine level things can become debilitating, and you might find
yourself on the couch or in a dark room for a number of days.
Do you often get colds
and flus? Or maybe you suffer from constant stomach aches and cramps? Illness
of any kind can be an indication that you need to slow down, listen to yourself
and possibly detox from your emotional traumas. The odd niggle or stuffy nose
here and there is normal, but if you’re getting sick every time you take a
break from work or more often than the average person, then it might be time to
Of course it’s
important to remember that illness can be a sign of many other issues. Our
bodies react adversely to any major trauma and changes, so always get checked
out if you’re concerned. Otherwise, an emotional detox won’t do you any harm!
and frequent pain.
As discussed, please
be aware that unexplained and frequent pain could be a sign of something much
more sinister. If in doubt, get checked out! This could include anything from
joint pain to the aforementioned headache.
The gut is notoriously
known as the second brain. We tend to hold a lot of our stress, trauma and
tension within this area, and it’s extremely sensitive to change. Some
people are more sensitive than others, and you could find that your stomach
tightens with the slightest hint of anxiety.
Even when experiencing
no other symptoms I would deem ‘gut health’ worthy of treatment all by itself.
At the first signs of gut changes, I ask myself to slow down and re-evaluate
things lest I repeat the last ten years of a painfully unhealthy GI
If you begin to
experience unexplained cramps, changes in bowel habits, sensitivity to foods
you were otherwise fine with or anything else untoward, I strongly advise
speaking to your doctor. If nothing else is out of the ordinary then an
emotional detox should be the first thing on your list (along with hot water bottles and various herbal teas).
Trouble getting to and staying asleep.
Being unable to get
adequate sleep is not only a sign of night-time anxiety, but negatively impacts
our mental and physical health. So, the less sleep we get the more troubled we
feel, and the more troubled we feel, the less sleep we get. It’s a vicious
cycle resulting in chronic sleep deprivation which in itself can be a very
Sleep is essential. Without it you’ll not
only suffer from a variety of mental and physical impacts, but you may even die.
we sleep our body recovers from physical and mental strain. We go into a hyper
relaxed state where our tendons, neurons, brain cells (etc) can all repair
themselves in peace. So, it’s easy to see why it’s so important to our overall well
trouble getting to sleep, like many things, indicates a problem either mentally
or physically. It could be a case of making your bedroom sleep friendly, or
simply shutting off from electronics a few hours before sleeping. Even bedtime meditation
or yoga could do the trick! If you’re a frequent worrier, try keeping a journal
where you can write down all your nagging thoughts before bed? Work through the
worry, ask yourself why you’re feeling like that, is it justified, is it
rational and leave it in the book for another day.
** It’s important to acknowledge that
there may come a time when you need pills, in which cause ONLY use them under
the guidance of your medical professional. Never use illegally sourced sleeping
medication as this could have fatal consequences. **
Fluctuation in weight
over a short period of time can be an indication of a problem either physically
or mentally. You could have a suppressed appetite due to overwhelm, likewise
you could also be eating more, both of which lead to weight changes. While many
people admit to overeating due to anxiety and stress, there are others who find
themselves unable to eat due to discomfort or lack of appetite. It’s important
to spot the signs and take action to combat them.
If you’re stressed or
dealing with unresolved emotional issues, take action to recognize and process
accordingly. Don’t allow it to continue to fester and, most importantly, take
back control over your eating habits. Your weight may never be 100%
controllable, and rightfully so, but it goes without saying that a healthy body
makes it easier to maintain our mental health.
you’ve suffered from an eating disorder in the past or if you’re in recovery, it’s
important to speak to your GP as soon as possible to avoid complete relapse. I
would argue and say this is more pressing than attempting an emotional detox.
Instead, get professional help first and work on detoxing later.
There are also a variety of mental and behavioral signs that you’re in need of an emotional detox, including;
Easily distracted and unable to maintain focus.
Unable to retain information, accompanied by a poor
short term memory.
Deep feelings of anxiety. Constantly worrying about
everything no matter how small.
Frequently ignoring your gut feelings, or any
difficult feelings in general.
Feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope on a daily
Substance abuse and addiction.
Self-doubt, so much so that it hinders you from
Feeling stuck and out of balance.
Chronic self-comparison which often leaves you
Unable to trust your own instincts and easily swayed
Breakdown of or poor personal relationships.
How to emotionally detox.
There are so many ways
we can go about an emotional detox and, like many things, there is no one size
fits all approach. It’s about finding what works, and I mean really works, for you. Google ‘How
to do an emotional detox’ and you’ll come up with a variety of ways to
get started. I’m going to discuss some techniques that have worked for me in
the past and I strongly encourage you to find what works and create your own
Do Yoga (and maybe try some meditation).
outwardly express your feelings in some way.
running from your feelings! Welcome them like guests, chat with them for a bit
and then send them gently on their way.
of your stress levels and work on daily self-care to help reduce these.
There are many other
ways you can take part in an emotional detox and, really, it’s a personal
preference. What works for me may not work for you. Take time to get to know
yourself and what makes you feel better in times of high stress. And if
something doesn’t work for you the first-time round, remember that a lot of
self-care skills require continued use in order to reap the full benefits.
Isolation is also an
emotional killer. It’s not always easy
to ask for help or make ourselves vulnerable to others. However, being stuck inside our own head
means we are using the exact same thinking to help ourselves that got us where
we are. Find a trusted mentor who will
never judge you and always has your best interest at heart. The new perspective can help you look at
things in a way that can change your life.
About the author
a blog focusing on mental health awareness, eating disorder recovery, wellness,
and self-development. The blog was started in March 2019 in a bid to raise
awareness for mental illness such as Anorexia Nervosa and Anxiety, two such
disorders I suffer from. However, what started out as a hobby, quickly turned
into something much, much more!
has become a place to talk about all mental health issues and the struggles
that come along with recovery. I cover a variety of subjects ranging from general
wellness right up to more specific recovery-related content. I not only aim to
cater to those in recovery but to people in all walks of life.”
The holidays can be so stressful and hectic, and like it or
not, we are typically surrounded by people.
Lots of people. Family members,
friends, colleagues at your office holiday party, crowds of people in the
malls, restaurants, and traffic…the list goes on and on.
Then, poof! its over and everything is eerily quiet, or
For many, this drop in activity and social interaction
leaves a feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Couple that with single digit
temperatures outside… and oh, those New
Years Resolutions that you’ve already forgotten about, again…and. (deep
sigh) yep, the winter blues have crept
Regardless of why the first few weeks after the holidays can be emotionally
My top 3 go-to’s when getting in a winter funk: Lights,
Let there be light!
It’s common knowledge lack of sunlight during the winter
months is connected to feeling down.
The scientific term is seasonal
affective disorder (SAD), and while some people suffer from it severely,
almost everyone agrees the gloom of winter is a downer. Dress warm and go outdoors if you’re
able. Being cold stinks, but as long as
you’re warm, breathing the brisk air can be invigorating. If you’re a dog owner like me, you know that
getting them out sometimes is a pain, but everyone is much happier after. Have an elderly neighbor with a dog? Offer to help them. They’ll appreciate it, and doing something
for someone can really lift your spirits. However, you choose to do it, don’t get too
cooped up inside.
Open your curtains and let the light shine in. A lot of times, we close them because they
do help insulate and keep the heat in. I
get it. Keeping the heat in is good, but
the flip side is that it blocks the light out.
Even if you only open them for an hour a day, let there be light! You’ll feel better.
It’s almost impossible to feel down when you have a real sense of gratitude. Take a moment to think of anyone that did something extra special over the holidays and reach out to thank them. You could call them, send them a card, or an email. I discourage texting, but if that’s what feels right to you, then by all means, go for it. Everyone loves to receive thanks and to get outside of yourself and to connect with another person with a grateful heart creates endorphins related to happiness (Psychology Today)
Make a plan
Just get going again.
Think of how focused you were during the holidays. How ever you celebrate, making plans, meeting
deadlines, reaching goals is a big part of the process, and chances are, you
did all of that without even being aware of it.
Now is your opportunity to focus on something for yourself. We all have something we’d like to accomplish
and have procrastinated on (until after the holidays?)
Here are a few ideas.
Pick an area of your life you want to work on. Are you happy with your career? How’s your love life? Still eating Christmas candy or just feeling
the after-effects and ready to get back into healthy habits? Thought about starting a business or writing
a book or taking up a new hobby? Pick
one (or two), and write down your ultimate goal with it. Even if it seems lofty now, as long as there
is some reality to it, get it on paper.
Then break it down into chunks by what you need to accomplish in (for
example) one year or six months. Then what do you need to get done each month
to get to the end? After that, break it
into weekly goals to reach your monthly objective. Lastly, what can you do TODAY to meet your
Don’t put massive stress or pressure on yourself.
The stress will create negative feelings that will ultimately be the
demise of the plan. Even people who think they are motivated by pain or panic
typically fizz out. It just doesn’t
work, or at least not for long. If you
find yourself feeling angst or stress, try setting SMART GOALS.
These are smaller, more specific
and managable goals allowing you to celebrate even your simplest victory.
Winter can feel like an ending while you’re waiting for the
new beginnings that come with spring.
However, it doesn’t have to be.
There are only so many tomorrows, and letting nearly 90 of them pass you
by does not serve your highest good.
You deserve so much more out of life.
Let yourself live it to the fullest.
It’s nothing personal; research shows that 80% of New Year’s Resolutions are broken and forgotten by February 15th. Why are resolutions so hard to keep? There are a lot of reasons for this ranging from lack of clarity of goals, unrealistic expectations, or, according to some psychologists, the word itself does not program the brain for commitment and motivation, which are vital for success.
It’s true that at the end of December, most of us reflect
on the year behind us and look at the new year as a fresh beginning, a chance
to make changes. The reality is that May
5th, August 30th, or November 19th are equally
as good to create a new beginning and make changes. ANY day you decide to improve something about
yourself or your life is a GREAT day to start.
The real question to ponder is not WHEN is a good time to start? But WHY haven’t you done it already? Why haven’t you done what you wanted to? Are you stuck in a dead-end job or relationship? Did you lose 20 pounds and then just give up? WHAT has gotten in-between you and achieving your goals? And, what will be different in this New Year’s resolution?
Making costly mistakes that deplete time and
Using the SAME thinking to solve a problem
that created them
cannot be solved by the same thinking that created them.” Albert
The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” If any of this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Hundreds of thousands of people go through the same cyclical process several times a year, every year. If you’ve been afraid to try or have made New Year’s resolutions year after year and failed repeatedly, it can be so discouraging, but the worst thing you can do is allow yourself to become a victim of circumstance.
Nothing changes until something changes
It takes courage, and it takes energy, but you have the chance to begin again. You can change and overcome challenges. You have the power to break through self-limiting beliefs. Nothing can stop you from becoming the person you want to be and creating the life you want to live accept for you.
The difference is: If you want a different result, you have to do something different. Something inside you must change before anything outside of you can change. You can make New Year’s resolutions all you want, but until something is different, you will keep getting the same results.
Whatever it is you do today, you are creating your
future. If you do nothing today, you
are creating your future. If you “go for it” today, you are creating your
future. The second you decide to act
and push yourself out of your comfort zone, you win.
So, with 2020 right around the corner, what are your
Here are 6 common areas of life and goals. These are very general, but we recommend that
yours be as specific and detailed as possible.
Seek answers to questions you ponder or don’t
Grow along spiritual lines and principles
Any of these goals are possible. If any of them (or others) appeal to you,
know that YOU CAN. It may feel like
moving a mountain right now, but one step at a time, they can be achieved.
If you decide to “go for it,” it does not matter what you call it, be it New Year’s resolution or just a commitment to change.
see it clearly and believe you can do it.
become the person you need to be to achieve it.
develop the dicipline and character to make your goal reality
don’t be the person who wants success, be the person willing to fight for it.
One thing you DON” T have to do is go it alone. No one is coming to do it for you, so you do
have to get your a## in gear and get busy.
But you don’t have to fly solo.
DO get support. DO find someone
who can help you clarify your goals. DO
find someone who will hold you accountable and help you remember your why. DO get an outside perspective that is
objective. Who is that person? If you don’t have an answer already, we
suggest working with a professional coach.
A coach is skilled in helping you:
your goals and create a robust and actionable plan
blocks that have gotten in the way of success in the past & help you
you stay motivated, committed, and hold you accountable.
with you to form a “think-tank” and come up with ideas that you wouldn’t have
had on your own.
you time and money because you are less likely to make mistakes and get off
Life coaching works!
Life Coach Library makes finding a coach you love convenient and
RISK-FREE. When you register and
complete a short survey, we’ll match you with up to three coaches who will
offer you a complimentary coaching consolation.
From there, you choose the best coach for you and start reaching your
goals! The best part? Our service is FREE.
You haven’t lived your best year yet! Will 2020 be it?
Why Goal Setting
Is the Only Way To Achieve Your Dreams
Hollywood superstar Denzel
Washington recently gave a commencement speech where he famously said
‘…You have these dreams. Dreams without
goals remain dreams and fuel disappointment’
love to dream, think about the house we want to buy, that cool car we want to
own or that high-paying job we are working towards. Unfortunately, a lot of
people are never able to live their dreams and are stuck in an unhappy place.
some people like to call themselves lazy or even unlucky, the biggest
difference between a dreamer and a doer is setting goals.
The idea of setting goals is nothing new. Over 2,000 years ago
Aristotle explained this as final causality.
According to him, the only reason why people do something because they
have a basic purpose and a need to achieve it.
This simple factor drives the world and takes us forward.
In the 1960s, Edwin Locke researched this idea and conducted tests that
culminated in the ‘Goal-Setting
His research work has been celebrated for years, especially in the
business world, with corporations following many of his conclusions.
Interestingly though, most of his research has even better applications
in our private lives. To get more out of your life and turn your dreams into
reality, you will need to:
Having a big house or making that career move are great goals to have.
However, uncertain or ambiguous goals might not take you anywhere. The idea is to be very specific about the goals you have and build upon
For example, to say that you want to lose 20 lbs. by the end of the
year is not a specific goal. Humans are emotional and such vague aspirations do
not motivate us.
A better way is to set a goal of e.g. losing 2 lbs every month or
cutting out on sugar and carbs. Such specific goals help us to act immediately
and work on our dreams.
Turning dreams into
reality takes effort:
If you want to change your life, make your marriage work, earn more or
buy that house, you willhave to work hard for it.
There are no short-cuts, no lottery tickets to be won and no one is going to
The good thing about setting small, quantitative goals is that it
automatically pushes people to work that harder.
For example, if you
are looking to buy your dream car, your goal should be earning an extra income.
This way you will push yourself to work overtime and get closer to your
Setbacks are a part of life and usually throws a lot of people off. You
might have had a bad day at work or a fight with your spouse.
A bad day at work can be emotionally challenging and a bad marriage can
However, research has shown that the aim of achieving well-articulated
goals make us more persistent against setbacks and generally makes us more
resilient in life.
Goals can change our
Research has shown
that having well-defined goals can gradually alter our behaviour and make us
improve ourselves. E.g. if you are trying to lose
weight you might have a goal of reducing your calorie or sugar intake. With
such small, specific goals, you might not only shed away the pounds but alter
your eating habits for the long-term.
How to Develop effective goals
Make sure the goals you set for yourself
really make you work towards your dreams. For effective goal-setting make sure:
Your goals are clear – Goals
should be SMART i.e. specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and
time-bound. Make sure your goals are simple, clear and have a certain milestone
or deadline. Without setting deadlines your goals will take you nowhere.
Also, complex goals
are not easy to implement, thus be practical and realistic about them. You
should also be able to keep track of your progress and measure your success.
Challenge yourself – While your goals need to be realistic, that does mean they should be
easy. Only by challenging ourselves can we break free from our comfort
zones and do something beyond the ordinary.
Commit to it – You need to commit to your goals and set up some kind of a feedback
system so you can understand how close you are to your goal. E.g. if you are
aiming to lose some pounds, record your weight every week and keep on measuring
it. A feedback system helps us to stay committed to what you are doing.
Most people never
achieve their dreams because they are never fully committed to it. A lack of
quick results demotivates most people. Hence, stay focused and committed!
Have an Action Pan – You need to have a complete action plan to turn your dream into a
reality. Your action plan should consist of key milestones you want to achieve
and when e.g. you dream of becoming a TV producer, you need to start with small
internships, take relevant college courses and work your way up. There should
be a complete strategy for whatever you want to achieve in life.
In all this, we
should never forget the importance of our present. Currently, you might be a
young professional or even a fresh graduate. However, 5 years ago, you dreamed
of being where you are right now.
On an unconscious
level, you did have a plan and goals in mind and you worked hard for it. We
usually don’t enjoy the situations we are in and are always looking for a
‘better’ future. While this is human nature, we need to appreciate our present
and where we are in life to fully realize our potential and prepare for
Hence, if you need
to change something in your life, make a plan and start following it. If you
believe saying sorry to someone right now can save your
relationship, do it now! If you believe applying for a new job might help
you increase your income, don’t think and do it now!
Having someone to help you set powerful goals and stay focused on them can be the difference between success and failure for many. Professional life-coaches are trained to help their clients gain clarity on their values and set goals that are in line with their authentic selves. They help you stay motivated and hold you accountable. Bring on the new year ready for success and try life-coaching risk free with up to 3 coaching sessions on us at Life Coach Library.com!
At the core of happiness is self-love. It’s that strong sense of security one has both when life is going as planned, and when it’s not, it’s a profound satisfaction in knowing you are a fantastic human being, even though you are not perfect.
Self-love can best be described as knowing yourself intimately, being well aware of your assets and having taken responsibility for your shortcomings AND having zero interest in hiding your true-self or pretending you are something you are not. For effect, I repeat zero interest in pretending you are something you are not.
With self-love comes freedom
Freedom from fear of rejection: Will you still experience rejection? More than likely. I didn’t say freedom from rejection, I said freedom from the fear of rejection. You’ll take chances knowing that even if (for example) the girl says no, you don’t get the job; the customer refuses to buy, it is no reflection of you, and you’ve just moved one “no” closer to a “yes.” Without hesitation, you believe you have value, even if someone else is too blind to see it. Sure, there will be times that people may judge you or even laugh at you, but you are not afraid of it b because you know you are enough.
Freedom from financial insecurity: Are you going to be rich? I don’t know, that’s up to you. Will you be in constant fear and worry about money? NO! You will have enough faith in yourself to trust your instincts; you will learn that you are resilient and resourceful and will find ways to meet your needs.
Freedom from fear of failure: I’m not guaranteeing you are going to be wildly successful at everything you do. I’m saying you will embark on new things, take calculated risks and step out of your comfort zone because you are not afraid. You are resilient; you look at outcomes as learning experiences, not a failure. Besides, you know that the worst-case scenario seldom comes to pass anyway.
It takes a shift in perspective
Will there be bad days, challenges, or storms in life. PLAN ON IT. Having self-love is not synonymous with living a life full of rainbows and unicorns. Things will go awry, and when they do, it stings. Badly. Will you feel lousy when it does? Probably. You are still human, and grief is a valid, natural, and healthy emotion. I suggest you do feel it, feel it fully, and then let go of it, so it doesn’t keep you down. Think of it as an unexpected guest that is allowed to “visit,” but don’t let it “move-in.”
How do you move on? Change your perspective. Instead of looking at the experience as a loss, consider it a gain. You’ve paid the tuition of life so that you can become stronger and wiser. It’s an investment that will pave the way for your next venture. Failure only has the power that you assign to it; decide you are more powerful. When you empower yourself, it’s easy to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move onward.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity;an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Opportunity can be created from the inside. When you love yourself, you have less fear. When you are free of fear, your vision is not clouded with worry over an endless list of “what if’s??” Your energy is not sapped, trying to make others happy. Intuitively you will know what the next right thing is, and confusion will evaporate. You’ll be able to nurture and develop your passions and talents so that you are ready when the opportunity comes; you can see it and see it clearly.
Are these new opportunities? Probably not, they have likely been there all along, but you may have been so clouded with fear and doubt that you missed them. It’s like when the sky is cloudy and gloomy for a while until it gradually opens up and the sun starts beaming down. Eventually, the clouds disappear, and there’s nothing but brilliant blue sky above you. Everything becomes crystal clear, and one opportunity morphs into many.
You can learn to love yourself
Here are 3 steps to learn self-love: It is a CHOICE
Guilt is the biggest obstacle to knowing self-love. It saps confidence and destroys esteem. No matter where you are, where you’ve been, who you are, what you’ve done, you need to let that $#!T go! Believe that you did the best you could with what you had to work with. Life isn’t always kind, and sometimes we are presented with challenges that didn’t bring out the best of us. It’s ok, no one is perfect. You’re here now, and at this moment, you are perfect; you are enough; you are worthy.
If you can “right the wrong” do it, it will create positive feelings, and it will shut-down the space that guilt lives in. Self-love is based on who you are, not what you do. Self-esteem comes from what we do. If you want to boost self-esteem, do self-esteem-able things. Eat well, get some exercise, help someone in need, be kind to others even if they aren’t kind back! Feeling good about the things you do will progress into feeling good about who you are.
Choose the people you want in your life.
Be fair to yourself. I just want to be practical here. Sometimes we can’t choose who we spend time with but why volunteer to be around negative and toxic people who make you feel bad about yourself. If they exist in your life, know that they are projecting their own baggage, and it’s NOT ABOUT YOU.
Celebrate your successes
Make a list of everything you’ve achieved and that you are good at. Think about your talents, hobbies, every little thing that you have ever been complimented for. Make a list, and read them at your own pleasure. Add to the list often. Find 5 things positive about yourself for every 1 negative. Do this for other people too because seeing the best in others affirms seeing it in yourself.
Everything you need to be the person you want to be lives inside of you right now. If you struggle to access it, get help, I promise the answers you seek are within. We human beings are always moving. We are either moving to or from our dream, but we are never at a standstill. When you shift into the gear of self-love, you can only move forward.
At Life Coach Library, we make finding a coach you love convenient and simple. All you have to do is register and fill out a brief questionnaire. We will match you with up to three coaches who are exactly what you are looking for, and they will all give you a free consultation. The best part…our service is completely FREE. Visit lifecoachlibrary.com to find out more about the impact of working with a certified coach will have.
Every one of us wants to be the best at something. The best employee in the workspace, the best student in class, the smartest or funniest or best looking, just be the best at something. These ambitions are great but sooner or later, someone comes along and is better, and that’s just life.
But what if we just tried to be the best “us”? Why not try and be the best version of you that you can possibly be? Why not focus your energy something that will serve you today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life? Starting today, why not take your health and wellness to the next level? To quote Michael Beckwith “ Energy flows where attention goes“. Decide and act and you will begin to manifest becoming the best you.
Healthy and balanced nutrition gives you that glow
The word ‘’healthy” is often associated with eating nutritious and unprocessed foods but too often people believe that means they are sentenced to a life of salads. Let’s think that through-if you just eat salads not only are you lacking several vital nutrients, how long do you seriously think you can keep that up? A week? If you’re really driven a month? Nutritional guidelines determined by the British Nutrition Foundation encourage eating a variety of foods that allow your body to get all the required nutrients. Even the sweet stuff is ok in moderation. Not only will your body appreciate the variety, your brain will too. Restricting yourself causes angst and unconsciously you’ll form negative beliefs and ultimately set yourself up for failure and misery.
Eating foods that help your body thrive will result in having more energy. You can forget the feeling of being bloated or so lethargic you need to take a nap after eating. Your skin will start glowing and the excess pounds will fall off without struggle, not to mention the shrinking waistline 😊 These benefits are great but the best part is you will feel better about yourself and that brings a new level of confidence and happiness in life.
Being active makes you stronger
Have you ever tried to tally all of the hours you spend scrolling on your phone or sitting at a desk working on the computer? Did you know that sitting is the new “smoking”? Sitting for extended periods of time causes a range of aches and pains, but it also causes mood swings, adds to stress, and literally is as bad your health and wellbeing as smoking cigarettes.
If you knew you would not fail and you would reach your goals, wouldn’t you want to increase your wellbeing from whatever level you are at now Kudos to you if you are already active in sports or you hit the gym consistently several times every week. If you’re not there yet, it’s ok. Start small. Even 15 minutes a day will get you on your way to feeling better.
You can do something from the convenience of your own home by following any one of the thousands You Tube fitness videos. If that doesn’t work for you try walking during your lunch break at work, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, parking at the back side of the parking lot instead of trying to get a space next to the front door, anything to just get you moving more than you usually do. You’ll notice you have muscles you didn’t know were there and that they’re getting stronger giving you a boost of confidence and motivation to keep going. Then one day you realize that you’ve doubled your strength and stamina and you feel like a superhero. THAT is a deeper sense of satisfaction than being the best at something outside of you.
You are in control of your life
Our “to do” lists are often so long we couldn’t do everything on it if there were 25 hours in a day. From the moment we wake it can feel like life is controlling you and not the other way around, but it shouldn’t be like that. Living reactively is such a drag and not really living at all. The truth is, you have a choice. ‘’You have control over three thing in your life – the thoughts you think, the images you visualize, and the actions you take” – Jack Canfield.
Find time for yourself, allow yourself to gain a deeper awareness of your strengths and weaknesses. Celebrate your strengths and view your weaknesses as game-like challenge to get better at. The better you understand yourself, you will realize the reason for every action you take and every reaction you get. Only then are you in control of your life and able to take it to the direction that you truly strive for.
Your confidence goes up
Some people are born with natural confidence, many others learn it, while others seem to struggle. Everyone deals with low confidence once in a while but when lacking confidence is chronic, it’s time to look inward. There are many factors that can affect confidence and health is a big one. Do you ever feel confident once you’re sick and lying in bed with tissues all over? Probably not. Ever notice that splurging on a treat feels brings happiness for a moment but when overdone makes you feel lousy and remorseful? How much better does it feel when you eat well and get some exercise?
Having a healthy body, mind and social life allows you to feel happy and automatically your confidence grows because you just feel good. And that radiates. People treat happy, healthy, confident people differently than those who don’t take care of themselves as well. Healthy people are often more respected, have more success in their careers and relationships, and generally happier. There are so many things in life you have not control over, but living a healthy lifestyle is a choice!
Being a better you is better for everyone around you
Relationships are a big part of our lives, be it our family, friends, coworkers, neighbors or even pets (my dog is practically my child). To a large extent they are what defines our lives. The key to having healthy, functional and fulfilling relationships is being the healthiest and most functional version of yourself. Some people refer to this as Emotional Intelligence or EQ. Learning how to manage our thoughts and feelings and understanding how they affect others is vital to having harmony with those we interact with. When we learn to accept all of ourselves, we are then able to love others unconditionally.
Cherishing yourself allows you to feel stronger, better, have more self control, gain confidence and love others more. Being the best you isn’t always easy but you are always worth the fight.
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“Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.’‘ – Georg Hegel, German philosopher
Some people make success look so easy! Is it just a matter of luck? In rare cases maybe it is, but the truth of it is, very few people become successful without passion. The guy with 6-pack abs is more likely to be hitting the gym 5 times a week he is genetically blessed, eating cookies while laying horizontal on the sofa. The wealthy business owner probably spent years working hard and making sacrifices and is not an overnight miracle. It looks easy when all you see is the result but not the process. Great accomplishments take passion, and passion alone is not enough. It takes passion AND strategy. One without the other is futile.
Passion doesn’t only help you reach success either. Having a cultivated passion boosts happiness. We’re not talking about taking passion to the level of obsession, but people who have what’s known as “harmonious passion” to experience more positive emotions and be more satisfied in their lives (Jarrett).
“When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reachthat deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.” ~Nancy Coey
In some ways, passion is like talent. Everyone has at least one. Everyone. However, not everyone has the bravery or the opportunity to embrace them. Sometimes, we get stuck in survival mode. We simply do what is needed to survive; we choose practicality and safety over passion and fulfillment.
We stay in a job we can’t stand but the money is adequate, and it would take too much time and energy (possibly money) to do something we enjoy.
We are in a relationship that has become mundane; maybe we’ve become friends but no longer passionate lovers. We convince ourselves that it’s normal.
Don’t get me wrong, it is necessary to have a steady income but when your only motivation (i.e. paycheck) is rewarded once every two weeks, how do you feel the other 79.75 hours? If you once were madly in love but it has become routine and boring, are you convinced the passion cannot be revived so you don’t try?
To quote one of my favorite speakers, Les Brown, “we’ve lost our drive, we got comfortable and parked the car.” We work just hard enough to not get fired, we show up to our partners just enough to not lose them, we simply get in a comfort zone because we have lost our drive. We have lost our passion. Maybe we forgot our passion or never even knew it because we were trying to fit into what others wanted and expected of us. Those who have hunger are happier than those who do not. Why? They have a sense of purpose and working towards a purpose gives meaning to life. Human beings are not designed to live complacently, they are designed to conquer challenges.
Here are a couple of 2 minute “uncover your passion” activities:
Imagine you just won a small lottery. Enough money to afford you the opportunity to follow your dreams but not enough to check out for life. What would you do for work? Who would you be with? What would you do for fun? Where would you go? Why are you not doing those things right now? Peer pressure? Comfort zone? Fear? When we fear the worst, we give ourselves permission not to try. When we expect better, we have vision.
In your mind, imagine have passed and write your eulogy. I know this sounds morbid but think about how it will read if you change nothing in your life and you live for another 30 years. Are you satisfied? Do you have regrets? Most people regret the things the didn’t do more than anything they did even if the results were unexpected. Hopefully in 10 years you’ll still be around, but the question is where will you be, and do you want to be there?
When we get stuck in a comfort zone, we are walking around life half asleep, oblivious to what we could be experiencing. We buy into the belief that it won’t get better and we settle. Usually some form of extreme pain or panic is what it takes for us to wake up and become true to ourselves. We suddenly have nothing to lose so we lose whatever fear holds us back and begin to experience life for the first time. It’s akin to living in black and white until something happens and suddenly everything is in full technicolor. No one knows how long they’re on this earth for but the we don’t have to wait for dire straits to live authentically. You can decide right now, that you want to live and work passionately and make your life worthwhile.
Knowing your passion and deciding to live true to yourself is awesome but it is only half of the process. Maybe you’ve tried to fulfill your passions in the past, but it didn’t work out. You’re not alone. Most people set out to pursue their dreams, but they don’t have a plan. They simply start and readjust as they go along. Kudos to them for starting and that isn’t a bad strategy if it works. However, if it doesn’t then something needs to change. You need a plan.
You’ve identified what matters most in your life and you’ve envisioned what it means to live an extraordinary life. Starting with the end in mind, how do you get there? Where are you this time next year? In 5 years? 10? 30?
What habits do you need to cultivate to be the person who lives this extraordinary life? What action can you take right now to close the gap between where you are right now and where you want to be?
Results will not come overnight but being proactive will bring gradual progress and naturally increase your energy and enthusiasm. When stop reacting and conforming to the world around you and begin to live proactively and creatively, the fruits of success are yours to be had. You will become the person others look at and wonder how it was so easy and why you are so lucky!
Life coaches are professionals trained in helping their clients find and live their passions. They will help you discover what you are authentically passionate about and help you make a plan that carries you from where you are now to where you want to be. Coaches hold their clients accountable to the actions they commit to and uncover what truly motivates them so that they stay the course! If you are ready to work with a coach and live your dreams, let Life Coach Libraryfind a life coach for you. Simply register and fill out a survey, we do the rest, and it’s FREE!
…learn to live authentically when things seem to have gone awry.
First of all, losing oneself isn’t always a bad thing.
Sometimes plans just go awry. We take risks and try new things and it just doesn’t turn out as we hoped. Kudo’s to us for living in line with our passions. Taking risks in life is part of what makes us feel alive. Additionally, it can be what separates the meek and the confident, the complacent and the ambitious, the safe and the successful. If you’re feeling lost and this is why, you don’t need me to tell you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on, you know that and hopefully are ready to do just that.
However, if you reflect on your life, you’re wonder who you’ve become because it somehow isn’t who you wanted to be, this is for you.
What does it mean to have “lost” oneself?
It happens. We start living on autopilot, going through the motions of life without realizing we’ve abandoned our desire to manifest greatness. After that, the dreams and passions that used to inspire us are now washed-up and faded ideas that exist somewhere else. A sense of security and comfort dictates our decisions over inspiration.
We start to feel lost because we have simply “parked” in life. Work just hard enough to not get fired, earn enough to just get by, cherish relationships just enough to not lose them, take care of ourselves just enough to not get sick…. Surviving in life has replaced thriving in life (Les Brown).
Sometimes we get “stuck”
Sometimes we get stuck in the past. Maybe things were wonderful, and we are holding on to the nostalgia; maybe they were horrible and we haven’t worked through the pain, or maybe they are simply familiar and a false sense of security and control exists when the present is so unpredictable. Whatever the reason is, yesterday is gone and if we are not living authentically when we are not present in the NOW, we are missing out because the world that keeps moving with or without us.
There are also situations when we show up for the now but are living based on what other people believe is right. We married the person our family would approve of; entered a career path based purely on financial stability; we chose our hobbies by what level of social acceptance they have. Most of the time, we don’t even know that the “opinions” running in the background of our choice aren’t even ours until we slow down. When we do, it is an epiphany that the inner voices we are listening to are those of parents, teachers, friends, but not our own. We go through life doing exactly what’s expected of us and eventually, it is overwhelming (PsychAlive).
In short, people become lost in life is because they have disconnected from their hearts and souls. They pay too much attention to their rational minds, and to what everyone else has to say, and they can no longer hear the voices of their hearts, nor can they connect to the wisdom of their souls.
Why life is so much better after you find yourself?
You wake up one day and you ask yourself, how did I get here? You say to yourself, “I had plans and dreams and goals, this is not what I wanted.” It’s ok, you have to get lost at times, it’s part of the self-discovery process (Psychology Today). The most worthwhile adventure of our lives is discovering who we really are. When we find ourselves on the deepest level it profoundly changes how we experience life.
11. When you find yourself you become the best version of you! The best spouse, parent, sibling, co-worker, etc., which automatically improves our relationships.
12. Because like attracts like and we begin to surround ourselves with the right people who support us.
How a Life Coach Can Help
A life coach is one of the best resources for those who feel lost. Coaches are trained professionals who will help you to manifest what you want in your life, identify what stumbling blocks are holding you back and help you develop useful strategies for self-improvement.
They will offer you an unbiased and fresh perspective by asking important questions aimed at helping you find your answers. They will collaborate with you to support you through transition, keep you motivated and hold you accountable while providing tools to help you grow and stay true to yourself.
If you’re ready to experience coaching risk-free, register with Life Coach Library and receive up to 3 complimentary coaching sessions.
One of the greatest satisfactions we can ever know is to discover who we truly are and live authentically. Too many people go from cradle to grave without experiencing this joy. We confuse self-understanding with self-indulgence, and never really know: Who am I really?
Finding yourself may sound like psychobabble or a being self-absorbed but our understanding of ourselves is the basis of every decision we make in life. It’s a matter of recognizing our personal power and limitations.
To know and embracing one’s authentic self is to truly find inner peace and happiness.
The most outstanding characteristic of successful people is the ability to set goals and take action to achieve them. Everyone can do both. Where many fall short is not in setting goals but taking the disciplined and sustained action needed for success.
Why??? Could it be people often go about tapping into the kind of deep motivation that will fuel the process from start to finish completely wrong? They muster up enthusiasm, will-power and determination and intensely focus on the “outside” stuff that must be controlled to produce desired outcomes.
While this may work for some people all the time, and all people some of the time, most people cannot sustain this and go the distance, and they repeatedly come up short. It’s like swimming upstream or running against the wind. So much energy is exerted yet eventually their enthusiasm peters-out and they are simply tired. What’s worse – not only is goal not met, but feelings of failure creep in to wreak havoc and leave them even less motivated than before.
Here are 6 strategies to boost motivation and jump start success today!
1. Create a crystal-clear vision: You must know what you really, really, really want and why you want it, or you cannot achieve it. First, think of a goal and imagine you already have it. Take a few moments to really let yourself experience what it will be like when you get there. Try to involve all 5 senses (sight, sound, taste, touch, smell). When you have a crystal-clear vision of what you want, you can begin to lean into that goal as if it has already been achieved and act the part.
For example: You want change careers and become a teacher.
See yourself walking through crowded hallways to a classroom; visualize how your classroom will be set up;
Hear the chatter of students quieting down as the bell rings. Hear yourself ask a probing question and engaging students in discussion.
Feel the dust of dry erase marker on the whiteboard; the stack of papers you are collecting for review. Feel the sense of satisfaction you have when you see progress.
Smell the fresh make-up and mix of perfumes from blossoming high school girls or the construction paper and glue for elementary students’ activities.
Taste the coffee you’ll sip in your classroom while planning (I do not recommend imagining the awful cafeteria lunches that hopefully you’ll never have to eat 😊)
2. Know why you want it. Go at least 3 deep in asking yourself why. The answers can be extrinsic (money, schedule) or intrinsic (pride, satisfaction):
Why do you want to teach? There’s a shortage of teachers and I like helping people.
Why do you like helping others? I’m good at finding what makes people tick and it feels good to help them.
What feels good about it? Deep connection with others it what makes me feel alive.
When you uncover your reason behind your reason, you are uncovering gold! Within the deeper reason is what your true motivation and passion are and identify a true purpose.
Ever notice how most people perform better under pressure? It’s because deadlines (or whatever is causing that pressure) give them a sense of purpose. That’s why people go on diets before big events, clean their house best before company arrives, save more money when they have something specific they want to buy. Acting deliberate and with a sense of purpose will keep you fired up, especially when the unexpected comes up.
3. Write your own eulogy: Yes, you read that correctly. As morbid as that sounds, many a great motivational speaker and writer suggest doing this. I have done it myself and must agree. None of us are here forever and beginning with the end in mind will help you to truly define what who you want to be and what you want to do.
Imagine those last few minutes where you are looking back on your life like you are watching a movie about yourself. What kind of person were you? What did you accomplish? What did you not accomplish that you wish you did? What is the one thing you will be most remembered for?
Using this insight, work backward. Make a plan that you can start today that will, over time, get your life aligned with to how you want the story to read. What is the smallest first step (see #4) you can take right now? What get’s in the way of you taking it? Are you afraid?
Everyone has some fear. You’re not human if you don’t. but fear shouldn’t run your life. Instead, run to what you fear, it’s never as bad as you imagine and on the other side of that fear is what you really want. Just the act of doing something you’re afraid of is empowering and creates confidence which is where success lives.
General George S. Patton is often quoted in saying “Fear kills more often than death!” You only die once, but fear kills you every time you give in to it!
4. Do one thing daily that is out of your comfort zone. If you want to lose 20 pounds but feel stuck, don’t lie to yourself in thinking if you can’t stick to the perfect diet and exercise routine, it’s not worth trying! Pass on one snack that you usually have or do just 5 minutes more exercise than your daily average.
Focusing on everything needed to reach the end goal is often overwhelming and leads to greater procrastination. Even the smallest step is a step and doing something small today will get you much closer to goal than thinking about big steps for weeks, months, or years without action. Give yourself credit for even the small victories, as feeling successful will create more energy and motivation to do more things that lead to success.
Don’t be a perfectionist. To some, perfectionism seems virtuous, but it can be self-sabotaging in so many ways. Perfectionists are almost never satisfied and
usually rob themselves of feeling joy with their accomplishments. Don’t let this be you.
Lastly, how you act is who you become. Doing one thing daily that is in line with your goal is how you become the person you want to be and achieve your goals.
5. Never be the smartest or most ambitious person you know. Surround yourself with winners:
People who are optimistic and positive thinkers are not only the most pleasant to be around, they are typically more creative, inspiring, and successful. When you’re looking for ideas and influences to keep you moving forward, you must draw on something bigger than yourself. Open yourself up to new ideas through other people who have what you want to achieve. Even if you don’t use their ideas, they may inspire your own creative genius. Have a friend or mentor or a life-coach who will help you come up with winning strategies and keep you honest and accountable. You must do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re surrounded by pessimists and cynics, you’re in a toxic environment and nothing extraordinary comes from toxicity. If you can’t lose them completely, keep a strong network of positive thinkers to help you stay on track.
6. Live in the NOW. It’s the only place real happiness can exist.
Yesterday is gone. Realistically, your memories of it are probably either full of guilt or nostalgia.
Tomorrow isn’t here. If you’re living in tomorrow, you’re either worrying about things you can’t control, or you could be confusing hope with discontent.
If you’re not happy NOW, you won’t be “when…” Hoping for something better means something is missing now and truth is when happiness depends on something outside of NOW, it only lasts for 20 minutes and then you’ll focus on the next think you need to be happy.
If you’re not happy now, try a gratitude list. No matter what life is handing you, if you’re sitting upright and reading this you likely have something to be grateful for. Read: Gratitude for Happiness.
These are just a handful of ways you can take control of your inner voice and get the motivation juices flowing. There are countless others, the key is finding what works for you. Wanting to achieve a goal is fruitless if youre not willing to make a change that includes action.
These strategies are ones I’ve learned over 30 years of passionately pursuing personal growth. In that time, I have read dozens of self-help books that have inspired core-level changes in my thinking. It’s not possible to credit every book and author that may have influenced this post but I’d like to shout out big thanks to Dr. Joe Vitali, Steve Covey, Steve Chandler, Tom Hoobyar, Susan Sanders and Tom Dotz, whose written works truly are the motivation behind this post.
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This is my personal story of getting “unstuck” so that I could take my life from “good” to “great”.
I was a rebellious teenager. Very rebellious. To say my childhood was not idyllic is understated, but seriously, who’s really was? No long or dramatic stories here, but by the age of 20, I couldn’t stand myself or my life and ended up in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. Trust me when I say I didn’t get there a minute too soon. Getting sober saved my life: physically; mentally; emotionally; and spiritually.
To paint a picture:
I was 20, working in a bar (underage with fake identification) , my best “friend” was a 45 year old junkie with a criminal record as long as my arm. I weighed 205 pounds, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day and couldn’t make a sentence without using “F — -“as the noun, verb, AND adjective. Lovely right? (not).
That was over 30 years ago.
I have been a personal-growth zealot ever since. The first several years were rough. I had much soul searching to do. The only thing I had to change was everything. Pain motived me to become feverous about turning a troubled life into a sane and purposeful one. I worked (several) 12-step programs. I went to therapy for years. I read every self-help book I could get my hands on. I helped others. I prayed. I meditated. I did yoga. I ate veggies…I did whatever I could grasp. Life got so much better. Unbelievably better in every way.
The new picture:
I lost over 40lbs, quit smoking, and upgraded my circle of friends, I could even get through a whole day without dropping an F-bomb (most days 😉). I am the first and only female in my family to get a 4 year college degree (and then go beyond), I’ve traveled much of the world, married the man of my dreams, (better still, the man of my dreams married me) and in my early 40’s, had practically checked off every box on my bucket list!! (I do have a new one though 😊) All gifts of grace.
That list is mostly “outside” stuff that came as a result of the “inside” work I had done. I had worked hard to gain self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect; I had healed old wounds from the past; I had successfully turned around what could have been a total disaster of a life.
Life was good. But something was missing….
Part of the problem was that life was good. I didn’t want “good”. I wanted “great”. I had come too far to settle and rest at good, but I had no idea how to move forward and I had no I idea why I couldn’t figure it out.
I went back to therapy because that was in my comfort zone. I had been doing it off and on for years. I have nothing but respect for the mental health profession but creature of habit that I am, I went even when it just wasn’t working anymore because it was what I knew, and it was safe.
Why wasn’t it working? Because I wasn’t trying to heal anymore; I was done being pissed at my parents and not a stone from childhood left unturned; I was in touch with my feelings. I just wasn’t getting much out of it anymore. I had done so much therapy that there were times I felt like I was coaching the therapist and they should give me the co-pay. Seriously.
Therapy was good when I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t even get my head above water. However, I felt like I’ve been floating for years and I wanted to learn how to swim. Intuitively I knew how, I just needed someone to (gently) push me off the float.
I had a lot of practice going bad to good, but I simply sucked at going from good to great. Damn it! I had to try something different because I didn’t want to just “exist”, and I was determined to breakthrough this invisible barrier and thrive.
Fortunately, I found a way out.
Life Coaching picks up where therapy leaves off…
I had considered working with a life-coach years prior but to be completely honest, I could not justify spending money on something that in my mind, may not work. Therapy wasn’t exactly working anymore, but insurance paid for it. Now, let’s be clear, I would easily drop a few hundred bucks on a shopping spree for things that I didn’t really need but would bring me about 48 seconds of glee. I did have a problem investing in myself. Ironically, that thought process itself was part of the problem.
So, I was skeptical and even cynical, but I convinced myself was if it didn’t help, the worst case was I got a few less massages or ridiculous shopping sprees. That is what it took for me to take the first steps and what has become one of the most positive and life-changing experiences I have ever had. I consulted with two coaches and I found one I intuitively knew was the right one for me.
I learned at the core of my “stuck-ness” was old faulty and limiting beliefs. Ones that I had no clue I even had. So deeply embedded in my thinking they weren’t even conscious. Until, with my coach, I slowed down. Way down. None of these ran in my “conscious” but like peeling layers off an onion, when we explored what was behind the conscious thinking, there were some pretty damning beliefs about myself and the world running behind the scenes.
I’ll share a few of them with you here:
Old Beliefs about my self-worth:
I’m a good wife/daughter/sister/friend when I DO things for people.
I need to excel at something simply to measure up. If I was the same, I was less than, if I was better, I was ok. I never believed (really believed) like I was good enough at anything.
Confident people are so cocky and arrogant. Having true self-confidence will mean I am conceited.
Old Beliefs about money:
People who are rich are selfish and greedy. Translation: If I have a lot of money, it will mean I’m selfish and greedy.
Spiritually and money cannot exist together.
Spending money on my well-being was a waste because there was no instant or tangible return. (cliché as it is, the old “I’m not worth it” belief)
Old Beliefs about taking risks to fulfill my dreams:
What I dreamed of was not rational but lofty and whimsical, therefore childish.
I don’t have a Ph.D. so no one will take me seriously.
It’s better to have the security of a job that I’m barely content with than be vulnerable to try what I truly am passionate about. * * (even in a situation where I do have a safety-net to catch me if I fall).
These are just a few, the list was much, much longer and deeper than this.
Coaching offered a practical, solutions-oriented approach to overcoming them. Were there moments that related back to my past? Yes. Where there new self-awareness’s that brought on painful moments? Yup.
The difference was that I quickly learned how to weed-out these thoughts without dwelling in them or their roots all over again. There was just old programming that needed to shift but it did not involve reliving it. Simply observing experiences with adult eyes and deciding the message was either never true, or true once but no longer serves.
In 12 weeks, the change was profound. Like, 5 years of therapy profound. It was almost like being lost in the forest, wandering in circles for hours but not realizing, a quarter mile in the right direction will take you straight to a road.
Worth every cent. Exponentially worth every cent.
Finally, really happy and really unstuck. Finally living my dreams. Life just keeps getting better every day. It’s not all rainbows and roses but I have found a true sense of wholeness and happiness. I know what I am truly passionate about and have a deep sense of purpose.
Instead of reacting to the world doing what I believe it expects of me, I consciously and deliberately create the life I want; doing what is true to me and as a result I feel energized. I feel enthused. I feel grateful and I truly look forward to whatever adventure or challenge life has for me.
I continue to use those same strategies in my daily life and to help others to find what works for them.
Sadly, I think many people live their whole lives, cradle to grave, never knowing their true calling and purpose. Afraid or simply “content”. Content is good but when you know great exists and you can create it, why settle?
If any of this resonates with you and you think you’d like to work with a life-coach to reach any of your goals, it’s simple to find one here at Life Coach Library. By registering and filling out a short questionnaire you will be matched with up to 3 coaches and then can see for yourself how amazing working with a coach is. Give it a try, it’s risk-free.
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My story is told above. The profound transformation I experienced triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walks of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about.
Education: I completed my coaching certification at Coach Training Alliance. I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia and Delaware. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning.
One of the keys to reaching a new goal is to have habits in place that support that goal. If your current habits are counter-productive, you’ll need to change them or face the reality of not reaching your goals.
How do success habits help you reach your goals?
Suppose you have the goal of running a marathon: if you don’t already have the habit of running regularly, your chances of you reaching is very low. Running regularly gets you closer to attaining your goal in several ways, including getting you in great physical shape and strengthening your endurance.
Developing supportive habits can be easier than you think and far more powerful than you can imagine!
Identify the Habits You Need
Before you create new, positive habits, you’ll want to figure out which habits will help you attain your goals. For every goal, there are habits that can pretty much guarantee your success. Reflect on your goals and what actions you can take to help bring them about.
Here are some habits that people who always reach their goals have:
1. Look for daily habits. Habits you practice each day are much easier to put into place and keep than those that are less frequent.
2. Keep it simple. The more complex the task, the less likely you are to stick with it. If you really do need to implement a complex habit, start with a simpler version and then add more complexity later. Set some SMART goals to develop new habits in your routine.
3. Be specific. It’s not enough to just specify what you’re going to do; include the how, when, and where as well. Time is always critical when creating a new habit. Be sure to specify a precise period of time in which you wish to implement the new actions.
So “I’m going to exercise 1 hour per day” is inadequate. “I’m going to swim from 6-7 am, Monday through Friday at the YMCA” is more like it. This has enough detail to be quite clear about what you want to accomplish and includes the how, when and where.
Prepare for Interference
There are usually obstacles to creating new habits and behavioral patterns. Try to figure out these possibilities ahead of time so you can eliminate them as soon as possible.
How to achieve personal success
For example, if you’ve decided that you’re going to eat a healthy breakfast every day, get rid of all the breakfast junk food in your pantry and freezer. That junk food is an obstacle to successfully implementing your habit. The obstacle might be time interference. Maybe your partner, child or family members do not usually leave you alone for 20-40 minutes every night so you can meditate, write, read, or whatever it is you want to do towards your goal. Simply let them know ahead of time that you need be undisturbed during this time.
Look for More Supporting Habits
When you determine supporting habits that will help you reach your goal, consider going even deeper into the details to find habits that will help you accomplish your other new habits.
For example, if one of your new habits is to make it to the gym every morning by 6:30 am, you can develop several supporting habits to help you establish this habit, such as:
Get out of bed by 5:45 am.
In order to get up at 5:45 am each day, you might need an additional habit of always being in bed by 10:30 pm.
Another supporting habit might be to pack your gym bag the night before.
These supporting habits are extremely importance to your success. Spend some time thinking about additional habits you can develop to support your efforts.
Just as counter-productive habits can keep you from success, supportive habits can aid to your victory. So, consider the habits that will best support your goals, put them into action on a daily basis, and enjoy your new success!
If you’ve tried to reach your goals on your own in the past and fallen short, or if you’re ready to start and want to save time in reaching success, try working with a life coach. A coach will help you stay motivated, hold you accountable, and strategize ways to overcome interference so you can stay on track. Life Coach Library makes finding a coach simple. Simply register and we will match you with up to three certified coaches. It’s free and each coach will offer you a complimentary coaching consultation so that you may conveniently find the right match.
Have you ever heard of analysis paralysis? It’s when one is so afraid of making the
wrong choice that they overthink and overcomplicate something. They get stuck
in limbo while the issue at hand seems to grow bigger and bigger. Some get stuck
for hours, others for days or weeks!
But it doesn’t have to be that way! Below are some tips to make the process
much quicker and far less mind boggling. Not every strategy will work for every
situation but choose the ones that apply to you and see how much easier it is to
get off the fence.
Give yourself time to think it through and get clear about what you really want
For small but important decisions, give yourself about 30 minutes to de-stress,
and think through several options. For more epic decisions, it’s better to give
yourself hours or even days to weight out the repercussions of your choices, and
then the repercussions of them.
Research proves that stress can often destroy the ability to make great decisions.
Being under pressure can kick in the fight or flight response and no one makes
their best choices when they feel desperate. There isn’t enough time to think
about the unintended consequences that should be factored in when making a
Spend time thinking about what you really want, and why. A great strategy is to
ask oneself what they want, and the what do you want as a result of that. There
is no limit to how deep you can take this. Finding what is called the meta-
outcome will reveal your deeper values and make coming to a decision easier.
Sometimes there’s a much easier way to get to the ultimate desired outcome.
Think through your options. Are there other ways of reaching your goal?
Sometimes we do what we’ve always done simply because we’ve always done it
that way. Deep down we know there is a better way, but we just don’t know what
it is. When we slow down, we can see alternatives and compromises that we
couldn’t in the heat of the moment. While doing something is better than doing
nothing about 90% of the time, there are times when it is better to not take
action at all. Consider what the outcomes will be if you do nothing at all.
Are you doing what you really WANT or what are you simply SUPPOSED TO?
Once you identify what you really want, listen to your inner “voice” and make
sure you are doing what’s best for you! Sometimes we unconsciously try to
please others, such as a boss, parent, or spouse, that we do something purely out
of obligation. While well intentioned, making decisions based on someone else’s
values is generally does not serve us.
Don’t be afraid to make a mistake
There is no such thing as a mistake if you learn from it. The fear of making a
mistake can be crippling. Learning to appreciate mistakes will give you
inspiration to try step out of your comfort zone and try new things.
Ask yourself” what is the worst-case scenario?”. Is anything ever really
catastrophic? Who do you know who made mistakes before achieving
success? What mistakes have you not only recovered from but thrived
Don’t attach to outcomes. Whatever you decide to do, have a playful
attitude towards it. Have a sense of humor. There is an element of risk in
anything we do to pursue success. Look to see how stumbling blocks spark
change and growth.
Talk it through and if needed, ask for perspective
Sometimes we just need to talk-it-out with someone who is detached and will
allow us the space to explore. Simply hearing ourselves “think out loud” often
reveals the answers we seek. At the end of the day, the decision is yours but there
are times when feedback is helpful. Just remember to be true to yourself and your
Intuitively, many of us know the changes (or at least some of them), that we must make in order to get to where we want to be. Yet despite this, we still struggle to make those changes. We get caught up in the other matters of our lives. we lose sight of our goals, dreams, and aspirations. we get caught up in the machinations of our daily lives and inevitably stop pursuing them entirely.
So what gives? For starters, we need to make an obvious observation. Change can be uncomfortable. It usually is, particularly if it is a transformative change (Changing a habit for example). YET THESE ARE ALWAYS THE BEST CHANGES TO MAKE and still, we don’t make them.
Let’s make this real for you.
Let’s get in touch with YOUR reality:
What’s at Stake for you? If you don’t make this change, if you don’t take action, What’s at Stake for you? Let’s take into consideration both extrinsic and intrinsic consequences of not making that change.
Extrinsic: Is it a life half-lived? A horrible career or vocation? Is it a broken friendship/relationship or marriage? Is it poor physical or mental health? A potentially bad financial situation? A once in a lifetime opportunity missed out on?
Intrinsic: How do I feel about this now? How am I going to feel about this later? What Value does this have for me?
Hypothetically Speaking, if you were to continue down this path on Auto Pilot, changing absolutely nothing, what would your life look like:
Three Years From Now
Five Years From Now
Are you happy with this? Are you being true to the God-given talents and gifts that were bestowed to you?
Before I became a Life Coach, I was a personal trainer for over 7 years. Exercise, particularly martial arts, changed my life profoundly. However, I never quite got to the level that I really wanted to be with my body. I kept trying to “work harder.” At one point I had a routine where I would workout at least 2 hours a day, 5 days a week doing high intensity interval training combined with Kung-Fu AND Kickboxing. I was exhausted on those days. My body would feel destroyed. I was overtraining, Working way too hard. Trying to lose weight I would “eat less” but “more often”, and then I would have “cheat meals” on the weekend. I never got to my ideal weight or had the body I wanted to. Yet I was exhausted. I kept depriving myself so much that on the weekend I would PIG OUT and ruin all that hard work from the entire week. I stayed in that cycle for about 3 years, always trying the same thing. I had more up and downs than I can count.
During this time, I was also trying to grow my coaching practice. The beautiful thing about coaching is that it requires ongoing personal growth. I decided to prioritize growing my coaching practice, so I had to put aside doing 2-3 hours of exercise every day for a while. But I knew that something had to change, otherwise I would just keep gaining weight or at best, stay the same. I changed my nutrition. I updated my system. I tried the Ketogenic Diet. In one month, I lost almost 20 pounds and I was working out half the amount of time, all while eating foods that I loved but was scared to eat: Bacon, Cheese, sour cream, etc. (in a varied plan with eggs, greens, and other lean meats and fish like chicken and salmon). Later, I transitioned to a cyclical version of this lifestyle (5 days on/two days off) and I have kept the weight off. More than just that: I don’t have high and low energy spikes anymore. I have more energy every moment of every day, I don’t get tired in the afternoon, and I never feel that starving feeling if I didn’t eat for a couple hours.
This is the part that really will rock your world!
I invite you to take the time to slow down and just think, write it down, journal it, whatever it takes to make it real. Ask yourself just this one question: If I don’t make this change, what is truly at stake?
…But wait Mauro!!! I already made this change and I am still not where I want to be.
Know this: If you have made the change, if you have been pursuing this path that you have set out for yourself, expect that there will be ups and downs. You may experience periods of tremendous growth and then suddenly, a hit a plateau, maybe even a sudden drop. There may be yet another rise and then another drop. That’s part of the journey. That’s what makes it exciting because it is in some ways the unknown. The unknown can be scary, or it can be thrilling. The best part of all of this is YOU get to choose what label you place on that. You get to choose whether it is fear or excitement. Every day brings forth a new opportunity for growth and change.
So here are some more powerful questions to ask yourself:
What systems and practices can you implement that will take you to the next level in your plan?
What do you need to do?
Who do you need to be?
Where can you find support and from whom?
Is the change you need to make deeper than this? Do you need to change so that you can change?
as defined by Merriam Webster, change in perhaps its purest and simplest sense is “to make different in some particular way.” The change you may need to make may or may not even have any physical manifestation in the onset but inevitably, it always will at some point.
“Being Defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” -Marilyn vos Savant Blessings, Mauro Schiavo
“Drive” by Daniel Pink “Time Warrior” by Steven Chandler
Mauro Schiavo is a Certified Life and Career/Vocation Coach, and founder of Mauro’s Max Lifestyle He seeks to bring people’s wildest dreams into reality. As a child he was obese and often felt like an outcast. In his teenage years he made a bold decision to change his life. he trained for 9 years and obtained his black belt in Kung-Fu and Kickboxing. After graduating from Florida International University with his bachelors in Sports and Fitness Studies he became a personal trainer and started his own mobile personal training business. throughout this time, he was coached, not just in martial arts, but in every area of his life. This led to an insight much later during his own certification course in coaching from Fowler International Academy of Professional Coaching. This changed his life immensely and he decided to bring that change to the rest of the world.
Written by Wendy Cope, Personal-Growth & Recovery Coach, www.healthytothecore.net
Have you ever noticed when a friend comes to you for advice about a situation it is so easy to offer great ideas and solutions to them, yet, when confronted with our own it is much harder to see clearly and come up with practical answers? The reason is we are generally observers for our friends and when we observe, we can think more rationally. We are disassociated with our friends’ challenges. In our own situations we often become our situations. We feel everything, and we get stuck. We are associated with our own dilemmas.
When we disassociate with something, we are more detached. We have the ability to observe. It’s like watching ourselves on t.v. or from afar. We only see and hear what is going on. We experience feelings about the situation, but not like the characters we are observing who are feeling the powerful sensations.
Be mindful that disassociation has nothing to do with the mental health diagnosis of “dissociative disorder”. Dissociative disorder is characterized by:
* The splitting off from consciousness, as in amnesia or mental blocking.
* Not remembering or connecting to a feeling as a coping or defense mechanism.
Disassociation in this article means to observe a situation to gain a different perspective and decrease the intensity of negative feelings associated with it, both mentally and physically.
Association is when we relive an experience. We are in it and see everything around us from that perspective. We feel the feelings in what seems like real time. We have other sensory experiences. What we see, hear, smell, even taste, as if it were happening right now. Association is when we are being the active participant.
Think of a time you were very happy, like a graduation. What pictures do you see? Are you watching yourself walking across the stage to get your diploma or are you walking across the stage to get it? Whichever one you answered, try to see it from the alternative perspective. Which one feels more intense? Is it happier? Does it feel different physically? Which feeling would you rather have? If you are like most people, association feels much happier. It is usually more sensory, and physically triggers endorphins that add to the emotional experience.
Now think of something that was disappointing, maybe not getting a job you really wanted. What picture do you see now? Are you watching yourself open the mail and reading some type of notice or are you standing there with the reject notice in front of you? Whichever you answered, try it from the other perspective. Which seems less intense? Is there a difference in how you experience it physically? If you are like most people, disassociation takes the sting out of rejection and makes it easier to look at it logically.
When is it best to be Associated or Disassociated?
Unfortunately, research has found that many people disassociate with happy memories and associate with unpleasant ones. That is backwards!!! When we are thinking of something pleasant, we will view it more positively when we are associated in it. It will create positive thoughts which will make us feel happier. When we feel happier, we physically become healthier. Our heart beat settles and our blood pressure calms. If we take a moment to slow down and experience other sensations, (sounds, smells, sights…) it will enhance the feeling even deeper. This can be a powerful tool when trying to get motivated.
Dissociating from unpleasant memories or experiences decreases the emotional pain, depression, and anxiety that often accompany them. When we become an observer (vs. participant) we can see things from an objective viewpoint, and release emotion attached to an event. In my experience, this release has a positive impact both emotionally and physically as well. I have combined this with other techniques to decrease the intensity such as “dimming the lights” and “lowering the volume” (heck, hit the mute button) and “making the screen smaller and fade out”. These tools are powerful because they decrease or eliminate the sensory connections, which is what the unconscious is more likely to hold on to.
It’s never wise to get stuck in one mode or the other. Pain is not comfortable, but it can be part of an important learning and growth experience. When person gets stuck in disassociated mode, they analyze everything rationally but will not experience a range of emotion and are not better off. They should learn how to associate into their feelings, at least some of the time. When someone is so associated with their pain, they relive it over and over, even if unconsciously, and it becomes problematic. It can increase anxiety, depression, and lead to self-destructive behaviors. They would then benefit from learning how to disassociate from painful experiences.