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Find a Job in the “New Normal”

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
find a job

Every one of us is ready to breathe a sigh of relief and live life with some sense of normalcy.  Unfortunately, for those who are left having to find a  job, the crisis isn’t entirely over.  The global pandemic has taken a toll on the physical and mental health of the world population. Still, it has also has dismantled the fundamental pillars of the economy.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the number of jobs slashed as a direct result of COVID-19 is between 30 and 40 million.     Things are starting to look a little brighter as the economy slowly opens back up. However, there is still uncertainty if companies will begin to recruit new employees.  A common belief is that they might release even more of their existing workforce.

However, this is not reality.  So, instead of obsessing over the scarcity of jobs, try to look on the brighter side of the picture. According to expert economists, the best way to battle the looming recession is to adapt and adapt quickly.  That is great news as long as you are openminded and can think outside of the box. 

Here are some suggestions from our career coaches that will make finding a job a little easier and improve your chances of landing one.

First and foremost, stay realistic.

If you are currently employed, but you hate your job and are looking for a new opportunity, don’t do anything abrupt until you have a solid offer.   Instead, try and find ways to make your present job livable until you secure something better.   Sometimes a shift in perspective can completely change the way you feel.

find a job

Think of something you do enjoy doing and consider what makes that fun for you.  For example, I love to solve puzzles, but I strongly dislike accounting. When I do my books, I spend a few minutes getting myself in a better mindset by looking at Quick Books as one big puzzle.  Granted, it does not make it my favorite thing to do, but it does decrease the pain tremendously.  Conversely, the more I engage in thinking about what I don’t like, the more physical angst I feel, and it becomes unbearable.  Ultimately, for most people, having a job you don’t love is better than not having one at all.  Plus, if a company is indeed letting people go, a bad attitude will put you on the shortlist.   Keep in mind that present circumstances are somewhat temporary.  A positive attitude and a dose of gratitude will make it tolerable.

You may enjoy: I Hate My Job! Maybe it’s Time for Change or Gratitude for Happiness.

You might find a job, but it may not be your dream job.

If you are amongst the unemployed, we suggest spending some time getting clear about what you need versus what you want.  We are not saying you cannot find your dream job right now, but it could take some time.   Only you know if it is practical to hold out for what you want or to accept something that meets your needs for now.  Consider putting your skills to use and try freelancing on sites like Upwork or Fiverr.   These gigs are one you can do anytime and anywhere if you have an internet connection.

 You can turn anything into a positive if you are willing to see the upside of things.  On the positive side, you’ve bought yourself some time to polish your skills and resume.  Remember too that it is easier to find a job when you have a job. It will alleviate most of the panic and fear of rejection many job-seekers face.  For this reason, you will be more confident during interviews and confidence sells.  If nothing else, your next employer will be impressed that you’ve managed to keep yourself busy amid all the chaos.   

You may enjoy:  Lacking Confidence is Costing You: Time, Money, and Your Love Life.

If you don’t find a job right away, make the most out of free online resources.

Every cloud has a silver lining, and this dark haze known as the novel Coronavirus is no exception. In light of the situation, several renowned universities and institutions have made their resources free and accessible by people from every corner of the world. Grab as many of them as you can, but stick to the ones that are relevant to your field of pursuit. You’ll be killing two birds with one stone.  Firstly, it speaks to your level of ambition and eagerness to grow.  Secondly, you’ll be able to add new knowledge and/or skill to your resume.  You increase your chances of placing yourself ahead of your competitors.

Take advantage of online networking. 

Most employers advertise less than half of the jobs they hope to fill and hire though referrals instead.  Now that we work, socialize, learn, and shop online, it is vital to make the most of building social networks.  Hence, seek professional groups from your desired industry on sites like Facebook and LinkedIn.  From there, gradually build your network by actively engaging in discussions. 

Namely, leave thought out and constructive comments on posts shared by both companies and professionals you hope to connect with. This is not a good time to be funny, snarky, or engage in debate.  Instead, keep your tone casual yet professional and stay on topic.  That way, you position yourself to demonstrate understanding and expertise.  Once you establish some rapport with new connections, it is acceptable to politely ask if they would forward your resume to their management. The same goes for former colleagues.  

You may enjoy: Use Your Professional Network for Job Success.

What if you found a job, and then the Coronavirus came along?

If you’re among those who knocked it out of the park in your February interview, all is not lost.  Maybe you haven’t heard back, or you got an offer only to have the opportunity evaporate with the crisis.  We know how frustrating and disappointing this must be, but don’t give up. 

find a job

Now that the economy is reopening, it is a great time to reach out to those potential employers. A short and concise email should be enough.  You want to present yourself professionally without coming off as needy.  Acknowledge the challenges they have faced and express your continued interest in the company. Reiterate the valued skills you bring and how they will benefit the company post-pandemic.  Even if they are not hiring just yet, it keeps your name fresh and lets them know you are sincerely interested.  

Stay Positive

With so much uncertainty in the world right now, it can be overwhelming to find a job.  Don’t get discouraged. Need help staying focused? You can talk with up to 3 career coaches on us!  Your coach will help you focus your job search, write a resume that’s gets found by search engines, get ready for interviews, follow up effectively, and even negotiate appropriately.

All you have to do is register and fill out a short questionnaire.  There is no fee to join or obligation to hire a coach, but we ask that you are sincere in your inquiry.  What are you waiting for?

You may also enjoy: Gain Clarity and Find Focus

6 Times You Should Hire a Life Coach

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Relationships & Family
hire a life coach

When is the best time to hire a Life Coach?

Studies on the effectiveness of life-coaching show that 99% of people who work with a coach have a positive experience. According to a survey conducted by The International Coaching Federation, nearly that same number finds it effective and reports they will work with a coach again in the future.

So when do people hire a life coach?

We have found that every great coach has a great coach. Here are the times great coaches will work with their coaches, and we suggest you do too:

1. You’re inspired but unsure “I’m gonna make this happen, but HOW do I make it happen?

You have a dream, a vision, and/or a goal. You’ve either tried and didn’t get there; started with excitement and enthusiasm, only to peter-out halfway through; or you simply do not know where to start. Whether you want to lose a few pounds, find the love of your life, make a total career switch, or build the business of your dreams, a great coach can help you overcome obstacles, strategize next steps, keep you accountable and motivated, and support you while you create your dream. They also can see your “blind-spot” and help you avoid making costly mistakes.

2. You wake up one day feeling blah and realize “Nothing is happening”

You’re simply stuck. Things aren’t bad but they aren’t great either. Nothing really excites you, and you’re just out of ideas. A personal life coach can help you uncover why you’re stuck, form a collaborative think-tank with you, and re energize your plans to start moving forward. They will help you reignite a passion for life and find your purpose, causing a whole new perspective will cause a total paradigm shift.

3. You’re overwhelmed and wonder “What the heck is happening?”

Sometimes in life, things are beyond our control, and nothing seems to go right or make sense. There are always things we cannot control, but the one piece we can control is ourselves. Sometimes the root is our own belief systems; others it is because we have changed while others haven’t, or have we just changed differently OR beliefs that worked in the past no longer serve us anymore. This is a great time to hire a life coach. Having a skilled and objective coach can help quickly identify any beliefs running in the background and raise your conscious awareness and make moving forward virtually effortless.

4. You’re so excited “Something wonderful happened

Yay for YOU! You started a new business, got promoted, married or had a baby; suddenly, you don’t recognize your life anymore because life as you knew it no longer exists. Change, even when it is fantastic, can throw us off-center. So many unexpected things come with change, even good ones. Your life coach can help you navigate this new beginning and support you in transition.

5. You’re in a good place but “Now what happens?

You just overcame a major obstacle and are out of the weeds, so to speak, Now what? Overcoming a crisis can be exhausting and leave us feeling empty and off-center. When things go from crisis-mode to maintenance, it’s not always easy to shift gears back into production. Fortunately for you, you are closer than you think! Hire a life coach, and they will help you figure out when your next steps can be. They will help you create that amazing life you’ve been dreaming about and support you through exciting elements that may be a little scary but in the most wonderful way

6. You’re not feeling up to par “Something Terrible happened

Ultimately, any time you want to take your life to the next level is a great time to hire a life coach. The most successful people are open-minded and willing to try new things. A coach will improve your self-awareness, help you stay focused, and access your greatest talents while keeping you motivated to go the distance. You can possibly do this on your own if you are super-disciplined and ambitious. However, you can do it so much quicker with motivation and accountability behind you.

Life is not always kind. Loved ones pass away, relationships end in heartbreak, healthy people succumb to illness, and jobs are lost. It can just really stink sometimes. I am so sorry if this is you.
Having a healthy support system is so important when life takes a turn. It’s not always easy to turn to friends in these situations. A coach allows it to be “all about you” by offering you their undivided attention, and compassion will enable you to process in a confidential and safe place. There are no shortcuts through the grieving process, but a good coach can help you find the path back to living happily and lighten the sadness and despair.

If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

You might like: How to Obliterate Limiting Beliefs and Open Your Life up to New Possibilities
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Editors note: This post was originally published in July, 2019. It has been completely revised and refreshed.

5 Things an Effective Leader Does

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
effective leader
by Robbie K. Carlson, Life and Leadership Coach

If you strive to become an effective organizational leader, start with being the master of your own life. Where ever you are right now, it reflects the decisions you have made along the way. Each day we make decisions that align with our values, mission, and purpose. Therefore, those choices directly impact our relationships, finances, career growth, and health and wellness. Life gets challenging at times, but influential leaders don’t make excuses, they hold themselves accountable and take total responsibility for both their actions and the results. After spending over 25 years in a leadership role, I have witnessed the most powerful leaders’ common behaviors.

An effective leader is laser focused

Never lose sight of your personal, professional, and organizational goals. Of course, as an effective leader, you expect you to go above and beyond. “Good enough” is never enough, your bar is high, and you must excel. In order to do that, you must take care of yourself first. Only you can define what that means. However, for most total wellness includes taking care of body, mind, and soul. Eat well, get some exercise, practice meditation, or some form of mindfulness.

Research proves that these all have a profoundly positive impact on your ability to focus. For instance, even just 5 minutes of deep breathing can reduce stress and help you find a sense of calm that allows you to concentrate better. This can easily be done at your desk, between meetings, in the car, or at night if you’re having difficulty falling asleep. If you’re thinking to yourself, “I’m too busy”, the truth is you’re not. After all, everyone has the same set of 24 hours. It is a matter of priority. Make this practice a non-negotiable and part of your daily routine. As a result, you will be surprised at your ability to feel more in alignment with your day.

An influential leader builds strong relationships

An Influential leader is acutely aware of the value of developing solid relationships. With attention to communicating with their boss, direct reports, and key stakeholders, they seize opportunities to cultivate relationships. Correspondingly, they devote significant time, energy, and effort to develop and build relationships. Thus, it is one of the most valuable skills an effective leader can possess. Having strong relationships builds trust and credibility and is foundational to be an effective leader. From a business perspective, building strong relationships can be referred to as social capital.

Lead by example

As a leader, you are always on stage. People watch what you do more than what you say. In fact, in the first 3 seconds of entering a room, you have been sized up. Credible leaders demonstrate a high degree of integrity when their words and actions are in alignment with their intentions. Walk your talk, so you become a leader others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they create distrust. People follow those they trust.

Invest in yourself

Pursue continuing education to remain current with industry trends, read professional journals and books, attend conferences, and find a good mentor and/or coach to help you become your professional best. If there is a gap in any management competency area, be sure to 41 address that gap with the support of a mentor and/or coach. The right coach that has walked a similar path and has enjoyed career success can change your future trajectory and make a huge difference with your career.

An effective leader cultivates balance

It is fundamental to the quality of your life. In addition to your career, include dedicated time for health and well-being, family, friends, and recreation. Take time off from work on a regular basis, even if it feels like you can’t. If you put all your time and effort into your career and neglect the other areas of your life, you could be putting your health at risk and compromise relationships with the most important people in your life. If your job is eliminated one day, you might look back and wonder what all of that work was for and regret the important parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Much of our internal unrest as leaders can lead back to how well we live up to our personal values, mission and purpose. The old adage is true that all the magic happens right between our two ears. Our thoughts have immense power in how we show up and how we react to our environment and stressors. Becoming a more effective leader is well within your reach by focusing on what really drives you to be your personal and professional best.

Robbie Carlson
Life and Leadership Coach
www.RobbieKCarlson.com
Robbie@robbiekcarlson.com

Find a Job in the New Normal
Why Leaders Must Prioritize Health and Wellness

Editors note: Originally published September, 2019

What is Creative Consciousness?

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality
creative consciousness
How it applies to everyday people just like  YOU-
By: Delina Dimova, Creative Consciousness Coach

Creative Consciousness is an infinite source of ideas, perspectives, and practices that are tried and tested by everyday people just like you.  These tools change how you experience daily life, resulting in feeling lighter, having an easier life, and even becoming wealthier.

Sometimes Creative Consciousness can be called Unity Consciousness. No matter which you name it, it’s essence stays the same. It will always provide you with what you need in every given moment.

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Consciousness in and of itself is the omnipresent field all around us. However, creativity is the coming of something out of nothing. Think about it, you have nothing, and then you do something with that nothing, and it becomes something.  Therefore, you have created something. 

Now, let’s go a little deeper.   You just changed nothing into something, right?  Is it not still nothing but in a different form?  We don’t know how nothing turns to something; we just know what to do and do it intuitively.

A Universal “Data-base” of positive intentions

Around the world, people create amazing experiences and opportunities.  When they do, energetically, it becomes available to everyone.  Think of it as a universal database of Creative Consciousness.  One that we are all uploading our divine talents to.  Therefore, we make them vibrationally accessible to kindred spirits across the globe. 

Now, here is this universal system that we all have access to. How do we access it?  We can tap into it by asking and answering empowering questions.

CREATIVE CONSCIOUSNESS

So let me talk about those questions for a bit. If anyone can access Creative Consciousness through questioning, then what exactly should one ask? One of the best questions to start with is ‘What do I need?’ followed by ‘How do I feel?’ and you could ultimately ask, ‘How can I serve you?’.

Here are some other provocative open-ended questions one might ask themselves:

  • What would open up for me if I said no?   (meaning if I say “no” to you, possibly I am saying “yes” to myself). 

You can finish that same thought with infinite possibilities; the idea is to explore your deepest desire.   “What would open up for me if I went to that party, or if I changed careers”, you get it!  

Or you could ask yourself this question:
  • “What can I acknowledge, let go of, or decide to feel free right now? “   Use this to re-center yourself when you’re feeling restless or annoyed.  Of course, you don’t have to use “feel free,” you can use any positively stated feeling you wish to experience.   

Positively stated, means being clear about what you do want, and not giving energy to what you don’t want.    Let me explain:  if you got into a taxi cab and told the driver where you don’t want to go, like “I don’t want to go to the train station,” she/he would get pretty confused, right? You have to get in and say, “I want to go to the airport.”  You’ll get there much quicker for sure.   Creative Consciousness is similar in that it responds to positive intentions.

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This book is about changing from the inside out and preventing the obstacles that tend to stop people from reaching their true potential.https://amzn.to/33rcbMJ

Law of attraction coaches explore Creative Consciousness through open-ended questions. They’ll ask questions like, “What is possible?” “What do you want to create?” or “Where do you want to be 1 year from now?”

How to be Happy Quarantine Life & Beyond choose love over fear

This system expresses our highest intentions.  They all come from a spirit of love with the intention to manifest the highest good.  In essence, this “database” is only to serve us and never to impede our growth. It provides us with everything we need in every given moment just as soon as we remember to tap into it.

Anytime we come back to that (above) question that resonates with us, and we sit with it for a little bit, asking it over and over again, we will access the Creative Consciousness within us, and we will find answers. 

On some level, we are all seeking answers.  Anyone willing to find them can uncover them through Creative Consciousness.  Sure, some people consider themselves more logical and rational than spiritual or “heart-cantered,” but they too access Creative Consciousness without even realizing it.   

Find inner peace…

So many people get overwhelmed by life, and they could find peace by practicing Creative Consciousness.

CREATIVE CONSCIOUSNESS
Photo: Harry Parvin

For example, think of the person who has a hard time saying “no.”   Maybe that person is you.  A friend or co-worker asks you for help, and before you know if, you’ve agreed and taken on one more thing.  By itself, it’s not a huge task, but you’ve already got a very long to-do list.   So then, you tell yourself that you’ll “do it later” and start to procrastinate. This is one of several perfect scenarios that Creative Consciousness applies to you. 

Imagine for a moment the nothing out of something creation.   Here it would be to simply say to your friend or co-worker that you already have so much to do. You would love to help, but instead, you say not to them so that you can say yes to yourself. You suggest they ask someone else. This is one creation whereby you refer them to someone else and therefore complete the energy with love.

Also, you have created space for yourself to complete the projects you got going on. You will probably feel good about creating this space and release yourself from feeling bad that you didn’t take on your friend’s task. Stop and consider, is it possible that you added value to both your life and your co-workers/friends? 

Breakthrough lack mentality

How is this not so much better than taking on the task and stressing out, wasting energy to come up with excuses to avoid and procrastinate doing it because you’re even more overwhelmed? You’re feeling disempowered, your friend/co-worker is waiting on you, and nothing is getting done. You did not create a solution for your friend’s task, and you did not create a solution for your other tasks.    You’ve created a situation where you are “stuck.”, commonly referred to as  Limited Consciousness or Lack Mentality.

Ultimately there is nothing wrong with either path,   Interestingly enough, even in the most painful situations are positives because we are building up the pressure to reach the tipping point. That peak is what inspires change.

Lack mentality, limiting beliefs, and the fear of saying no to someone are real everyday person predicaments. I sympathize with that, and I wish nothing but the best for the world, every day.

 Creative Consciousness wishes the best for the world every day, in every situation, just waiting on standby for you to tap into it.

creative consciousness

There are so many other characteristics of living in alignment with creativity.  I’m sure you can add something, and trust me it will be part of Creative Consciousness in action.

As always, though, it’s all well and said, but we need to apply these actions to our daily lives to see results.  Information is never enough; it takes motion.

Finally thoughts

I would like to clarify that every successful person started off as an everyday person and his or her own reality. Even the richest man Jeff Bezos, was an ordinary person until he became rich one day. So, I am looking to eliminate any degree of separation between this person or that person and instead remind us that we are one.

I love you very much. Thank you for reading and Namaste.

Delina

About Delina Dimova, Creative Consciousness Coach

From Bulgaria, Delina studied psychology and computers in the United Kingdom.  She is a certified Creative Consciousness coach whom clients describe as an idealist, full of passion and of high vibrational energy. Her lifelong passion is to help others achieve what they set out to.

Use Your Professional Network for Job Success

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
professional networking

In uncertain times like these, it is wise to maximize the use of your social and professional network to aid in a  job search.  A recent survey conducted on LinkedIn reveals that more than 80% of people found their job using networking effectively.

Whether it is your father, who helps you set up a connection with a top-rated company in the city or your friend, who opens the door to land a high-profile job in his uncle’s company, the best jobs are seldom listed in the classifieds. Sometimes we have vast professional networks through social platforms like LinkedIn,  yet other times we enlist the resources of specialized recruiters or career coaches to help us get a great job.  

Whether you’re unemployed and seeking a job or looking to make a total career change, your social interactions can pay dividends in these endeavors. 

The value of professional networking

Most people are aware of the importance of having a strong network in a job search, but very few people know how to do it well.

As per a recent survey, 50% of respondents agreed that they heard about new jobs via their connections, whereas only 37% learned about the new opportunities from advertisements.  

The key is to develop multiple contacts – family, alumni, neighbors, friends, colleagues in your industry, and other sectors, and then build solid relationships with them.

Before the pandemic, attending in-person professional networking events was vital.  The value of human interaction has not changed; only the modality we use to create it.  Events are still taking place, but they’re online.  If there’s an upside to staying home, it should be more convenient to attend as they’re happening wherever you and your computer are 😉.  Try to participate in a variety of events whenever you have time. 

Find groups and events

professional networking

If you don’t belong to any groups or you don’t know where these events are, try an online search for organizations related to your industry.   Also, you can browse apps like Meetup to broaden both your social and professional networks.  A popular group among professionals in various industries and worth checking out is Toast Masters.  

In the future, when social distancing regulations relax some, there will (hopefully) be live events that you can attend.  If you happen to be the reserved type, a great way to break the ice is to volunteer to get involved.   Why not offer to sit at the registration table? Then you get the opportunity to meet and greet all the participants and may find smart ways to start a healthy conversation and bump up your communication skills.

Have a networking plan

Get the best return for your investment of time in attending networking events.  Have a specific goal in mind when you attend.   Are you there just to gather information and learn?  If so, write down a list of questions before hand so you can get them answered.   If your goal is to talk to people in a chosen industry, decide on the number of people you are setting out to connect.  Let’s say you decide on five.  Set your intention to get the names and contact information for a minimum of five people; it’s always okay to get more.   You could also set a goal to give your contact information to at least five different people too. It is amazing to learn that many other participants share common goals with you. Try engaging with them by sharing your business cards or email details.

Be prepared

 Plan your “elevator speech” in advance so that you can make a great first impression and get your point across quickly.  Time is money, and everyone is there for a reason.  When it comes to anything business related, best practice is concise and to the point. In short, don’t attend an event aimlessly, have a strategy in place from the start.

Real professional networking happens after the event

Too often, job seekers do not “work” their network proactively. They get names and numbers, but they don’t follow up, or they don’t follow up enough. These relationships take time and consistency.  It’s hard to reach out to someone you haven’t connected with for months or years.  Commit to making monthly contact.  Contact doesn’t have to be extensive; a short and sweet email or message on social media is enough.   If you don’t know what to say, offer your help to them. No one gets offended by a no-strings-attached shout out.  Reach out to all of your contacts about your job search.  Of course, if you need to be discreet about it, choose wisely; the point is to be polite yet assertive.   Your will impress your contacts with your energy, and you might be delighted to know how each one of them can give some valuable input.

Consider every social gathering an opportunity.  There certainly are fewer face-to-face gatherings now, so take advantage of online meetings and get-togethers. Opportunities can exist anywhere; it’s you who needs to stay active enough to identify them.

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professional networking

Professional networking will help your boat to sail in the right direction.  Make sure you create an inventory of accomplishments and work history that you can share with relevant contacts when the opportunities present themselves.  

Stay aware, stay active, and position yourself strategically to land that dream job.  

If you’re looking for new ways to be proactive about your career, we invite you to talk to up to 3 experienced career coaches on us!   Our coaches are experts at helping people like you plan smart careers that are rewarding and fulfilling.  It’s free to register, and there is no obligation.  

I Hate My Job!

How People Who Don’t Stress Cope with Worrying

Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library
worrying

Things are uncertain right now, and many people are worrying about the future and our “new normal.” While some level of concern is natural given the circumstances, being consumed with anxiety and fear will not help anyone and is quite harmful. Chronic worry can create several mental and physical health issues, and it ultimately robs you from experiencing joy.  

Read: How Worrying Affects Your Body

Are you the type of person that is always thinking and analyzing, and then over-thinking and over-analyzing?   Do you have a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep because your brain just won’t stop?   If so, read on, this might be for you!

Not everyone is prone to the same level of angst, and here are some of the habits of people who have either overcome the worrying habit or have never had it.

Overcome limiting beliefs that precede worrying

Many psychotherapists and personal life coaches help their clients break through various blockages by learning how to overcome limiting beliefs.    The process includes a few steps.   In short, the steps are:

Awareness: 

When you find yourself getting anxious, slow down and get real honest about your thoughts.    Awareness is the stepping stone to change because you can’t fix anything if you don’t know what it is you’re trying to fix.

 Take a moment to stop and listen to your inner voice.   The goal is to uncover the thoughts behind the feelings.   Recognize what limiting beliefs you are buying into.      For example, if you are worried about a presentation you are giving at work tomorrow,  pay attention to the messages like “I’ll lose my job,” “My boss will think I can’t do my job”, or “everyone will laugh at me. ”

Challenge:    

worrying

 Just because you’re thinking these things does not mean they are true.  You and you alone decide whether to give them power.  They only have as much influence over you as you give them.   Make a conscious decision not to give them any power. 

Think about how true they are, bearing in mind that 85% of our worst fears never materialize.    Would you really lose your job?   Are the people you work with that unprofessional?  Even if they are, isn’t that a representation of them and their issues, not yours?    They do not have the right to validate you unless you willingly surrender it. 

Are you focusing on the one thing that may go wrong and ignoring the ten things that will go right?   Why?   Be curious about your thoughts without being judgmental.   The last thing you want to do is beat yourself up for thinking that way.   Lastly, keep perspective on how much something that worries you truly matters.  Ask yourself, how much will this matter in 10 years?  Or in ten months?  Some things won’t even matter In ten minutes. 

Whatever thoughts you uncover, ask yourself if they are helping or hurting you.     

Replace:   

You are the author of your own book.   When those types of thoughts come to consciousness, let yourself write a new story. Make sure the new story is one of confidence. Empower yourself to trust that whatever the future holds, you are resilient and will adapt.  Remember that those old stories are lies and your mind playing tricks on you.  Don’t fall for the tricks.

Practice and Succeed:

There is no magic sauce that will keep you from worrying, and this process takes time and practice.   Make a toolbox for yourself and fill it with “growth tools” to help you form better habits and make these changes permanent and automatic.   Growth tools can consist of things like journaling, affirmations, meditation,   talking things out, or various NLP techniques like anchoring. 

Read: How to Boost Confidence

Stop comparing yourself to others!

First of all, don’t believe in mass media.  Every minute of every day, we are inundated with unrealistic messages of what life is supposed to look like.  Double down on what we are supposed to look like.   A lot of what you’re worrying about stems from getting sucked into thinking that things should be a certain way, but they’re not.

Accept what you cannot change, and change what you can.

The truth is you only have control over your actions, not the outcomes.    Worrying about not being able to control the future is as effective as “trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum” (Baz Luhrmann).   Yes, things are unpredictable right now.   Jobs may be lost; stock markets will fluctuate; some people will get sick.   Unfortunately, that is the harsh reality of life and has been for thousands of years.  Make the smartest decisions you can and find peace in knowing that the results are not in your control.

Remember, too, that we live in the age of convenience and comfort.   While we are very used to having what we want when we want it, most of those things are life’s little luxuries but not life’s basic necessities.  Know the difference between needs and wants and then find gratitude in what you do have.  

Some of the wisest and strongest people will tell you that horrible times make us humble and grateful.  Also, many of the best things in life come from some of the worst things.   This too, shall pass.

Read: Gratitude for Happiness

 Peace of mind is an inside job, do not tie yours to external things.

It’s a matter of perspective.

Overcoming the worrying habit can be as easy as a shift in perspective.   Think about something you are concerned about or something that really scares you.  Take, for example, snakes.  To say the least, if you don’t like snakes, the thought of finding one in your living room is nerve-wracking.    However, some people love snakes and find them fascinating.   On the other hand, they would probably be amused to find a snake in their house.  They might even pick it up and play with it.    The snake isn’t what is scary at all; it is our perspective about snakes that makes them so terrifying or not. 

Another example is worrying it might rain on your wedding day.   Most people either love or hate the rain.   One would worry it will ruin everything while the other may consider it a good omen.  Same rain, different meaning attached to it.  

The trick is to learn to keep an open mind.   Typically we are used to seeing things one way, yet a new perspective could change everything. 

Disassociation

This is another powerful NLP technique. Disassociation is when you can detach from yourself as if you were watching someone else experiencing what you are going through.  Think of it like seeing yourself on TV or in a movie.   If that is too hard, try and imagine yourself talking to a friend who has your concern.   What do you see?   What would you say to them?    How would you help them overcome worrying about that situation?

Remember worrying is not problem-solving.  It will paralyze you.

Try meditation to be free from worrying

worrying

Anyone can learn to meditate, and it is not just for yogis or spiritual gurus.   There is extensive research that lists the physical and mental health benefits of mindfulness.  It is my “go-to” for breaking bad habits and creating good ones.  Why?  It has to do with the unconscious thoughts that we all have, and being in a meditative state helps to change them deeply and permanently.   

Breathe

If that doesn’t sound like it is for you, try deep diaphragmatic breathing.    Basically, that is a medical term for breathing deep into your belly.   The best way to do that is to breathe in long and slow through your nose.   Hold that breath for a few seconds and then release long and slow through your mouth.      The mind follows the breath, so breathing long and slow will help quiet some of the frantic chatter in the head. Also, when we are worrying about things we are living in the future.   The future isn’t here yet, so it is better to get present in the NOW.   Anytime you focus on your body or your breathing, you can only be in the present moment.   

Besides, taking good physical care of yourself helps manage anxiety and stress.  Eating well, getting some exercise, limiting caffeine and alcohol, but drinking plenty of water and getting quality sleep are all vital to your overall wellbeing.   A holistic approach to wellness stabilizes your body chemistry, directly affecting your moods, thoughts, and behavior.  You don’t have to become a health fanatic, but if your wellness plan needs some love, simple changes like cutting out some junk foods and 10 minutes of stretching or walking can help you feel more relaxed.

worrying

When you need urgent relief, try this….

When all else fails, or you need to calm down before you can try anything, this technique will help you to relax.   Also, you can do it anywhere!  In your car, at work, in bed, at dinner, literally anywhere.

Start by wiggling your toes and then squeezing them as tight as you can.   Hold that for 2-3 seconds.   Then notice your feet and squeeze your toes and feet as tight as you can.  Again, do this for a few seconds.   Repeat the same thing with your calves, squeezing your toes, feet, and calves as tight as you can.  Work your way up your body one area at a time.   When you’ve included every body part, do one final full-body squeeze for about 5 seconds.    When you are finished, you will notice that tensions is gone and and you are more relaxed.

Read: How a Coach Helped Me Get “Unstuck”

Read: Find a Job in the New Normal

Life Lessons Learned during the Covid-19 Pandemic

Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Relationships & Family
life lessons during Covid-19

It is hard to wrap our heads around how quickly life has changed in the last three months, but for sure, there are several life lessons we have learned during the pandemic.  For many,  there is a renewed appreciation for timeless values.

Simple things that we took for granted, like going to our favorite restaurant, hanging out with dear friends, bargain hunting at the mall, or listening to audiobooks during our morning commute to work now seem like a faded memory. The world has never been so uncertain.  Yet,  despite such hard times, people are coming together to support one another.  How can that be anything but a good thing?

Life before Covid-19 

Before the onset of 2020, a difficult life lesson consisted of figuring out more ways to suit up and show up for the rat race and trying to cram everything in from a quick morning workout,  putting in a 50-hour workweek, carting the kids around from club to club, running errands, doing the house chores, maintaining some semblance of family life and maybe, just maybe even social life.  It’s exhausting to think about it, never mind live it.  

life lessons covid 19

On top of that, we’ve become so addicted to technology. From the moment we wake up to the time we go to bed, we fixate on our mobile screens, scanning emails, checking-in on social media, and utilizing seven different apps to function in daily life.  Yesterday’s life lesson was all about knowing how to keep up with the latest platforms and stay relevant.

In the odd event families did sit together at the dinner table, hardly anyone spoke. Everyone would be busy on their phones, browsing on their social media, texting friends, or coworkers, or playing games with total strangers.  Technology keeps us connected but at the same time, replaced face to face authentic human interaction.   

If you’re under the age of thirty, this is just normal.   For those who are older, this is akin to living out an 80’s science fiction become a reality.

…and here comes the “new normal”

And then BOOM! Then came this thing called the novel coronavirus.  It isn’t like the annual cold & flu that goes around the office.  It’s affecting every city in every state in virtually every country.  We are confronted with a fatal virus that has spread all over the world.

In 20 years we will all look back at 2020 as the year that a “new normal” was born.  We don’t even know what that new normal is quite yet.  However, it will be the science fiction movie that became a reality for millennials.

Like a bad dream, governments across the globe ordered mandatory lockdowns.   Businesses closed or at best had to recalibrate and offer curbside or online services.  The economic projections are not optimistic, and the true impact is still unknown.   Suddenly, we are all confronted with feelings of angst, fear, anger, frustration, isolation, and even the most introverted are left craving social interaction. 

The irony of life is that it often takes a tragedy to bring people together.

Fighting coronavirus feels like fighting a war: That may bring us closer together.

What Life-Lessons did the Covid-19 pandemic teach us?

It seemed like the world stopped spinning, and everything was moving in slow motion. All of a sudden we found ourselves doing things that we forgot existed. 

Families are spending more time together, having home-cooked meals instead of grab-and-go processed foods.  Many are enjoying the art of cooking together instead of viewing it as a chore. 

They are playing games together,  doing puzzles, watching television with one another.    Laughter and joy replace the stress and tensions left over from the grind. 

6 Steps to Achieving Financial Security

Children spend more time being nurtured by their parents and less with caregivers who are not as bonded.  Married couples, which hardly found time for one another before,  suddenly felt closer.

life lessons during Covid-19

We’ve upped our technology skills in a way that adds to family values instead of taking away from them.   Grandma’s and grandpa’s who never heard of SKYPE or Zoom before are connecting with their loved ones face to face, a step up from over the phone. 

Despite the shutdown, many people haven’t skipped a beat in their professional lives thanks to that same technology.  

How are people spending their free time?  They’re using it to better themselves, learning new things via online courses, YouTube, or old-fashioned books.  Others have revisited old hobbies they were too busy for, like drawing or painting.  Others cultivated new ones, like taking online yoga classes.  These aren’t new life lessons brought about by the pandemic, but old traditional ones revisited.

What is the Importance of Passion in Your Life?

life lessons during covid-19

Within a matter of weeks, the practice of human connection from a novel cliché to a heartfelt personal value. Millions across the globe began to reach out to distant family members that they’ve had spats or just lost touch.  Others called old friends that they’ve just been too busy to make time for, picking up the conversation on the same sentence they left off at 10 years ago.  They’re going out of their way to help their neighbors, those same neighbors they’ve only waved to in passing over the last 6 months.  

Suddenly, a sense of gratitude for some of the little things in life has been inspired.  Heck, when before 2020 were you ever grateful just to have toilet paper?    How often did you stop and think about how precious your health is?   We’re all getting enough rest and have come to appreciate the benefit of a nice nap.

In a world obsessed with images, vanity has taken the backseat as we’ve all learned to accept some pretty funky do-it-yourself haircuts.

Earth got a much-deserved break from us too. As the world closed down, it was only a matter of days before we had real evidence of environmental restoration.  Grid-lock traffic came to a screeching halt, and we all watched viral videos of wildlife reclaiming what they believe to be theirs.   The air we breathe is cleaner, and studies say it is possible to continue this trend. 

Call me sentimental, but it seems like re-learning these treasured life-lessons based in good old-fashioned and traditional values like helping one another, appreciating family, making personal sacrifices for the greater good, and uniting has taken on a new life of their own. 

life lessons during covid-19

Final thoughts

As scary and as devastating as the virus is, there is a silver lining. You may have to adjust your vision to see it and it is likely a wake-up call to get us all to rethink the meaning of life and to reprioritize what truly matters.

Few can disagree that compassion, generosity, and goodwill have helped everyone get through these tough times.   And,  when the dust settles, many of us will remember this time, when life was simple easy, with fondness.

Anyone Can Learn How to Meditate

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

I was always intrigued by the idea of mindfulness, but at the same time, I was so intimidated because I didn’t have a clue how to meditate.  The word brought up images of Tibetan monks sitting in the lotus position chanting “OM” while sandalwood incense permeated the air.  While I have nothing but high regard for Tibetan monks, that just wasn’t me. 

Fortunately, I later learned that there are numerous ways to practice mindfulness, and anyone can learn how to meditate and reap its benefits.   It’s like making spaghetti sauce.  Everyone either has their own recipe or buys it in a jar.   Some throw together a spaghetti dinner inside of 11 minutes while others are pure gourmet and spend days preparing the sauce.  In the end, everyone leaves the table full.  So, no one method of contemplation is right or wrong, although some may be more vigorous about their discipline than others.   But, you have to start somewhere, and even an entry-level practice is better than never doing it at all. 

The misconception that it was transcendence or bust is precisely what got in the way of sincerely engaging in what has become the single most positive and life-changing habit I practice. Got in the way for years

What are the benefits of meditation?

Since the beginning of time, men and women have meditated to gain serenity, clarity, and divine connection.  In the modern world, doctors recommend meditation to their patients to improve both physical and emotional symptoms.   Research shows that consistent practice helps to develop a stronger self-awareness and find relief from painful thoughts or feelings. In short, the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits are said to be profound. 

Some of the most common health & wellness benefits are:
  • Lowering one’s blood pressure
  • Decreasing cholesterol levels
  • Reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression
  • Better sleep
  • Boosted self-image and a more optimistic attitude
  • Enhanced concentration and memory
  • Pain management
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Control or break free from addictions
12 Science-Based Benefits of Meditation

Why is such contemplation so powerfully effective?

how to meditate

Celebs like Oprah Winfrey, Paul McCartney, Madonna, and Katy Perry are just a few who swear by meditation.  Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan use it to achieve peak performance. At the same time, the CEO”s of Linked In, Huffington Post, and Ford Motor Co. meditate to cope with the stress of running major organizations and gain much of their inspiration from meditative practices.

When you learn how to meditate, you experience how powerfully effective it can be.   For many, it goes beyond words.  Learning to train the brain to focus will help you thrive in anything you strive to achieve.

 Stop and think.  Have you ever felt that you were overwhelmed or confused, and you just needed to “pause” and took time to think about things?   Doesn’t the process of slowing everything down and not acting until you gain clarity make the best solution all but obvious?   When you learn how to meditate, it is like that on steroids.   Your mind slows down enough to bypass the conscious clutter and allow your most intuitive wisdom to present itself. 

A practical explanation of how it works

The human brain is super-busy once it is awake.   The average person has roughly 60 thoughts per minute.   Believe it or not, only about 10% of those thoughts are conscious, while the other 90% are hanging out in the sub-conscious. Psychologists say that for most people, the majority of their unconscious thoughts are limiting and negative beliefs (Psychology Today, 2012).

the neuroscience of meditation

So, if you are having about 1 thought per second, it’s safe to say your brain waves are pretty rapid.   When you are awake and fully alert, brain activity is in a gamma or beta stage. 

When you learn how to meditate, you start by focusing on your breath, and as a result, your brain automatically slows down because it is in tandem with the pace of your breath.   So, as you relax, the brain waves slow down to the alpha and theta states.   Here is where you ease-up and begin to have heightened intuition.   Metaphorically, the waves slow down enough to open the door to the unconscious thought, a.k.a. inner wisdom.

That inner wisdom can provide answers to questions that have baffled us.  It gives us precious feedback as to what our buried negative, fear-based, & limiting beliefs are.  Once we know what they are, we can begin the process of weeding them out and replacing them with new, positive, and empowering ones.  You can’t change anything until you know what the problem is, right?   

Meditation 101: The Neuroscience of Why Meditation Works

Positive Affirmations vs. Meditation

Affirmations are sometimes used in meditation and are referred to as an intention.  However, they are not exactly the same thing.   Many people use affirmations to try and change a behavior or a thought pattern.   This isn’t a bad thing, but its effectiveness is debatable, and any real change takes a very long time.    In my opinion, this is because we are citing affirmations while we are fully alert when all hyper-brain activity is happening.   I don’t think it works for two reasons.   First, the message we’re trying to assimilate into our being can’t “get past” the frenzied brainwaves that are running in our consciousness.  Secondly, it doesn’t work as well to overcome the limiting beliefs that run against them; it’s simply an attempt to mask them.  

Weed Out Faulty Beliefs and Break Free from “Inner Child” Syndrome

In truth there are an infinite number of ways to meditate and none of them are wrong. The common thread amongst all meditative practice is the cultivation of awareness and expanded consciousness.

How to Meditate- A Beginners Guide

Not quite feeling your inner guru yet? No worries-you CAN do this!

how meditation works

So, as I said, there is an infinite number of ways to meditate, and none of them are wrong. The common thread amongst all meditative practice is the cultivation of awareness and expanded consciousness.

Here are some basics to help you get started and discover what works best for you.  These steps are only suggestions to begin learning how to meditate. None of them are requirements.  However, they are what I do and suggest to coaching clients who want to start a routine.  

First of all, I either light a scented candle or burn incense. Depending on where I’m at, I may do a guided meditation (there are thousands of them on YouTube).  One of my all-time favorites is I AM that I AM, by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Other times, I’ll just listen to peaceful and calm music.

Next, when I meditate, I like to set an intention, but this is not a requirement.  Conversely, some who are veterans of meditation discourage it.  Again, this is just what I do, and it has worked for many others.     

An intention either the empowering thought I want my unconscious to resonate with or the answer that I hope to discover while in deep introspect.  An intention should always be stated positively based on what one DOES want, never what they DON’T want. 

Examples of empowering thoughts:

DO say: I love to eat healthy foods.   I am patient and serene.

DON’T say:  I will not eat junk food. I will stop being anxious and impatient.

Get comfortable and ready to relax.

  • If you are not using your cellphone for music, turn it off; otherwise , put it on Do Not Disturb.
  • Get cozy.   If you can sit comfortably with your legs crossed , more power to you.   If not, don’t worry, you can sit in a comfortable chair, or lie down if you prefer.  Meditative energy knows where to go, and not being comfortable makes you feel awkward, which defeats the purpose of the whole experience.
  • Grab a blanket if you like.  Tibetan monks say one can control their body temperature while meditating, but if you’re not there (I’m not) being chilly makes it hard not to think about anything besides being chilly.

Learn to stay present in the HERE and NOW.

  • Close your eyes and bring your awareness to your breath.  First, take 2-3 slow and deep breaths.   As you inhale, silently count to 5 and the same as you exhale.  Only the first few breaths are long and deep, and that is to help you begin to relax and get centered.  After that, you should breathe at a normal pace.    Your brain will follow cues from your breath and begin to slow down.
  • While you breathe normally, just “notice” your breath.  Feel the cool air coming in through your nose, traveling down your throat, and wherever it moves in your body after that.   Don’t “try” to breathe fast or slow, shallow or deep, simply “notice” your breath.   When we bring our awareness into our body, we are by default, bringing our awareness to the present moment.   You cannot be thinking about the past or the future when you are aware of your body.  

Set your intention

  • In your mind, say or see your intention.  ONCE.  Then, let it go.  Affirmations are done by repeating a positive thought over and over again.  That is not the purpose of an intention.   The intention is just your conscious mind telling the unconscious where it would like to go.
  • Whatever thoughts come up and trust me, they will.  Try to just notice them without engaging them.  Think of them as clouds in the sky just rolling by. One passes – and another may come –  or not.  But, they’re just up – in the sky –  moving along.  There’s no meaning attached to the clouds; there’s no judgment; no one wonders what the backside of the cloud looks like; it just passes by…get it?  This takes a bit of practice, but you will get better at it.
  • If you notice yourself getting caught into your thoughts, don’t panic.  It’s normal and to be expected.  Just gently bring your attention back to your breathing and your body.  Feel your heart beating, or notice how warm your hands feel.   Again, being in the body brings you back to the present moment. 
  • Start small.   Begin with about 5-10 minutes each day and gradually increase.    Intuitively you will know where your ending point is.  You’ll just get restless and feel “done.”   Take another long deep breath or two and affirm to yourself the insights and awareness you just had.  If there weren’t any, simply acknowledge to yourself that you just did something super healthy and positive. Kudos to you!

Try journaling

For years, I kept a meditation journal, which is basically the same thing as a dream journal.  No this won’t help you learn how to meditate but I found it to be extremely helpful in understanding what my blockages and self-limiting beliefs were.  That, in turn, helped me overcome them because you cannot change anything if you don’t know what it is you’re trying to change, right?  Life coaches are professionals at helping clients overcome limiting beliefs so if you don’t know how to go it alone, it’s easy to get help.

The thoughts that come up during meditation are gold!  They reveal to us what the other 90% of our 60 thoughts per minute are all about.

If your affirmation is “I love to eat healthy and nutritious foods” and in meditation, all the thoughts you have are (something like) “you always try but fail”, or you hear a parents voice saying “you should try to eat better” or an old gym teachers voice tells you “you’re weak and no willpower”  (etc., etc., etc.,)  you have valuable feedback about what has sabotaged your success in the past.  

Writing these down right after helps us to remember them and then challenge their validity.  Then, and only then, you can replace them with positive and empowering beliefs.   The likelihood of them becoming automatic and permanent is significantly higher through meditation than it is by citing affirmations. 

Be patient

It takes 14–30 days for the unconscious to absorb new information and accept it as automatic. When you learn how to meditate and make it a regular part of your day, your “new normal” will be having an increased sense of happiness, gratitude, clarity, focus, and inner peace

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Best Tips for Working from Home

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
tips for working from home

Due to the current outbreak of COVID-19, working from home has become a necessity.  What are the best tips for working from home during the coronavirus outbreak?

For most of us, working from home translates crawling out of bed in our “business PJs,” making our way to the coffeepot, then either to the home office or just the kitchen table to fire up the laptop!  Voila! We are at work.

No commute, no dressing up, and no formalities of the workplace. It sounds too good to be true! However, what seemed like a dream come true for many has quickly turned into a nightmare.

tips for working from home

Turns out, working from home every day, week after week, is not as wonderful as we thought.   We envisioned the freedom of being able to work and attend to personal matters as a luxury.  However, in reality, we discover the constant distractions;  kids, pets, household chores, social media, tv, are tough to balance.  Then there’s the added layer of learning “how” to work from home, manage zoom calls, new cybersecurity protocols, the forfeiture of face-to-face support, and guidance;  it can quickly become overwhelming for the best of us. Becoming stressed is understandable.

But, staying stressed is optional.  You don’t have to worry! We researched what the experts have to say and have some great work from home strategies that can help you perform your best and stay sane while you cope with the pressures of maintaining a “new normal” work-life balance.

Here are the best tips for working from home during the coronavirus outbreak and beyond

Read: Isn’t It Time to Get Off the Hamster Wheel?

Create the right mental space.

Stay informed but don’t get obsessed.

This is a crazy time for everyone right now.  However, it does not mean you have to lose your sanity. Do not focus on the tabloid news or get coronavirus updates 24/7, and for the love of God, do not focus on the political circus going on.  No leader or citizen in the world was ready for this, and the truth is we are ALL doing the best we can.   It may appear some are doing better than others, but at the end of the day judging others, comparing ourselves to them, and wallowing in the negativity of “could have” “should have” and “would have”  only robs you of any sense of peace.

This tip for working from home will help you have a happier and more useful experience. Surround yourself with your loved ones, and focus on what is positive.    Cultivate a sense of gratitude for the opportunity to be with them.  It’s all a matter of perspective.   If you have kids or other dependents in the house,  stay positive for them so that they feel hopeful. A friendly, loving atmosphere in your home will pave the way for a peaceful workspace.

You need to have a foundation. 

So, the first thing is to build a solid routine that helps you optimize your life, not only your work. Just because the world is closed, it doesn’t mean life stops.  If you have children, the same goes for them.   They are facing their own set of challenges right now and depend on you for a sense of stability and consistency in their lives. 

Keep a sense of normalcy and stability.

Another powerful tip for working from home is to keep some semblance of life as you knew it before the pandemic.

It is too easy to get into bad sleep habits right now.   How easily we can rationalize staying up late knowing we can sleep late.  It’s a slippery slope and one that only sets you up for misery later.  Go to bed at the same time you would on a routine workday. Wake up just as early as you would on any weekday. 

Find a way to create that same sense of urgency you had before the world closed.   Eat breakfast or get a bit of coffee in your system to nudge those brain cells out of sleep.  Get dressed.   It doesn’t have to be a business suit but put on real clothes.   Get ready for a video call with your boss!  Even if you don’t have one, suiting up is part of showing up, and you’ll feel prepared to take it on if you are not in your “business PJ’s.”   

The first two hours of your morning will impact how you work for the rest of the day.  Make them count.

Create the right physical space

The modern work environment consists of cubicles.  They are set up to get you to focus on the tasks at hand automatically.   If you can, create a small ‘office’ space in the house. You don’t need anything fancy.  All you need is a quiet but well-lit room with a desk or table and comfortable cushioned chair keeping in mind the long hours of video conferences ahead.  

A smart work from home strategy is to make this place as “off-limits” to others as you can.   This may feel selfish to some, and in some ways, it is. If it is, then barring emergencies, permit yourself to be selfish.  The most creative and successful people often seclude themselves and allow no interruptions.   Selfish or not, that’s how they get it done!   If you were actually at work, you would not be available to others anyways, so minimize how much you allow others to enter your space.

Preparation is the key to success.

Now that you have started to treat this whole situation like a real job, the next skill to home in on is those remote-communication skills. Thankfully, with tons of options such as zoom, SKYPE, or Slack, staying connected is a matter of a couple of left-clicks and boom, the face-to-face meeting is on.

best tips for working from home

 If these are new to you, do not fret.  Most programs are relatively simple to learn.  The key to success here is simply to take the time to get familiar with the features of whatever program you’re using before the meeting.   You do not want to be the one stuck trying to fix your screen or how to mute/unmute as the meeting continues. These are your tools, and you need to master them.

Make sure your bedroom or even worse, your bathroom, is not view or an earshot.  You don’t want to be the one with the toilet flushing in the background during a strategy meeting. Be aware of what’s in the background.  Find a neutral setting and make sure your mic and headphones work perfectly.   Sometimes there are delays in the connection, so be patient if responses are slow or if you are asked to repeat yourself.   Everyone is in the same boat, so mutual respect and courtesy are key.

Stay Organized.

It can be hard to create a system that works as well at home as it did in the office, but you want to set yourself up for success.  The trick is to learn to work smarter, not harder. Studies have shown a neat and organized work environment has a significant impact on our productivity.   It also impacts confidence and motivation.  

Productivity at home depends on staying organized.  Otherwise, it can take you all day to complete what you would typically hammer out in a few hours.  

Get your thoughts in order before beginning to work and take a few minutes sorting things out when you are done.  The extra 10-20 minutes of preparation will save you hours of “winging it”. Try to keep your workspace tidy.

Time Management

One of the hardest things to achieve, but a critical component of working from home, is time management.  This can easily be the #1 key to successfully working from home.

best tips for working from home

Does any of this sound like you?

  • Work for 45 minutes then check your social media.
  • Finish a meeting then raid the kitchen
  • Lunchtime comes, you turn on the TV and end up watching 4 episodes of Ozark.
  • You go to get the mail, the next thing you know you’re watering plants and pulling weeds.
  • You realize its 4:00, and you’ve got little accomplished, so you either put it off until tomorrow or end up working until 10:00 pm instead?  
  • ANY other distraction that interferes with your productivity or gives some lame excuse to procrastinate comes up and oops, there you go again?

The good news is you’re not alone.   The bad news is, your boss doesn’t care if you’re alone or not, they want the work done, done right, and done on time.    

Don’t get me wrong; we all get carried away at times! We indulge in checking our Facebook Feeds or watching that funny cat video our cousin sent. Heck, most of us do that AT WORK.  However, the goal is to manage your time like you would at work.

Make a schedule for yourself

Start by writing down everything you need to get done for the day.   Estimate how long it should take you.    If you’re like me, everything takes longer than you think it will.   That may not be the case with you; just be honest with yourself when planning it out. Decide which tasks are the most urgent and get them on the schedule.  It doesn’t mean they have to be done first thing, just get them planned so that you don’t get carried away with things that can wait.   Plan breaks, lunch, and give yourself a quit time.  

tips for working from home
Plan your day and stick to your plan!

If you’re in a slump, do things that you can finish quickly first.   Being able to cross things off the “to do” list is a great motivator as you’ll feel successful, which will boost your energy.   

Turn your phone off unless you are actively using it for work.  At the very least, let personal calls go to voice mail.   You are “at work.”

Stay healthy and safe

This may not sound like a tip for working at home, but it is.  First and foremost, your immune system depends on it.   In addition to that, your mental health does too.   Lack of exercise, dehydration, and insulin spikes created by excessive sugars and simple carbohydrates will negatively affect your concentration and energy.  Translation, you can’t do your best work if you slack off on basic health practices.  

Move

Don’t let yourself sit all day just because the gyms are all closed, and you’re not even walking to the copy machine anymore.   Outdoors is still open, and you can still go for a walk.  If that’s not your thing,  throw on a YouTube video.  Thousands of them will guide you through 2 to 200 minute exercise program.  At the very least, get up and walk around your home for 2 minutes once every hour. 

tips for working from home
Stretch

Leaning over a computer all day (regardless of where) isn’t the best posture and can quickly lead to severe neck and back pains or headaches.   What fun is any of those?

Hydrate

Drink water, 6-8 glasses of it.  More if you like to drink caffeinated or alcoholic beverages.   It will balance your mood, improve your cognitive functions, and increase your memory. 

Eat Well

It is easy to get into all of the comfort foods.  When the stay at home orders first hit, it felt like there was a storm coming, and we were all just hunkering down for a few days. For many, that food festival.   Coronavirus is indeed like a storm that we are all waiting for to pass, but going into week 8, it’s a bit long to be indulging in what I call comfort food.   Just remember: junk food doesn’t fix anything; it’s not entertainment; it doesn’t really relieve stress, and it certainly won’t make you head clearer or give you lasting energy.     

Read: 12 Tips to Stay Healthy While Working from Home

Socially distance but do not emotionally distance

Stay connected with loved ones

Humans are social animals, and self-isolation does not come naturally to most of us. After work hours, take time to call your friends, family, or other loved ones.  If you live with a big family, make sure that everyone in the house has dinner together and can enjoy movie nights over the weekends.  The idea is to stay as connected as possible. The benefit?  When you start working tomorrow, you’ll feel recharged and fresh.  A little bit of digital socializing can go a long way.

Read: How NOT to practice emotional distancing while social distancing.

Final thoughts

Working from home may well be the new normal, even beyond recovery from the pandemic.    There are pros and cons for both companies and employees when the workforce is remote.  With a little self-discipline and proper planning, you can be efficient and productive professionally while enjoying a free and balanced life-style.   If managing the change is too challenging for you, don’t beat yourself up over it.  No one expects you to know how to navigate this intuitively.  It takes a plan, some practice, and a learning curve.  Reading dozens of articles offering tips on working from home may not be enough. Don’t go it alone! Reach out to colleagues or managers at work for guidance.   If you’d like more personal support, a coach can help you get up and running so that you meet your goals in all areas of your life.

How People Who Don’t Stress Cope with Worrying

6 Steps to Achieving Financial Security

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality
6 steps to financial security

Financial literacy is not an innate skill that one Is just born with; it must be learned.   Achieving financial security requires both an understanding of how money works and the discipline to make wise decisions with money.   

How many people do you know who live paycheck to paycheck or are always broke?  Are you one of them?  Do you ever wonder how other people manage to save money and live a good life, yet you’re struggling?  It might seem like there is some secret formula to growing wealth, and a person has to  crack the code.

I lived that way throughout my 20’s and early 30’s. What’s worse, I had higher than average earnings.   The problem was, the more I earned, the more I spent. I didn’t get richer; the bills just seemed to get bigger.   I bought more expensive clothes, drove a faster car, dined in posh restaurants, and did everything that I thought defined living the American Dream.

I had to learn the hard way that having financial security isn’t about how much money you earn; it is about how much money you save! On top of that, saving cash is only useful if it stays saved. That’s different than saving a bunch of money, and then one day, you impulsively decide it’s time to reward yourself with some luxury purchase that all but cleans out the account. (ask me how I know 😉)  

Financial literacy + discipline = financial security

Therefore, suffice it to say that financial security is both rational and emotional.  Not necessarily in that order either. For many people, spending money and accumulating “stuff” is a “fix” like a drug would offer.

There are thousands of great books about budgeting, financial literacy, and building financial security.  Two that were highly influential in my turning point with money are The Total Money Makeover, by Dave Ramsey and RICH DAD, Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki.  

Rich Dad Poor Dad

To begin, I have to tell you one thing.  All of the information in the world will not help you until you are ready to look within yourself and make a change.   However, once you are prepared to get brutally honest with yourself, you are already well on your way.  

The 6 Steps to Financial Security

Steps One – Four: the pillars of financial stability

Step one:  Make a budget

This is probably the easiest step. Here is a simple formula for a budget:

  • Record all income per month. 
  • Make a list of all expenses.  Divide them into two columns: fixed and variable.  Fixed costs are expenses that are the same every month, such as rent/mortgage, car payments, insurances.  Variable costs can fluctuate, such as gas, groceries, and some utilities.
  • Add up all your expenses and deduct that from your total income. The remainder is what you have left for savings, incidental expenses that weren’t in your original budget, and disposable income. **(Step 4  is saving a minimum of 10% in a retirement account.  The most financially savvy people I know “pay themselves first.” That means they take a minimum of 10% of their income right off the top for savings, and then use the remainder to calculate the rest of their budget).
  • Track every penny you spend.  Find a budgeting app that suits you and use it!  Being mindful of spending will help guide your decisions.  What’s more, you’ll also learn a lot about your unconscious spending habits.
change your relationship with money

If you’re serious about getting your finances straight, be rigorous in deciding what expenses are necessary. In the modern world, we’ve convinced ourselves that a 70-inch flatscreen TV and 400 channels are essential, but believe it or not, you will survive without one. 

How you rationalize your spending speaks to your values.What does your spending say about you?

For a more detailed guide to budgeting, you may enjoy Budgeting 101: How to Create a Budget

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Step Two: Put $1,000 into an emergency fund.
save money for emegencies

If you don’t have this already, you should aim to get this done within a month, two max.   This is probably the hardest step.  Why?  Not because $1,000 is a whole lot of money, but because if you don’t have it already, you probably need to make some serious changes.   Change is hard, but the truth is you either  get control of your money, or you let money control you.  In other words, life isn’t all fun and games; live it up now and get into a funk when you need new tires, or make responsible decisions and have peace of mind knowing you’re tracking stability.   

Chances are, you will have to cut something out to meet this goal.  You might have to lose the $7.00 lattes or forego the latest and greatest gadget.  Maybe you have got a closet or garage full of stuff that you never even use that can get sold on  Facebook or eBay?  In short, have a “whatever it takes attitude” and get there ASAP! 

Remember that long term satisfaction is so much sweeter than instant (fleeting) gratification.   

Step Three:   Start hammering away at debt. 

Start with the credit card or loan with the highest interest rate.   Pay as much monthly as you possibly can.  Make it sacrificial.   Furthermore, make sure all payments are on time, and that means early.   I have coached too many people who somehow think that 4 days late is “on time enough.”  It’s not.  It damages your credit, which means you will pay higher interest rates on future purchases.   Here’s a quick lesson in financial literacy and the cost of money.

While a couple of percentage points on a loan doesn’t sound like a lot, picture this:

things you should know about money

Two guys buy the same exact $25,000 car.  One has excellent credit because he has always paid their bills and paid them on time.  The other has ok credit but has been late a few times for whatever reason

The guy with excellent credit gets a rate of 2%  over 5 years so he pays $1,291.40 in interest for a total of $26,291.40 for the car. 

The other guy gets his loan at 5%.  He pays a total of $3,306.80 in interest, so the same car cost him $28,306.80.  

The difference = $2,015.40.   I don’t know about you, but I have no friends at the bank that I’d like to fork over an extra 2 grand to.  Imagine a pile of money on the ground and lighting it on fire.  That’s’ what late payments cost you, and that’s on a car loan.  The number is exponentially higher on a mortgage.   

If you’re stuck with high credit card interest, consider transferring them to a lower rate offer. But I recommend doing this no more than once as there are fees involved, and in the long run, it’s better to establish a credit history with a single creditor.

Best Balance Transfer Credit Cards of 2020

Step Four: Bump up your emergency fund to a full  3 (good) to 6 (better) months living expenses. 

To begin with, $#!+ happens.   Indeed, as I write this, the country and much of the world is closed due to the coronavirus.   Do I need to say more?  Probably not, but I will.   Coronavirus pandemic is an anomaly that no one could have foreseen.  On the other hand, downturn economies, layoffs, (personal) health issues, and other unfortunate unknowns do happen, and financially savvy people have a plan for them.  For most people, it’s not a matter of “if” but “when.”   Times like those are when many people run into financial ruin because they don’t have a safety net.   In extreme cases,   6 months of savings may not even be enough, but it sure as heck softens the blow.  If financial security is truly what you seek, this step is a must! It will take time, but make it a priority and get it done!

Step Four:  Invest 10-15% of your pretax income in a retirement plan.

Let your money work for you! If you have a 401K or 403B available to you, max them out and never touch them unless it is a dire emergency, and then pay it back ASAP if you do.  If you don’t have an employer facilitated retirement fund, you can still stash money in an IRA.  There are several types, so you’ll have to determine which best meets your needs.  If you need guidance, find a mentor to coach you and to help you plan out a budget and your finances. 

Steps Five – Six:  Build Wealth and Live in Luxury

Step Five: Invest and Plan for the future

Do you want to buy a home?   Putting down a minimum of 20% will get you the best interest rates and save you from paying a nasty monthly fee called PMI (private mortgage insurance). 

Besides that, you might have kids.  If you do have them, will you contribute to their higher education?  

Do you dream of owning a yacht or a summer home?  Maybe you’d like to travel the world?   Retire at 50?  You can make possibilities become a reality if you plan for them correctly. 

invest money and watch it grow

There are many ways to invest money and watch it grow.  Real estate is often considered one of the soundest investments over the long term, although history teaches us that stock markets trend upward over time, even when factoring in the ups and downs of market trends.   Safer investments have smaller returns, while those with higher risk offer larger payouts.   When you get here, it is imperative to either do extensive research or enlist the expertise of a financial planner. 

Step Six:  Give
how to budget your money

One well-known advantage of giving is that contributions are typically tax-deductible.  However, the benefits of giving extend far beyond a tax break.   Giving connects us to the community and makes us feel a part of the greater good.  Research proves giving to charity creates the brain response associated with happiness.  Helping others and being a part of something bigger than ourselves cultivates a deep sense of purpose and passion in life.

Many people believe that giving is the foundation of receiving. This is a fundamental principle of the law of attraction and is grounded in the belief that giving freely (without expecting any return) supports an abundance mentality that opens us up vibrationally to attract more abundances. 

How You Can Attract Money with the Law of Attraction (does it work?)

In summary, financial security is the result of knowledge + discipline.   Having all the information in the world will not do you any good if you don’t act on it.  It takes courage and determination and it will involve change.  Please remember, permanent change comes from within.

learn dicipline with money

Final thoughts to ponder when beginning your journey to easy street

What are your beliefs about money? 

…about people who have lots of money? 

…about people who don’t?  

What emotional needs does money serve for you? 

Where you spend your money speaks to who you are….what do your spending habits say about you? Changing your beliefs about money, and your relationship to it, may well be the cornerstone of actualizing your financial goals. 

Read: How to Negotiate Salary or Ask for a Raise

What is Real Intimacy To You?

Life Coach Library, Relationships & Family
what is real intimacy

Tips on developing and maintaining real intimacy

By Sophie Fuzi, Holistic Life Coach

In a world that tries to dictate to us what it means to have true-love and healthy relationship, many still wonder what is real intimacy? What is your definition of a healthy relationship and real intimacy?  In my interpretation of it is one where both members enjoy themselves to be in it.  Although the world tries to tell us what a healthy relationship should look like, as I see it, how it looks should be entirely up to the participants. If they are both happy with their own ‘rules’ and they don’t harm other people, they should be able to choose what they want without judgment.

But even so, some general guidelines are worth following. Here are a few of them:

Intimacy requires self-awareness, and knowing the cycles of your emotions!

what is real intimacy

To begin, it is essential to recognize and understand your emotional reactions so that you can look at situations more rationally by considering your habits and the way you interact.  For example, if you know that you tend to be oversensitive at times, it will help you to diffuse what may seem like criticism instead of constructive feedback.  Therefore, knowing who you are will help you keep a realistic perspective on things. 

Regardless of if you feel like you are on top of a mountain or are sinking to the bottom of the ocean when you are aware of your personal interpretations of what is happening, you are immediately able to gain clarity and see things realistically. In other words,  if there are problems in a relationship and (for example) you are feeling victorious because you just got a pay raise, you have the maturity to know that this beautiful feeling does not make everything else ok.  Similarly, if you are annoyed with your dog for chewing on your $1000 iPhone, you do not project that anger on to your partner because you are in a bad mood.  The point is, harmonious connections involve having the maturity to understand one’s feelings while maintaining firm boundaries in how they affect their interactions. 

Deep intimacy comes when you have a desire to understand your partner and help them feel good about themselves

healthy relationships

Like everything, there are as many definitions of love as there are people feeling it.  What I have observed to be one of the best characteristics of intimate love is when someone has an innate drive to see their partner happy, they sincerely want to understand how they think, feel, and they know exactly what they like or not.  That person knows their partner so well; they can predict how they will react to a situation and can anticipate exactly how to best support them.  Furthermore, they know just what to say to help them to reconnect with their heart and feel appreciated and cherished by the other person.

Although this may seem obvious to some, it requires being selfless at times and paying close attention to your partner.   However, it can be the most magical and powerful element that defines your partnership.  Ultimately, it is the purest way to express that you care for who they truly are.

Healthy intimacy requires open communication

Sure, it’s easy to say, but it’s not always so easy to do. In any relationship, there is always some fear of vulnerability and sharing our deepest feelings and thoughts. Let alone if they create some conflict, it’s even more challenging as we try to convey our emotions in a healthy way without hurting the other person.  On the other hand, not having open communication means things are avoided, held in, and ultimately create tension or passive-aggressive behaviors.

5 Ways to Get a Guy to Open Up to You

Stay close by seeing things from your partner’s eyes

Train yourself to be open about what you think and how you feel with your partner! The best way is to look at things from a different approach:

If you feel like you’re being criticized, pause to try and see things from their point of view.  In a healthy relationship, two people appreciate and respect each other, and they have a secure connection, right? However, that doesn’t mean there will not be differences or difficulties between the two of you. When disagreements come up, take a moment to empathize with what your partner is feeling.  Take ownership of your habits that create conflict and understand the discomfort they cause the other person.   Know what parts of you are willing and able to compromise on and not.   You probably need to meet each other in the middle. In other words, it’s not about rights or wrongs; it is about making things work between the 2 of you!

Get in touch with your fears so that they don’t run your thoughts

Let’s be honest; everyone has fears.   The most common fears are of abandonment, rejection, being hurt, or being humiliated.  When these fears lurk in our head, they can make us say and do things that are hurtful to ourselves or our partners.   They are at the root of dishonesty, manipulation, and other dysfunctional behaviors.   Therefore, knowing what your fears are and learning self love is vital in having a healthy and intimate relationship.   It gives you a chance to make conscious decisions based on facts instead of fears. 

Being intimate does not make anyone a mind reader

what is real intimacy

How often do you expect your partner just to know what is going on with you without telling him/her?  Life can be hectic, and it’s easy to take some of the most important things, such as our loved ones, for granted. When we get so wrapped up in ourselves and stop communication clearly, we risk a lot of misinterpretation and misunderstanding.  

Sometimes we are too afraid to be honest and end up communicating in some wishy-washy way.  Other times, we have kept things in for too long, and it becomes hard to express how we feel.  Either way, the consequences are not good.  In the short term, it might seem more comfortable. However, in the long run, it eats away at the precious bonds that keep you together.   The best practice is to be honest and open from the start and never stop, Then, you can only strengthen the intimate connections you have with loved ones. 

7 Ways to Keep the Flame Alive in Your Relationship

Final Thoughts

Undoubtedly, the happiest and healthiest relationships are characterized, at least in part, by a deep sense of intimacy.   Whether you decide to marry or stay single; co-habitat or live separately; you alone get to define what it means to love, be happy, and what is a healthy relationship for you!   Respect and enjoy each other in the ways that are best for both of you!

About Sophie Fuzi, Holistic Life Coach

You are the creator of your world!

Relationship Coaching

Relationship coaches have experience in various relationship dynamics, from romantic to family relations, friendships, and professional interactions. This type of life-coaching balances the art and science of co-actively working with individuals, couples, partnerships and teams toward mutually defined goals.  If you’d like to live your next-level life and meet your relationship goals with a coach, you can try it risk free with up to 3 coaching sessions on us.

Life Lessons Learned During Covid-19

About Sophie Fuzi, Holistic Life Coach

From Hungary, ‘Be Real! Life Coaching’ has been her dream her whole life. She has always been interested in learning how people make sense of the world and form their adult perspectives. She believes the key to true happiness lies in fully accepting oneself exactly as they are. 

Be Happy: Quarantine Life & Beyond

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality
how to be happy

As the country continues to follow social distancing guidelines to help curb the spread of COVID-19, many of us are experiencing feelings of angst, fear, and worry.   However, it is not only possible to be happy and stay positive while social distancing at home; it is vital for all our emotional wellbeing that we do.  Undoubtedly there are times when being happy or positive is challenging, and we need a quick way to reel ourselves back in. 

Here’s mine:

  1. Recognize the connection between beliefs and feelings and know that you have a choice.
  2. Have a clear vision of your BIG WHY
  3. Chose love over fear
  4. Be happy

What is the connection between beliefs and feelings?

First, let’s talk about thoughts/beliefs and feelings.  What comes first, thoughts or feelings?  There are arguments for both sides.   Ultimately, I don’t think it matters, but I know that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists (CBT), Emotional Intelligence (EQ), and Neuro-Linguistic (NLP) Coaches work off the behavior cycle modal.  In that modal, (subconscious) thought precedes emotion.  I resonate with this and will use this modal to form a baseline. 

The Behavior Cycle Modal

In short, this cycle describes how our thoughts become beliefs that then guide our feelings.  Then, we choose actions based on how we feel.  Consequently, our efforts bring about the results that define our reality.  Lastly, our perceived reality guides our thoughts and beliefs.    

A screenshot of a cell phone

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Now you may be thinking that you can’t control how you think or feel, but the truth is, you do have a choice.    We all have  “trigger” thoughts that run automatically in our unconscious.   While this is true, we can’t control them right now; there are ways to learn to ‘reframe’ old limiting beliefs into empowering ones.  When we slow ourselves down and listen to our inner thoughts, we do have a choice to either believe or dismiss them.   It does take practice, but the better you get at it, the more positive your automatic thoughts become.

Know your WHY; have a sense of purpose!

Every small task in life has a purpose, but what is your primary purpose in life?   Let’s say the goal of going to work is to gain a sense of satisfaction and to earn a paycheck.  But what is the importance of the paycheck?  To have financial security and, hopefully, some enjoyment.   But is life just about financial protection and fun? I do hope you answered no.

So, take a moment and consider what the WHY is in your life?   Research proves that people who’s purpose is to be a part of something bigger than themselves tend to be the happiest.   For me, my big WHY is to live in line with the will of a higher power, whom I chose to call God.   Respectfully, your WHY may be entirely different.   To some, it is to contribute to society, others it is just to be the best person/spouse/parent they can, while others yet have an entirely different purpose.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  It only matters that you are clear on what yours is. 

Choose love over fear to be happy

Famed Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elaine Kubler-Ross,  coined the theory that there are only two true emotions, love, and fear.  In short, all positive emotions such as happiness, hope, serenity, gratitude, confidence, etc., are rooted in love.  

On the other hand, all negative emotions, such as loneliness, sadness, resentment, jealousy, greed, etc., are rooted in fear.    Ultimately, every emotion can be categorized as positive or negative, and therefore is rooted in either love or fear.  

If it’s more sensible for you to group them as positive or negative, light or dark, good or bad, it’s okay, whatever is most comfortable for you. 

I choose to use love and fear.   Whatever you decide, take a moment to think about how your decisions and actions connect to your WHY. 

I make the connection this way, if it is of love, it is of God, and if it is of fear, it is not.  Period.   That is my thought process, but here you can read 12 reasons to choose love over fear that are not related to spirituality.

Love is not just a feeling; it is a CHOICE.  The same is true for FEAR.  The two cannot exist in the same space, so you can only choose one at a time.  

Choosing love only leads to happiness
how to be happy and stay positive

So, let’s take reacting to the COVID-19 crisis as an example.   To start with, I am not minimizing its seriousness or passing any type of judgment on how some people seem to be reacting to it. One of the universal fears of all humans is the fear of death.  You can feel fear and chose not to act out on it, though.  You always have a choice.

Those who choose love choose to seek out the positives of any situation actively.   They are grateful for the downtime and see it as an opportunity to reprioritize.  They are looking at loved ones and cherishing precious life.  Their time is spent thinking of ways to better themselves, and most importantly, thinking about what they can do to help others.  They don’t see it as a total disaster, but a chance to live on purpose, true to their big WHY.

some examples of choosing love and rejecting fear:

At the grocery store: you have the good fortune of finding toilet paper (or hand sanitizer or cleaning products)!  (Lucky you)

Fear: I buy 10 packs because it’s hard to find, and I need to stock up in case there isn’t any more until 2021. Result: you have lots of TP, but it’s kind of sselfish and comes from what is known as a lack mentality. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

choose love reject fear

Love: I’ll buy 2.  I can take care of myself and my family and leave the rest so that others can take care of themselves and their families.  Result: You have plenty of TP to meet your needs and the belief that there will be more later on.   You thought about the greater good and have an abundance mentality. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Life as we knew it will change forever:

It’s true, it will. Again, feeling some fear is healthy; it’s how we act on it that can be destructive.

Fear: You assign blame to people, countries, or some conspiracy theory. Result: It manifests in anger, racism, mistrust, and more fear.   Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Love: You believe endings are beginnings, change is a natural part of life, and some of the best things often come as a result of what seems like the worst things. Result: You have confidence in the resiliency of the human spirit and believe we will adapt and grow stronger as a result of it.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Personal relationships

Some believe that choosing to love and rejecting fear is only applicable to major events like a pandemic or significant life changes.  However, it the smallest moments that give us the best opportunities to make this vital choice (Psychology Today). 

No matter how good your relationships are, when everyone’s emotions are heightened (and they are), it can take some effort to stay patient, loving, and tolerant. Double down on that when there are stresses during the best of times.  Life is never “cotton candy and unicorns” but sometimes are more difficult than others.

Respond with love even when our feelings are hurt

Fear: lashing out with a counterattack, shutting down completely, holding on to resentment for it until you have a chance to fire back.  Result: A full-blown argument that could escalate into something ridiculous; internal dialogue that festers resentment, self-pity, or shame.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Love: Take a deep breath, and a moment of pause to recover from the “sting.”  Clearly, the other person is acting out of some hurt or fear of their own.  Maybe the criticism is warranted; maybe it’s not.   You don’t have to be a doormat to others hurt, but responding in anger or sarcasm won’t help anything.    Depending on the situation, some loving responses might be : “I’m sorry you feel that way, can we talk about this?”  or “If I’ve done something that hurts you I am sorry, how can we make this better”  or if the words just aren’t coming, say nothing and detach completely until you have a chance to think about responding in a healthy and loving way. Result: Negativity evaporates, and, in that space, intimacy expands, bonds strengthen, hearts heal.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

choose love reject fear
 Acts of service for others:

Fear: Doing it because it makes you look good or to feel like a superior person for reaching out.  Hoping others will like you in return or think of you as a superstar for it.  Feeling like they owe you something in return.  Result: you can never get enough attention and praise to be happy, and that insatiable need will prevent you from knowing true inner peace.  Feeling like the world owes you will cloud your thinking in a way that stops you from seeing the beauty and generosity around you. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Love: Believing its an honor to be capable of helping others and having gratitude for the opportunity to give back, having a humble attitude about it.   Any good feelings that result are just a bonus, not the goal.   Result:  A deep and sincere feeling of inner peace, greater confidence, vibrationally more attractive, creating space for more love to exist in your life.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Acts of service for the family:

Fear: Thinking you must perform for others to be loved and accepted by them.   For example:

  • One may think “I’m not a good spouse if I don’t cook/clean/mow the lawn/take the trash out”
  • “They won’t love me if I don’t, maybe they’ll leave me.”

Result: When someone is trying to fill an inside void with outside approval they are left never feeling they have enough, which means they are not good on their own.  Confidence weakens, relationships become stressed, and the spirit breaks down.   Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

GETTING BACK TO HAPPY
Book suggestion: Strategies to change thought patterns and daily habits to live a happier life.

Love: You know you are loved and accepted just as you are, but you choose to do nice things because you love them back. Result: Happiness occurs in the giving, not the receiving.  Confidence and motivation are boosted.  You know you are enough.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

In summary

My main point is that choosing love to be happy and stay positive works! This is because it results in making positive decisions that bring better results. Great results will circle back around to an optimistic and happier you.  This modal can be applied to any area of life.   No one among us is perfect, that’s not the point.  The point is we make a continuous conscious effort to come from a spirit of love. There isn’t a secret formula to answer the question “how to be happy and stay positive”. There is however, a workable strategy to find your own inner peace.

To recap:

  1. Recognize the connection between beliefs and feelings and know that you have a choice.
  2. Have a clear vision of your BIG WHY
  3. Chose love over fear
  4. Be happy
how to be happy
Final thoughts

The chances are you already know this, but now is a great time to remind ourselves and put it into practice. We’re all in this together.  Find a way that works best for you, and we all benefit.  There is no gain in emotional distancing while we’re socially distancing.  

What I offer to you is a “tool” that works for me.  It is a practice informed both by psychology and spirituality.  Maybe it will work for you too?

Are You a Victim or a Creator

Life Lessons Learned During Covid-19

Jobs and Careers: Why are so many people content with just earning a salary and working 9-6 their entire adult life?

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
i hate my job

Ahh, the American dream: finish high school, continue to get a degree or specialized training, and live out the rest of your life for an organization the provides fringe benefits and opportunities for promotion. 

For some, attending college may be about enrichment and personal fulfillment. Still, for most people, the primary motivation to go to college is the hope of securing gainful employment when finishing.   Statistics validate that the average income of someone who has earned a bachelor’s degree is 80% higher than their peers with a high school diploma or less. 

So, assuming having a decent salary is the big win for investing four years of one’s life and tens of thousands of dollars, it is no surprise that so many are motivated and encouraged, if not pushed, to pursue this pre-mapped route.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this and by no means discredit what a precious resource knowledge can be.  There is nothing wrong with taking the traditional route! But let’s look at this a little closer.  Over 70% of college grads are in debt with a whopping collective total of about $1.5 TRILLION. If you were to place 1.5 trillion one-dollar bills end-to-end, that would stretch for about 210,000 miles, or around the earth about 8.5 times.  It’s no wonder the average age children move out of their parent’s house has crept up to nearly 30! 

With such responsibilities, having a 9-6 job is not only attractive but convenient. A safe and secure job will help pay those pesky student loans, make the monthly payment on dependable transportation, take a vacation occasionally, and maybe even save towards a down payment on a home.  All good stuff and part of livin’ the dream!  

Whose dream?

Maybe dreams are for kids?

Hence, most people prefer to work for someone else all their adult lives. They get periodic promotions, pay into their retirement fund, and live a life that is risk-averse and without complications.  They are content.  Many of them at least.   According to Forbes, 58% of them are.   Which means 42% aren’t.    Over 2/3’s of them are merely surviving.  Miserable at work.  They hate their job; they hate their boss; they just go through the motions to collect a paycheck and get health insurance.  Sound familiar?

Compare this to the life of someone self-employed or an entrepreneur. Venture capitalist and internet entrepreneur. Reid Hoffman, eloquently said ‘An entrepreneur is someone who will jump off a cliff and assemble an airplane on the way down.’

This accurately describes the life of someone who wants to take a different approach to life. Someone who must live passionately and is driven by some higher purpose.  They are willing to forgo the security of a steady income in exchange for the opportunity for unlimited income.  Despite the extreme discipline and dedication, they will tell you they do not work at all.  Why?  They love what they do!  It makes them feel alive.  

Entrepreneurs take risks, make sacrifices, and endure hardship. The ultimate reward is freedom, a sense of accomplishment, and a flexible lifestyle that is entirely different from the mainstream lifestyle. 

Interestingly,  out of 185 million working-age Americans, 14% or 27 million are entrepreneurs today. They are either starting a new business or already have their own established companies.  This is the highest number of entrepreneurs ever recorded in the US and goes to show how millennials and Generation Z have a different approach to life than their parents. 

Why? Maybe technology has created more opportunities to niche out. Perhaps the allure of work-from-home in your sweats has winningly surpassed the “suit up and show up” mentality of the baby boomers.  Or maybe, just maybe, that despite all the benefits of formal education, we are learning to value the independence and satisfaction of creating our own livelihoods.  No longer are they willing to conform to the corporate culture and jump through the hierarchical hoops to get ahead.   They are living authentic lives.  

Use Your Professional Network for Job Success

We have total respect for any hardworking human being who supports themselves in any ethical fashion, in whatever professional lifestyle they choose.   For those who know that they are cut out to use their God-given talents to do something fantastic on their own, we wish you success as you pursue your passion. 

If you hate your job and are merely enduring the days and weeks, living for a paycheck and a few benefits, you can make a change.  It’s not too late, you are not too old, and there is something better for you.   You owe it to yourself to live in line with your values, interests, and fulfilling work if you’re unsure where to start, with a career coach to find out how!

How a Life Coach Helped Me Get “Unstuck” (and why I became one myself)

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery, Relationships & Family
how I got unstuck with a life coach

Anyone can get stuck in life.

This is my personal story of getting “unstuck” so that I could take my life from “good” to “great”.

I was a rebellious teenager. Very rebellious. To say my childhood was not idyllic is understated, but seriously, who’s really was? No long or dramatic stories here, but by the age of 20, I couldn’t stand myself or my life and ended up in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. Trust me when I say I didn’t get there a minute too soon. Getting sober saved my life: physically; mentally; emotionally; and spiritually.

To paint a picture:

I was 20, working in a bar (underage with fake identification) , my best “friend” was a 45 year old junkie with a criminal record as long as my arm. I weighed 205 pounds, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day and couldn’t make a sentence without using “F — -“as the noun, verb, AND adjective. Lovely right? (not).

That was over 30 years ago.

I have been a personal-growth zealot ever since. The first several years were rough. I had much soul searching to do. The only thing I had to change was everything. Pain motived me to become feverous about turning a troubled life into a sane and purposeful one. I worked (several) 12-step programs. I went to therapy for years. I read every self-help book I could get my hands on. I helped others. I prayed. I meditated. I did yoga. I ate veggies…I did whatever I could grasp. Life got so much better. Unbelievably better in every way.

The new picture:

I lost over 40lbs, quit smoking, and upgraded my circle of friends, I could even get through a whole day without dropping an F-bomb (most days 😉). I am the first and only female in my family to get a 4 year college degree (and then go beyond), I’ve traveled much of the world, married the man of my dreams, (better still, the man of my dreams married me) and in my early 40’s, had practically checked off every box on my bucket list!! (I do have a new one though 😊) All gifts of grace.

That list is mostly “outside” stuff that came as a result of the “inside” work I had done. I had worked hard to gain self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect; I had healed old wounds from the past; I had successfully turned around what could have been a total disaster of a life.

Life was good. But something was missing….

Part of the problem was that life was good. I didn’t want “good”. I wanted “great”. I had come too far to settle and rest at good, but I had no idea how to move forward and I had no I idea why I couldn’t figure it out.

I went back to therapy because that was in my comfort zone. I had been doing it off and on for years. I have nothing but respect for the mental health profession but creature of habit that I am, I went even when it just wasn’t working anymore because it was what I knew, and it was safe.

Why wasn’t it working? Because I wasn’t trying to heal anymore; I was done being pissed at my parents and not a stone from childhood left unturned; I was in touch with my feelings. I just wasn’t getting much out of it anymore. I had done so much therapy that there were times I felt like I was coaching the therapist and they should give me the co-pay. Seriously.

Therapy was good when I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t even get my head above water. However, I felt like I’ve been floating for years and I wanted to learn how to swim. Intuitively I knew how, I just needed someone to (gently) push me off the float.

I had a lot of practice going bad to good, but I simply sucked at going from good to great. Damn it! I had to try something different because I didn’t want to just “exist”, and I was determined to breakthrough this invisible barrier and thrive.

Fortunately, I found a way out.

Life Coaching picks up where therapy leaves off…

I had considered working with a life-coach years prior but to be completely honest, I could not justify spending money on something that in my mind, may not work. Therapy wasn’t exactly working anymore, but insurance paid for it. Now, let’s be clear, I would easily drop a few hundred bucks on a shopping spree for things that I didn’t really need but would bring me about 48 seconds of glee. I did have a problem investing in myself. Ironically, that thought process itself was part of the problem.

So, I was skeptical and even cynical, but I convinced myself was if it didn’t help, the worst case was I got a few less massages or ridiculous shopping sprees. That is what it took for me to take the first steps and what has become one of the most positive and life-changing experiences I have ever had. I consulted with two coaches and I found one I intuitively knew was the right one for me.

I learned at the core of my “stuck-ness” was old faulty and limiting beliefs. Ones that I had no clue I even had. So deeply embedded in my thinking they weren’t even conscious. Until, with my coach, I slowed down. Way down. None of these ran in my “conscious” but like peeling layers off an onion, when we explored what was behind the conscious thinking, there were some pretty damning beliefs about myself and the world running behind the scenes.

I’ll share a few of them with you here:

Old Beliefs about my self-worth:

I’m a good wife/daughter/sister/friend when I DO things for people.

I need to excel at something simply to measure up. If I was the same, I was less than, if I was better, I was ok. I never believed (really believed) like I was good enough at anything.

Confident people are so cocky and arrogant. Having true self-confidence will mean I am conceited.

Old Beliefs about money:

People who are rich are selfish and greedy. Translation: If I have a lot of money, it will mean I’m selfish and greedy.

Spiritually and money cannot exist together.

Spending money on my well-being was a waste because there was no instant or tangible return. (cliché as it is, the old “I’m not worth it” belief)

Old Beliefs about taking risks to fulfill my dreams:

What I dreamed of was not rational but lofty and whimsical, therefore childish.

I don’t have a Ph.D. so no one will take me seriously.

It’s better to have the security of a job that I’m barely content with than be vulnerable to try what I truly am passionate about. * * (even in a situation where I do have a safety-net to catch me if I fall).

These are just a few, the list was much, much longer and deeper than this.

Coaching offered a practical, solutions-oriented approach to overcoming them. Were there moments that related back to my past? Yes. Where there new self-awareness’s that brought on painful moments? Yup.

The difference was that I quickly learned how to weed-out these thoughts without dwelling in them or their roots all over again. There was just old programming that needed to shift but it did not involve reliving it. Simply observing experiences with adult eyes and deciding the message was either never true, or true once but no longer serves.

In 12 weeks, the change was profound. Like, 5 years of therapy profound. It was almost like being lost in the forest, wandering in circles for hours but not realizing, a quarter mile in the right direction will take you straight to a road.

Worth every cent. Exponentially worth every cent.

Finally, really happy and really unstuck. Finally living my dreams. Life just keeps getting better every day. It’s not all rainbows and roses but I have found a true sense of wholeness and happiness. I know what I am truly passionate about and have a deep sense of purpose.

Instead of reacting to the world doing what I believe it expects of me, I consciously and deliberately create the life I want; doing what is true to me and as a result I feel energized. I feel enthused. I feel grateful and I truly look forward to whatever adventure or challenge life has for me.

I continue to use those same strategies in my daily life and to help others to find what works for them.

Sadly, I think many people live their whole lives, cradle to grave, never knowing their true calling and purpose. Afraid or simply “content”. Content is good but when you know great exists and you can create it, why settle?

If any of this resonates with you and you think you’d like to work with a life-coach to reach any of your goals, it’s simple to find one here at Life Coach Library. By registering and filling out a short questionnaire you will be matched with up to 3 coaches and then can see for yourself how amazing working with a coach is. Give it a try, it’s risk-free.

If you’re still sure if coaching is for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

Author | WENDY COPE, Personal Growth Coach www.healthytothecore.net

About:

My story is told above. The profound transformation I experienced triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walks of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about.

Education: I completed my coaching certification at Coach Training Alliance. I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia and Delaware. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning.

Just Be You

Career & Business, Life Coach Library

The Biggest, Best, & Easiest Secret for Business & Branding for Solopreneurs, Artists & Creatives

The easiest way to be authentic is to just be *YOU* and *ALL-YOU*! Yep, this is the fast track to winning the game of success in life and business. The more we can tap into who we are, the more we can let our inner lights shine for all the world to see.

It is no secret and it’s the easiest thing to do once you open yourself up to it. The more you can bring YOU to the table, the more your life and business will explode.

I am sure that we have all heard the term ‘being authentic’ when it comes to marketing and branding, but really it all boils down to being who we are. We all came unto this earth with our own uniqueness, which is the whole point! We are supposed to be who we are and share our unique offerings with the world.

The picture used in this article is a perfect example. That was me being me and writing out those words, and my friend was being herself holding up the card in the sun with her own hands. This is an example of just being yourself and weaving it into your work.

We are all artists! We are all creators! We are all expressions of creativity! When we allow ourselves the freedom to be who we are and to express ourselves, it blows the lid off! Being YOU will take your life and your business to explosive levels and will unleash even more.

There is a freedom in being yourself. It is tantalizing in fact!

One of the keys to being and accepting who you are is to look at your past as the gift that it is! All of the experiences that you have had have made you who you are today! Personally, I do not look at my past in a negative way. I see all of the experiences as the stepping stones and the contrast that I needed to show me what I DO want in my life and work, and to get me to this point today.

Try to actively bring YOU into the art of your life and work. This can actually get to be a lot of fun and once again awakens the childlike wonder in ourselves and the way we look at the world.

Your potential clients or customers will resonate more with you when you are being YOU because everyone at their core, just wants the freedom and self- confidence to be who THEY are.

The world needs more of us being who we are right now. There has a never been a better time to let your soul shine and to share it with the world. One by one, we all make a unique difference and it all counts.

Maggie Holbik, CLC, CHN, NNCP, RNT
Certified Life & Business Coach
Board Certified Holistic Nutritionist
Natural Nutrition Clinical Practitioner
Registered Nutritional Therapist
Reconnective Healing Practitioner
Lover of Life! 🙂 www.MaggieHolbik.com

Follow and en-JOY my blog at www.MaggieHolbikBlog.com

Gratitude for Happiness

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality
gratitude for happiness

If you woke up tomorrow, with only what you were thankful for today, what would you have left?

Every November, we kick-off the holiday season with the theme of gratitude. But why wait until November? Common sense tells us that expressions of gratitude can lift the spirit. Research shows that the benefits of gratitude don’t stop there. Here are some of the scientifically proven benefits.

  • Better relationships: More than good manners, it helps to build connections which lead to friendships and other relationships. People who are often thanked by their partners feel more appreciated and thus more positive toward each other.
  • Improved physical health: Experience fewer aches and pains. People who are gracious typically display more willingness/ability to exercise, eat healthfully, and take care of their health.
  • Enhanced mental strength: It can reduce stress; help overcome trauma; reduce aggression; and increase empathy and other prosocial behaviors. A healthy dose of gratitude can overcome toxic emotions such as envy, resentment, guilt, or stress.
  • Elevate one’s self-esteem: A strong sense of self-esteem is essential to optimum performance. When feeling thankful, the amount of effort comparing oneself to others is reduced and leaves greater appreciation for what one has or does.

Life Coaching for Less than a Latte: Crush Self-doubt and Unleash Confidence the workbook

Students from Harvard Medical School conducted a study with 3 groups. One group wrote about things they were grateful for, a second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected without emphasis on them being positive or negative. After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.

Gratitude is not only a feeling but to many it is an action. For some, the source of that goodness lies within something outside and larger than themselves— whether it is other people, nature, or a higher power. It is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new or thinking they “will be happy when……. (something happens) “When you focus on and appreciate what you have instead of what you lack, your mental and emotional states grow stronger.

There are so many ways to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, but below are my top 10 favorites:

  1. Make a list of 50 things that you’d like to have BUT at least 25 of them must be things you WANT and ALREADY HAVE.
  2. Do something nice for someone without out telling anyone.
  3. Abe Lincoln says, “you’re as happy as you make your mind up to be”. I agree. Make a conscious decision to find things you are grateful for throughout the day.
  4. Smile randomly at strangers. You’ll be surprised at how nice it makes you feel, and it will likely make them feel just as good.
  5. Make a deliberate and sincere effort to tell others what they are doing right, and double down if they do something above and beyond what is expected.
  6. Practice forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes and holding on to resentment is “like drinking poison and expecting them to die from it”. By forgiving, we free ourselves of negative feelings and make room for appreciation and delight.
  7. Thank someone mentally (if you cannot in person). This act creates positive feelings and expands our emotional state.
  8. Appreciate nature and the divinity of life. Stop and wonder how a sunset or a rainbow is so perfectly colorful and beautiful. Hold a baby and embrace its innocence and perfection.
  9. Meditate. There are countless proven benefits of meditation. Setting the intention of feeling grateful will open your consciousness to see the many blessings in your life.
  10. Give thanks in prayer. This does not have to be a religious practice. You can give thanks to any source you are comfortable with, nature, light, or a religious deity.

Wendy Cope

Recovery and Personal-Growth Coach

wcope@lifecoachlibrary.com

Articles referenced: https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/7- scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude

REDEFINING FAILURE FOR CAREER SUCCESS

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
find success

Unhappy and unfulfilled in your present career and really want to pursue something completely different, but you don’t? You want to go for that promotion but find yourself stopping short of applying for it? You really want to be in a serious relationship but find yourself backing away to avoid commitment? Maybe you are thinking about being involved in a community volunteer organization but never take the first step to inquire. When your heart yearns for something new but you stop yourself short of going after it, do you ever ask yourself why?

Fear of failure is often the culprit. Fear can paralyze us from moving forward on what really matters to us. These unspoken fears may be influencing our decisions and behaviors (Berger, W 2018). Fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons people hold themselves back from pursuing opportunities. We have an endless stream of thoughts, judgments and self-criticism which stop us dead in our tracks. Voices in our heads shout: “people will think less of me, they will label me a failure, I will feel vulnerable, exposed, naked, and I can’t handle it.” You try to silence your inner critic but you can’t. I can relate. I am no stranger to fear of failure.

Very early in my healthcare career, I was invited to present a workshop for women, a very high profile opportunity. This was no ordinary workshop. It was for the new women’s pavilion, an important business unit for the health system I worked for. While my heart said, “hell, yes, you are going to do this, what a wonderful opportunity for you, you should be excited and grateful!” My mind said something very different, “are you kidding? You haven’t done workshops before, and this one is very high profile. What if you fail? Are you really willing to risk your good reputation to do this?” If I accepted this invitation, I would be stepping outside my comfort zone. It was scary and I was afraid of failing.

After talking with a psychologist friend of mine, she convinced me the workshop was something I needed to do despite my fear . . . feel the fear and do it anyway. Reluctantly, I accepted the invitation but my method for working through my fear was to strive for perfection. I became obsessed with making this workshop perfect. I took an entire year to put this one workshop together because I was so afraid it wouldn’t be good enough. You’ve heard the phrase: perfect is the enemy of good? Obviously, it was somewhat foreign to me at the time. But then, my dear friend told me something I will never forget. She said: “if only one person walks away from this workshop learning something new, something that could possibly change the direction of her life, it will all be worth it. Knowing the gifts you have to share, your presentation will be powerful. You may never know who or how many received your gifts of wisdom, but rest assured, there will be at least one, probably more and you may have changed a life forever.”

Since that time, I don’t let fear hold me hostage anymore. It still tries to air its ugly head from time to time but I now know where it is coming from and how to better deal with it. For example, when I transitioned from healthcare executive to life and leadership coach and started my own business about two years ago, I experienced some fear, fear of building a successful business and fear that my weekly blog posts on social media wouldn’t be good enough. Initially, I started obsessing again aiming for perfection. Remembering that perfect is the enemy of good and stepping outside my comfort zone brings opportunity, I got past my fear. I will not let fear hold me back from sharing my gifts especially knowing it can make a difference in other people’s lives.

In her book, “Daring Greatly,” author Brene Brown writes about how allowing yourself to be vulnerable, exposing your heart to risk and stepping into the void of ‘I don’t know if this will work’ is truly one of the most courageous things we as humans can do. (Kitto, M (2016). It takes courage to step outside our comfort zone but this is where possibility and opportunity lives. It is where we can find our dreams and aspirations.

Moving from where we are to where we want to be on our life journey, we have to confront our fears. I would like to offer my thoughts and strategies for overcoming the fear that is paralyzing us.

First, recognize that fear is self-created. We frighten ourselves by fantasizing negative outcomes to anything we might pursue. We may be ruminating over past experiences that did not go well or worrying about a future that may never happen. You may have heard of the acronym, “F-E-A-R: Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.” Rather than living in the present moment, our minds take us to the past or to the perceived future where we then formulate what our outcome will be. It feels real and scary but it is related to our thoughts. Science tells us that approximately 80% of the 40,000 to 50,000 thoughts we have daily are negative. It’s important
to focus on the present moment because, if you think about it, the present moment is all we really have. The past is history and the future is unknown. We fear things that may never happen.

Redefine Failure. A good place to start is to define “failure.” We get to define what failure is and what we want to label as a failure. This failure we are all so afraid of is actually a choice. We get to make the choice. Whatever we are pursuing in life, whether it is business, a new career, relationships, or whatever, there will be times when things do not work out as planned. Failure is just feedback showing us what’s not working so we can find out what will work. Learning from our mistakes is invaluable in life. Anyone who has achieved great things, anyone who has changed the world has, at some point, made a choice to embrace and redefine failure rather than let it hold them back.

Ask yourself, “what’s worth doing EVEN IF I fail? Maybe my new business has a very slow start as defined by modern standards. Is it a failure then? What if I am making a difference for others, helping improve lives? I may need to course correct some things in my business (failure redefined as feedback) but there is already value in the services I’m providing.

Create a “fear list.” In her article, “How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure,” author Susan Peppercorn suggests creating a checklist of what you are afraid to do and what you fear will happen if you do it. Write down the benefits of the attempted effort and also the cost of doing nothing. Walking away from an opportunity may be far more harmful than stepping outside your comfort zone to pursue it.

Another strategy to consider is to restate your list of what you are afraid of. For example, if you are afraid of leaving a job you hate, you could restate it as, “I want to leave this job I hate to pursue my dream, and I scare myself by imagining I would go bankrupt and lose my house.” You can see how YOU are the one creating the fear here. (Canfield, J 2015) Once again, you are focused on a future outcome that may never happen.

Focus on the positive energy of the desired outcome. Author, Warren Berger, in his article, “What Are You So Afraid of?” suggests focusing on the desired outcome and the energy surrounding that rather than the actual thing that is inducing the fear. That outcome may be a personal benefit or involve having a positive impact on others. (Berger, W. 2018). In my previous example, despite an initial slow start to my business, I knew I was making a profound difference with the individuals I coach and those who read my weekly blogs.

Recall when you triumphed in the face of fear. Try to recall a time when you were successful at a new endeavor despite your fear of failure. Perhaps you are going for an exciting job promotion but nervous about the interview. Think about all the times you “aced” an interview, despite your fears, and were thrilled to get the job. What did you do, how did you prepare, what feedback did you get? Focus on what you did well.

Hire a professional coach. Despite all your efforts, there may be times when you just can’t get past your fears. You may have a limiting belief that you are unaware of. You feel that you are not enough: not smart enough, not good enough, too old, too young, whatever. Because of your fear, you remain stuck, and are reluctant to pursue almost anything new. A professional coach can help you discover what you cannot see for yourself. She can support you through your fears, keep you focused and help you confront your unconscious behaviors and old patterns. A coach helps you move forward with your life, helps you discover the possibilities, address obstacles and overcome barriers to achieving success.

Don’t give up on your dreams and aspirations. Don’t let fear paralyze you from moving forward with your life. Consider trying one of the strategies I’ve outlined above to move beyond your self-created fears. In the event you still cannot get past your fears, consider reaching out to a professional coach.

Want to move beyond what is holding you back from your success in your career and life? Book a call with me where I offer a one hour confidential and complimentary Discovery/Mini-Coaching session so you can experience what coaching can provide for you. http://www.robbiekcarlson.com/coaching/

References:
Berger, W. (2018). “What Are You So Afraid Of?”
Kitto, M. (2016). “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”
Peppercorn, S (2018) “How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure?”
Canfield, J (2015) “The Success Principles”

Overcoming Stumbling Blocks to Goal Achievement: It’s an Inside Job

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
career coacing

It’s the New Year, a time for new beginnings, a fresh start. Inspiring, right?

Then why do I feel defeated already?

Looking back on the past year, I wanted change, I wanted results, I had the best intentions, but everything remained pretty much the same. I’m still in the same dead end job, I’ve actually gained rather than lost weight, I abandoned my exercise routine a month after it started and I’m still a stranger to my friends and family because I do nothing but work. Why would I think anything would be different this year?

Maybe, intellectually, you understand the importance of how to approach the goal setting process but that nasty little voice in your head tells you that you are a loser, a failure, and you can’t achieve anything. While you could be struggling with the obvious, goals lack specificity (specific, measureable, achievable, relevant, time-bound, “SMART” goal method), no real commitment, inactivity, or too many goals, I suspect it could be you are dealing with an underlying belief. Like many, it is not something you can see for yourself. Being the responsible person you are, you probably tried to figure it out but became stuck, frustrated and defeated. Let’s take a look at this challenging issue and how you can get past it.

To bring about something new on the outside, like a new outcome, often requires something new on the inside, a change in attitude, paradigm or underlying belief. An underlying belief is like the pesky weed which, until pulled out from its root, continues to air its ugly head. Our weed is our limiting belief: we believe we are someone we are not, not good enough, not smart enough, too young/too old or some such disempowering label of not being enough. Until that limiting belief is discovered and removed, we may be held back from achieving our goals. For example, we may neglect to go after a job we really want because we
think we’re not smart enough to handle it so we stay stuck in a dead-end job. No matter how many may tell you how smart you are, if you have the underlying belief that you are not smart enough, it doesn’t matter what people say. You won’t believe them and it will hold you back. This limiting belief may have started years ago when you had a defining encounter, maybe failed a class, were denied application to a college, or given multiple disengaging messages from your parents. You continue to add to your disempowering story and reinforce your limiting belief whenever you encounter things you don’t understand. It completely paralyzes you from moving forward.

Another significant stumbling block for many is fear, fear of failure or even, fear of success. Some people are afraid they will fail, but even worse, that they may actually succeed and, as a result, they never take the first step toward achieving their goals. They lack belief in themselves and in their potential. If they fail, they anticipate people labeling them a failure, a loser. If they succeed, they think people may be envious and treat them differently, perhaps negatively. (Vermeeren, D 2018) They may even believe they’re unworthy of attaining the goal and, as such, sabotage themselves. I like the acronym, F E A R, Fictitious Events Appearing Real. We worry about things that may never happen and, in the process, make ourselves miserable, stuck and defeated. Believing in yourself is a choice and an attitude you develop over time. We need to take charge of our own self-concept and beliefs. Unfortunately, this is where many get stuck. Doing the internal work to ensure success is critical. It may actually take the support of a professional to help you move forward. A professional life coach is highly trained in helping clients see what they cannot see for themselves. They help clients discover and remove the limiting beliefs that hold them back from achieving their goals. They also act as a catalyst for change helping clients achieve their goals faster than they can do on their own. If you just can’t figure out where to start, consider working with a professional coach who is well trained in helping clients identify their stumbling blocks to success. A coach helps you see things you cannot see for yourself, uncovers and removes limiting beliefs that may be holding you back, and helps you become your personal and professional best. The coach-client relationship is highly confidential, tremendously supportive, totally focused on the client’s needs and all done in a convenient setting, usually by phone.

Do not give up on your goals, dreams and aspirations. When stuck, don’t beat yourself up and give yourself all kinds of disempowering messages. Silence those nasty voices in your head that have you defeated before you even start. Commit to making 2019 YOUR BEST YEAR YET!! A Professional Life Coach can make the difference for you. To experience how inspiring, supportive and helpful a life coach can be for you, consider booking a complimentary and confidential Discovery Session:
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=16511562

When working with a Life Coach, you will be absolutely amazed at what you will be able to accomplish when all roadblocks to success are removed, you are empowered and energized, successfully achieving all your goals, living the life of your dreams and, in the process, becoming your personal and professional best.

Happy New Year!
Robbie K Carlson
Life & Leadership Coach
Reference:
Vermeeren, D. (2018) “Why People Fail To Achieve Their Goals”

How to Obliterate Limiting Beliefs and Open Your Life up to New Possibilities

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality
how to obliterate limiting beliefs

Your limiting beliefs aren’t doing you any good. In fact, they’re keeping you from living your best life. Learn how to get rid of them! 

Our beliefs define who we are. For better or for worse, what we believe dictates our behavior, thoughts, and reactions.  

If the belief is strong enough, it can carve out our entire destiny. Limiting beliefs included! 

Our beliefs serve many purposes. They keep us safe, reflect our self-esteem, and maintain our social status. To step outside these beliefs means we risk rejection and loss. Believing we will lose something if we strive to meet a goal makes us fearful and avoidant. 

Beliefs are also kept intact because of a psychological concept is known as belief perseverance. In belief perseverance, our brains persist in weeding out evidence that contradicts our belief. Our brains focus on reinforcing memories, thoughts, and actions related to the belief while leaving out evidence to the contrary. 

Giving up a self-limiting belief isn’t easy. The unknown and the fear of being wrong is scary. These beliefs are familiar to us even when they are unhealthy or self-defeating. 

But, there is a way to obliterate self-limiting beliefs once and for all!  

If you want to live your best life and let go of limiting beliefs, then read on to discover how to let them go. 

Finding Freedom by Obliterating Limiting Beliefs 

Beliefs provide us with a sense of certainty. We all need certainty, but we also need to progress and grow in life. Explore the following ways to let go of self-limiting beliefs so you can open your life up to new possibilities.  

1. Truth and Reality 

The truth can be translated in a variety of ways. As we switch from one news channel to another, we know this to be true! One news channel focuses on one aspect of a story making it positive or neutral and the other focuses on another part of the story to make it seem negative.  

Which news channel is “right”? It depends on who you believe and what you believe already! 

To open ourselves up to other beliefs, we need to lovingly turn our attention inward. We need to gently ask ourselves questions about our limiting beliefs.  

Author Byron Katie created a method for questioning strongly held beliefs and judgments in order to accept reality. She calls it “The Work” which includes “The Four Questions.” 

These questions are: 

1. Is it true? 

2. Can you absolutely know it’s true? 

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 

4. Who would you be without the thought? 

The key message to Byron Katie’s questions is that we can never know for sure if one belief is absolutely true. We may believe it to be true, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually true.  

You discover this by turning around the initial statement you made using opposite statements. These statements could be about yourself, another person, or the world. When you turn around these statements, you’ll discover that they are just as truthful as your initial statement.  

We discover holes in our beliefs when we consider that other truths may be just as true, if not truer than, our original belief or judgment. When we accept that many “truths” can exist at once, we open up our minds to believe in other possibilities and discoveries.  

2. Change Your Story 

Beliefs are usually a part of a story we tell ourselves. In the case of self-limiting beliefs, these stories provide us with a detailed explanation as to why we can’t do something. 

For example, imagine a young man who believes he can’t go to college. His story says that he can’t go to college because his family can’t afford it, no one in his family went to college, and his grade average isn’t good enough. 

Imagine another young man with the exact same background who believes he must go to college because of his upbringing. What’s the difference? One used his background to form a self-limiting belief whereas the other created a story to use as fuel to overcome his struggles.  

Ask yourself how you can use the past to create a motivational story. How can your story be changed from limitation to overcoming obstacles? Has someone with the same background as you created a different ending to their story? 

Find a spark of inspiration such as another person’s story and never look back! If they believed it, so can you! 

3. Build on Success 

We normally aren’t composed of only self-limiting beliefs. We also have beliefs which have served us well! We can use these existing beliefs to give us the confidence to overcome self-limiting beliefs.  

Take out a pen and paper and write down all the times you’ve succeeded in life.  

Did you graduate from high school? Do you have a job? Are your relationships successful? 

What strength and beliefs would someone need to accomplish these tasks?  

For example, to get a job, you would have to be brave enough to apply and be qualified in some way to do the job. To graduate from high school, you would have to be persistent in getting your work done and intelligent enough to pass exams. 

Make a list of skills and beliefs needed for each accomplishment. Then return to your self-limiting beliefs. 

Have you used skills in the past that contradict your self-limiting belief? Do these skills directly contradict your limiting belief? 

For example, imagine your self-limiting belief is that you can’t lose weight because you’re not disciplined enough. Define what “being disciplined enough” looks, then turn to your list of accomplishments. 

If it’s true that you aren’t disciplined enough, then how did you graduate from high school? Going to high school means getting up early and getting homework done for four years. Would you agree that that takes discipline even if you didn’t see it as a discipline at the time? 

Perhaps the biggest problem is that your discipline “muscle” is just out of practice! Does that mean you can’t lose weight? No, it means you’re going to have to re-learn how to be disciplined so you can lose weight.  

Your belief that you can’t lose weight isn’t true, you just are out of practice in believing in yourself and following a plan.  

4. Avoid Comparisons 

When you think about your accomplishments, try not to compare yourself to others. When we compare ourselves to our peers we can instantly believe we can’t do something. The reasoning goes, “if I could, I already would have been successful like them.” 

Life, however, is not linear. The people you are comparing yourself to also may not be as successful and happy as they appear. And if they truly are, then ask them what their recipe for success is! 

We can all use someone to look up to. If they did it, then so can you! 

Obliterating Limiting Beliefs, Gaining Back Your Life 

To obliterate limiting beliefs, we must nurture our strengths. We have to feed the good in ourselves by shifting our focus and changing our stories. 

We can do this on a daily basis. We can set small, manageable goals for ourselves. We can allow the truth to overpower our beliefs by being open to other interpretations.  

It takes courage. It takes persistence. But, you made it this far in life, and that isn’t by accident.  

You made it this far in life because something inside of you believed you could. Build on that belief and you’ll open yourself up to a whole new reality. One where you believe in yourself more than you believe in your fears.  

Feel like you need a life coach to help you overcome your limiting beliefs? Find a life coach today and open your life up to endless possibilities! 

Author | WENDY COPE 

About: 

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery, I felt really “stuck” and need to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound. 

That triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walk of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about. 
 

Education: 

I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am presently training with the Coach Training Alliance and while I will complete this module in February 2019, I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning in the coaching profession. 

How to Unlock Your Passion and Find Your Life Purpose: It’s Never Too Late!

Career & Business, Life Coach Library
career coach

Are you wandering around life without knowing your life purpose? That’s not truly living. Learn how to unlock your passion in this guide. 

You may be content with your life, but are you happy? 

According to the most recent findings from the Harris Poll Survey of American Happiness, the answer is most likely no. Only 33% of survey respondents reported feeling happiness. 

One of the biggest reasons why people feel unhappy is because of a lack of direction. They feel that their life has little purpose, and thus, no aim. 

While that may sound rather dour, not all hope is lost. It’s never too late to find your purpose! 

Read on below for a guide on how you can unlock your passion, reach your potential, and find your life purpose. 

Appreciate the Value of Childhood 

As we grow up, we’re told to put childish things away and grow up. To conform to society and everything we believe we’re supposed to be. 

In fact, the very idea comes about in the Bible

But what does it mean to be “childish?” Is it such a bad thing? 

It’s quite the opposite. 

Think back to when you were a child. Chances are you were quite happy most of the time. You most likely felt loved and safe and secure, living each day with a new sense of wonder. 

But as we grow up, many of us lose that sense of wonder. 

It’s a shame. Our childhood selves have so much to teach us, from exercising unbridled passion and unconditional love to the curiosity we found in even the simplest aspects of life. 

It’s time to stop quelling your inner child and get in touch with them once more. 

Start viewing life through a new lens, where creativity and curiosity rule. Let yourself be happy and the rest will flow. 

Ask the Tough Questions 

Imagine a world where you have access to anything you could ever want. Money isn’t a concern, so instead of slaving away at your 9-to-5 job, you’re off living your best life. 

What does that look like for you? What is it that you really want out of life? 

For many of us, that question is so unfathomable we may not be able to come up with an answer right away! 

If you can’t come up with anything right away, that’s alright. Give the idea space to grow. 

Congratulations, you’ve just answered one of life’s toughest questions, and as a result, you now understand your purpose and passion in life. 

Visualization may not seem like it has much power over our lives, but doctors and social scientists are discovering that visualizing success is highly influential over our decision making. 

From ‘Why?’ to ‘Why Not?’: Living a Life of Purpose 

The biggest thing holding you back from a life of purpose isn’t money. It isn’t your job. Nor is it your looks. 

It is, however, your attitude and your approach to life. It’s time to reframe your thinking into something more positive. 

For a great example of what living a ‘Why not?’ lifestyle looks like, let’s look at an unexpected source: Filmmaker, podcaster, and entrepreneur Kevin Smith. 

By all accounts, Smith could have ended up as another statistic. 

By the time his first film, “Clerks,” made the rounds at film festivals, young Smith was a film school dropout living with his parents and working a dead-end job at a convenience store to pay off his massive credit card debt. 

And then something astonishing happened. Critics and audiences loved the candid nature of “Clerks.” So much so that the distribution rights were purchased on the spot, launching Smith’s career. 

It’s because he followed his passion that he found his success. 

Years later, Smith would go on to write, “…there is little sense in not at least trying to accomplish all of your wildest dreams in life. 

Now he travels the world telling his stories and working with his friends — all because he said ‘Why not?’ to shooting a small film at the very convenience store he worked at. 

But you don’t need an award from the Cannes Film Festival to live your dream. A life of purpose is following your passion, even in the face of adversity. 

You owe it to yourself to try and follow your passion. 

Life Is Tough — Be Tougher 

You might wonder why, if a life of passion is easy to lead, more people aren’t out there living their dream. 

It boils down to an answer that tends to scare most people: Work. 

Indeed, to be happy and successful requires more — more than many expect. 

Success doesn’t happen overnight, nor does it happen in a bubble. It requires long hours, sacrifice, and above all else, drive. 

And as a result, you’ll need to be patient with yourself along the way. 

There will be days where following your dreams may seem pointless if not outright impossible. Don’t let that negativity overcome you. 

Persistence is key, even when it comes to something like unlocking your dreams. 

Be tougher than those negative thoughts telling insisting you can’t do it. Push through and do it anyway. Soon you’ll be so happy you did. 

Ask for Help 

Too many people view asking for help as a sign of weakness. 

They believe that, because they need some assistance, they’re incapable of accomplishing their dreams on their own. 

The truth, however, is that it takes a great deal of strength to ask for help. 

If you can’t seem to unlock your dreams or find your passion, there’s no harm in reaching out. 

Consider finding a life coach in your area who can offer one-on-one coaching and personalized advice. 

Finding Your Life Purpose: Final Thoughts 

Finding your life purpose is something anyone can do at any point in their life. The trick is to want it. 

If you have the desire, drive, and passion, you too can achieve your dreams. 

If you need a little help getting there, don’t forget that we can put you in touch with a life coach. 

Contact us today to learn more about finding a life coach who can help you unlock your full potential. 

Author | WENDY COPE 

About: 

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery, I felt really “stuck” and need to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound. 

That triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walk of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about. 
 

Education: 

I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am presently training with the Coach Training Alliance and while I will complete this module in February 2019, I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning in the coaching profession.

Live Your Next Level Life: How You Can Leap to the Next Level with a Life Coach’s Help

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality
life coaching

Are you feeling like there has to be more to life? Or you have to be able to do more? Learn how to get that next level life in this post. 

Do you feel like your life is a bit stagnant at the moment? 

Would you like to be able to both recognize and take advantage of the opportunities life has to offer you?  

Sometimes, do you just feel like you need a little bit of a push?  

If you answered any of these questions with a “yes,” then life coaching may help you to get to the next level in your life.  

What’s your life like? If you’re like 70% of people, you might not be fully content with where you are at the moment. Ready to live your next level life with the guidance, encouragement, and honesty that a life coach can provide you with? 

If so, then keep on reading this post to learn more about how a life coach can help your life be as awesome as you’ve always wanted.  

Life Coaching Increases Accountability 

Sure, you’re accountable to your boss, your landlord, and maybe even to a few of your family members and friends.  

But in most cases, these people hold you accountable for the things you’re supposed to do for them. The real question is: Who in your life is holding you accountable for bettering yourself and achieving your dreams?  

If you work with a life coach, you’ll have someone that you have to report to — and get feedback from — when it comes to moving forward in your life. 

You’ll be able to make fewer excuses. You’ll also develop a real-life, actionable plan to make your goals a reality. Above all, you’ll learn the most efficient and even emotionally healthy ways to get what you want.  

You’ll Develop an Actionable Plan 

If you want to live your next level life, then you need to find a way to turn your dreams into reality.  

Sure, being a dreamer is wonderful. It’s one of the ways that we as people can remain optimistic, even in tough times. But eventually, you have to stop dreaming and work to make things happen.  

You can’t just “wait” for good luck and opportunities to come to you. When you choose to work with a life coach, you’ll learn how to find them for yourself.  

You and your coach will create an achievable, step-by-step action plan for turning your life around. You’ll research education programs together, look for new employment opportunities, and even talk about your dating life.  

In short? 

Whatever you want to improve in your life, you’ll need a map to get there. A life coach helps you to draw that map. Most importantly, they can also prepare you for the obstacles and setbacks that you’ll likely face along the way.  

You’ll Address Your Anxieties 

Think about the top things that you feel like hold you back in life. In other words, what’s preventing you from living your next level life?  

Is it the opinions of others? Is it your current living and financial situation? Is it the professional qualifications you possess, your work environment, or even your current mental health?  

Now, think about how much more you would be able to accomplish if these stressors and anxieties were absent from your life. Think about how much happier you’d be. In some cases, this might mean you have more time to spend on things you actually enjoy doing.  

Your life could change for the better. You just have to take that first step. 

What if you could develop real-world coping mechanisms? What if you could figure out which of these stressors you’re in control of, and which ones are worth changing?  

Life coaching helps you to do just that.  

In addition to identifying — and discussing the reasons for — some of your biggest fears, you’ll also learn how to better manage them.  

You’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish when you’re not standing in your own way.  

You’ll Develop Self-Confidence 

An astounding 85% of people currently struggle with low self-confidence.  

If you’re among them, then you know firsthand just how much your lack of an ability to believe in yourself can get in your way.  

Maybe you have amazing ideas that would improve the lives of others, but feel like you’re not “qualified” enough to share them. Maybe you have imposter syndrome and feel like you’re not “worthy” of the life you’ve been given.  

Perhaps you just live in constant fear of rejection. You feel like it’s just easier to avoid seeking new opportunities, because that way, you’ll be able to avoid feelings of failure.  

The truth is that a lack of self-confidence doesn’t just hurt you. It also deprives the people around you of wonderful, helpful ideas that could also make their lives easier and happier.  

Working with a life coach is an awesome way for you to remind yourself of what you’re capable of. You’ll recognize your talents, learn to advocate for yourself, and finally start taking risks again.  

Are You Ready to Live Your Next Level Life? 

We hope that this post has shown you how you can make your dream next level life a reality through life coaching.  

Whether you want to advance personally, professionally, or even physically, having someone to help encourage and support you can make all the difference.  

Are ready to connect with a life coach who will inspire you to grow — and to dream even bigger?  

If so, then learn more about the extraordinary life coaches we can connect you with. Don’t waste one more day not reaching your full potential. Instead, reach out to us to find a coach and level up in life. 

Author | WENDY COPE 

About: 

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery, I felt really “stuck” and need to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound. 

That triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walk of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about. 
 

Education: 

I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am presently training with the Coach Training Alliance and while I will complete this module in February 2019, I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning in the coaching profession.

What’s at Stake?

Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library
performance coaching

Intuitively, many of us know the changes (or at least some of them), that we must make in order to get to where we want to be. Yet despite this, we still struggle to make those changes. We get caught up in the other matters of our lives. we lose sight of our goals, dreams, and aspirations. we get caught up in the machinations of our daily lives and inevitably stop pursuing them entirely.

So what gives? For starters, we need to make an obvious observation. Change can be uncomfortable. It usually is, particularly if it is a transformative change (Changing a habit for example). YET THESE ARE ALWAYS THE BEST CHANGES TO MAKE and still, we don’t make them.

Let’s make this real for you.

Let’s get in touch with YOUR reality:

What’s at Stake for you? If you don’t make this change, if you don’t take action, What’s at Stake for you? Let’s take into consideration both extrinsic and intrinsic consequences of not making that change.

Extrinsic: Is it a life half-lived? A horrible career or vocation? Is it a broken friendship/relationship or marriage? Is it poor physical or mental health? A potentially bad financial situation? A once in a lifetime opportunity missed out on?

Intrinsic: How do I feel about this now? How am I going to feel about this later? What Value does this have for me?

Hypothetically Speaking, if you were to continue down this path on Auto Pilot, changing absolutely nothing, what would your life look like:

  • Next Year
  • Three Years From Now
  • Five Years From Now

Are you happy with this? Are you being true to the God-given talents and gifts that were bestowed to you?

Before I became a Life Coach, I was a personal trainer for over 7 years. Exercise, particularly martial arts, changed my life profoundly. However, I never quite got to the level that I really wanted to be with my body. I kept trying to “work harder.” At one point I had a routine where I would workout at least 2 hours a day, 5 days a week doing high intensity interval training combined with Kung-Fu AND Kickboxing. I was exhausted on those days. My body would feel destroyed. I was overtraining, Working way too hard. Trying to lose weight I would “eat less” but “more often”, and then I would have “cheat meals” on the weekend. I never got to my ideal weight or had the body I wanted to. Yet I was exhausted. I kept depriving myself so much that on the weekend I would PIG OUT and ruin all that hard work from the entire week. I stayed in that cycle for about 3 years, always trying the same thing. I had more up and downs than I can count.

During this time, I was also trying to grow my coaching practice. The beautiful thing about coaching is that it requires ongoing personal growth. I decided to prioritize growing my coaching practice, so I had to put aside doing 2-3 hours of exercise every day for a while. But I knew that something had to change, otherwise I would just keep gaining weight or at best, stay the same. I changed my nutrition. I updated my system. I tried the Ketogenic Diet. In one month, I lost almost 20 pounds and I was working out half the amount of time, all while eating foods that I loved but was scared to eat: Bacon, Cheese, sour cream, etc. (in a varied plan with eggs, greens, and other lean meats and fish like chicken and salmon). Later, I transitioned to a cyclical version of this lifestyle (5 days on/two days off) and I have kept the weight off. More than just that: I don’t have high and low energy spikes anymore. I have more energy every moment of every day, I don’t get tired in the afternoon, and I never feel that starving feeling if I didn’t eat for a couple hours.

Here’s some great information on this Lifestyle: https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/ketogenic-diet-101

This is the part that really will rock your world!

I invite you to take the time to slow down and just think, write it down, journal it, whatever it takes to make it real. Ask yourself just this one question: If I don’t make this change, what is truly at stake?

…But wait Mauro!!! I already made this change and I am still not where I want to be.

Know this: If you have made the change, if you have been pursuing this path that you have set out for yourself, expect that there will be ups and downs. You may experience periods of tremendous growth and then suddenly, a hit a plateau, maybe even a sudden drop. There may be yet another rise and then another drop. That’s part of the journey. That’s what makes it exciting because it is in some ways the unknown. The unknown can be scary, or it can be thrilling. The best part of all of this is YOU get to choose what label you place on that. You get to choose whether it is fear or excitement. Every day brings forth a new opportunity for growth and change.

So here are some more powerful questions to ask yourself:

  • What systems and practices can you implement that will take you to the next level in your plan?
  • What do you need to do?
  • Who do you need to be?
  • Where can you find support and from whom?
  • Is the change you need to make deeper than this? Do you need to change so that you can change?

as defined by Merriam Webster, change in perhaps its purest and simplest sense is “to make different in some particular way.” The change you may need to make may or may not even have any physical manifestation in the onset but inevitably, it always will at some point.

“Being Defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” -Marilyn vos Savant Blessings, Mauro Schiavo

Helpful Resources:

An Evening with Robert Kegan and Immunity to Change: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFYnVmGu9ZI

How to Overcome Procrastination | Brian Tracy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPcLkAqS_GE&t=123s

“Drive” by Daniel Pink “Time Warrior” by Steven Chandler

Bio:

Mauro Schiavo is a Certified Life and Career/Vocation Coach, and founder of Mauro’s Max Lifestyle He seeks to bring people’s wildest dreams into reality. As a child he was obese and often felt like an outcast. In his teenage years he made a bold decision to change his life. he trained for 9 years and obtained his black belt in Kung-Fu and Kickboxing. After graduating from Florida International University with his bachelors in Sports and Fitness Studies he became a personal trainer and started his own mobile personal training business. throughout this time, he was coached, not just in martial arts, but in every area of his life. This led to an insight much later during his own certification course in coaching from Fowler International Academy of Professional Coaching. This changed his life immensely and he decided to bring that change to the rest of the world.

By Mauro Schiavo https://www.maurosmaxlifestyle.com/

Is it Time to Transform Your Career?

Career & Business, Life Coach Library

Stuck, frustrated, and unfulfilled with your career? Pay attention to the signs. It might be time to transform your career. I’ve been there and transforming my career was the best thing I could have done. Make no mistake. Transforming a career is not an overnight job. It takes courage,
perseverance and hard work but it can be life changing.

Healthcare administration had been my career for 25+ years. The majority of those years, I worked closely with physicians and their teams in the ambulatory setting. I was challenged, happy and fulfilled, and I knew I was making a difference. I experienced, first hand, the care and concern shown to patients by the healthcare team. I felt a deep responsibility to the healthcare providers to make sure they were well supported, their issues addressed, and they had the proper resources. About two years ago, I decided it was time to make a change. With the direction my organization was taking, I knew it was time to move on with my career. When I no longer felt as though I was making a difference, and no longer fulfilled, I recognized it was time to make a change.

As I pondered what was next for me, I took a long, hard look at what would need to change with my career. I wanted to build on all the experiences I had while in healthcare. As I looked back at the times I was most fulfilled in my career, it was when I was coaching and mentoring leaders and those aspiring to leadership positions. Nothing was more satisfying than seeing my direct reports advancing their careers. I had an amazing career and was very fortunate to be able to advance to higher levels of responsibility, eventually, achieving a Vice President position. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I would be most fulfilled helping others achieve the same level of success as I did. It was at that point that I made the decision to transform my career from Healthcare Administrator to becoming a professional Life and Leadership Coach. I pursued a second coach training program, became certified and started my own business.

Transitioning from healthcare administrator to being a full-time life and leadership coach required a lot of planning, a significant investment in resources and time, overcoming a few challenges, perseverance and hard work. Making the decision to leave my long-term and familiar healthcare career was not a quick decision or a fast move. My survival mechanism (also known as “ego”), who tries to protect and keep me safe within my comfort zone said, “all you’ve ever really known is how to be a healthcare administrator. Do you really think you will be able support yourself as a coach?” I suspect you know what I am talking about, those nasty little
annoying voices in your head that make you question yourself.

Then, there was the upfront expense. As many of you know, pursuing an advanced education program and starting up a new business is really expensive. I questioned whether I would really see a return on my investment. What I knew for sure, though, was the payback for my
investment was the impact I would make with the clients I supported. Being a professional life and leadership coach is my calling, my higher level purpose, the difference I want to make in the world.

I have an amazing life and an amazing career. I am happy, fulfilled and totally blessed. It is incredibly important to me to make this happen for others. I’d like to share with you my lessons learned so if you are considering transforming your career, you can do so effectively. Author Camilla Sacre-Dallerup in her book, “Reinvent Me,” suggests a few key steps:

 Start with taking a very close look at your current career. What needs to change? What do you need to learn from the situation you are in now? Be honest with yourself. Remember, if we keep doing the same thing, we will get the same result. Recognizing what needs to change may be the most challenging step on your transformation journey. To help you with this first step, consider answering the following questions:

  • What would I like to reinvent about my career?
  • How is it going to make me feel once I have done it?
  • If money was not an issue, would my answer to the first question be the same or different? If different, how?
  • How will this new career bring me the fulfillment I am looking for?

Don’t get stuck on what you may perceive as barriers to your success. I’m too old to start a new career. I’ve always been in this field, how could I possibly be successful in a new one? I’m afraid of failing. Simply silence your survival mechanism and know you were meant for so much more. If you are burned out, frustrated and unfulfilled in your current role, recognize these are signs that it is time to transform your career. You know, deep within you, that you can make a difference in the world with your gifts and talents so make the effort to take the necessary steps now.

Put your goals in writing, your unwavering commitment to a better work life. It’s your plan to get from where you are to where you want to be with your career. Break down the goals into achievable parts, action steps, and milestones. Plan for the transformation from a financial perspective. It may take some time before you can actually leave one job to start another but it is definitely possible with proper planning. Sometimes a total career transformation can seem overwhelming. Remember all the times in the past when you’ve accomplished the goals you’ve set for yourself. You can apply this same inner confidence now.

Bring your new career to life. There are many techniques you can use to keep your vision and commitment alive. One particularly effective and beautiful technique I’ve used is a meditation exercise called, “Planting the seeds in the garden of opportunity,” adopted from the book, “Reinvent Me” by author Camilla Sacre-Dallerup. So, are you ready to plant your seed, your goal, in the garden of opportunity and watch it blossom? Put on your gardening gloves and take a walk with me.

  • Find a quiet spot, free from distractions.
  • Sit or lie down somewhere comfortable.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Bring your awareness to your breath.
  • Start counting as you breathe in 1, out 2, in 3 and out 4 and so on until you reach 20. Repeat this a few times until you start to feel very relaxed.
  • Now imagine that you are walking into the most beautiful garden you have ever seen. Notice all the trees, the flowers and any other surroundings. This is your garden of opportunity.
  • As you look around the garden and all its beauty, you start to realize it’s all created simply by the seeds that were planted and then nurtured. Consider for a moment that when we plant a seed in the garden, we don’t stand over it and say ‘Grow, grow, hurry up.’ No, we plant it and walk away knowing that it will grow with water, sun and air.
  • Imagine now if your goal can do the same. See yourself holding a seed in your hand that represents your goal/your dream career. Now plant it somewhere in the garden.
  • After you have planted it, sit for a minute and imagine this seed growing and blooming and turning into an amazing flower or tree, just like your goal/your dream career, blossoming and happening.
  • Imagine yourself taking action steps toward making it happen. Notice what it feels like, sounds like and looks like as you imagine doing some of these things.
  • Finally, imagine what it will feel like once you have totally transformed your career. How do you feel? Are you happy, excited, fulfilled? Just notice what you notice without judgement, and then go ahead and open your eyes knowing that you have successfully planted your seed in the garden of opportunity.

Take action. Don’t wait for life to happen to make the changes you know you want to make. Listen to your intuition that has been telling you it’s time to transform your career. Using the meditation example, ‘taking steps of action is like planting lots of seeds. Eventually you will
have a beautiful garden filled with opportunity.’

Be Present, Practice Mindfulness. When you are making significant changes in your life, such as a career transformation, it can be stressful and overwhelming. Be present, in the here and now, practice mindfulness, and think about what you can control in this moment, rather than worrying about all the other things you can’t predict. You can then allow yourself to take it one action step at a time. Practicing mindfulness can also help you reduce stress, increase your focus and direct your mind in a more healthy and positive way. One consistent step after another will get you to your goal, your new career. If your intuition is giving you a strong message that it’s time to make some changes, pay attention. If you plan appropriately, you can successfully transform your career. Don’t let another year go by sacrificing your success, joy and fulfillment. Start planning for your career transformation today.

Robbie K Carlson
Life & Leadership Coach
www.Robbiekcarlson.com

References:

Sacre-Dallerup, C. (2017), “Reinvent Me.”

Mindfulness, An Everyday Guide. Magazine, 2018

Get “unstuck” with Association and Disassociation

Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library

Written by Wendy Cope, Personal-Growth & Recovery Coach, www.healthytothecore.net

Have you ever noticed when a friend comes to you for advice about a situation it is so easy to offer great ideas and solutions to them, yet, when confronted with our own it is much harder to see clearly and come up with practical answers? The reason is we are generally observers for our friends and when we observe, we can think more rationally. We are disassociated with our friends’ challenges. In our own situations we often become our situations. We feel everything, and we get stuck. We are associated with our own dilemmas.

Disassociation:

When we disassociate with something, we are more detached. We have the ability to observe. It’s like watching ourselves on t.v. or from afar. We only see and hear what is going on. We experience feelings about the situation, but not like the characters we are observing who are feeling the powerful sensations.

Be mindful that disassociation has nothing to do with the mental health diagnosis of “dissociative disorder”. Dissociative disorder is characterized by:

* The splitting off from consciousness, as in amnesia or mental blocking.

* Not remembering or connecting to a feeling as a coping or defense mechanism.

Disassociation in this article means to observe a situation to gain a different perspective and decrease the intensity of negative feelings associated with it, both mentally and physically.

Association:

Association is when we relive an experience. We are in it and see everything around us from that perspective. We feel the feelings in what seems like real time. We have other sensory experiences. What we see, hear, smell, even taste, as if it were happening right now. Association is when we are being the active participant.

Try it….

Think of a time you were very happy, like a graduation. What pictures do you see? Are you watching yourself walking across the stage to get your diploma or are you walking across the stage to get it? Whichever one you answered, try to see it from the alternative perspective. Which one feels more intense? Is it happier? Does it feel different physically? Which feeling would you rather have? If you are like most people, association feels much happier. It is usually more sensory, and physically triggers endorphins that add to the emotional experience.

Now think of something that was disappointing, maybe not getting a job you really wanted. What picture do you see now? Are you watching yourself open the mail and reading some type of notice or are you standing there with the reject notice in front of you? Whichever you answered, try it from the other perspective. Which seems less intense? Is there a difference in how you experience it physically? If you are like most people, disassociation takes the sting out of rejection and makes it easier to look at it logically.

When is it best to be Associated or Disassociated?

Unfortunately, research has found that many people disassociate with happy memories and associate with unpleasant ones. That is backwards!!! When we are thinking of something pleasant, we will view it more positively when we are associated in it. It will create positive thoughts which will make us feel happier. When we feel happier, we physically become healthier. Our heart beat settles and our blood pressure calms. If we take a moment to slow down and experience other sensations, (sounds, smells, sights…) it will enhance the feeling even deeper. This can be a powerful tool when trying to get motivated.

Dissociating from unpleasant memories or experiences decreases the emotional pain, depression, and anxiety that often accompany them. When we become an observer (vs. participant) we can see things from an objective viewpoint, and release emotion attached to an event. In my experience, this release has a positive impact both emotionally and physically as well. I have combined this with other techniques to decrease the intensity such as “dimming the lights” and “lowering the volume” (heck, hit the mute button) and “making the screen smaller and fade out”. These tools are powerful because they decrease or eliminate the sensory connections, which is what the unconscious is more likely to hold on to.

It’s never wise to get stuck in one mode or the other. Pain is not comfortable, but it can be part of an important learning and growth experience. When person gets stuck in disassociated mode, they analyze everything rationally but will not experience a range of emotion and are not better off. They should learn how to associate into their feelings, at least some of the time. When someone is so associated with their pain, they relive it over and over, even if unconsciously, and it becomes problematic. It can increase anxiety, depression, and lead to self-destructive behaviors. They would then benefit from learning how to disassociate from painful experiences.

Brown, S.. Psychology Today. Retrieved fromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pathological-relationships/201211/dissociation-isnt-life-skill

Hall, L. M. . NLP Mentor. Retrieved from https://nlp-mentor.com/association-dissociation/

Author unknown, World Trans. Retrieved fromhttp://www.worldtrans.org/TP/TP1/TP1-119.HTML

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