The NLP Meta Model supports clients in mastering problem solving by getting specific~submitted by Leah Marshall
Life is full of problems, and sometimes those problems stack on one another until we’re feeling stressed, anxious, angry, or a myriad of other emotions. Those intense emotions can work against us and cause us to distort, delete, or generalize information. In turn, those distortions, deletions, and generalizations can blur the roots of our problems, cause us to apply irrelevant past events to our current situation, or completely alter our perspective so that we can’t see our resources.
Thankfully, there is a simple method to correct those thinking errors and see things more clearly. Getting specific can help us see our problem more accurately and from a resourceful state to tackle it head-on. Here’s a look at how The NLP Meta Model can help us get better at problem-solving by getting specific.
The Meta Model is a core component of neuro-linguistic programming or NLP. It’s essentially a method for asking highly specific questions to challenge distortions, fill in verbal deletions (what we leave unsaid), and narrow the generalizations’ focus.
How Life Coaches use the NLP Meta Model
When I sit down with a client, I listen very carefully to how the client describes their challenges and their current state. I’m listening for any signs that the client might be making unfounded generalizations, looking at their challenge through a distorted lens, or perhaps leaving something unsaid. I then ask the clients highly specific questions to help the client see the problem from a more rational and accurate state.
An example of the NLP Meta Model in practice is: if a client tells me, “it’s all too much.” I might reply with, “I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed. What specifically is “too much”?” Or, “I just have to get a 4.0”, I might say, “You have to? According to whom? What will happen if you don’t.” Notice that these questions do not solve the client’s problems or even present solutions. The goal is to help the client clarify their thoughts, feelings, and intents into a more grounded and rational state.
Distorting, generalizing, and deleting aspects of our challenges is a very normal and common thing we do. We usually do it when we’re feeling strong emotions that cloud our perspective. Usually, those emotions include fear, anxiety, stress, anger, sorrow, and sadness. However, it can happen when we feel elated or euphoric. It’s easy to do, and most people don’t even realize it when it happens. So, what’s the big deal? A lot of people go through life without ever challenging or correcting it.
Let’s pretend you want to make a cake. So, you find a basic recipe online and head for the kitchen. Things start off alright, but then as you’re going along, things get strange. In the ingredients, the recipe calls for “a lot of butter.” How much is a lot? But, you keep going along, and you notice that the recipe doesn’t call for any sugar whatsoever. The recipe then says to “add ketchup…because ketchup is good on everything, right?” By now, you’re probably wondering what kind of weird recipe you’re trying to follow. To top it all off, right there in the end, it hits you with the instruction to bake “at a high temperature for however long you baked the last thing you made.”
This cake isn’t going to turn out. Maybe you can muddle through and make something resembling a cake, but it will be much harder than using a clear and specific recipe. The NLP Meta Model is a powerful way to help clients gain this type of clarity in real life.
When we try to solve problems, we can muddle through our distorted, generalized lenses full of blind spots. However, like the cake, it will be much harder than if we challenge our lenses and look at our problems from a clear perspective.
How You Can Use It On Your Own
The basic principles of the meta-model are extremely simple. You can use them with other people in your life or with your own thinking.
To use them with other people, listen carefully, and compassionately to what the other person is and isn’t saying. Then, gently question their generalizations, distorted lenses, and the things they leave unsaid. The point is to get the other person to be more specific. So, focus on questions that start with “what,” “how”,, and “who.” Because “why” is often interpreted as judgmental, it’s best to avoid those questions.
The NLP Meta Model is a simple tool that can help you overcome distorted lenses and help you see your challenges and problems from a much clearer state. It can help you identify the real issues and find solutions and plans much faster than trying to muddle through. It’s a great tool for life coaches and for people who just want to get better at problem-solving.
by Leah Marshall, certified Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner. “I am passionate about helping people reach their goals, and become the best versions of themselves. ” coachleahmarshall.com.
Many people struggle with maintaining healthy eating habits. There are so many triggers that interfere with the best intentions. When you feel stressed, you eat unhealthy, when you party you eat unhealthy, you never drink enough water, it’s too hard to exercise, and no matter how many times you commit to the gym, you don’t stick with it.
So what do you do?
You promise yourself to start today. OOPS, that didn’t work, so you negotiate with yourself to try again tomorrow. Uh-oohh, you fail again! Now you’re feeling so guilty that you gobble down a bag of Cheetos and swear off snack (as you finish licking the bag) starting after this escapade.
Excuses are like greeting cards; there is one for every occasion, including not eating healthy.
Chances are, you are well aware you should drink water, but you buy a Coke because the Cheetos are so salty and something sweet and fizzy goes so much better with it. Not to mention, you are swearing off snacks, so you commit to drinking water, starting tomorrow, of course.
You were on your way to the gym, but suddenly you have amnesia and cannot remember why you had to get a workout today. The excuses for not going are plentiful, and at that moment, they all seem pretty valid, so you blow it off. You opt for a shopping trip instead and convince yourself that all that walking will be like getting a workout in. If you’re really trying, you tell yourself you will park waaaaay in the back of the parking lot to get those extra steps in. What happens next? A rain cloud suddenly moves in, and you can’t risk getting stuck in the rain, so you circle the parking lot for 10 minutes to get the closest space possible.
But you do walk around the store.
As you’re walking around, the thoughts in your head might be telling you you are a loser, can’t do it, always fail, and/or any number of damaging limiting beliefs.
So what happens next?
First of all, what happens if you do nothing? Well, the truth is NOTHING! Nothing happens. The world won’t end, you probably won’t get struck by lightning or win the lottery-life will go on! You still spend time with the family, go to work, hang out with friends, and carry on. In short, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.
Assuming you’re not endangering your healthy, nothing horrible will happen. However, nothing AMAZING will happen either! You may never know the joy of feeling confident and energized from the inside out. You may never experience the satisfaction of crossing the finish line of a marathon or wearing a smoking hot dress to the party and being the center of attention. Opportunities that you had no idea were available to you may pass because you’re stuck in a comfort zone.
The question about getting fit and eating healthy you should be asking yourself:
The real question you are undoubtedly asking yourself if you’re still reading this post is: what happens if you actually do something? What awesome benefits and value can you add to your life, forever!
Maybe you’re asking yourself: Do something about what?
You see, it’s not the snacking or overeating that is the real challenge. If it was, you could go to a nutritionist and get a personal trainer. That would nip it in the bud quick.
Be brutally honest with yourself right now, and ask yourself if that would truly solve the problem. If you can sincerely answer “yes,” then, of course, I want you to turn off the computer and get to the gym right now. Hire a trainer, get in shape, meet your goal, and live happily ever after.
However, the chances are that most of you reading this cannot sincerely say that is the answer. Many of you have tried it already and know the results were temporary at best. Several others have gone to extremes such as uber-expensive or restrictive diets, surgery, or supplements that are more harmful than helpful.
…here’s some free life-coaching tips!
Listen up, I’m talking to you! I am offering you some valuable health and wellness coaching for free, right here and now:
First of all, stop and visualize what is good for your body. What makes you feel energized, focused, and ready to take on the day? Then, slow down your thoughts and engage your senses. See the colors of it vividly. Can you smell it? Feel it’s crunchy or chewy textures? Imagine how it tastes as you swallow it down ? Do you hear the crunch of it?
Now, bring your full awareness to your body. Notice your breath; listen to the pulse of your heart; imagine your digestive system functioning like a well-oiled machine; visualize all of your internal systems working together to power the most amazing creation ever, the human body. Bring your awareness to how your brain is the center of control as you wiggle your fingers and toes just by thinking about it.
As you gain increased awareness and appreciation for your body, you will automatically begin to love it more, feed it better, move it better, and feel great about it.
Remember, your body loves you. It takes you everywhere always; stays with you; goes with you; and sleeps with you! What can you do to show your body some love? Maybe you can give your body some rest? Perhaps a glass of room temperature water?
You are a good person. If you’re still reading now, you desire growth to get fit or eat healthy; you strongly value your health. Being healthy is not only an act of service for yourself, but it helps others too. If you don’t have your health, you don’t have yourself. Naturally, if you don’t have yourself, nobody has you either. Who needs and depends on you? What would life look like if you were the energetic and focused person you want to be?
This one many tools life coaches use to help clients meet their goals and create lasting change. These tools are powerful and effective and produce change faster than you might think. Any time you pursue a goal, make sure that it aligned with your vision and values and no one else’s and you will have success in living the life you deserve!
‘LOVE’ fascinates me whenever I hear it but at the same time makes me feel that whoever is using it do not really understand the profoundness of it. And, these days ‘Love’ is used to express oneself for all and sundry thereby making me wonder “is Love really worth it?”
Well, it is not the mistake of ‘Love’ but the mistake of those who claim it often when it is not really worth to be called so and thereby taking the sheen out of Love!!
When I looked at the meaning of ‘Love’, among other meanings, the one that stood out was “an intense feeling of deep affection.” And, I searched further for the meaning of “feeling” and “affection”.
For ‘Affection’ I picked the meaning “a gentle feeling of fondness or liking.” When I further explored the meaning of ‘Fondness’ or ‘Liking’ or ‘Love’ or ‘Affection’ what I could make out was that all of them revolves around the word “Feeling”.
So, what is “Feeling?”
Well, when I searched again I got a lot of sentences filled with circular-reference words but there was not a single word to describe it other than the word “Feel” itself!!
It is a fact that “Feel” cannot be expressed in words because it can only be felt!!
In the context of ‘Love’ it is needless to mention that the word ‘feeling’ is used to describe those experiences which gives us or makes us feel ‘happy’, makes us ‘light’ or ‘lively’ etcetera.
Love, Affection, Fondness etcetera are felt by each of us however it is impossible to equate each other’s feeling even if the object of feeling is the same. In other words, the intensity of our ‘Love’ can never be equated as ‘mine is more than yours’ or ‘same as yours’ or ‘lesser than yours’ as it is an abstract thing, which can only be experienced by oneself and the other person can only understand that experience if only he had also had a similar experience with respect to the subject object.
The ‘object’ can be either a physical thing or a living being or a living thing or just an abstract feeling.
The strength of a feeling one has for an object defines the strength of ‘Love’ one has for that object.
If one tend to use the word ‘Love’ to every object or most of the object one has a feeling for, then that ‘Love’ is not actually a ‘Love’ but only a misnomer as that person really do not understand what ‘Love’ means or he has never encountered ‘Love’.
Then, to what feeling can we ascribe ‘Love’?
We can ascribe ‘Love’ to only those feelings which are special, to those which cannot be easily compared, to those which either we recall often or which prods us often and makes us feel ‘happy’….
(Given below is only part of an incident from Silapathigaram, a Tamil Language Classic Literature)
In my part of the country there lived a man by the name Kovalan who was born to a rich merchant. He got married to a modest woman by the name Kannagi born to another rich merchant living in the same town. They started a happy married life which was cut very short as Kovalan fell in ‘Love’ with Madhavi, a dancer by profession (in those days dancing was invariably practiced by prostitutes) and he ends up forsaking Kannagi for her.
Madhavi’s mother used this as an opportunity to extract all his wealth over a period of time by asking Kannagi to part with in the name of Kovalan. And, Kannagi obliged and gave her whenever asked for thinking that her husband had asked for it, until there was nothing to give.
Once he was reduced to penury his Lover’s mother asked her to ditch him for a new wealthy client. Though Madhavi was reluctant her mother made it obvious to him that he is not wanted in their midst. Now this hits him hard and he realized his blunder of deserting his wife and understood the deceit of his lover and her mother and returned to his wife.
Now, left with nothing and not willing to go back to his parents, Kovalan along with his wife decided to leave to the capital of a ‘Pandian’ Kingdom called Madurai. On reaching the outskirts of Madurai, they settled down and started to plan their future.
Meanwhile, missing the ‘Love’ of Kovalan, his lover Madhavi came to know of the deceit played by her mother on Kovalan to usurp his wealth. She gave up her profession and along with her few months old daughter Manimegalai, born of Kovalan, took refuge in a Buddhist monastery and embraced nun-hood.
Kannagi to help her husband start a business gave one of her golden anklet to him to raise money. Kovalan approached a goldsmith to sell the anklet but was deceived by that goldsmith. It so happened that his anklet was a lookalike of the queen’s anklet which the goldsmith had stolen from the palace and there was a look out for the thief. The goldsmith saw an opportunity to frame him for the crime he had committed and immediately informs the royal guards.
Kovalan was charged for stealing the queen’s anklet and was produced in the king’s court. The Queen and the King on seeing the anklet mistook it for theirs and the king immediately ordered beheading of Kovalan then and there.
The death of Kovalan reached Kannagi like thunder bolt and she felt devastated. She at once rushed to the King’s court and found the lifeless beheaded body of her beloved husband. She immediately took out her other anklet which was in her possession and broke it open which resulted in spilling of rubies stubbed inside the anklet. On seeing the rubies the Queen at once realized her mistake as her anklets were stubbed with pearls.
The Queen accepted her mistake upon which the King at once gave up his life for being the cause of death of an innocent and also for letting down the family pride and reputation as ‘upholder of justice’ which his forefathers had guarded for many generations. Seeing her husband giving up his life the Queen too at once gives up her life!! (Their death is not like suicide but instantaneous, the king instantly dies for bringing disrepute to his Kingdom and to the Throne by his miscarriage of justice while the queen instantly dies on seeing the death of her beloved husband)
Now you have read this story. There are three pairs of lovers (1) Kovalan & Kannagi (2) Kovalan & Madhavi & (3) King & his Queen. Who really loved and whose love is Superior?
How do successful solopreneurs and entrepreneurs get through the challenges that come with pursuing their passion?
At some point in our lives, we’ve all done the 9-5 daily grind. You know the one, feeling like a hamster in the cage. Work, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat. Hundreds of hours wasted on the commute. We’ve met other’s expectations and spent 1/3 of our woken hours meeting their deadlines. All while pushing our dreams aside.
In the end, you feel no sense of ownership and suffer from disillusionment. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you have any honed sense of drive and determination, you have probably already realized that the internet has opened a world of opportunity: This is an age of entrepreneurship.
Being a solopreneur is an exciting prospect. Who doesn’t dream of being their boss? To start with, you can come and go as you please and take vacations whenever you want. And yet, while there’s work to be done, you’ll be sitting on a beautiful beach working from your laptop. Right?
Maybe. But, probably not. At least, not for a long time. The old saying goes, “ with great freedom comes great responsibility.”
Thank the internet that we have access to markets around the world. As a direct result, inventive minds have created products and services unthinkable just a few decades ago. For instance, eCommerce and online freelance consultancies have popped up everywhere. Granted, there are still massive untapped markets, yet it is impossible to eliminate the challenges driven entrepreneurs and solopreneurs face.
By that same token, the internet isn’t just an avenue to new markets: it’s also a repository of help. That’s where we come in. Just because you call yourself a solopreneur doesn’t mean you have to jump through these hoops alone. Nor should you!
What are the challenges Entrepreneurs and Solopreneurs often face?
Indeed the key to being a successful solopreneur is transforming possibility into reality.
At first, the sheer volume of tasks and things to learn can be overwhelming. Therefore, it isn’t uncommon to experience anxiety and overwhelm. What first seemed like a simple yet great idea now seems beyond daunting. In time, you might even lose sight of the end goal.
Or you might get stuck in a comfort zone, feeling like you’re just treading water. For months or even years, you’ve hated your job. Nevertheless, it pays the bills, and you’re not comfortable taking the plunge and following your passion. For instance, you’ve put up your website, and it’s been a hobby for a long, long time. There aren’t enough hours in the day to give it more attention, and you wonder if you had the opportunity to give it everything you’ve got it you wouldn’t kick-ass!!
You have to dive deep if you are looking for pearls. Treading water means you’re going nowhere. Eventually, you sink.
But that’s the art of solopreneurship: taking the plunge.
Overcoming the challenge
What’s crushing you is self-doubt. You fear failure. Self-limiting (damaging) beliefs have you convinced that if you fail, it’ll be catastrophic; that you’ll disappoint those you love if you don’t follow their dream for you; or that you’re just not good enough. You can reprogram these old ideas that no longer serve your highest good. Continuing to believe them is a choice that only you get to make.
Similarly, there is a solution to diffusing overwhelm. Solopreneurs start by setting SMART goals. Consider what you’d like to accomplish in a year. Next, think about what you have to do each month to get there. From there, break it into weekly and then daily goals. Next, prioritize a few tasks each day. From there, break tasks down to the smallest piece that you can accomplish in (about) an hour.
But ultimately, you need to take a chance.
‘…We only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, the decisions we waited too long to make.’ Lewis Carroll.
#2 The solopreneur knows it’s lonely at the top
Going it alone gets downright lonely! Conversely, at your miserable 9-5, someone else made the tough calls and took the heat. Now, it’s all on you to make the hard decisions, and you’re wearing all the hats. As a solopreneur, chances are you are the admin, marketer, manager, and service provider all at once. Once upon a time, things were delegated to others, but today, it is a thing of the past. Even if you can afford to pay others, there’s that fear that they aren’t going to do it right.
Successful business people develop their habitats and customs. Unfortunately, this only isolates them further, exacerbating the feeling of loneliness and the crushing weight of responsibility. It’s challenging to admit it, but there is freedom in knowing that no one knows everything or can do it alone. Everyone needs help.
Overcoming the Challenge
If you have the means, create a dream team of people you can trust and rely on. Do the tasks that you are passionate about and do best. These will energize you and bring you joy. Likewise, have a dream team of passionate and good people at the tasks you are not. It will prevent you from feeling like the life is being sucked right out of you.
At the very least, build a professional network. Seek out groups of kindred spirits who are living their passions. Even if they are in a different industry, the challenges are similar, and you will exchange support and ideas. You may also consider hiring a business consultant (more on this later). They can help you flourish.
Delegation should never be a dirty word. Find the best people you can, ensure they share your mindset. At the same time, don’t be afraid of new ideas. Everyone thought Steve Jobs was crazy and look at how he changed the world. You might be surprised to find that your collaborators do things even better.
Yes, this is a beautiful problem to have but a problem, just the same. Eventually, being able to scale your business can be the make or break of it.
When you are ready to expand, you face the challenge of who to hire. If you thought the job interview was terrifying as a candidate, please know it’s no party as an interviewer. It starts with sifting through dozens of resumes. Then you try to weed out the unqualified. At the same time, keep your eyes open for the overqualified. During the interview, you’ll find several candidates over-embellished their resume and wasted your time. Ideally, there’s one or two you might hire. Hopefully, one of them wants the job.
Here lies the challenge: finding someone right for your business and the right skills and the right attitude.
Overcoming the Challenge
Be specific. When you know what you want, you’ll know it when you see it. It will also help you target the search, by homing in on critical areas where prospective candidates can be found. Finally, be clear on the skills and characteristics that are crucial and the ones that you can sacrifice if need be.
Don’t be afraid to ask specific questions (but make sure that you do not violate any legal parameters) Pay attention to how candidates answer, what they say, and what they don’t say. Common yet insightful questions are: Will you stay long-term? “What value can you add?”How do you like to be managed?” and “What rewards would you want?”
The answers you receive will identify what kind of candidate they are and whether they are right.
#4 Managing time without letting it manage you.
With so much to do, you can struggle to know where to start. If you work from home, distractions are rife. But you can ill-afford to waste time: there are only so many hours in the day.
Rule of thumb: most things take longer than you think they will. They typically cost more too. Not always but often
With so many hats to wear, and tasks to learn, how do people manage?
Overcoming the Challenge
Excellent time management requires discipline, focus, and organization. If you waste time procrastinating on social media or playing games on your phone, not only will you get nothing done, you’ll beat yourself up about it later.
Give yourself deadlines and set clear boundaries. This is when your list of daily goals (from #1) is crucial. Ultimately, deciding what needs to get done when and prioritizing which tasks are urgent and which can get done at a later date will save your mental and emotional health while bolstering efficiency.
Remember this essential question: Am I making the best use of my time?
Consider having a mentor.
Forbes Magazine, Inc.com, and TheLadders.com, all tout the benefits of working with professional coaches. Some claim it is the single most profitable investment an entrepreneur or solopreneur can make. Yes, it is an investment, but it can save you thousands of dollars and years of the learning curve.
The Benefits of a Business Coach
Business coaches have years of experience and dozens, even hundreds, of prior clients. Think of a business coach like a doctor. They can diagnose your problem and prescribe a solution. They have seen it all and know what works and what doesn’t. Experience has taught them which services are worth investing in (for example: hire an accountant or DIY with Quickbooks) and which ones aren’t.
Here are some key benefits to keep in mind:
Make better, smarter decisions.
Gain a secondary perspective
Learn from other people’s mistakes and lessons.
Discover what you don’t know
Being an entrepreneur or solopreneur can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. It can also be one of the most distressing. None of the challenges presented are insurmountable obstacles unless you give in to them. The benefits will always be worth it. Remember: you get out of it what you put into it. You have to do the work all by yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone!
And why do we seek it? As a mindset and clarity coach, I’m always curious about what my clients hope to achieve from seeking a mindset shift. Is it a new skill? A new focus in life? A new direction?
For me, I’ve needed to shift gears a few times in my life – and for the longest time, I did it without my own personal life coach. But once I leaned in, focused on me, and discovered a mentor, I became unstoppable. In my process, I realized that mindset shifts come with a few components, like a recipe in a kitchen. For example, sometimes you need a dash; sometimes, you need a whole heap of an ingredient.
6 components that create a growth mindset:
I’ve identified six components that work in tandem together that assist with creating new patterns of thought. They are…
COACHING & MENTORSHIP
We seek mindset shifts when something feels out of balance, and your intuition suggests something needs to change. For instance, you wake up one morning and feel you can no longer continue to remain stuck in the place you are at – and to get where you want to go – you need to break the chains that are binding you to the present.
We nearly always know WHERE we want to go – it’s the path that becomes fuzzy and unclear. Other times, the path forward is so embodied in fear that we remain paralyzed in the present, unable to walk forward to your desired future. But you know the only way forward is to take that step.
Do you often do “impressively well” for weeks, only to end up losing motivation?
So, you puff up our chest, you set a goal, and you muster the courage to march with vigor towards the desired outcome. You do impressively well for a few weeks, and then you find yourself losing motivation, falling off your routine, and veering course from your goal. You ask yourself as you sit on the couch eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream feeling defeated, “Why do I always fall short of making shit happen in my life?”
First of all, it is vital to understand and accept this truth- You are NOT alone, and there IS a way. There is a solid formula to help you through.
Our minds are the most powerful muscle we have, and it’s all ours to use whatever we choose to do with it.
The mind can plan games, it can alert our inner critic to keep us playing small, and it can also be your own superpower. But one thing is known for a fact – ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE THE POWER OF YOUR MINDSET.
You own that choice.
A mindset is a grouping of assumptions we have that has been developed and learned over time, perhaps throughout our entire life. It’s like someone stuck you in 4th gear and left you there, not telling you there was a 5th, 6th, or 7th gear. These assumptions are so deeply ingrained in us we end up adopting prior behaviors and choices without ever second-guessing what could be possible.
So, if your mindset is a muscle that you can flex, then it can also get stronger. Just like your biceps and triceps, if you exercise them often, except your mindset can be exponentially more powerful.
Your first step in gaining a new mindset is finding clarity. Clarity around what you want to achieve, what your value system is, and exactly what you hope to achieve by discovering a new mindset. Is it greater health? Improved habits? A new line of income? A validating and fulfilling line of work? A personal goal you’ve been thinking about achieving for years? Whatever it is, finding clarity on the END GOAL is a top priority.
COURAGE & DISCIPLINE:
So you’ve decided to make a shift. Our first thought is to hold this “outcome” close to our chest like we are playing a mean game of Texas Hold ‘Em, and our poker face is The Dead Sea. If this is you, I’m about to rattle your cage a little bit. Staying silent about this shift will not serve you well. It gives you an “out” when motivation starts to subside, and your voice of self-doubt starts to creep in. This voice reminds you of the safe place to stay. It rekindles the old assumptions and stories that have kept you playing small all these years. You need to roll past that.
Shifting your mindset takes tremendous courage, passion, and discipline. For 95% of us, you cannot do it alone. You must share out loud with passion the shift you desire. Saying it out loud is preaching it to the Universe. And once the Universe has ahold of your desire, anything is possible. It gives you accountability to at least ONE person. That one may just be enough to keep you moving forward. It could be your spouse, a family member, or someone you trust and admire. My recommendation is to share this with a trusted friend or even a life coach who has your best interests at heart.
When it comes to making a mindset shift, it’s important to have someone in your court on your team rooting for you all the way.
A certified life coach that focuses on clarity, mindset, goals, and growth is very helpful in this context.
A good coach that you connect with will reflect your own thoughts and emotions to the point that they become crystal clear and allow you to find your path – “coaching” yourself to your own vision.
“Mentorship” is the process of sharing years of experience to offer a solution that aligns with the reflection of your goals. I believe you need both… Reflection and direction go hand in hand.
DESIRE AND CHALLENGE:
Having the desire to change and create a new mindset is certainly the start. But it’s just that… a start. Desire gets you to the starting line of a mindset shift.
But you must be ready to dig in and make meaningful change, and that is a challenge. The challenge is leaning into pain. Leaning in to the process of shifting patterns. Leaning in to the process of strengthening the muscle of the mind. You’re going to feel like an athlete training for a marathon. You will feel discomfort, frustration, fear, and sometimes even isolation. The challenge is pushing through it. You are elevating to a new space where bigger dreams happen, and new realities take shape.
To create the mindset shift, your desire to change has to be greater than the frustration of being stuck.
So, are you ready for the challenge?
Are you ready to lean in and do some amazing work that will lead to mindset shifts that last a lifetime? My passion is guiding others to a better place with easy steps. You deserve the fruits of your dreams. Having a life coach in your corner to break down the steps and outline your roadmap is the key to your success.
Change your mindset, change your world. Mindset shifts are truly magical.
Performance Coach and successful entrepreneur, Lea focuses on helping entrepreneurs grow their business, develop strategic marketing plans, and take flight in business. https://mcculloughcoaching.as.me/Goals
Coaches are not therapists, but what are the problems a life-coach can help solve?
Who do you call when you have a broken pipe at home? Where do you go when you need a haircut? What if you were looking for legal advice? Would you ask a friend? A neighbor? Your spouse? Only if they happened to be a plumber, hairdresser, or lawyer, right? So why not enlist professional help to reach your life goals? It’s not always best to rely on families or friends to support us in achieving our dreams and goals, so where are we supposed to turn?
While hiring a coach may not seem like the obvious answer in ordinary life situations, here is a list of the problems a life coach can help solve.
These concerns keep some of the most talented people from reaching their potential.
However, you don’t have anything you need to “heal,” so seeing a therapist is not the right approach. This is one of the most frequent problems a life coach can help solve. Certified life-coaches are very forward-thinking and solutions-oriented.
You know what the problem is, but you can’t figure out the solution.
Sometimes the most rewarding problem a life coach can help solve is making it easier for YOU to identify the solution.
Have you ever thought to yourself why success looks so easy for some people?Surely, they are just lucky, right? NO, they aren’t! They have struggles and challenges, just like everyone else! On the other hand, what is different is they don’t fixate on what the problem is. Instead, they direct their focus to what the solution is.
Granted, sometimes it is hard to “see the trees for the forest,” and that is precisely where a coach can help you. However, they aren’t going just to give you answers. In contrast, they will skillfully ask questions that get you to dig deep within yourself. You have the inner wisdom to make the best decisions for you, and a coach will help you discover it!
You don’t want to leave your comfort zone because you’re afraid of failure
Equally as commonplace is the fear of failure. In fact, it is the number-one obstacle people face when contemplating change. For instance, coaches help clients work past the shame associated with perceived failures. Meanwhile, they help to shift your perspective and view challenges positively instead of fearfully. With these in mind, they help you break broad goals into small and achievable ones. In the end, regardless of the outcome, you will go further than you would have on your own.
You live for Fridays, and by Sunday evening, you are starting to feel bummed. On top of that, you wake up on Mondays feeling grouchy and imagine every possible scenario that might excuse you. By the same token, you’ve thought about going back to school to learn something for a more rewarding career but have no idea where to start. Who would you ask for help? This is one of the most frequent problems a life-coach can help solve.
A career coach will help you identify career paths that are in line with your passion and strengths. Also, they will help you craft a resume that will get seen; prepare for the interview, and negotiate salary once hired.
In short, life goes by too fast to spend 1/3 of it in misery. Don’t let that be you.
A life-coach can help solve problems like breaking bad habits and developing good ones
All of us have tried to break bad habits and start new ones at some point in our lives. Sometimes we have permanent success while others success was fleeting. Health and wellness life coaches help clients break through the barriers that have kept them from achieving permanent and lasting results. For example, these are some habits clients break and/or form with their coaches:
A life-coach can help solve many problems. Hiring a life coach may not be your default answer for any of the above, but if you stop to think about it, it makes total sense to seek the same personalized support to reach your life goals as you would to fix a broken pipe or have your teeth cleaned. Becoming happy, resilient, and living with passion and purpose are only some of the gains you can expect from working with a certified coach.
Every one of us is ready to breathe a sigh of relief and live life with some sense of normalcy. Unfortunately, for those who are left having to find a job, the crisis isn’t entirely over. The global pandemic has taken a toll on the physical and mental health of the world population. Still, it has also has dismantled the fundamental pillars of the economy.
The Wall Street Journal reported that the number of jobs slashed as a direct result of COVID-19 is between 30 and 40 million. Things are starting to look a little brighter as the economy slowly opens back up. However, there is still uncertainty if companies will begin to recruit new employees. A common belief is that they might release even more of their existing workforce.
However, this is not reality. So, instead of obsessing over the scarcity of jobs, try to look on the brighter side of the picture. According to expert economists, the best way to battle the looming recession is to adapt and adapt quickly. That is great news as long as you are openminded and can think outside of the box.
Here are some suggestions from our career coaches that will make finding a job a little easier and improve your chances of landing one.
First and foremost, stay realistic.
If you are currently employed, but you hate your job and are looking for a new opportunity, don’t do anything abrupt until you have a solid offer. Instead, try and find ways to make your present job livable until you secure something better. Sometimes a shift in perspective can completely change the way you feel.
Think of something you do enjoy doing and consider what makes that fun for you. For example, I love to solve puzzles, but I strongly dislike accounting. When I do my books, I spend a few minutes getting myself in a better mindset by looking at Quick Books as one big puzzle. Granted, it does not make it my favorite thing to do, but it does decrease the pain tremendously. Conversely, the more I engage in thinking about what I don’t like, the more physical angst I feel, and it becomes unbearable. Ultimately, for most people, having a job you don’t love is better than not having one at all. Plus, if a company is indeed letting people go, a bad attitude will put you on the shortlist. Keep in mind that present circumstances are somewhat temporary. A positive attitude and a dose of gratitude will make it tolerable.
You might find a job, but it may not be your dream job.
If you are amongst the unemployed, we suggest spending some time getting clear about what you need versus what you want. We are not saying you cannot find your dream job right now, but it could take some time. Only you know if it is practical to hold out for what you want or to accept something that meets your needs for now. Consider putting your skills to use and try freelancing on sites like Upwork or Fiverr. These gigs are one you can do anytime and anywhere if you have an internet connection.
You can turn anything into a positive if you are willing to see the upside of things. On the positive side, you’ve bought yourself some time to polish your skills and resume. Remember too that it is easier to find a job when you have a job. It will alleviate most of the panic and fear of rejection many job-seekers face. For this reason, you will be more confident during interviews and confidence sells. If nothing else, your next employer will be impressed that you’ve managed to keep yourself busy amid all the chaos.
If you don’t find a job right away, make the most out of free online resources.
Every cloud has a silver lining, and this dark haze known as the novel Coronavirus is no exception. In light of the situation, several renowned universities and institutions have made their resources free and accessible by people from every corner of the world. Grab as many of them as you can, but stick to the ones that are relevant to your field of pursuit. You’ll be killing two birds with one stone. Firstly, it speaks to your level of ambition and eagerness to grow. Secondly, you’ll be able to add new knowledge and/or skill to your resume. You increase your chances of placing yourself ahead of your competitors.
Take advantage of online networking.
Most employers advertise less than half of the jobs they hope to fill and hire though referrals instead. Now that we work, socialize, learn, and shop online, it is vital to make the most of building social networks. Hence, seek professional groups from your desired industry on sites like Facebook and LinkedIn. From there, gradually build your network by actively engaging in discussions.
Namely, leave thought out and constructive comments on posts shared by both companies and professionals you hope to connect with. This is not a good time to be funny, snarky, or engage in debate. Instead, keep your tone casual yet professional and stay on topic. That way, you position yourself to demonstrate understanding and expertise. Once you establish some rapport with new connections, it is acceptable to politely ask if they would forward your resume to their management. The same goes for former colleagues.
What if you found a job, and then the Coronavirus came along?
If you’re among those who knocked it out of the park in your February interview, all is not lost. Maybe you haven’t heard back, or you got an offer only to have the opportunity evaporate with the crisis. We know how frustrating and disappointing this must be, but don’t give up.
Now that the economy is reopening, it is a great time to reach out to those potential employers. A short and concise email should be enough. You want to present yourself professionally without coming off as needy. Acknowledge the challenges they have faced and express your continued interest in the company. Reiterate the valued skills you bring and how they will benefit the company post-pandemic. Even if they are not hiring just yet, it keeps your name fresh and lets them know you are sincerely interested.
With so much uncertainty in the world right now, it can be overwhelming to find a job. Don’t get discouraged. Need help staying focused? You can talk with up to 3 career coaches on us! Your coach will help you focus your job search, write a resume that’s gets found by search engines, get ready for interviews, follow up effectively, and even negotiate appropriately.
All you have to do is register and fill out a short questionnaire. There is no fee to join or obligation to hire a coach, but we ask that you are sincere in your inquiry. What are you waiting for?
We have found that every great coach has a great coach. Here are the times great coaches will work with their coaches, and we suggest you do too:
1. You’re inspired but unsure “I’m gonna make this happen, but HOW do I make it happen?”
You have a dream, a vision, and/or a goal. You’ve either tried and didn’t get there; started with excitement and enthusiasm, only to peter-out halfway through; or you simply do not know where to start. Whether you want to lose a few pounds, find the love of your life, make a total career switch, or build the business of your dreams, a great coach can help you overcome obstacles, strategize next steps, keep you accountable and motivated, and support you while you create your dream. They also can see your “blind-spot” and help you avoid making costly mistakes.
2. You wake up one day feeling blah and realize “Nothing is happening”
You’re simply stuck. Things aren’t bad but they aren’t great either. Nothing really excites you, and you’re just out of ideas. A personal life coach can help you uncover why you’re stuck, form a collaborative think-tank with you, and re energize your plans to start moving forward. They will help you reignite a passion for life and find your purpose, causing a whole new perspective will cause a total paradigm shift.
3. You’re overwhelmed and wonder “What the heck is happening?”
Sometimes in life, things are beyond our control, and nothing seems to go right or make sense. There are always things we cannot control, but the one piece we can control is ourselves. Sometimes the root is our own belief systems; others it is because we have changed while others haven’t, or have we just changed differently OR beliefs that worked in the past no longer serve us anymore. This is a great time to hire a life coach. Having a skilled and objective coach can help quickly identify any beliefs running in the background and raise your conscious awareness and make moving forward virtually effortless.
4. You’re so excited “Something wonderful happened”
Yay for YOU! You started a new business, got promoted, married or had a baby; suddenly, you don’t recognize your life anymore because life as you knew it no longer exists. Change, even when it is fantastic, can throw us off-center. So many unexpected things come with change, even good ones. Your life coach can help you navigate this new beginning and support you in transition.
5. You’re in a good place but “Now what happens?”
You just overcame a major obstacle and are out of the weeds, so to speak, Now what? Overcoming a crisis can be exhausting and leave us feeling empty and off-center. When things go from crisis-mode to maintenance, it’s not always easy to shift gears back into production. Fortunately for you, you are closer than you think! Hire a life coach, and they will help you figure out when your next steps can be. They will help you create that amazing life you’ve been dreaming about and support you through exciting elements that may be a little scary but in the most wonderful way
6. You’re not feeling up to par “Something Terrible happened”
Ultimately, any time you want to take your life to the next level is a great time to hire a life coach. The most successful people are open-minded and willing to try new things. A coach will improve your self-awareness, help you stay focused, and access your greatest talents while keeping you motivated to go the distance. You can possibly do this on your own if you are super-disciplined and ambitious. However, you can do it so much quicker with motivation and accountability behind you.
Life is not always kind. Loved ones pass away, relationships end in heartbreak, healthy people succumb to illness, and jobs are lost. It can just really stink sometimes. I am so sorry if this is you. Having a healthy support system is so important when life takes a turn. It’s not always easy to turn to friends in these situations. A coach allows it to be “all about you” by offering you their undivided attention, and compassion will enable you to process in a confidential and safe place. There are no shortcuts through the grieving process, but a good coach can help you find the path back to living happily and lighten the sadness and despair.
If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!
If you strive to become an effective organizational leader, start with being the master of your own life. Where ever you are right now, it reflects the decisions you have made along the way. Each day we make decisions that align with our values, mission, and purpose. Therefore, those choices directly impact our relationships, finances, career growth, and health and wellness. Life gets challenging at times, but influential leaders don’t make excuses, they hold themselves accountable and take total responsibility for both their actions and the results. After spending over 25 years in a leadership role, I have witnessed the most powerful leaders’ common behaviors.
An effective leader is laser focused
Never lose sight of your personal, professional, and organizational goals. Of course, as an effective leader, you expect you to go above and beyond. “Good enough” is never enough, your bar is high, and you must excel. In order to do that, you must take care of yourself first. Only you can define what that means. However, for most total wellness includes taking care of body, mind, and soul. Eat well, get some exercise, practice meditation, or some form of mindfulness.
Research proves that these all have a profoundly positive impact on your ability to focus. For instance, even just 5 minutes of deep breathing can reduce stress and help you find a sense of calm that allows you to concentrate better. This can easily be done at your desk, between meetings, in the car, or at night if you’re having difficulty falling asleep. If you’re thinking to yourself, “I’m too busy”, the truth is you’re not. After all, everyone has the same set of 24 hours. It is a matter of priority. Make this practice a non-negotiable and part of your daily routine. As a result, you will be surprised at your ability to feel more in alignment with your day.
An influential leader builds strong relationships
An Influential leader is acutely aware of the value of developing solid relationships. With attention to communicating with their boss, direct reports, and key stakeholders, they seize opportunities to cultivate relationships. Correspondingly, they devote significant time, energy, and effort to develop and build relationships. Thus, it is one of the most valuable skills an effective leader can possess. Having strong relationships builds trust and credibility and is foundational to be an effective leader. From a business perspective, building strong relationships can be referred to as social capital.
Lead by example
As a leader, you are always on stage. People watch what you do more than what you say. In fact, in the first 3 seconds of entering a room, you have been sized up. Credible leaders demonstrate a high degree of integrity when their words and actions are in alignment with their intentions. Walk your talk, so you become a leader others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they create distrust. People follow those they trust.
Invest in yourself
Pursue continuing education to remain current with industry trends, read professional journals and books, attend conferences, and find a good mentor and/or coach to help you become your professional best. If there is a gap in any management competency area, be sure to 41 address that gap with the support of a mentor and/or coach. The right coach that has walked a similar path and has enjoyed career success can change your future trajectory and make a huge difference with your career.
An effective leader cultivates balance
It is fundamental to the quality of your life. In addition to your career, include dedicated time for health and well-being, family, friends, and recreation. Take time off from work on a regular basis, even if it feels like you can’t. If you put all your time and effort into your career and neglect the other areas of your life, you could be putting your health at risk and compromise relationships with the most important people in your life. If your job is eliminated one day, you might look back and wonder what all of that work was for and regret the important parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Much of our internal unrest as leaders can lead back to how well we live up to our personal values, mission and purpose. The old adage is true that all the magic happens right between our two ears. Our thoughts have immense power in how we show up and how we react to our environment and stressors. Becoming a more effective leader is well within your reach by focusing on what really drives you to be your personal and professional best.
Creative Consciousness is an infinite source of ideas, perspectives, and practices that are tried and tested by everyday people just like you. These tools change how you experience daily life, resulting in feeling lighter, having an easier life, and even becoming wealthier.
Sometimes Creative Consciousness can be called Unity Consciousness. No matter which you name it, it’s essence stays the same. It will always provide you with what you need in every given moment.
Consciousness in and of itself is the omnipresent field all around us. However, creativity is the coming of something out of nothing. Think about it, you have nothing, and then you do something with that nothing, and it becomes something. Therefore, you have created something.
Now, let’s go a little deeper. You just changed nothing into something, right? Is it not still nothing but in a different form? We don’t know how nothing turns to something; we just know what to do and do it intuitively.
A Universal “Data-base” of positive intentions
Around the world, people create amazing experiences and opportunities. When they do, energetically, it becomes available to everyone. Think of it as a universal database of Creative Consciousness. One that we are all uploading our divine talents to. Therefore, we make them vibrationally accessible to kindred spirits across the globe.
Now, here is this universal system that we all have access to. How do we access it? We can tap into it by asking and answering empowering questions.
So let me talk about those questions for a bit. If anyone can access Creative Consciousness through questioning, then what exactly should one ask? One of the best questions to start with is ‘What do I need?’ followed by ‘How do I feel?’ and you could ultimately ask, ‘How can I serve you?’.
Here are some other provocative open-ended questions one might ask themselves:
What would open up for me if I said no? (meaning if I say “no” to you, possibly I am saying “yes” to myself).
You can finish that same thought with infinite possibilities; the idea is to explore your deepest desire. “What would open up for me if I went to that party, or if I changed careers”, you get it!
Or you could ask yourself this question:
“What can I acknowledge, let go of, or decide to feel free right now? “ Use this to re-center yourself when you’re feeling restless or annoyed. Of course, you don’t have to use “feel free,” you can use any positively stated feeling you wish to experience.
Positively stated, means being clear about what you do want, and not giving energy to what you don’t want. Let me explain: if you got into a taxi cab and told the driver where you don’t want to go, like “I don’t want to go to the train station,” she/he would get pretty confused, right? You have to get in and say, “I want to go to the airport.” You’ll get there much quicker for sure. Creative Consciousness is similar in that it responds to positive intentions.
Law of attraction coaches explore Creative Consciousness through open-ended questions. They’ll ask questions like, “What is possible?” “What do you want to create?” or “Where do you want to be 1 year from now?”
This system expresses our highest intentions. They all come from a spirit of love with the intention to manifest the highest good. In essence, this “database” is only to serve us and never to impede our growth. It provides us with everything we need in every given moment just as soon as we remember to tap into it.
Anytime we come back to that (above) question that resonates with us, and we sit with it for a little bit, asking it over and over again, we will access the Creative Consciousness within us, and we will find answers.
On some level, we are all seeking answers. Anyone willing to find them can uncover them through Creative Consciousness. Sure, some people consider themselves more logical and rational than spiritual or “heart-cantered,” but they too access Creative Consciousness without even realizing it.
Find inner peace…
So many people get overwhelmed by life, and they could find peace by practicing Creative Consciousness.
For example, think of the person who has a hard time saying “no.” Maybe that person is you. A friend or co-worker asks you for help, and before you know if, you’ve agreed and taken on one more thing. By itself, it’s not a huge task, but you’ve already got a very long to-do list. So then, you tell yourself that you’ll “do it later” and start to procrastinate. This is one of several perfect scenarios that Creative Consciousness applies to you.
Imagine for a moment the nothing out of something creation. Here it would be to simply say to your friend or co-worker that you already have so much to do. You would love to help, but instead, you say not to them so that you can say yes to yourself. You suggest they ask someone else. This is one creation whereby you refer them to someone else and therefore complete the energy with love.
Also, you have created space for yourself to complete the projects you got going on. You will probably feel good about creating this space and release yourself from feeling bad that you didn’t take on your friend’s task. Stop and consider, is it possible that you added value to both your life and your co-workers/friends?
Breakthrough lack mentality
How is this not so much better than taking on the task and stressing out, wasting energy to come up with excuses to avoid and procrastinate doing it because you’re even more overwhelmed? You’re feeling disempowered, your friend/co-worker is waiting on you, and nothing is getting done. You did not create a solution for your friend’s task, and you did not create a solution for your other tasks. You’ve created a situation where you are “stuck.”, commonly referred to as Limited Consciousness or Lack Mentality.
Ultimately there is nothing wrong with either path, Interestingly enough, even in the most painful situations are positives because we are building up the pressure to reach the tipping point. That peak is what inspires change.
Lack mentality, limiting beliefs, and the fear of saying no to someone are real everyday person predicaments. I sympathize with that, and I wish nothing but the best for the world, every day.
Creative Consciousness wishes the best for the world every day, in every situation, just waiting on standby for you to tap into it.
There are so many other characteristics of living in alignment with creativity. I’m sure you can add something, and trust me it will be part of Creative Consciousness in action.
As always, though, it’s all well and said, but we need to apply these actions to our daily lives to see results. Information is never enough; it takes motion.
I would like to clarify that every successful person started off as an everyday person and his or her own reality. Even the richest man Jeff Bezos, was an ordinary person until he became rich one day. So, I am looking to eliminate any degree of separation between this person or that person and instead remind us that we are one.
I love you very much. Thank you for reading and Namaste.
From Bulgaria, Delina studied psychology and computers in the United Kingdom. She is a certified Creative Consciousness coach whom clients describe as an idealist, full of passion and of high vibrational energy. Her lifelong passion is to help others achieve what they set out to.
In uncertain times like these, it is wise to maximize the use of your social and professional network to aid in a job search. A recent survey conducted on LinkedIn reveals that more than 80% of people found their job using networking effectively.
Whether it is your father, who helps you set up a connection with a top-rated company in the city or your friend, who opens the door to land a high-profile job in his uncle’s company, the best jobs are seldom listed in the classifieds. Sometimes we have vast professional networks through social platforms like LinkedIn, yet other times we enlist the resources of specialized recruiters or career coaches to help us get a great job.
Whether you’re unemployed and seeking a job or looking to make a total career change, your social interactions can pay dividends in these endeavors.
The value of professional networking
Most people are aware of the importance of having a strong network in a job search, but very few people know how to do it well.
As per a recent survey, 50% of respondents agreed that they heard about new jobs via their connections, whereas only 37% learned about the new opportunities from advertisements.
The key is to develop multiple contacts – family, alumni, neighbors, friends, colleagues in your industry, and other sectors, and then build solid relationships with them.
Before the pandemic, attending in-person professional networking events was vital. The value of human interaction has not changed; only the modality we use to create it. Events are still taking place, but they’re online. If there’s an upside to staying home, it should be more convenient to attend as they’re happening wherever you and your computer are 😉. Try to participate in a variety of events whenever you have time.
Find groups and events
If you don’t belong to any groups or you don’t know where these events are, try an online search for organizations related to your industry. Also, you can browse apps like Meetup to broaden both your social and professional networks. A popular group among professionals in various industries and worth checking out is Toast Masters.
In the future, when social distancing regulations relax some, there will (hopefully) be live events that you can attend. If you happen to be the reserved type, a great way to break the ice is to volunteer to get involved. Why not offer to sit at the registration table? Then you get the opportunity to meet and greet all the participants and may find smart ways to start a healthy conversation and bump up your communication skills.
Have a networking plan
Get the best return for your investment of time in attending networking events. Have a specific goal in mind when you attend. Are you there just to gather information and learn? If so, write down a list of questions before hand so you can get them answered. If your goal is to talk to people in a chosen industry, decide on the number of people you are setting out to connect. Let’s say you decide on five. Set your intention to get the names and contact information for a minimum of five people; it’s always okay to get more. You could also set a goal to give your contact information to at least five different people too. It is amazing to learn that many other participants share common goals with you. Try engaging with them by sharing your business cards or email details.
Plan your “elevator speech” in advance so that you can make a great first impression and get your point across quickly. Time is money, and everyone is there for a reason. When it comes to anything business related, best practice is concise and to the point. In short, don’t attend an event aimlessly, have a strategy in place from the start.
Real professional networking happens after the event
Too often, job seekers do not “work” their network proactively. They get names and numbers, but they don’t follow up, or they don’t follow up enough. These relationships take time and consistency. It’s hard to reach out to someone you haven’t connected with for months or years. Commit to making monthly contact. Contact doesn’t have to be extensive; a short and sweet email or message on social media is enough. If you don’t know what to say, offer your help to them. No one gets offended by a no-strings-attached shout out. Reach out to all of your contacts about your job search. Of course, if you need to be discreet about it, choose wisely; the point is to be polite yet assertive. Your will impress your contacts with your energy, and you might be delighted to know how each one of them can give some valuable input.
Consider every social gathering an opportunity. There certainly are fewer face-to-face gatherings now, so take advantage of online meetings and get-togethers. Opportunities can exist anywhere; it’s you who needs to stay active enough to identify them.
Professional networking will help your boat to sail in the right direction. Make sure you create an inventory of accomplishments and work history that you can share with relevant contacts when the opportunities present themselves.
Stay aware, stay active, and position yourself strategically to land that dream job.
If you’re looking for new ways to be proactive about your career, we invite you to talk to up to 3 experienced career coaches on us! Our coaches are experts at helping people like you plan smart careers that are rewarding and fulfilling. It’s free to register, and there is no obligation.
Things are uncertain right now, and many people are worrying about the future and our “new normal.” While some level of concern is natural given the circumstances, being consumed with anxiety and fear will not help anyone and is quite harmful. Chronic worry can create several mental and physical health issues, and it ultimately robs you from experiencing joy.
Are you the type of person that is always thinking and analyzing, and then over-thinking and over-analyzing? Do you have a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep because your brain just won’t stop? If so, read on, this might be for you!
Not everyone is prone to the same level of angst, and here are some of the habits of people who have either overcome the worrying habit or have never had it.
Many psychotherapists and personal life coaches help their clients break through various blockages by learning how to overcome limiting beliefs. The process includes a few steps. In short, the steps are:
When you find yourself getting anxious, slow down and get real honest about your thoughts. Awareness is the stepping stone to change because you can’t fix anything if you don’t know what it is you’re trying to fix.
Take a moment to stop and listen to your inner voice. The goal is to uncover the thoughts behind the feelings. Recognize what limiting beliefs you are buying into. For example, if you are worried about a presentation you are giving at work tomorrow, pay attention to the messages like “I’ll lose my job,” “My boss will think I can’t do my job”, or “everyone will laugh at me. ”
Just because you’re thinking these things does not mean they are true. You and you alone decide whether to give them power. They only have as much influence over you as you give them. Make a conscious decision not to give them any power.
Think about how true they are, bearing in mind that 85% of our worst fears never materialize. Would you really lose your job? Are the people you work with that unprofessional? Even if they are, isn’t that a representation of them and their issues, not yours? They do not have the right to validate you unless you willingly surrender it.
Are you focusing on the one thing that may go wrong and ignoring the ten things that will go right? Why? Be curious about your thoughts without being judgmental. The last thing you want to do is beat yourself up for thinking that way. Lastly, keep perspective on how much something that worries you truly matters. Ask yourself, how much will this matter in 10 years? Or in ten months? Some things won’t even matter In ten minutes.
Whatever thoughts you uncover, ask yourself if they are helping or hurting you.
You are the author of your own book. When those types of thoughts come to consciousness, let yourself write a new story. Make sure the new story is one of confidence. Empower yourself to trust that whatever the future holds, you are resilient and will adapt. Remember that those old stories are lies and your mind playing tricks on you. Don’t fall for the tricks.
Practice and Succeed:
There is no magic sauce that will keep you from worrying, and this process takes time and practice. Make a toolbox for yourself and fill it with “growth tools” to help you form better habits and make these changes permanent and automatic. Growth tools can consist of things like journaling, affirmations, meditation, talking things out, or various NLP techniques like anchoring.
First of all, don’t believe in mass media. Every minute of every day, we are inundated with unrealistic messages of what life is supposed to look like. Double down on what we are supposed to look like. A lot of what you’re worrying about stems from getting sucked into thinking that things should be a certain way, but they’re not.
Accept what you cannot change, and change what you can.
The truth is you only have control over your actions, not the outcomes. Worrying about not being able to control the future is as effective as “trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum” (Baz Luhrmann). Yes, things are unpredictable right now. Jobs may be lost; stock markets will fluctuate; some people will get sick. Unfortunately, that is the harsh reality of life and has been for thousands of years. Make the smartest decisions you can and find peace in knowing that the results are not in your control.
Remember, too, that we live in the age of convenience and comfort. While we are very used to having what we want when we want it, most of those things are life’s little luxuries but not life’s basic necessities. Know the difference between needs and wants and then find gratitude in what you do have.
Some of the wisest and strongest people will tell you that horrible times make us humble and grateful. Also, many of the best things in life come from some of the worst things. This too, shall pass.
Peace of mind is an inside job, do not tie yours to external things.
It’s a matter of perspective.
Overcoming the worrying habit can be as easy as a shift in perspective. Think about something you are concerned about or something that really scares you. Take, for example, snakes. To say the least, if you don’t like snakes, the thought of finding one in your living room is nerve-wracking. However, some people love snakes and find them fascinating. On the other hand, they would probably be amused to find a snake in their house. They might even pick it up and play with it. The snake isn’t what is scary at all; it is our perspective about snakes that makes them so terrifying or not.
Another example is worrying it might rain on your wedding day. Most people either love or hate the rain. One would worry it will ruin everything while the other may consider it a good omen. Same rain, different meaning attached to it.
The trick is to learn to keep an open mind. Typically we are used to seeing things one way, yet a new perspective could change everything.
This is another powerful NLP technique. Disassociation is when you can detach from yourself as if you were watching someone else experiencing what you are going through. Think of it like seeing yourself on TV or in a movie. If that is too hard, try and imagine yourself talking to a friend who has your concern. What do you see? What would you say to them? How would you help them overcome worrying about that situation?
Remember worrying is not problem-solving. It will paralyze you.
Try meditation to be free from worrying
Anyone can learn to meditate, and it is not just for yogis or spiritual gurus. There is extensive research that lists the physical and mental health benefits of mindfulness. It is my “go-to” for breaking bad habits and creating good ones. Why? It has to do with the unconscious thoughts that we all have, and being in a meditative state helps to change them deeply and permanently.
If that doesn’t sound like it is for you, try deep diaphragmatic breathing. Basically, that is a medical term for breathing deep into your belly. The best way to do that is to breathe in long and slow through your nose. Hold that breath for a few seconds and then release long and slow through your mouth. The mind follows the breath, so breathing long and slow will help quiet some of the frantic chatter in the head. Also, when we are worrying about things we are living in the future. The future isn’t here yet, so it is better to get present in the NOW. Anytime you focus on your body or your breathing, you can only be in the present moment.
Besides, taking good physical care of yourself helps manage anxiety and stress. Eating well, getting some exercise, limiting caffeine and alcohol, but drinking plenty of water and getting quality sleep are all vital to your overall wellbeing. A holistic approach to wellness stabilizes your body chemistry, directly affecting your moods, thoughts, and behavior. You don’t have to become a health fanatic, but if your wellness plan needs some love, simple changes like cutting out some junk foods and 10 minutes of stretching or walking can help you feel more relaxed.
When you need urgent relief, try this….
When all else fails, or you need to calm down before you can try anything, this technique will help you to relax. Also, you can do it anywhere! In your car, at work, in bed, at dinner, literally anywhere.
Start by wiggling your toes and then squeezing them as tight as you can. Hold that for 2-3 seconds. Then notice your feet and squeeze your toes and feet as tight as you can. Again, do this for a few seconds. Repeat the same thing with your calves, squeezing your toes, feet, and calves as tight as you can. Work your way up your body one area at a time. When you’ve included every body part, do one final full-body squeeze for about 5 seconds. When you are finished, you will notice that tensions is gone and and you are more relaxed.
It is hard to wrap our heads around how quickly life has changed in the last three months, but for sure, there are several life lessons we have learned during the pandemic. For many, there is a renewed appreciation for timeless values.
Simple things that we took for granted, like going to our favorite restaurant, hanging out with dear friends, bargain hunting at the mall, or listening to audiobooks during our morning commute to work now seem like a faded memory. The world has never been so uncertain. Yet, despite such hard times, people are coming together to support one another. How can that be anything but a good thing?
Life before Covid-19
Before the onset of 2020, a difficult life lesson consisted of figuring out more ways to suit up and show up for the rat race and trying to cram everything in from a quick morning workout, putting in a 50-hour workweek, carting the kids around from club to club, running errands, doing the house chores, maintaining some semblance of family life and maybe, just maybe even social life. It’s exhausting to think about it, never mind live it.
On top of that, we’ve become so addicted to technology. From the moment we wake up to the time we go to bed, we fixate on our mobile screens, scanning emails, checking-in on social media, and utilizing seven different apps to function in daily life. Yesterday’s life lesson was all about knowing how to keep up with the latest platforms and stay relevant.
In the odd event families did sit together at the dinner table, hardly anyone spoke. Everyone would be busy on their phones, browsing on their social media, texting friends, or coworkers, or playing games with total strangers. Technology keeps us connected but at the same time, replaced face to face authentic human interaction.
If you’re under the age of thirty, this is just normal. For those who are older, this is akin to living out an 80’s science fiction become a reality.
…and here comes the “new normal”
And then BOOM! Then came this thing called the novel coronavirus. It isn’t like the annual cold & flu that goes around the office. It’s affecting every city in every state in virtually every country. We are confronted with a fatal virus that has spread all over the world.
In 20 years we will all look back at 2020 as the year that a “new normal” was born. We don’t even know what that new normal is quite yet. However, it will be the science fiction movie that became a reality for millennials.
Like a bad dream, governments across the globe ordered mandatory lockdowns. Businesses closed or at best had to recalibrate and offer curbside or online services. The economic projections are not optimistic, and the true impact is still unknown. Suddenly, we are all confronted with feelings of angst, fear, anger, frustration, isolation, and even the most introverted are left craving social interaction.
The irony of life is that it often takes a tragedy to bring people together.
Children spend more time being nurtured by their parents and less with caregivers who are not as bonded. Married couples, which hardly found time for one another before, suddenly felt closer.
We’ve upped our technology skills in a way that adds to family values instead of taking away from them. Grandma’s and grandpa’s who never heard of SKYPE or Zoom before are connecting with their loved ones face to face, a step up from over the phone.
Despite the shutdown, many people haven’t skipped a beat in their professional lives thanks to that same technology.
How are people spending their free time? They’re using it to better themselves, learning new things via online courses, YouTube, or old-fashioned books. Others have revisited old hobbies they were too busy for, like drawing or painting. Others cultivated new ones, like taking online yoga classes. These aren’t new life lessons brought about by the pandemic, but old traditional ones revisited.
Within a matter of weeks, the practice of human connection from a novel cliché to a heartfelt personal value. Millions across the globe began to reach out to distant family members that they’ve had spats or just lost touch. Others called old friends that they’ve just been too busy to make time for, picking up the conversation on the same sentence they left off at 10 years ago. They’re going out of their way to help their neighbors, those same neighbors they’ve only waved to in passing over the last 6 months.
Suddenly, a sense of gratitude for some of the little things in life has been inspired. Heck, when before 2020 were you ever grateful just to have toilet paper? How often did you stop and think about how precious your health is? We’re all getting enough rest and have come to appreciate the benefit of a nice nap.
In a world obsessed with images, vanity has taken the backseat as we’ve all learned to accept some pretty funky do-it-yourself haircuts.
Earth got a much-deserved break from us too. As the world closed down, it was only a matter of days before we had real evidence of environmental restoration. Grid-lock traffic came to a screeching halt, and we all watched viral videos of wildlife reclaiming what they believe to be theirs. The air we breathe is cleaner, and studies say it is possible to continue this trend.
Call me sentimental, but it seems like re-learning these treasured life-lessons based in good old-fashioned and traditional values like helping one another, appreciating family, making personal sacrifices for the greater good, and uniting has taken on a new life of their own.
As scary and as devastating as the virus is, there is a silver lining. You may have to adjust your vision to see it and it is likely a wake-up call to get us all to rethink the meaning of life and to reprioritize what truly matters.
Few can disagree that compassion, generosity, and goodwill have helped everyone get through these tough times. And, when the dust settles, many of us will remember this time, when life was simple easy, with fondness.
I was always intrigued by the idea of mindfulness, but at the same time, I was so intimidated because I didn’t have a clue how to meditate. The word brought up images of Tibetan monks sitting in the lotus position chanting “OM” while sandalwood incense permeated the air. While I have nothing but high regard for Tibetan monks, that just wasn’t me.
Fortunately, I later learned that there are numerous ways to practice mindfulness, and anyone can learn how to meditate and reap its benefits. It’s like making spaghetti sauce. Everyone either has their own recipe or buys it in a jar. Some throw together a spaghetti dinner inside of 11 minutes while others are pure gourmet and spend days preparing the sauce. In the end, everyone leaves the table full. So, no one method of contemplation is right or wrong, although some may be more vigorous about their discipline than others. But, you have to start somewhere, and even an entry-level practice is better than never doing it at all.
The misconception that it was transcendence or bust is precisely what got in the way of sincerely engaging in what has become the single most positive and life-changing habit I practice. Got in the way for years.
What are the benefits of meditation?
Since the beginning of time, men and women have meditated to gain serenity, clarity, and divine connection. In the modern world, doctors recommend meditation to their patients to improve both physical and emotional symptoms. Research shows that consistent practice helps to develop a stronger self-awareness and find relief from painful thoughts or feelings. In short, the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits are said to be profound.
Why is such contemplation so powerfully effective?
Celebs like Oprah Winfrey, Paul McCartney, Madonna, and Katy Perry are just a few who swear by meditation. Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan use it to achieve peak performance. At the same time, the CEO”s of Linked In, Huffington Post, and Ford Motor Co. meditate to cope with the stress of running major organizations and gain much of their inspiration from meditative practices.
When you learn how to meditate, you experience how powerfully effective it can be. For many, it goes beyond words. Learning to train the brain to focus will help you thrive in anything you strive to achieve.
Stop and think. Have you ever felt that you were overwhelmed or confused, and you just needed to “pause” and took time to think about things? Doesn’t the process of slowing everything down and not acting until you gain clarity make the best solution all but obvious? When you learn how to meditate, it is like that on steroids. Your mind slows down enough to bypass the conscious clutter and allow your most intuitive wisdom to present itself.
A practical explanation of how it works
The human brain is super-busy once it is awake. The average person has roughly 60 thoughts per minute. Believe it or not, only about 10% of those thoughts are conscious, while the other 90% are hanging out in the sub-conscious. Psychologists say that for most people, the majority of their unconscious thoughts are limiting and negative beliefs (Psychology Today, 2012).
So, if you are having about 1 thought per second, it’s safe to say your brain waves are pretty rapid. When you are awake and fully alert, brain activity is in a gamma or beta stage.
When you learn how to meditate, you start by focusing on your breath, and as a result, your brain automatically slows down because it is in tandem with the pace of your breath. So, as you relax, the brain waves slow down to the alpha and theta states. Here is where you ease-up and begin to have heightened intuition. Metaphorically, the waves slow down enough to open the door to the unconscious thought, a.k.a. inner wisdom.
That inner wisdom can provide answers to questions that have baffled us. It gives us precious feedback as to what our buried negative, fear-based, & limiting beliefs are. Once we know what they are, we can begin the process of weeding them out and replacing them with new, positive, and empowering ones. You can’t change anything until you know what the problem is, right?
Affirmations are sometimes used in meditation and are referred to as an intention. However, they are not exactly the same thing. Many people use affirmations to try and change a behavior or a thought pattern. This isn’t a bad thing, but its effectiveness is debatable, and any real change takes a very long time. In my opinion, this is because we are citing affirmations while we are fully alert when all hyper-brain activity is happening. I don’t think it works for two reasons. First, the message we’re trying to assimilate into our being can’t “get past” the frenzied brainwaves that are running in our consciousness. Secondly, it doesn’t work as well to overcome the limiting beliefs that run against them; it’s simply an attempt to mask them.
In truth there are an infinite number of ways to meditate and none of them are wrong. The common thread amongst all meditative practice is the cultivation of awareness and expanded consciousness.
How to Meditate- A Beginners Guide
Not quite feeling your inner guru yet? No worries-you CAN do this!
So, as I said, there is an infinite number of ways to meditate, and none of them are wrong. The common thread amongst all meditative practice is the cultivation of awareness and expanded consciousness.
Here are some basics to help you get started and discover what works best for you. These steps are only suggestions to begin learning how to meditate. None of them are requirements. However, they are what I do and suggest to coaching clients who want to start a routine.
Next, when I meditate, I like to set an intention, but this is not a requirement. Conversely, some who are veterans of meditation discourage it. Again, this is just what I do, and it has worked for many others.
An intention either the empowering thought I want my unconscious to resonate with or the answer that I hope to discover while in deep introspect. An intention should always be stated positively based on what one DOES want, never what they DON’T want.
Examples of empowering thoughts:
DO say: I love to eat healthy foods. I am patient and serene.
DON’T say: I will not eat junk food. I will stop being anxious and impatient.
Get comfortable and ready to relax.
If you are not using your cellphone for music, turn it off; otherwise , put it on Do Not Disturb.
Get cozy. If you can sit comfortably with your legs crossed , more power to you. If not, don’t worry, you can sit in a comfortable chair, or lie down if you prefer. Meditative energy knows where to go, and not being comfortable makes you feel awkward, which defeats the purpose of the whole experience.
Grab a blanket if you like. Tibetan monks say one can control their body temperature while meditating, but if you’re not there (I’m not) being chilly makes it hard not to think about anything besides being chilly.
Learn to stay present in the HERE and NOW.
Close your eyes and bring your awareness to your breath. First, take 2-3 slow and deep breaths. As you inhale, silently count to 5 and the same as you exhale. Only the first few breaths are long and deep, and that is to help you begin to relax and get centered. After that, you should breathe at a normal pace. Your brain will follow cues from your breath and begin to slow down.
While you breathe normally, just “notice” your breath. Feel the cool air coming in through your nose, traveling down your throat, and wherever it moves in your body after that. Don’t “try” to breathe fast or slow, shallow or deep, simply “notice” your breath. When we bring our awareness into our body, we are by default, bringing our awareness to the present moment. You cannot be thinking about the past or the future when you are aware of your body.
Set your intention
In your mind, say or see your intention. ONCE. Then, let it go. Affirmations are done by repeating a positive thought over and over again. That is not the purpose of an intention. The intention is just your conscious mind telling the unconscious where it would like to go.
Whatever thoughts come up and trust me, they will. Try to just notice them without engaging them. Think of them as clouds in the sky just rolling by. One passes – and another may come – or not. But, they’re just up – in the sky – moving along. There’s no meaning attached to the clouds; there’s no judgment; no one wonders what the backside of the cloud looks like; it just passes by…get it? This takes a bit of practice, but you will get better at it.
If you notice yourself getting caught into your thoughts, don’t panic. It’s normal and to be expected. Just gently bring your attention back to your breathing and your body. Feel your heart beating, or notice how warm your hands feel. Again, being in the body brings you back to the present moment.
Start small. Begin with about 5-10 minutes each day and gradually increase. Intuitively you will know where your ending point is. You’ll just get restless and feel “done.” Take another long deep breath or two and affirm to yourself the insights and awareness you just had. If there weren’t any, simply acknowledge to yourself that you just did something super healthy and positive. Kudos to you!
For years, I kept a meditation journal, which is basically the same thing as a dream journal. No this won’t help you learn how to meditate but I found it to be extremely helpful in understanding what my blockages and self-limiting beliefs were. That, in turn, helped me overcome them because you cannot change anything if you don’t know what it is you’re trying to change, right? Life coaches are professionals at helping clients overcome limiting beliefs so if you don’t know how to go it alone, it’s easy to get help.
The thoughts that come up during meditation are gold! They reveal to us what the other 90% of our 60 thoughts per minute are all about.
If your affirmation is “I love to eat healthy and nutritious foods” and in meditation, all the thoughts you have are (something like) “you always try but fail”, or you hear a parents voice saying “you should try to eat better” or an old gym teachers voice tells you “you’re weak and no willpower” (etc., etc., etc.,) you have valuable feedback about what has sabotaged your success in the past.
Writing these down right after helps us to remember them and then challenge their validity. Then, and only then, you can replace them with positive and empowering beliefs. The likelihood of them becoming automatic and permanent is significantly higher through meditation than it is by citing affirmations.
It takes 14–30 days for the unconscious to absorb new information and accept it as automatic. When you learn how to meditate and make it a regular part of your day, your “new normal” will be having an increased sense of happiness, gratitude, clarity, focus, and inner peace
Due to the current outbreak of COVID-19, working from home has become a necessity. What are the best tips for working from home during the coronavirus outbreak?
For most of us, working from home translates crawling out of bed in our “business PJs,” making our way to the coffeepot, then either to the home office or just the kitchen table to fire up the laptop! Voila! We are at work.
No commute, no dressing up, and no formalities of the workplace. It sounds too good to be true! However, what seemed like a dream come true for many has quickly turned into a nightmare.
Turns out, working from home every day, week after week, is not as wonderful as we thought. We envisioned the freedom of being able to work and attend to personal matters as a luxury. However, in reality, we discover the constant distractions; kids, pets, household chores, social media, tv, are tough to balance. Then there’s the added layer of learning “how” to work from home, manage zoom calls, new cybersecurity protocols, the forfeiture of face-to-face support, and guidance; it can quickly become overwhelming for the best of us. Becoming stressed is understandable.
But, staying stressed is optional. You don’t have to worry! We researched what the experts have to say and have some great work from home strategies that can help you perform your best and stay sane while you cope with the pressures of maintaining a “new normal” work-life balance.
Here are the best tips for working from home during the coronavirus outbreak and beyond
This is a crazy time for everyone right now. However, it does not mean you have to lose your sanity. Do not focus on the tabloid news or get coronavirus updates 24/7, and for the love of God, do not focus on the political circus going on. No leader or citizen in the world was ready for this, and the truth is we are ALL doing the best we can. It may appear some are doing better than others, but at the end of the day judging others, comparing ourselves to them, and wallowing in the negativity of “could have” “should have” and “would have” only robs you of any sense of peace.
This tip for working from home will help you have a happier and more useful experience. Surround yourself with your loved ones, and focus on what is positive. Cultivate a sense of gratitude for the opportunity to be with them. It’s all a matter of perspective. If you have kids or other dependents in the house, stay positive for them so that they feel hopeful. A friendly, loving atmosphere in your home will pave the way for a peaceful workspace.
You need to have a foundation.
So, the first thing is to build a solid routine that helps you optimize your life, not only your work. Just because the world is closed, it doesn’t mean life stops. If you have children, the same goes for them. They are facing their own set of challenges right now and depend on you for a sense of stability and consistency in their lives.
Keep a sense of normalcy and stability.
Another powerful tip for working from home is to keep some semblance of life as you knew it before the pandemic.
It is too easy to get into bad sleep habits right now. How easily we can rationalize staying up late knowing we can sleep late. It’s a slippery slope and one that only sets you up for misery later. Go to bed at the same time you would on a routine workday. Wake up just as early as you would on any weekday.
Find a way to create that same sense of urgency you had before the world closed. Eat breakfast or get a bit of coffee in your system to nudge those brain cells out of sleep. Get dressed. It doesn’t have to be a business suit but put on real clothes. Get ready for a video call with your boss! Even if you don’t have one, suiting up is part of showing up, and you’ll feel prepared to take it on if you are not in your “business PJ’s.”
The first two hours of your morning will impact how you work for the rest of the day. Make them count.
Create the right physical space
The modern work environment consists of cubicles. They are set up to get you to focus on the tasks at hand automatically. If you can, create a small ‘office’ space in the house. You don’t need anything fancy. All you need is a quiet but well-lit room with a desk or table and comfortable cushioned chair keeping in mind the long hours of video conferences ahead.
A smart work from home strategy is to make this place as “off-limits” to others as you can. This may feel selfish to some, and in some ways, it is. If it is, then barring emergencies, permit yourself to be selfish. The most creative and successful people often seclude themselves and allow no interruptions. Selfish or not, that’s how they get it done! If you were actually at work, you would not be available to others anyways, so minimize how much you allow others to enter your space.
Preparation is the key to success.
Now that you have started to treat this whole situation like a real job, the next skill to home in on is those remote-communication skills. Thankfully, with tons of options such as zoom, SKYPE, or Slack, staying connected is a matter of a couple of left-clicks and boom, the face-to-face meeting is on.
If these are new to you, do not fret. Most programs are relatively simple to learn. The key to success here is simply to take the time to get familiar with the features of whatever program you’re using before the meeting. You do not want to be the one stuck trying to fix your screen or how to mute/unmute as the meeting continues. These are your tools, and you need to master them.
Make sure your bedroom or even worse, your bathroom, is not view or an earshot. You don’t want to be the one with the toilet flushing in the background during a strategy meeting. Be aware of what’s in the background. Find a neutral setting and make sure your mic and headphones work perfectly. Sometimes there are delays in the connection, so be patient if responses are slow or if you are asked to repeat yourself. Everyone is in the same boat, so mutual respect and courtesy are key.
It can be hard to create a system that works as well at home as it did in the office, but you want to set yourself up for success. The trick is to learn to work smarter, not harder. Studies have shown a neat and organized work environment has a significant impact on our productivity. It also impacts confidence and motivation.
Productivity at home depends on staying organized. Otherwise, it can take you all day to complete what you would typically hammer out in a few hours.
Get your thoughts in order before beginning to work and take a few minutes sorting things out when you are done. The extra 10-20 minutes of preparation will save you hours of “winging it”. Try to keep your workspace tidy.
One of the hardest things to achieve, but a critical component of working from home, is time management. This can easily be the #1 key to successfully working from home.
Does any of this sound like you?
Work for 45 minutes then check your social media.
Finish a meeting then raid the kitchen
Lunchtime comes, you turn on the TV and end up watching 4 episodes of Ozark.
You go to get the mail, the next thing you know you’re watering plants and pulling weeds.
You realize its 4:00, and you’ve got little accomplished, so you either put it off until tomorrow or end up working until 10:00 pm instead?
ANY other distraction that interferes with your productivity or gives some lame excuse to procrastinate comes up and oops, there you go again?
The good news is you’re not alone. The bad news is, your boss doesn’t care if you’re alone or not, they want the work done, done right, and done on time.
Don’t get me wrong; we all get carried away at times! We indulge in checking our Facebook Feeds or watching that funny cat video our cousin sent. Heck, most of us do that AT WORK. However, the goal is to manage your time like you would at work.
Make a schedule for yourself
Start by writing down everything you need to get done for the day. Estimate how long it should take you. If you’re like me, everything takes longer than you think it will. That may not be the case with you; just be honest with yourself when planning it out. Decide which tasks are the most urgent and get them on the schedule. It doesn’t mean they have to be done first thing, just get them planned so that you don’t get carried away with things that can wait. Plan breaks, lunch, and give yourself a quit time.
If you’re in a slump, do things that you can finish quickly first. Being able to cross things off the “to do” list is a great motivator as you’ll feel successful, which will boost your energy.
Turn your phone off unless you are actively using it for work. At the very least, let personal calls go to voice mail. You are “at work.”
Stay healthy and safe
This may not sound like a tip for working at home, but it is. First and foremost, your immune system depends on it. In addition to that, your mental health does too. Lack of exercise, dehydration, and insulin spikes created by excessive sugars and simple carbohydrates will negatively affect your concentration and energy. Translation, you can’t do your best work if you slack off on basic health practices.
Don’t let yourself sit all day just because the gyms are all closed, and you’re not even walking to the copy machine anymore. Outdoors is still open, and you can still go for a walk. If that’s not your thing, throw on a YouTube video. Thousands of them will guide you through 2 to 200 minute exercise program. At the very least, get up and walk around your home for 2 minutes once every hour.
Leaning over a computer all day (regardless of where) isn’t the best posture and can quickly lead to severe neck and back pains or headaches. What fun is any of those?
Drink water, 6-8 glasses of it. More if you like to drink caffeinated or alcoholic beverages. It will balance your mood, improve your cognitive functions, and increase your memory.
It is easy to get into all of the comfort foods. When the stay at home orders first hit, it felt like there was a storm coming, and we were all just hunkering down for a few days. For many, that food festival. Coronavirus is indeed like a storm that we are all waiting for to pass, but going into week 8, it’s a bit long to be indulging in what I call comfort food. Just remember: junk food doesn’t fix anything; it’s not entertainment; it doesn’t really relieve stress, and it certainly won’t make you head clearer or give you lasting energy.
Humans are social animals, and self-isolation does not come naturally to most of us. After work hours, take time to call your friends, family, or other loved ones. If you live with a big family, make sure that everyone in the house has dinner together and can enjoy movie nights over the weekends. The idea is to stay as connected as possible. The benefit? When you start working tomorrow, you’ll feel recharged and fresh. A little bit of digital socializing can go a long way.
Working from home may well be the new normal, even beyond recovery from the pandemic. There are pros and cons for both companies and employees when the workforce is remote. With a little self-discipline and proper planning, you can be efficient and productive professionally while enjoying a free and balanced life-style. If managing the change is too challenging for you, don’t beat yourself up over it. No one expects you to know how to navigate this intuitively. It takes a plan, some practice, and a learning curve. Reading dozens of articles offering tips on working from home may not be enough. Don’t go it alone! Reach out to colleagues or managers at work for guidance. If you’d like more personal support, a coach can help you get up and running so that you meet your goals in all areas of your life.
Financial literacy is not an innate skill that one Is just born with; it must be learned. Achieving financial security requires both an understanding of how money works and the discipline to make wise decisions with money.
How many people do you know who live paycheck to paycheck or are always broke? Are you one of them? Do you ever wonder how other people manage to save money and live a good life, yet you’re struggling? It might seem like there is some secret formula to growing wealth, and a person has to crack the code.
I lived that way throughout my 20’s and early 30’s. What’s worse, I had higher than average earnings. The problem was, the more I earned, the more I spent. I didn’t get richer; the bills just seemed to get bigger. I bought more expensive clothes, drove a faster car, dined in posh restaurants, and did everything that I thought defined living the American Dream.
I had to learn the hard way that having financial security isn’t about how much money you earn; it is about how much money you save! On top of that, saving cash is only useful if it stays saved. That’s different than saving a bunch of money, and then one day, you impulsively decide it’s time to reward yourself with some luxury purchase that all but cleans out the account. (ask me how I know 😉)
Therefore, suffice it to say that financial security is both rational and emotional. Not necessarily in that order either. For many people, spending money and accumulating “stuff” is a “fix” like a drug would offer.
There are thousands of great books about budgeting, financial literacy, and building financial security. Two that were highly influential in my turning point with money are The Total Money Makeover, by Dave Ramsey and RICH DAD, Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki.
To begin, I have to tell you one thing. All of the information in the world will not help you until you are ready to look within yourself and make a change. However, once you are prepared to get brutally honest with yourself, you are already well on your way.
The 6 Steps to Financial Security
Steps One – Four: the pillars of financial stability
Step one: Make a budget
This is probably the easiest step. Here is a simple formula for a budget:
Record all income per month.
Make a list of all expenses. Divide them into two columns: fixed and variable. Fixed costs are expenses that are the same every month, such as rent/mortgage, car payments, insurances. Variable costs can fluctuate, such as gas, groceries, and some utilities.
Add up all your expenses and deduct that from your total income. The remainder is what you have left for savings, incidental expenses that weren’t in your original budget, and disposable income. **(Step 4 is saving a minimum of 10% in a retirement account. The most financially savvy people I know “pay themselves first.” That means they take a minimum of 10% of their income right off the top for savings, and then use the remainder to calculate the rest of their budget).
Track every penny you spend. Find a budgeting app that suits you and use it! Being mindful of spending will help guide your decisions. What’s more, you’ll also learn a lot about your unconscious spending habits.
If you’re serious about getting your finances straight, be rigorous in deciding what expenses are necessary. In the modern world, we’ve convinced ourselves that a 70-inch flatscreen TV and 400 channels are essential, but believe it or not, you will survive without one.
How you rationalize your spending speaks to your values.What does your spending say about you?
If you don’t have this already, you should aim to get this done within a month, two max. This is probably the hardest step. Why? Not because $1,000 is a whole lot of money, but because if you don’t have it already, you probably need to make some serious changes. Change is hard, but the truth is you either get control of your money, or you let money control you. In other words, life isn’t all fun and games; live it up now and get into a funk when you need new tires, or make responsible decisions and have peace of mind knowing you’re tracking stability.
Chances are, you will have to cut something out to meet this goal. You might have to lose the $7.00 lattes or forego the latest and greatest gadget. Maybe you have got a closet or garage full of stuff that you never even use that can get sold on Facebook or eBay? In short, have a “whatever it takes attitude” and get there ASAP!
Remember that long term satisfaction is so much sweeter than instant (fleeting) gratification.
Step Three: Start hammering away at debt.
Start with the credit card or loan with the highest interest rate. Pay as much monthly as you possibly can. Make it sacrificial. Furthermore, make sure all payments are on time, and that means early. I have coached too many people who somehow think that 4 days late is “on time enough.” It’s not. It damages your credit, which means you will pay higher interest rates on future purchases. Here’s a quick lesson in financial literacy and the cost of money.
While a couple of percentage points on a loan doesn’t sound like a lot, picture this:
Two guys buy the same exact $25,000 car. One has excellent credit because he has always paid their bills and paid them on time. The other has ok credit but has been late a few times for whatever reason.
The guy with excellent credit gets a rate of 2% over 5 years so he pays $1,291.40 in interest for a total of $26,291.40 for the car.
The other guy gets his loan at 5%. He pays a total of $3,306.80 in interest, so the same car cost him $28,306.80.
The difference = $2,015.40. I don’t know about you, but I have no friends at the bank that I’d like to fork over an extra 2 grand to. Imagine a pile of money on the ground and lighting it on fire. That’s’ what late payments cost you, and that’s on a car loan. The number is exponentially higher on a mortgage.
If you’re stuck with high credit card interest, consider transferring them to a lower rate offer. But I recommend doing this no more than once as there are fees involved, and in the long run, it’s better to establish a credit history with a single creditor.
Step Four: Bump up your emergency fund to a full 3 (good) to 6 (better) months living expenses.
To begin with, $#!+ happens. Indeed, as I write this, the country and much of the world is closed due to the coronavirus. Do I need to say more? Probably not, but I will. Coronavirus pandemic is an anomaly that no one could have foreseen. On the other hand, downturn economies, layoffs, (personal) health issues, and other unfortunate unknowns do happen, and financially savvy people have a plan for them. For most people, it’s not a matter of “if” but “when.” Times like those are when many people run into financial ruin because they don’t have a safety net. In extreme cases, 6 months of savings may not even be enough, but it sure as heck softens the blow. If financial security is truly what you seek, this step is a must! It will take time, but make it a priority and get it done!
Step Four: Invest 10-15% of your pretax income in a retirement plan.
Let your money work for you! If you have a 401K or 403B available to you, max them out and never touch them unless it is a dire emergency, and then pay it back ASAP if you do. If you don’t have an employer facilitated retirement fund, you can still stash money in an IRA. There are several types, so you’ll have to determine which best meets your needs. If you need guidance, find a mentor to coach you and to help you plan out a budget and your finances.
Steps Five – Six: Build Wealth and Live in Luxury
Step Five: Invest and Plan for the future
Do you want to buy a home? Putting down a minimum of 20% will get you the best interest rates and save you from paying a nasty monthly fee called PMI (private mortgage insurance).
Besides that, you might have kids. If you do have them, will you contribute to their higher education?
Do you dream of owning a yacht or a summer home? Maybe you’d like to travel the world? Retire at 50? You can make possibilities become a reality if you plan for them correctly.
There are many ways to invest money and watch it grow. Real estate is often considered one of the soundest investments over the long term, although history teaches us that stock markets trend upward over time, even when factoring in the ups and downs of market trends. Safer investments have smaller returns, while those with higher risk offer larger payouts. When you get here, it is imperative to either do extensive research or enlist the expertise of a financial planner.
Step Six: Give
One well-known advantage of giving is that contributions are typically tax-deductible. However, the benefits of giving extend far beyond a tax break. Giving connects us to the community and makes us feel a part of the greater good. Research proves giving to charity creates the brain response associated with happiness. Helping others and being a part of something bigger than ourselves cultivates a deep sense of purpose and passion in life.
Many people believe that giving is the foundation of receiving. This is a fundamental principle of the law of attraction and is grounded in the belief that giving freely (without expecting any return) supports an abundance mentality that opens us up vibrationally to attract more abundances.
In summary, financial security is the result of knowledge + discipline. Having all the information in the world will not do you any good if you don’t act on it. It takes courage and determination and it will involve change. Please remember, permanent change comes from within.
Final thoughts to ponder when beginning your journey to easy street
What are your beliefs about money?
…about people who have lots of money?
…about people who don’t?
What emotional needs does money serve for you?
Where you spend your money speaks to who you are….what do your spending habits say about you? Changing your beliefs about money, and your relationship to it, may well be the cornerstone of actualizing your financial goals.
In a world that tries to dictate to us what it means to have true-love and healthy relationship, many still wonder what is real intimacy? What is your definition of a healthy relationship and real intimacy? In my interpretation of it is one where both members enjoy themselves to be in it. Although the world tries to tell us what a healthy relationship should look like, as I see it, how it looks should be entirely up to the participants. If they are both happy with their own ‘rules’ and they don’t harm other people, they should be able to choose what they want without judgment.
But even so, some general guidelines are worth following. Here are a few of them:
Intimacy requires self-awareness, and knowing the cycles of your emotions!
To begin, it is essential to recognize and understand your emotional reactions so that you can look at situations more rationally by considering your habits and the way you interact. For example, if you know that you tend to be oversensitive at times, it will help you to diffuse what may seem like criticism instead of constructive feedback. Therefore, knowing who you are will help you keep a realistic perspective on things.
Regardless of if you feel like you are on top of a mountain or are sinking to the bottom of the ocean when you are aware of your personal interpretations of what is happening, you are immediately able to gain clarity and see things realistically. In other words, if there are problems in a relationship and (for example) you are feeling victorious because you just got a pay raise, you have the maturity to know that this beautiful feeling does not make everything else ok. Similarly, if you are annoyed with your dog for chewing on your $1000 iPhone, you do not project that anger on to your partner because you are in a bad mood. The point is, harmonious connections involve having the maturity to understand one’s feelings while maintaining firm boundaries in how they affect their interactions.
Deep intimacy comes when you have a desire to understand your partner and help them feel good about themselves
Like everything, there are as many definitions of love as there are people feeling it. What I have observed to be one of the best characteristics of intimate love is when someone has an innate drive to see their partner happy, they sincerely want to understand how they think, feel, and they know exactly what they like or not. That person knows their partner so well; they can predict how they will react to a situation and can anticipate exactly how to best support them. Furthermore, they know just what to say to help them to reconnect with their heart and feel appreciated and cherished by the other person.
Although this may seem obvious to some, it requires being selfless at times and paying close attention to your partner. However, it can be the most magical and powerful element that defines your partnership. Ultimately, it is the purest way to express that you care for who they truly are.
Healthy intimacy requires open communication
Sure, it’s easy to say, but it’s not always so easy to do. In any relationship, there is always some fear of vulnerability and sharing our deepest feelings and thoughts. Let alone if they create some conflict, it’s even more challenging as we try to convey our emotions in a healthy way without hurting the other person. On the other hand, not having open communication means things are avoided, held in, and ultimately create tension or passive-aggressive behaviors.
Stay close by seeing things from your partner’s eyes
Train yourself to be open about what you think and how you feel with your partner! The best way is to look at things from a different approach:
If you feel like you’re being criticized, pause to try and see things from their point of view. In a healthy relationship, two people appreciate and respect each other, and they have a secure connection, right? However, that doesn’t mean there will not be differences or difficulties between the two of you. When disagreements come up, take a moment to empathize with what your partner is feeling. Take ownership of your habits that create conflict and understand the discomfort they cause the other person. Know what parts of you are willing and able to compromise on and not. You probably need to meet each other in the middle. In other words, it’s not about rights or wrongs; it is about making things work between the 2 of you!
Get in touch with your fears so that they don’t run your thoughts
Let’s be honest; everyone has fears. The most common fears are of abandonment, rejection, being hurt, or being humiliated. When these fears lurk in our head, they can make us say and do things that are hurtful to ourselves or our partners. They are at the root of dishonesty, manipulation, and other dysfunctional behaviors. Therefore, knowing what your fears are and learning self love is vital in having a healthy and intimate relationship. It gives you a chance to make conscious decisions based on facts instead of fears.
Being intimate does not make anyone a mind reader
How often do you expect your partner just to know what is going on with you without telling him/her? Life can be hectic, and it’s easy to take some of the most important things, such as our loved ones, for granted. When we get so wrapped up in ourselves and stop communication clearly, we risk a lot of misinterpretation and misunderstanding.
Sometimes we are too afraid to be honest and end up communicating in some wishy-washy way. Other times, we have kept things in for too long, and it becomes hard to express how we feel. Either way, the consequences are not good. In the short term, it might seem more comfortable. However, in the long run, it eats away at the precious bonds that keep you together. The best practice is to be honest and open from the start and never stop, Then, you can only strengthen the intimate connections you have with loved ones.
Undoubtedly, the happiest and healthiest relationships are characterized, at least in part, by a deep sense of intimacy. Whether you decide to marry or stay single; co-habitat or live separately; you alone get to define what it means to love, be happy, and what is a healthy relationship for you! Respect and enjoy each other in the ways that are best for both of you!
Relationship coaches have experience in various relationship dynamics, from romantic to family relations, friendships, and professional interactions. This type of life-coaching balances the art and science of co-actively working with individuals, couples, partnerships and teams toward mutually defined goals. If you’d like to live your next-level life and meet your relationship goals with a coach, you can try it risk free with up to 3 coaching sessions on us.
From Hungary, ‘Be Real! Life Coaching’ has been her dream her whole life. She has always been interested in learning how people make sense of the world and form their adult perspectives. She believes the key to true happiness lies in fully accepting oneself exactly as they are.
As the country continues to follow social distancing guidelines to help curb the spread of COVID-19, many of us are experiencing feelings of angst, fear, and worry. However, it is not only possible to be happy and stay positive while social distancing at home; it is vital for all our emotional wellbeing that we do. Undoubtedly there are times when being happy or positive is challenging, and we need a quick way to reel ourselves back in.
Recognize the connection between beliefs and feelings and know that you have a choice.
Have a clear vision of your BIG WHY
Chose love over fear
What is the connection between beliefs and feelings?
First, let’s talk about thoughts/beliefs and feelings. What comes first, thoughts or feelings? There are arguments for both sides. Ultimately, I don’t think it matters, but I know that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists (CBT), Emotional Intelligence (EQ), and Neuro-Linguistic (NLP) Coaches work off the behavior cycle modal. In that modal, (subconscious) thought precedes emotion. I resonate with this and will use this modal to form a baseline.
The Behavior Cycle Modal
In short, this cycle describes how our thoughts become beliefs that then guide our feelings. Then, we choose actions based on how we feel. Consequently, our efforts bring about the results that define our reality. Lastly, our perceived reality guides our thoughts and beliefs.
Now you may be thinking that you can’t control how you think or feel, but the truth is, you do have a choice. We all have “trigger” thoughts that run automatically in our unconscious. While this is true, we can’t control them right now; there are ways to learn to ‘reframe’ old limiting beliefs into empowering ones. When we slow ourselves down and listen to our inner thoughts, we do have a choice to either believe or dismiss them. It does take practice, but the better you get at it, the more positive your automatic thoughts become.
Know your WHY; have a sense of purpose!
Every small task in life has a purpose, but what is your primary purpose in life? Let’s say the goal of going to work is to gain a sense of satisfaction and to earn a paycheck. But what is the importance of the paycheck? To have financial security and, hopefully, some enjoyment. But is life just about financial protection and fun? I do hope you answered no.
So, take a moment and consider what the WHY is in your life? Research proves that people who’s purpose is to be a part of something bigger than themselves tend to be the happiest. For me, my big WHY is to live in line with the will of a higher power, whom I chose to call God. Respectfully, your WHY may be entirely different. To some, it is to contribute to society, others it is just to be the best person/spouse/parent they can, while others yet have an entirely different purpose. It doesn’t matter what it is. It only matters that you are clear on what yours is.
Choose love over fear to be happy
Famed Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elaine Kubler-Ross, coined the theory that there are only two true emotions, love, and fear. In short, all positive emotions such as happiness, hope, serenity, gratitude, confidence, etc., are rooted in love.
On the other hand, all negative emotions, such as loneliness, sadness, resentment, jealousy, greed, etc., are rooted in fear. Ultimately, every emotion can be categorized as positive or negative, and therefore is rooted in either love or fear.
If it’s more sensible for you to group them as positive or negative, light or dark, good or bad, it’s okay, whatever is most comfortable for you.
I choose to use love and fear. Whatever you decide, take a moment to think about how your decisions and actions connect to your WHY.
I make the connection this way, if it is of love, it is of God, and if it is of fear, it is not. Period. That is my thought process, but here you can read 12 reasons to choose love over fear that are not related to spirituality.
Love is not just a feeling; it is a CHOICE. The same is true for FEAR. The two cannot exist in the same space, so you can only choose one at a time.
Choosing love only leads to happiness
So, let’s take reacting to the COVID-19 crisis as an example. To start with, I am not minimizing its seriousness or passing any type of judgment on how some people seem to be reacting to it. One of the universal fears of all humans is the fear of death. You can feel fear and chose not to act out on it, though. You always have a choice.
Those who choose love choose to seek out the positives of any situation actively. They are grateful for the downtime and see it as an opportunity to reprioritize. They are looking at loved ones and cherishing precious life. Their time is spent thinking of ways to better themselves, and most importantly, thinking about what they can do to help others. They don’t see it as a total disaster, but a chance to live on purpose, true to their big WHY.
some examples of choosing love and rejecting fear:
At the grocery store: you have the good fortune of finding toilet paper (or hand sanitizer or cleaning products)! (Lucky you)
Fear: I buy 10 packs because it’s hard to find, and I need to stock up in case there isn’t any more until 2021. Result: you have lots of TP, but it’s kind of sselfish and comes from what is known as a lack mentality. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Love: I’ll buy 2. I can take care of myself and my family and leave the rest so that others can take care of themselves and their families. Result: You have plenty of TP to meet your needs and the belief that there will be more later on. You thought about the greater good and have an abundance mentality. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Life as we knew it will change forever:
It’s true, it will. Again, feeling some fear is healthy; it’s how we act on it that can be destructive.
Fear: You assign blame to people, countries, or some conspiracy theory. Result: It manifests in anger, racism, mistrust, and more fear. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Love: You believe endings are beginnings, change is a natural part of life, and some of the best things often come as a result of what seems like the worst things. Result: You have confidence in the resiliency of the human spirit and believe we will adapt and grow stronger as a result of it. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Some believe that choosing to love and rejecting fear is only applicable to major events like a pandemic or significant life changes. However, it the smallest moments that give us the best opportunities to make this vital choice (Psychology Today).
No matter how good your relationships are, when everyone’s emotions are heightened (and they are), it can take some effort to stay patient, loving, and tolerant. Double down on that when there are stresses during the best of times. Life is never “cotton candy and unicorns” but sometimes are more difficult than others.
Love: Take a deep breath, and a moment of pause to recover from the “sting.” Clearly, the other person is acting out of some hurt or fear of their own. Maybe the criticism is warranted; maybe it’s not. You don’t have to be a doormat to others hurt, but responding in anger or sarcasm won’t help anything. Depending on the situation, some loving responses might be : “I’m sorry you feel that way, can we talk about this?” or “If I’ve done something that hurts you I am sorry, how can we make this better” or if the words just aren’t coming, say nothing and detach completely until you have a chance to think about responding in a healthy and loving way. Result: Negativity evaporates, and, in that space, intimacy expands, bonds strengthen, hearts heal. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Acts of service for others:
Fear: Doing it because it makes you look good or to feel like a superior person for reaching out. Hoping others will like you in return or think of you as a superstar for it. Feeling like they owe you something in return. Result: you can never get enough attention and praise to be happy, and that insatiable need will prevent you from knowing true inner peace. Feeling like the world owes you will cloud your thinking in a way that stops you from seeing the beauty and generosity around you. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Love: Believing its an honor to be capable of helping others and having gratitude for the opportunity to give back, having a humble attitude about it. Any good feelings that result are just a bonus, not the goal. Result: A deep and sincere feeling of inner peace, greater confidence, vibrationally more attractive, creating space for more love to exist in your life. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Acts of service for the family:
Fear: Thinking you must perform for others to be loved and accepted by them. For example:
One may think “I’m not a good spouse if I don’t cook/clean/mow the lawn/take the trash out”
“They won’t love me if I don’t, maybe they’ll leave me.”
Result: When someone is trying to fill an inside void with outside approval they are left never feeling they have enough, which means they are not good on their own. Confidence weakens, relationships become stressed, and the spirit breaks down. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
Love: You know you are loved and accepted just as you are, but you choose to do nice things because you love them back. Result: Happiness occurs in the giving, not the receiving. Confidence and motivation are boosted. You know you are enough. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.
My main point is that choosing love to be happy and stay positive works! This is because it results in making positive decisions that bring better results. Great results will circle back around to an optimistic and happier you. This modal can be applied to any area of life. No one among us is perfect, that’s not the point. The point is we make a continuous conscious effort to come from a spirit of love. There isn’t a secret formula to answer the question “how to be happy and stay positive”. There is however, a workable strategy to find your own inner peace.
Recognize the connection between beliefs and feelings and know that you have a choice.
Have a clear vision of your BIG WHY
Chose love over fear
The chances are you already know this, but now is a great time to remind ourselves and put it into practice. We’re all in this together. Find a way that works best for you, and we all benefit. There is no gain in emotional distancing while we’re socially distancing.
What I offer to you is a “tool” that works for me. It is a practice informed both by psychology and spirituality. Maybe it will work for you too?
American dream: finish high school, continue to get a degree or specialized
training, and live out the rest of your life for an organization the provides fringe
benefits and opportunities for promotion.
attending college may be about enrichment and personal fulfillment. Still, for most people, the primary motivation
to go to college is the hope of securing gainful employment when
finishing. Statistics validate that the average income
of someone who has earned a bachelor’s degree is 80% higher than their peers
with a high school diploma or less.
having a decent salary is the big win for investing four years of one’s life
and tens of thousands of dollars, it is no surprise that so many are motivated
and encouraged, if not pushed, to pursue this pre-mapped route.
I’m not saying
there is anything wrong with this and by no means discredit what a precious
resource knowledge can be. There is
nothing wrong with taking the traditional route! But let’s look at this a
little closer. Over 70% of college grads are in debt with a whopping collective
total of about $1.5 TRILLION. If you were to place 1.5 trillion one-dollar
bills end-to-end, that would stretch for about 210,000 miles, or around the
earth about 8.5 times. It’s no wonder
the average age children move out of their parent’s house has crept up to
responsibilities, having a 9-6 job is not only attractive but convenient. A
safe and secure job will help pay those pesky student loans, make the monthly
payment on dependable transportation, take a vacation occasionally, and maybe
even save towards a down payment on a home.
All good stuff and part of livin’ the dream!
Maybe dreams are
Hence, most people
prefer to work for someone else all their adult lives. They get periodic promotions,
pay into their retirement fund, and live a life that is risk-averse and without
complications. They are content. Many of them at least. According to Forbes, 58% of them are.
Which means 42% aren’t. Over
2/3’s of them are merely surviving.
Miserable at work. They hate
their job; they hate their boss; they just go through the motions to collect a
paycheck and get health insurance. Sound
Compare this to
the life of someone self-employed or an entrepreneur. Venture capitalist and
internet entrepreneur. Reid Hoffman, eloquently said ‘An entrepreneur is
someone who will jump off a cliff and assemble an airplane on the way down.’
describes the life of someone who wants to take a different approach to life. Someone
who must live passionately and is driven by some higher purpose. They are willing to
forgo the security of a steady income in exchange for the opportunity for
unlimited income. Despite the extreme
discipline and dedication, they will tell you they do not work at all. Why?
They love what they do! It makes
them feel alive.
Entrepreneurs take risks, make sacrifices, and endure hardship. The
ultimate reward is freedom, a sense of accomplishment, and a flexible lifestyle
that is entirely different from the mainstream lifestyle.
Interestingly, out of 185 million working-age Americans, 14%
or 27 million are entrepreneurs
today. They are either starting a new business or already have their own
established companies. This is the
highest number of entrepreneurs ever recorded in the US and goes to show how
millennials and Generation Z have a different approach to life than their
technology has created more opportunities to niche out. Perhaps the allure of
work-from-home in your sweats has winningly surpassed the “suit up and
show up” mentality of the baby boomers.
Or maybe, just maybe, that despite all the benefits of formal education,
we are learning to value the independence and satisfaction of creating our own
livelihoods. No longer are they willing
to conform to the corporate culture and jump through the hierarchical hoops to
get ahead. They are living authentic
Use Your Professional Network for Job Success
We have total
respect for any hardworking human being who supports themselves in any ethical
fashion, in whatever professional lifestyle they choose. For those who know that they are cut out to
use their God-given talents to do something fantastic on their own, we wish you
success as you pursue your passion.
If you hate your
job and are merely enduring the days and weeks, living for a paycheck and a few
benefits, you can make a change. It’s
not too late, you are not too old, and there is something better for you. You owe it to yourself to live in line with
your values, interests, and fulfilling work if you’re unsure where to start,
with a career coach to find out how!
This is my personal story of getting “unstuck” so that I could take my life from “good” to “great”.
I was a rebellious teenager. Very rebellious. To say my childhood was not idyllic is understated, but seriously, who’s really was? No long or dramatic stories here, but by the age of 20, I couldn’t stand myself or my life and ended up in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. Trust me when I say I didn’t get there a minute too soon. Getting sober saved my life: physically; mentally; emotionally; and spiritually.
To paint a picture:
I was 20, working in a bar (underage with fake identification) , my best “friend” was a 45 year old junkie with a criminal record as long as my arm. I weighed 205 pounds, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day and couldn’t make a sentence without using “F — -“as the noun, verb, AND adjective. Lovely right? (not).
That was over 30 years ago.
I have been a personal-growth zealot ever since. The first several years were rough. I had much soul searching to do. The only thing I had to change was everything. Pain motived me to become feverous about turning a troubled life into a sane and purposeful one. I worked (several) 12-step programs. I went to therapy for years. I read every self-help book I could get my hands on. I helped others. I prayed. I meditated. I did yoga. I ate veggies…I did whatever I could grasp. Life got so much better. Unbelievably better in every way.
The new picture:
I lost over 40lbs, quit smoking, and upgraded my circle of friends, I could even get through a whole day without dropping an F-bomb (most days 😉). I am the first and only female in my family to get a 4 year college degree (and then go beyond), I’ve traveled much of the world, married the man of my dreams, (better still, the man of my dreams married me) and in my early 40’s, had practically checked off every box on my bucket list!! (I do have a new one though 😊) All gifts of grace.
That list is mostly “outside” stuff that came as a result of the “inside” work I had done. I had worked hard to gain self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect; I had healed old wounds from the past; I had successfully turned around what could have been a total disaster of a life.
Life was good. But something was missing….
Part of the problem was that life was good. I didn’t want “good”. I wanted “great”. I had come too far to settle and rest at good, but I had no idea how to move forward and I had no I idea why I couldn’t figure it out.
I went back to therapy because that was in my comfort zone. I had been doing it off and on for years. I have nothing but respect for the mental health profession but creature of habit that I am, I went even when it just wasn’t working anymore because it was what I knew, and it was safe.
Why wasn’t it working? Because I wasn’t trying to heal anymore; I was done being pissed at my parents and not a stone from childhood left unturned; I was in touch with my feelings. I just wasn’t getting much out of it anymore. I had done so much therapy that there were times I felt like I was coaching the therapist and they should give me the co-pay. Seriously.
Therapy was good when I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t even get my head above water. However, I felt like I’ve been floating for years and I wanted to learn how to swim. Intuitively I knew how, I just needed someone to (gently) push me off the float.
I had a lot of practice going bad to good, but I simply sucked at going from good to great. Damn it! I had to try something different because I didn’t want to just “exist”, and I was determined to breakthrough this invisible barrier and thrive.
Fortunately, I found a way out.
Life Coaching picks up where therapy leaves off…
I had considered working with a life-coach years prior but to be completely honest, I could not justify spending money on something that in my mind, may not work. Therapy wasn’t exactly working anymore, but insurance paid for it. Now, let’s be clear, I would easily drop a few hundred bucks on a shopping spree for things that I didn’t really need but would bring me about 48 seconds of glee. I did have a problem investing in myself. Ironically, that thought process itself was part of the problem.
So, I was skeptical and even cynical, but I convinced myself was if it didn’t help, the worst case was I got a few less massages or ridiculous shopping sprees. That is what it took for me to take the first steps and what has become one of the most positive and life-changing experiences I have ever had. I consulted with two coaches and I found one I intuitively knew was the right one for me.
I learned at the core of my “stuck-ness” was old faulty and limiting beliefs. Ones that I had no clue I even had. So deeply embedded in my thinking they weren’t even conscious. Until, with my coach, I slowed down. Way down. None of these ran in my “conscious” but like peeling layers off an onion, when we explored what was behind the conscious thinking, there were some pretty damning beliefs about myself and the world running behind the scenes.
I’ll share a few of them with you here:
Old Beliefs about my self-worth:
I’m a good wife/daughter/sister/friend when I DO things for people.
I need to excel at something simply to measure up. If I was the same, I was less than, if I was better, I was ok. I never believed (really believed) like I was good enough at anything.
Confident people are so cocky and arrogant. Having true self-confidence will mean I am conceited.
Old Beliefs about money:
People who are rich are selfish and greedy. Translation: If I have a lot of money, it will mean I’m selfish and greedy.
Spiritually and money cannot exist together.
Spending money on my well-being was a waste because there was no instant or tangible return. (cliché as it is, the old “I’m not worth it” belief)
Old Beliefs about taking risks to fulfill my dreams:
What I dreamed of was not rational but lofty and whimsical, therefore childish.
I don’t have a Ph.D. so no one will take me seriously.
It’s better to have the security of a job that I’m barely content with than be vulnerable to try what I truly am passionate about. * * (even in a situation where I do have a safety-net to catch me if I fall).
These are just a few, the list was much, much longer and deeper than this.
Coaching offered a practical, solutions-oriented approach to overcoming them. Were there moments that related back to my past? Yes. Where there new self-awareness’s that brought on painful moments? Yup.
The difference was that I quickly learned how to weed-out these thoughts without dwelling in them or their roots all over again. There was just old programming that needed to shift but it did not involve reliving it. Simply observing experiences with adult eyes and deciding the message was either never true, or true once but no longer serves.
In 12 weeks, the change was profound. Like, 5 years of therapy profound. It was almost like being lost in the forest, wandering in circles for hours but not realizing, a quarter mile in the right direction will take you straight to a road.
Worth every cent. Exponentially worth every cent.
Finally, really happy and really unstuck. Finally living my dreams. Life just keeps getting better every day. It’s not all rainbows and roses but I have found a true sense of wholeness and happiness. I know what I am truly passionate about and have a deep sense of purpose.
Instead of reacting to the world doing what I believe it expects of me, I consciously and deliberately create the life I want; doing what is true to me and as a result I feel energized. I feel enthused. I feel grateful and I truly look forward to whatever adventure or challenge life has for me.
I continue to use those same strategies in my daily life and to help others to find what works for them.
Sadly, I think many people live their whole lives, cradle to grave, never knowing their true calling and purpose. Afraid or simply “content”. Content is good but when you know great exists and you can create it, why settle?
If any of this resonates with you and you think you’d like to work with a life-coach to reach any of your goals, it’s simple to find one here at Life Coach Library. By registering and filling out a short questionnaire you will be matched with up to 3 coaches and then can see for yourself how amazing working with a coach is. Give it a try, it’s risk-free.
If you’re still sure if coaching is for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!
My story is told above. The profound transformation I experienced triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walks of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about.
Education: I completed my coaching certification at Coach Training Alliance. I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia and Delaware. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning.
The Biggest, Best, & Easiest Secret for Business & Branding for Solopreneurs, Artists & Creatives
The easiest way to be authentic is to just be *YOU* and *ALL-YOU*! Yep, this is
the fast track to winning the game of success in life and business. The more we
can tap into who we are, the more we can let our inner lights shine for all the
world to see.
It is no secret and it’s the easiest thing to do once you open yourself up to it. The
more you can bring YOU to the table, the more your life and business will
I am sure that we have all heard the term ‘being authentic’ when it comes to marketing and branding, but really it all boils down to being who we are. We all came unto this earth with our own uniqueness, which is the whole point! We are
supposed to be who we are and share our unique offerings with the world.
The picture used in this article is a perfect example. That was me being me and
writing out those words, and my friend was being herself holding up the card in
the sun with her own hands. This is an example of just being yourself and weaving
it into your work.
We are all artists! We are all creators! We are all expressions of creativity! When
we allow ourselves the freedom to be who we are and to express ourselves, it
blows the lid off! Being YOU will take your life and your business to explosive
levels and will unleash even more.
There is a freedom in being yourself. It is tantalizing in fact!
One of the keys to being and accepting who you are is to look at your past as the
gift that it is! All of the experiences that you have had have made you who you
are today! Personally, I do not look at my past in a negative way. I see all of the
experiences as the stepping stones and the contrast that I needed to show me
what I DO want in my life and work, and to get me to this point today.
Try to actively bring YOU into the art of your life and work. This can actually get
to be a lot of fun and once again awakens the childlike wonder in ourselves and
the way we look at the world.
Your potential clients or customers will resonate more with you when you are being YOU because everyone at their core, just wants the freedom and self- confidence to be who THEY are.
The world needs more of us being who we are right now. There has a never been a better time to let your soul shine and to share it with the world. One by one, we all make a unique difference and it all counts.
Maggie Holbik, CLC, CHN, NNCP, RNT Certified Life & Business Coach Board Certified Holistic Nutritionist Natural Nutrition Clinical Practitioner Registered Nutritional Therapist Reconnective Healing Practitioner Lover of Life! 🙂 www.MaggieHolbik.com
If you woke up tomorrow, with only what you were thankful for today, what would you have left?
Every November, we kick-off the holiday season with the theme of gratitude. But why wait until November? Common sense tells us that expressions of gratitude can lift the spirit. Research shows that the benefits of gratitude don’t stop there. Here are some of the scientifically proven benefits.
Better relationships: More than good manners, it helps to build connections which lead to friendships and other relationships. People who are often thanked by their partners feel more appreciated and thus more positive toward each other.
Improved physical health: Experience fewer aches and pains. People who are gracious typically display more willingness/ability to exercise, eat healthfully, and take care of their health.
Enhanced mental strength: It can reduce stress; help overcome trauma; reduce aggression; and increase empathy and other prosocial behaviors. A healthy dose of gratitude can overcome toxic emotions such as envy, resentment, guilt, or stress.
Elevate one’s self-esteem: A strong sense of self-esteem is essential to optimum performance. When feeling thankful, the amount of effort comparing oneself to others is reduced and leaves greater appreciation for what one has or does.
Students from Harvard Medical Schoolconducted a study with 3 groups. One group wrote about things they were grateful for, a second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected without emphasis on them being positive or negative. After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.
Gratitude is not only a feeling but to many it is an action. For some, the source of that goodness lies within something outside and larger than themselves— whether it is other people, nature, or a higher power. It is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new or thinking they “will be happy when……. (something happens) “When you focus on and appreciate what you have instead of what you lack, your mental and emotional states grow stronger.
There are so many ways to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, but below are my top 10 favorites:
Make a list of 50 things that you’d like to have BUT at least 25 of them must be things you WANT and ALREADY HAVE.
Do something nice for someone without out telling anyone.
Abe Lincoln says, “you’re as happy as you make your mind up to be”. I agree. Make a conscious decision to find things you are grateful for throughout the day.
Smile randomly at strangers. You’ll be surprised at how nice it makes you feel, and it will likely make them feel just as good.
Make a deliberate and sincere effort to tell others what they are doing right, and double down if they do something above and beyond what is expected.
Practice forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes and holding on to resentment is “like drinking poison and expecting them to die from it”. By forgiving, we free ourselves of negative feelings and make room for appreciation and delight.
Thank someone mentally (if you cannot in person). This act creates positive feelings and expands our emotional state.
Appreciate nature and the divinity of life. Stop and wonder how a sunset or a rainbow is so perfectly colorful and beautiful. Hold a baby and embrace its innocence and perfection.
Meditate. There are countless proven benefits of meditation. Setting the intention of feeling grateful will open your consciousness to see the many blessings in your life.
Give thanks in prayer. This does not have to be a religious practice. You can give thanks to any source you are comfortable with, nature, light, or a religious deity.
Unhappy and unfulfilled in your present career and really want to pursue something completely different, but you don’t? You want to go for that promotion but find yourself stopping short of applying for it? You really want to be in a serious relationship but find yourself backing away to avoid commitment? Maybe you are thinking about being involved in a community volunteer organization but never take the first step to inquire. When your heart yearns for something new but you stop yourself short of going after it, do you ever ask yourself why?
Fear of failure is often the culprit. Fear can paralyze us from moving forward on what really matters to us. These unspoken fears may be influencing our decisions and behaviors (Berger, W 2018). Fear of failure is one of the biggest reasons people hold themselves back from pursuing opportunities. We have an endless stream of thoughts, judgments and self-criticism which stop us dead in our tracks. Voices in our heads shout: “people will think less of me, they will label me a failure, I will feel vulnerable, exposed, naked, and I can’t handle it.” You try to silence your inner critic but you can’t. I can relate. I am no stranger to fear of failure.
Very early in my healthcare career, I was invited to present a workshop for women, a very high profile opportunity. This was no ordinary workshop. It was for the new women’s pavilion, an important business unit for the health system I worked for. While my heart said, “hell, yes, you are going to do this, what a wonderful opportunity for you, you should be excited and grateful!” My mind said something very different, “are you kidding? You haven’t done workshops before, and this one is very high profile. What if you fail? Are you really willing to risk your good reputation to do this?” If I accepted this invitation, I would be stepping outside my comfort zone. It was scary and I was afraid of failing.
After talking with a psychologist friend of mine, she convinced me the workshop was something I needed to do despite my fear . . . feel the fear and do it anyway. Reluctantly, I accepted the invitation but my method for working through my fear was to strive for perfection. I became obsessed with making this workshop perfect. I took an entire year to put this one workshop together because I was so afraid it wouldn’t be good enough. You’ve heard the phrase: perfect is the enemy of good? Obviously, it was somewhat foreign to me at the time. But then, my dear friend told me something I will never forget. She said: “if only one person walks away from this workshop learning something new, something that could possibly change the direction of her life, it will all be worth it. Knowing the gifts you have to share, your presentation will be powerful. You may never know who or how many received your gifts of wisdom, but rest assured, there will be at least one, probably more and you may have changed a life forever.”
Since that time, I don’t let fear hold me hostage anymore. It still tries to air its ugly head from time to time but I now know where it is coming from and how to better deal with it. For example, when I transitioned from healthcare executive to life and leadership coach and started my own business about two years ago, I experienced some fear, fear of building a successful business and fear that my weekly blog posts on social media wouldn’t be good enough. Initially, I started obsessing again aiming for perfection. Remembering that perfect is the enemy of good and stepping outside my comfort zone brings opportunity, I got past my fear. I will not let fear hold me back from sharing my gifts especially knowing it can make a difference in other people’s lives.
In her book, “Daring Greatly,” author Brene Brown writes about how allowing yourself to be vulnerable, exposing your heart to risk and stepping into the void of ‘I don’t know if this will work’ is truly one of the most courageous things we as humans can do. (Kitto, M (2016). It takes courage to step outside our comfort zone but this is where possibility and opportunity lives. It is where we can find our dreams and aspirations.
Moving from where we are to where we want to be on our life journey, we have to confront our fears. I would like to offer my thoughts and strategies for overcoming the fear that is paralyzing us.
First, recognize that fear is self-created. We frighten ourselves by fantasizing negative outcomes to anything we might pursue. We may be ruminating over past experiences that did not go well or worrying about a future that may never happen. You may have heard of the acronym, “F-E-A-R: Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.” Rather than living in the present moment, our minds take us to the past or to the perceived future where we then formulate what our outcome will be. It feels real and scary but it is related to our thoughts. Science tells us that approximately 80% of the 40,000 to 50,000 thoughts we have daily are negative. It’s important to focus on the present moment because, if you think about it, the present moment is all we really have. The past is history and the future is unknown. We fear things that may never happen.
Redefine Failure. A good place to start is to define “failure.” We get to define what failure is and what we want to label as a failure. This failure we are all so afraid of is actually a choice. We get to make the choice. Whatever we are pursuing in life, whether it is business, a new career, relationships, or whatever, there will be times when things do not work out as planned. Failure is just feedback showing us what’s not working so we can find out what will work. Learning from our mistakes is invaluable in life. Anyone who has achieved great things, anyone who has changed the world has, at some point, made a choice to embrace and redefine failure rather than let it hold them back.
Ask yourself, “what’s worth doing EVEN IF I fail? Maybe my new business has a very slow start as defined by modern standards. Is it a failure then? What if I am making a difference for others, helping improve lives? I may need to course correct some things in my business (failure redefined as feedback) but there is already value in the services I’m providing.
Create a “fear list.” In her article, “How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure,” author Susan Peppercorn suggests creating a checklist of what you are afraid to do and what you fear will happen if you do it. Write down the benefits of the attempted effort and also the cost of doing nothing. Walking away from an opportunity may be far more harmful than stepping outside your comfort zone to pursue it.
Another strategy to consider is to restate your list of what you are afraid of. For example, if you are afraid of leaving a job you hate, you could restate it as, “I want to leave this job I hate to pursue my dream, and I scare myself by imagining I would go bankrupt and lose my house.” You can see how YOU are the one creating the fear here. (Canfield, J 2015) Once again, you are focused on a future outcome that may never happen.
Focus on the positive energy of the desired outcome. Author, Warren Berger, in his article, “What Are You So Afraid of?” suggests focusing on the desired outcome and the energy surrounding that rather than the actual thing that is inducing the fear. That outcome may be a personal benefit or involve having a positive impact on others. (Berger, W. 2018). In my previous example, despite an initial slow start to my business, I knew I was making a profound difference with the individuals I coach and those who read my weekly blogs.
Recall when you triumphed in the face of fear. Try to recall a time when you were successful at a new endeavor despite your fear of failure. Perhaps you are going for an exciting job promotion but nervous about the interview. Think about all the times you “aced” an interview, despite your fears, and were thrilled to get the job. What did you do, how did you prepare, what feedback did you get? Focus on what you did well.
Hire a professional coach. Despite all your efforts, there may be times when you just can’t get past your fears. You may have a limiting belief that you are unaware of. You feel that you are not enough: not smart enough, not good enough, too old, too young, whatever. Because of your fear, you remain stuck, and are reluctant to pursue almost anything new. A professional coach can help you discover what you cannot see for yourself. She can support you through your fears, keep you focused and help you confront your unconscious behaviors and old patterns. A coach helps you move forward with your life, helps you discover the possibilities, address obstacles and overcome barriers to achieving success.
Don’t give up on your dreams and aspirations. Don’t let fear paralyze you from moving forward with your life. Consider trying one of the strategies I’ve outlined above to move beyond your self-created fears. In the event you still cannot get past your fears, consider reaching out to a professional coach.
Want to move beyond what is holding you back from your success in your career and life? Book a call with me where I offer a one hour confidential and complimentary Discovery/Mini-Coaching session so you can experience what coaching can provide for you. http://www.robbiekcarlson.com/coaching/
References: Berger, W. (2018). “What Are You So Afraid Of?” Kitto, M. (2016). “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” Peppercorn, S (2018) “How to Overcome Your Fear of Failure?” Canfield, J (2015) “The Success Principles”
It’s the New Year, a time for new beginnings, a fresh start. Inspiring, right?
Then why do I feel defeated already?
Looking back on the past year, I wanted change, I wanted results, I had the best intentions, but everything remained pretty much the same. I’m still in the same dead end job, I’ve actually gained rather than lost weight, I abandoned my exercise routine a month after it started and I’m still a stranger to my friends and family because I do nothing but work. Why would I think anything would be different this year?
Maybe, intellectually, you understand the importance of how to approach the goal setting process but that nasty little voice in your head tells you that you are a loser, a failure, and you can’t achieve anything. While you could be struggling with the obvious, goals lack specificity (specific, measureable, achievable, relevant, time-bound, “SMART” goal method), no real commitment, inactivity, or too many goals, I suspect it could be you are dealing with an underlying belief. Like many, it is not something you can see for yourself. Being the responsible person you are, you probably tried to figure it out but became stuck, frustrated and defeated. Let’s take a look at this challenging issue and how you can get past it.
To bring about something new on the outside, like a new outcome, often requires something new on the inside, a change in attitude, paradigm or underlying belief. An underlying belief is like the pesky weed which, until pulled out from its root, continues to air its ugly head. Our weed is our limiting belief: we believe we are someone we are not, not good enough, not smart enough, too young/too old or some such disempowering label of not being enough. Until that limiting belief is discovered and removed, we may be held back from achieving our goals. For example, we may neglect to go after a job we really want because we think we’re not smart enough to handle it so we stay stuck in a dead-end job. No matter how many may tell you how smart you are, if you have the underlying belief that you are not smart enough, it doesn’t matter what people say. You won’t believe them and it will hold you back. This limiting belief may have started years ago when you had a defining encounter, maybe failed a class, were denied application to a college, or given multiple disengaging messages from your parents. You continue to add to your disempowering story and reinforce your limiting belief whenever you encounter things you don’t understand. It completely paralyzes you from moving forward.
Another significant stumbling block for many is fear, fear of failure or even, fear of success. Some people are afraid they will fail, but even worse, that they may actually succeed and, as a result, they never take the first step toward achieving their goals. They lack belief in themselves and in their potential. If they fail, they anticipate people labeling them a failure, a loser. If they succeed, they think people may be envious and treat them differently, perhaps negatively. (Vermeeren, D 2018) They may even believe they’re unworthy of attaining the goal and, as such, sabotage themselves. I like the acronym, F E A R, Fictitious Events Appearing Real. We worry about things that may never happen and, in the process, make ourselves miserable, stuck and defeated. Believing in yourself is a choice and an attitude you develop over time. We need to take charge of our own self-concept and beliefs. Unfortunately, this is where many get stuck. Doing the internal work to ensure success is critical. It may actually take the support of a professional to help you move forward. A professional life coach is highly trained in helping clients see what they cannot see for themselves. They help clients discover and remove the limiting beliefs that hold them back from achieving their goals. They also act as a catalyst for change helping clients achieve their goals faster than they can do on their own. If you just can’t figure out where to start, consider working with a professional coach who is well trained in helping clients identify their stumbling blocks to success. A coach helps you see things you cannot see for yourself, uncovers and removes limiting beliefs that may be holding you back, and helps you become your personal and professional best. The coach-client relationship is highly confidential, tremendously supportive, totally focused on the client’s needs and all done in a convenient setting, usually by phone.
Do not give up on your goals, dreams and aspirations. When stuck, don’t beat yourself up and give yourself all kinds of disempowering messages. Silence those nasty voices in your head that have you defeated before you even start. Commit to making 2019 YOUR BEST YEAR YET!! A Professional Life Coach can make the difference for you. To experience how inspiring, supportive and helpful a life coach can be for you, consider booking a complimentary and confidential Discovery Session: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=16511562
When working with a Life Coach, you will be absolutely amazed at what you will be able to accomplish when all roadblocks to success are removed, you are empowered and energized, successfully achieving all your goals, living the life of your dreams and, in the process, becoming your personal and professional best.
Happy New Year! Robbie K Carlson Life & Leadership Coach Reference: Vermeeren, D. (2018) “Why People Fail To Achieve Their Goals”
Your limiting beliefs aren’t doing you any good. In fact, they’re keeping you from living your best life. Learn how to get rid of them!
Our beliefs define who we are. For better or for worse, what we believe dictates our behavior, thoughts, and reactions.
If the belief is strong enough, it can carve out our entire destiny. Limiting beliefs included!
Our beliefs serve many purposes. They keep us safe, reflect our self-esteem, and maintain our social status. To step outside these beliefs means we risk rejection and loss. Believing we will lose something if we strive to meet a goal makes us fearful and avoidant.
Beliefs are also kept intact because of a psychological concept is known as belief perseverance. In belief perseverance, our brains persist in weeding out evidence that contradicts our belief. Our brains focus on reinforcing memories, thoughts, and actions related to the belief while leaving out evidence to the contrary.
Giving up a self-limiting belief isn’t easy. The unknown and the fear of being wrong is scary. These beliefs are familiar to us even when they are unhealthy or self-defeating.
But, there is a way to obliterate self-limiting beliefs once and for all!
If you want to live your best life and let go of limiting beliefs, then read on to discover how to let them go.
Finding Freedom by Obliterating Limiting Beliefs
Beliefs provide us with a sense of certainty. We all need certainty, but we also need to progress and grow in life. Explore the following ways to let go of self-limiting beliefs so you can open your life up to new possibilities.
1. Truth and Reality
The truth can be translated in a variety of ways. As we switch from one news channel to another, we know this to be true! One news channel focuses on one aspect of a story making it positive or neutral and the other focuses on another part of the story to make it seem negative.
Which news channel is “right”? It depends on who you believe and what you believe already!
To open ourselves up to other beliefs, we need to lovingly turn our attention inward. We need to gently ask ourselves questions about our limiting beliefs.
Author Byron Katie created a method for questioning strongly held beliefs and judgments in order to accept reality. She calls it “The Work” which includes “The Four Questions.”
These questions are:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
The key message to Byron Katie’s questions is that we can never know for sure if one belief is absolutely true. We may believe it to be true, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually true.
You discover this by turning around the initial statement you made using opposite statements. These statements could be about yourself, another person, or the world. When you turn around these statements, you’ll discover that they are just as truthful as your initial statement.
We discover holes in our beliefs when we consider that other truths may be just as true, if not truer than, our original belief or judgment. When we accept that many “truths” can exist at once, we open up our minds to believe in other possibilities and discoveries.
2. Change Your Story
Beliefs are usually a part of a story we tell ourselves. In the case of self-limiting beliefs, these stories provide us with a detailed explanation as to why we can’t do something.
For example, imagine a young man who believes he can’t go to college. His story says that he can’t go to college because his family can’t afford it, no one in his family went to college, and his grade average isn’t good enough.
Imagine another young man with the exact same background who believes he must go to college because of his upbringing. What’s the difference? One used his background to form a self-limiting belief whereas the other created a story to use as fuel to overcome his struggles.
Ask yourself how you can use the past to create a motivational story. How can your story be changed from limitation to overcoming obstacles? Has someone with the same background as you created a different ending to their story?
We normally aren’t composed of only self-limiting beliefs. We also have beliefs which have served us well! We can use these existing beliefs to give us the confidence to overcome self-limiting beliefs.
Take out a pen and paper and write down all the times you’ve succeeded in life.
Did you graduate from high school? Do you have a job? Are your relationships successful?
What strength and beliefs would someone need to accomplish these tasks?
For example, to get a job, you would have to be brave enough to apply and be qualified in some way to do the job. To graduate from high school, you would have to be persistent in getting your work done and intelligent enough to pass exams.
Make a list of skills and beliefs needed for each accomplishment. Then return to your self-limiting beliefs.
Have you used skills in the past that contradict your self-limiting belief? Do these skills directly contradict your limiting belief?
For example, imagine your self-limiting belief is that you can’t lose weight because you’re not disciplined enough. Define what “being disciplined enough” looks, then turn to your list of accomplishments.
If it’s true that you aren’t disciplined enough, then how did you graduate from high school? Going to high school means getting up early and getting homework done for four years. Would you agree that that takes discipline even if you didn’t see it as a discipline at the time?
Perhaps the biggest problem is that your discipline “muscle” is just out of practice! Does that mean you can’t lose weight? No, it means you’re going to have to re-learn how to be disciplined so you can lose weight.
Your belief that you can’t lose weight isn’t true, you just are out of practice in believing in yourself and following a plan.
4. Avoid Comparisons
When you think about your accomplishments, try not to compare yourself to others. When we compare ourselves to our peers we can instantly believe we can’t do something. The reasoning goes, “if I could, I already would have been successful like them.”
Life, however, is not linear. The people you are comparing yourself to also may not be as successful and happy as they appear. And if they truly are, then ask them what their recipe for success is!
We can all use someone to look up to. If they did it, then so can you!
Obliterating Limiting Beliefs, Gaining Back Your Life
To obliterate limiting beliefs, we must nurture our strengths. We have to feed the good in ourselves by shifting our focus and changing our stories.
We can do this on a daily basis. We can set small, manageable goals for ourselves. We can allow the truth to overpower our beliefs by being open to other interpretations.
It takes courage. It takes persistence. But, you made it this far in life, and that isn’t by accident.
You made it this far in life because something inside of you believed you could. Build on that belief and you’ll open yourself up to a whole new reality. One where you believe in yourself more than you believe in your fears.
Feel like you need a life coach to help you overcome your limiting beliefs? Find a life coach today and open your life up to endless possibilities!
Author | WENDY COPE
I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery, I felt really “stuck” and need to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound.
That triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walk of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about.
I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am presently training with the Coach Training Alliance and while I will complete this module in February 2019, I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning in the coaching profession.