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You’re PROBABLY NOT Going to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth, Relationships & Family
New Years Resolution

It’s nothing personal; research shows that 80% of New Year’s Resolutions are broken and forgotten by February 15th.  Why are resolutions so hard to keep? In short, the list of reasons ranges from lack of clarity of goals to unrealistic expectations. On top of that, according to some psychologists, the word itself hardly programs the brain for commitment and motivation, which are vital for success.

Despite the fact that at the end of December, most of us reflect on the year behind us and look at the new year as a fresh beginning, the reality is that May 5th, August 30th, or November 19th are equally as good to create a new beginning and make changes.  To put it bluntly, ANY day you decide to improve something about yourself or your life is a GREAT day to start.  

Therefore, the real question to ponder is not WHEN is a good time to start?  On the contrary, it should be WHY haven’t you done it already?  Stop for a moment to ponder why is it that you haven’t done what you wanted to?  For instance, are you stuck in a dead-end job or relationship?  Did you lose 20 pounds and then just give up before hitting the goal? Worse than that did you gain it all back?  Don’t beat yourself up over it, but do be rigorously honest with yourself. WHAT has gotten in-between you and achieving your goals? And, what will be different in this New Year’s resolution?

The usual culprits are:
  • Absence of clearly defined and realistic goals
  • Unsustainable motivation and commitment
  • Limiting-beliefs that lead to procrastination or sabotage success
  • Making costly mistakes that deplete time and resources
  • Using the SAME thinking to solve a problem that created them 

“Problems cannot be solved by the same thinking that created them.”
Albert Einstein

To put it another way, the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.”  If any of this sounds like you, you’re not alone.   Even still, hundreds of thousands of people go through the same cyclical process several times a year, every year.    If you’ve made New Year’s resolutions year after year and failed repeatedly, it can be so discouraging. However, the worst thing you can do is allow yourself to become a victim of circumstance and give up.

Nothing changes until something changes

Remember, it takes courage, and it takes energy, but you have the chance to begin again.  Furthermore, you can change and overcome challenges.  In fact, you have everything you need inside of you to succeed right now. In other words, you have the power to break through self-limiting beliefs.  On top of that, there is nothing that can stop you from becoming the person you want to be and creating the life you want to live accept for you.

With this in mind, remember that if you want a different result, you have to do something different. Moreover, something inside you must change before anything outside of you can change.  To be clear, you can make New Year’s resolutions all you want, but until something is different, you will keep getting the same results.

Bear in mind that whatever it is you do today, you are creating your future.   That means if you decide to do nothing today, you are creating your future. Similarly, if you  “go for it” today, you are creating your future.   In short, the second you decide to act and push yourself out of your comfort zone, you win.

So, with 2021 here (thank goodness!!) what are your goals? 

Not surprisingly, here are 6 common areas of life and goals.  Of course, these are very general and we recommend that yours be as specific and detailed as possible.

  • Reduce stress and create life-work balance
  • Plan a better career path or transition 
  • Improve professional skills (presentation, leadership, time-management, etc.)
  • Start or grow a business

  • Pay off credit card debt
  • Establish a nest egg
  • Save for large purchases
  • Invest
  • Plan retirement
  1. Deepen commitment to spiritual practices
  2. Broaden your understanding of religious philosophies
  3. Learn to practice The Law of Attraction
  4. Seek answers to questions you ponder or don’t understand
  5. Grow along spiritual lines and principles
Health and Wellness

  • Establish daily self-care routines
  • Nutritional goals,
  • Exercise and physical goals
  • Wellness goals (for ex: stress management)
  • Lifestyle changes.
Relationships: family; romantic; social

  • Meeting the love of your life
  • Improving your current relationship with the love of your life
  • Getting along better with your parents or colleagues
  • Communication with your teenage children
  • Broadening your social circle

Personal growth;
  • Build confidence; end procrastination; become proactive
  • Develop a happier attitude; learn to think positively
  • Overcome limiting beliefs; find one’s purpose and passion
  • Break bad habits, create good ones

The first thing to believe is that any of these goals are possible.  Have confidence that if any of them (or others) appeal to you, YOU CAN.  At the moment, it might feel like moving a mountain, but trust that one step at a time, they can be achieved.

In the long run, when you decide to “go for it,” it does not matter what you call it, be it New Year’s resolution or just a commitment to change.   

However, you must:
  • see it clearly and believe you can do it.
  • become the person you need to be to achieve it.
  • develop the dicipline and character to make your goal reality
  • don’t be the person who wants success, be the person willing to fight for it.

Fortunately, one thing you DON” T have to do is to go it alone.  Seriously, no one is coming to do it for you, so you do have to get your a## in gear and get busy. However, you don’t have to fly solo.   As a matter of fact, DO get support. At the center of success is having the support you need to go the distance. For this reason,   DO find someone who can help you clarify your goals. By all means, DO find someone who will hold you accountable and help you remember your why.  If you’ve tried in the past and come up short, DO get an outside perspective that is objective.    The next question is, Who is that person?   If you don’t have an answer already, we suggest working with a professional coach. 

A coach is skilled in helping you:
  • Clarify your goals and create a robust and actionable plan
  • Identify blocks that have gotten in the way of success in the past & help you overcome them.
  • Help you stay motivated, committed, and hold you accountable.
  • Collaborate with you to form a “think-tank” and come up with ideas that you wouldn’t have had on your own.
  • Save you time and money because you are less likely to make mistakes and get off track.

Life coaching works!  Life Coach Library makes finding a coach you love convenient and RISK-FREE.   When you register and complete a short survey, we’ll match you with up to three coaches who will offer you a complimentary coaching consolation.  From there, you choose the best coach for you and start reaching your goals!  The best part?  Our service is FREE. 

You haven’t lived your best year yet!  Will 2021 be it?

Editors notes: As an Amazon affiliate, we recieve a small commission for any purchases you make using our website. We assure that you will never pay more, the commission is a small “thank you” from Amazon.
This article was originally published December, 2019. It has been fully revised and updated for 2021.

Coaches Use the NLP Meta Model to Help Get Better At Problem Solving

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth
NLP Meta Model

The NLP Meta Model supports clients in mastering problem solving by getting specific~submitted by Leah Marshall

Life is full of problems, and sometimes those problems stack on one another until we’re feeling stressed, anxious, angry, or a myriad of other emotions. Those intense emotions can work against us and cause us to distort, delete, or generalize information. In turn, those distortions, deletions, and generalizations can blur the roots of our problems, cause us to apply irrelevant past events to our current situation, or completely alter our perspective so that we can’t see our resources.

Thankfully, there is a simple method to correct those thinking errors and see things more clearly. Getting specific can help us see our problem more accurately and from a resourceful state to tackle it head-on. Here’s a look at how The NLP Meta Model can help us get better at problem-solving by getting specific.

Learn about Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) and NLP Coaching

What Is the NLP Meta Model?

The Meta Model is a core component of neuro-linguistic programming or NLP. It’s essentially a method for asking highly specific questions to challenge distortions, fill in verbal deletions (what we leave unsaid), and narrow the generalizations’ focus.

How Life Coaches use the NLP Meta Model

When I sit down with a client, I listen very carefully to how the client describes their challenges and their current state. I’m listening for any signs that the client might be making unfounded generalizations, looking at their challenge through a distorted lens, or perhaps leaving something unsaid. I then ask the clients highly specific questions to help the client see the problem from a more rational and accurate state.

An example of the NLP Meta Model in practice is: if a client tells me, “it’s all too much.” I might reply with, “I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed. What specifically is “too much”?” Or, “I just have to get a 4.0”, I might say, “You have to? According to whom? What will happen if you don’t.” Notice that these questions do not solve the client’s problems or even present solutions. The goal is to help the client clarify their thoughts, feelings, and intents into a more grounded and rational state.

You may enjoy: What Problems Can a Life Coach Help Solve?

Why Does It Matter?

Distorting, generalizing, and deleting aspects of our challenges is a very normal and common thing we do. We usually do it when we’re feeling strong emotions that cloud our perspective. Usually, those emotions include fear, anxiety, stress, anger, sorrow, and sadness. However, it can happen when we feel elated or euphoric. It’s easy to do, and most people don’t even realize it when it happens. So, what’s the big deal? A lot of people go through life without ever challenging or correcting it.

Let’s pretend you want to make a cake. So, you find a basic recipe online and head for the kitchen. Things start off alright, but then as you’re going along, things get strange. In the ingredients, the recipe calls for “a lot of butter.” How much is a lot? But, you keep going along, and you notice that the recipe doesn’t call for any sugar whatsoever. The recipe then says to “add ketchup…because ketchup is good on everything, right?” By now, you’re probably wondering what kind of weird recipe you’re trying to follow. To top it all off, right there in the end, it hits you with the instruction to bake “at a high temperature for however long you baked the last thing you made.”

This cake isn’t going to turn out. Maybe you can muddle through and make something resembling a cake, but it will be much harder than using a clear and specific recipe. The NLP Meta Model is a powerful way to help clients gain this type of clarity in real life.

When we try to solve problems, we can muddle through our distorted, generalized lenses full of blind spots. However, like the cake, it will be much harder than if we challenge our lenses and look at our problems from a clear perspective.

NLP Meta Model  road map to success
Learn about coaching specialties and your next steps!

How You Can Use It On Your Own

The basic principles of the meta-model are extremely simple. You can use them with other people in your life or with your own thinking.

To use them with other people, listen carefully, and compassionately to what the other person is and isn’t saying. Then, gently question their generalizations, distorted lenses, and the things they leave unsaid. The point is to get the other person to be more specific. So, focus on questions that start with “what,” “how”,, and “who.” Because “why” is often interpreted as judgmental, it’s best to avoid those questions.

You can also use the meta-model with your own thinking. However, it’s best not to try it in real-time. Your thoughts can get over-complicated and confusing. Instead, record your thoughts through writing in a stream of consciousness and then analyze your writings via the NLP Meta Model. You can also record yourself and play it back while taking notes and pausing to challenge your thinking.

The NLP Meta Model is a simple tool that can help you overcome distorted lenses and help you see your challenges and problems from a much clearer state. It can help you identify the real issues and find solutions and plans much faster than trying to muddle through. It’s a great tool for life coaches and for people who just want to get better at problem-solving.

by Leah Marshall, certified Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner. “I am passionate about helping people reach their goals, and become the best versions of themselves. ”

LOVE – Nothing But LOVE

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth, Relationships & Family

If ever there was a time when we could all use a little more LOVE, it is probably right now>>> by Shiva Jayaraman, Spiritual Coach

‘LOVE’ fascinates me whenever I hear it but at the same time makes me feel that whoever is using it do not really understand the profoundness of it. And, these days ‘Love’ is used to express oneself for all and sundry thereby making me wonder “is Love really worth it?

Well, it is not the mistake of ‘Love’ but the mistake of those who claim it often when it is not really worth to be called so and thereby taking the sheen out of Love!!

When I looked at the meaning of ‘Love’, among other meanings, the one that stood out was “an intense feeling of deep affection.” And, I searched further for the meaning of “feeling” and “affection”.

For ‘Affection’ I picked the meaning “a gentle feeling of fondness or liking.”  When I further explored the meaning of ‘Fondness’ or ‘Liking’ or ‘Love’ or ‘Affection’ what I could make out was that all of them revolves around the word “Feeling”.

So, what is “Feeling?”

Well, when I searched again I got a lot of sentences filled with circular-reference words but there was not a single word to describe it other than the word “Feel” itself!!

It is a fact that “Feel” cannot be expressed in words because it can only be felt!!

In the context of ‘Love’ it is needless to mention that the word ‘feeling’ is used to describe those experiences which gives us or makes us feel ‘happy’, makes us ‘light’ or ‘lively’ etcetera.

Love, Affection, Fondness etcetera are felt by each of us however it is impossible to equate each other’s feeling even if the object of feeling is the same. In other words, the intensity of our ‘Love’ can never be equated as ‘mine is more than yours’ or ‘same as yours’ or ‘lesser than yours’ as it is an abstract thing, which can only be experienced by oneself and the other person can only understand that experience if only he had also had a similar experience with respect to the subject object.

The ‘object’ can be either a physical thing or a living being or a living thing or just an abstract feeling.

The strength of a feeling one has for an object defines the strength of ‘Love’ one has for that object.

If one tend to use the word ‘Love’ to every object or most of the object one has a feeling for, then that ‘Love’ is not actually a ‘Love’ but only a misnomer as that person really do not understand what ‘Love’ means or he has never encountered ‘Love’.

Then, to what feeling can we ascribe ‘Love’?

We can ascribe ‘Love’ to only those feelings which are special, to those which cannot be easily compared, to those which either we recall often or which prods us often and makes us feel ‘happy’….


Story of Kannagi and Kovalan of Silapathigaram

(Given below is only part of an incident from Silapathigaram, a Tamil Language Classic Literature)

In my part of the country there lived a man by the name Kovalan who was born to a rich merchant. He got married to a modest woman by the name Kannagi born to another rich merchant living in the same town. They started a happy married life which was cut very short as Kovalan fell in ‘Love’ with Madhavi, a dancer by profession (in those days dancing was invariably practiced by prostitutes) and he ends up forsaking Kannagi for her.

Madhavi’s mother used this as an opportunity to extract all his wealth over a period of time by asking Kannagi to part with in the name of Kovalan. And, Kannagi obliged and gave her whenever asked for thinking that her husband had asked for it, until there was nothing to give.

Once he was reduced to penury his Lover’s mother asked her to ditch him for a new wealthy client. Though Madhavi was reluctant her mother made it obvious to him that he is not wanted in their midst. Now this hits him hard and he realized his blunder of deserting his wife and understood the deceit of his lover and her mother and returned to his wife. 

Now, left with nothing and not willing to go back to his parents, Kovalan along with his wife decided to leave to the capital of a ‘Pandian’ Kingdom called Madurai. On reaching the outskirts of Madurai, they settled down and started to plan their future.

Meanwhile, missing the ‘Love’ of Kovalan, his lover Madhavi came to know of the deceit played by her mother on Kovalan to usurp his wealth. She gave up her profession and along with her few months old daughter Manimegalai, born of Kovalan, took refuge in a Buddhist monastery and embraced nun-hood.

Kannagi to help her husband start a business gave one of her golden anklet to him to raise money. Kovalan approached a goldsmith to sell the anklet but was deceived by that goldsmith. It so happened that his anklet was a lookalike of the queen’s anklet which the goldsmith had stolen from the palace and there was a look out for the thief. The goldsmith saw an opportunity to frame him for the crime he had committed and immediately informs the royal guards.

Kovalan was charged for stealing the queen’s anklet and was produced in the king’s court. The Queen and the King on seeing the anklet mistook it for theirs and the king immediately ordered beheading of Kovalan then and there.

The death of Kovalan reached Kannagi like thunder bolt and she felt devastated. She at once rushed to the King’s court and found the lifeless beheaded body of her beloved husband. She immediately took out her other anklet which was in her possession and broke it open which resulted in spilling of rubies stubbed inside the anklet. On seeing the rubies the Queen at once realized her mistake as her anklets were stubbed with pearls.

The Queen accepted her mistake upon which the King at once gave up his life for being the cause of death of an innocent and also for letting down the family pride and reputation as ‘upholder of justice’ which his forefathers had guarded for many generations. Seeing her husband giving up his life the Queen too at once gives up her life!! (Their death is not like suicide but instantaneous, the king instantly dies for bringing disrepute to his Kingdom and to the Throne by his miscarriage of justice while the queen instantly dies on seeing the death of her beloved husband)

Now you have read this story. There are three pairs of lovers (1) Kovalan & Kannagi (2) Kovalan & Madhavi & (3) King & his Queen. Who really loved and whose love is Superior?

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What are the Problems a Life-coach Can Help Solve?

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth, Recovery, Relationships & Family
what problems can a life coach help solve

Coaches are not therapists, but what are the problems a life-coach can help solve?  

Who do you call when you have a broken pipe at home? Where do you go when you need a haircut? What if you were looking for legal advice? Would you ask a friend? A neighbor? Your spouse? Only if they happened to be a plumber, hairdresser, or lawyer, right? So why not enlist professional help to reach your life goals? It’s not always best to rely on families or friends to support us in achieving our dreams and goals, so where are we supposed to turn?

While hiring a coach may not seem like the obvious answer in ordinary life situations, here is a list of the problems a life coach can help solve.

There are areas in your life that you struggle with things like confidence, motivation, or procrastination.  

These concerns keep some of the most talented people from reaching their potential.  

However, you don’t have anything you need to “heal,” so seeing a therapist is not the right approach. This is one of the most frequent problems a life coach can help solve. Certified life-coaches are very forward-thinking and solutions-oriented.   

Personal life-coaches help their clients overcome limiting beliefs that interfere with making progress and set powerful goals to move forward. Undoubtedly, your coach actively works to boost your esteem, motivation, and commitment until you are ready to do it on your own.

Think about it: if you have to answer to a coach every week, wouldn’t you be less likely to put things off?   As a result, you feel more confident, which gives a natural boost to your motivation. 

 Read:  Lacking Confidence is Costing You: Time, Money, and Your Love Life

You know what the problem is, but you can’t figure out the solution.

Sometimes the most rewarding problem a life coach can help solve is making it easier for YOU to identify the solution.

problems a life-coach can help solve

Have you ever thought to yourself why success looks so easy for some people?  Surely, they are just lucky, right? NO, they aren’t!  They have struggles and challenges, just like everyone else!  On the other hand, what is different is they don’t fixate on what the problem is.  Instead, they direct their focus to what the solution is.  

Granted, sometimes it is hard to “see the trees for the forest,” and that is precisely where a coach can help you.  However, they aren’t going just to give you answers. In contrast, they will skillfully ask questions that get you to dig deep within yourself.    You have the inner wisdom to make the best decisions for you, and a coach will help you discover it! 

You don’t want to leave your comfort zone because you’re afraid of failure

Equally as commonplace is the fear of failure. In fact, it is the number-one obstacle people face when contemplating change.  For instance, coaches help clients work past the shame associated with perceived failures.  Meanwhile, they help to shift your perspective and view challenges positively instead of fearfully.  With these in mind, they help you break broad goals into small and achievable ones.  In the end, regardless of the outcome, you will go further than you would have on your own.

Read: 4 Fears that Cost You Money

You hate your job,  HUGE problem!   

problems a life coach can help solve

You live for Fridays, and by Sunday evening, you are starting to feel bummed.   On top of that, you wake up on Mondays feeling grouchy and imagine every possible scenario that might excuse you.  By the same token, you’ve thought about going back to school to learn something for a more rewarding career but have no idea where to start.  Who would you ask for help?  This is one of the most frequent problems a life-coach can help solve.

A career coach will help you identify career paths that are in line with your passion and strengths.  Also, they will help you craft a resume that will get seen; prepare for the interview, and negotiate salary once hired.  

In short, life goes by too fast to spend 1/3 of it in misery. Don’t let that be you.

Read: 10 Benefits of Career Coaching

A life-coach can help solve problems like breaking bad habits and developing good ones

All of us have tried to break bad habits and start new ones at some point in our lives.   Sometimes we have permanent success while others success was fleeting.  Health and wellness life coaches help clients break through the barriers that have kept them from achieving permanent and lasting results.   For example, these are some habits clients break and/or form with their coaches:    

  • Stop eating junk food
  • Start eating healthy
  • Quit smoking
  • Establish a solid work-out schedule
  • Become more organized
  • Practice better time-management
  • Incorporate meditation into a daily routine
  • Learn to be more positive and optimistic

and many more….

In order to achieve great results, a coach will help you identify your triggers and develop healthier responses to them. 

There are relationship problems a life coach can help solve too

Without a doubt, relationships are one of the most challenging parts of human existence. 

Maybe you are single but not loving it. 

 a life coach can help solve

Alternatively, you may be committed but looking to reignite the passion in your existing relationship.

Sometimes your relationships are stellar, but you want to up your game in navigating professional relationships more effectively.

These are precisely the things a relationship coach can help! 

Final thoughts

A life-coach can help solve many problems. Hiring a life coach may not be your default answer for any of the above, but if you stop to think about it, it makes total sense to seek the same personalized support to reach your life goals as you would to fix a broken pipe or have your teeth cleaned.  Becoming happy, resilient, and living with passion and purpose are only some of the gains you can expect from working with a certified coach.

Read: 6 Times You Should Hire a Life-coach

Read: If You’re Not Achieving Your Goals, It’s Time to Look Inside

6 Times You Should Hire a Life Coach

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth, Relationships & Family
hire a life coach

When is the best time to hire a Life Coach?

Studies on the effectiveness of life-coaching show that 99% of people who work with a coach have a positive experience. According to a survey conducted by The International Coaching Federation, nearly that same number finds it effective and reports they will work with a coach again in the future.

So when do people hire a life coach?

We have found that every great coach has a great coach. Here are the times great coaches will work with their coaches, and we suggest you do too:

1. You’re inspired but unsure “I’m gonna make this happen, but HOW do I make it happen?

You have a dream, a vision, and/or a goal. You’ve either tried and didn’t get there; started with excitement and enthusiasm, only to peter-out halfway through; or you simply do not know where to start. Whether you want to lose a few pounds, find the love of your life, make a total career switch, or build the business of your dreams, a great coach can help you overcome obstacles, strategize next steps, keep you accountable and motivated, and support you while you create your dream. They also can see your “blind-spot” and help you avoid making costly mistakes.

2. You wake up one day feeling blah and realize “Nothing is happening”

You’re simply stuck. Things aren’t bad but they aren’t great either. Nothing really excites you, and you’re just out of ideas. A personal life coach can help you uncover why you’re stuck, form a collaborative think-tank with you, and re energize your plans to start moving forward. They will help you reignite a passion for life and find your purpose, causing a whole new perspective will cause a total paradigm shift.

3. You’re overwhelmed and wonder “What the heck is happening?”

Sometimes in life, things are beyond our control, and nothing seems to go right or make sense. There are always things we cannot control, but the one piece we can control is ourselves. Sometimes the root is our own belief systems; others it is because we have changed while others haven’t, or have we just changed differently OR beliefs that worked in the past no longer serve us anymore. This is a great time to hire a life coach. Having a skilled and objective coach can help quickly identify any beliefs running in the background and raise your conscious awareness and make moving forward virtually effortless.

4. You’re so excited “Something wonderful happened

Yay for YOU! You started a new business, got promoted, married or had a baby; suddenly, you don’t recognize your life anymore because life as you knew it no longer exists. Change, even when it is fantastic, can throw us off-center. So many unexpected things come with change, even good ones. Your life coach can help you navigate this new beginning and support you in transition.

5. You’re in a good place but “Now what happens?

You just overcame a major obstacle and are out of the weeds, so to speak, Now what? Overcoming a crisis can be exhausting and leave us feeling empty and off-center. When things go from crisis-mode to maintenance, it’s not always easy to shift gears back into production. Fortunately for you, you are closer than you think! Hire a life coach, and they will help you figure out when your next steps can be. They will help you create that amazing life you’ve been dreaming about and support you through exciting elements that may be a little scary but in the most wonderful way

6. You’re not feeling up to par “Something Terrible happened

Ultimately, any time you want to take your life to the next level is a great time to hire a life coach. The most successful people are open-minded and willing to try new things. A coach will improve your self-awareness, help you stay focused, and access your greatest talents while keeping you motivated to go the distance. You can possibly do this on your own if you are super-disciplined and ambitious. However, you can do it so much quicker with motivation and accountability behind you.

Life is not always kind. Loved ones pass away, relationships end in heartbreak, healthy people succumb to illness, and jobs are lost. It can just really stink sometimes. I am so sorry if this is you.
Having a healthy support system is so important when life takes a turn. It’s not always easy to turn to friends in these situations. A coach allows it to be “all about you” by offering you their undivided attention, and compassion will enable you to process in a confidential and safe place. There are no shortcuts through the grieving process, but a good coach can help you find the path back to living happily and lighten the sadness and despair.

If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

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Editors note: This post was originally published in July, 2019. It has been completely revised and refreshed.

What is Creative Consciousness?

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth
creative consciousness
How it applies to everyday people just like  YOU-
By: Delina Dimova, Creative Consciousness Coach

Creative Consciousness is an infinite source of ideas, perspectives, and practices that are tried and tested by everyday people just like you.  These tools change how you experience daily life, resulting in feeling lighter, having an easier life, and even becoming wealthier.

Sometimes Creative Consciousness can be called Unity Consciousness. No matter which you name it, it’s essence stays the same. It will always provide you with what you need in every given moment.

Attractor Factor Joe Vitale

For the first time ever, one of the rarely discussed formulas for building wealth and achieving success in all areas is revealed in The Attractor Factor

Consciousness in and of itself is the omnipresent field all around us. However, creativity is the coming of something out of nothing. Think about it, you have nothing, and then you do something with that nothing, and it becomes something.  Therefore, you have created something. 

Now, let’s go a little deeper.   You just changed nothing into something, right?  Is it not still nothing but in a different form?  We don’t know how nothing turns to something; we just know what to do and do it intuitively.

A Universal “Data-base” of positive intentions

Around the world, people create amazing experiences and opportunities.  When they do, energetically, it becomes available to everyone.  Think of it as a universal database of Creative Consciousness.  One that we are all uploading our divine talents to.  Therefore, we make them vibrationally accessible to kindred spirits across the globe. 

Now, here is this universal system that we all have access to. How do we access it?  We can tap into it by asking and answering empowering questions.


So let me talk about those questions for a bit. If anyone can access Creative Consciousness through questioning, then what exactly should one ask? One of the best questions to start with is ‘What do I need?’ followed by ‘How do I feel?’ and you could ultimately ask, ‘How can I serve you?’.

Here are some other provocative open-ended questions one might ask themselves:

  • What would open up for me if I said no?   (meaning if I say “no” to you, possibly I am saying “yes” to myself). 

You can finish that same thought with infinite possibilities; the idea is to explore your deepest desire.   “What would open up for me if I went to that party, or if I changed careers”, you get it!  

Or you could ask yourself this question:
  • “What can I acknowledge, let go of, or decide to feel free right now? “   Use this to re-center yourself when you’re feeling restless or annoyed.  Of course, you don’t have to use “feel free,” you can use any positively stated feeling you wish to experience.   

Positively stated, means being clear about what you do want, and not giving energy to what you don’t want.    Let me explain:  if you got into a taxi cab and told the driver where you don’t want to go, like “I don’t want to go to the train station,” she/he would get pretty confused, right? You have to get in and say, “I want to go to the airport.”  You’ll get there much quicker for sure.   Creative Consciousness is similar in that it responds to positive intentions.

total transformation
This book is about changing from the inside out and preventing the obstacles that tend to stop people from reaching their true potential.

Law of attraction coaches explore Creative Consciousness through open-ended questions. They’ll ask questions like, “What is possible?” “What do you want to create?” or “Where do you want to be 1 year from now?”

How to be Happy Quarantine Life & Beyond choose love over fear

This system expresses our highest intentions.  They all come from a spirit of love with the intention to manifest the highest good.  In essence, this “database” is only to serve us and never to impede our growth. It provides us with everything we need in every given moment just as soon as we remember to tap into it.

Anytime we come back to that (above) question that resonates with us, and we sit with it for a little bit, asking it over and over again, we will access the Creative Consciousness within us, and we will find answers. 

On some level, we are all seeking answers.  Anyone willing to find them can uncover them through Creative Consciousness.  Sure, some people consider themselves more logical and rational than spiritual or “heart-cantered,” but they too access Creative Consciousness without even realizing it.   

Find inner peace…

So many people get overwhelmed by life, and they could find peace by practicing Creative Consciousness.

Photo: Harry Parvin

For example, think of the person who has a hard time saying “no.”   Maybe that person is you.  A friend or co-worker asks you for help, and before you know if, you’ve agreed and taken on one more thing.  By itself, it’s not a huge task, but you’ve already got a very long to-do list.   So then, you tell yourself that you’ll “do it later” and start to procrastinate. This is one of several perfect scenarios that Creative Consciousness applies to you. 

Imagine for a moment the nothing out of something creation.   Here it would be to simply say to your friend or co-worker that you already have so much to do. You would love to help, but instead, you say not to them so that you can say yes to yourself. You suggest they ask someone else. This is one creation whereby you refer them to someone else and therefore complete the energy with love.

Also, you have created space for yourself to complete the projects you got going on. You will probably feel good about creating this space and release yourself from feeling bad that you didn’t take on your friend’s task. Stop and consider, is it possible that you added value to both your life and your co-workers/friends? 

Breakthrough lack mentality

How is this not so much better than taking on the task and stressing out, wasting energy to come up with excuses to avoid and procrastinate doing it because you’re even more overwhelmed? You’re feeling disempowered, your friend/co-worker is waiting on you, and nothing is getting done. You did not create a solution for your friend’s task, and you did not create a solution for your other tasks.    You’ve created a situation where you are “stuck.”, commonly referred to as  Limited Consciousness or Lack Mentality.

Ultimately there is nothing wrong with either path,   Interestingly enough, even in the most painful situations are positives because we are building up the pressure to reach the tipping point. That peak is what inspires change.

Lack mentality, limiting beliefs, and the fear of saying no to someone are real everyday person predicaments. I sympathize with that, and I wish nothing but the best for the world, every day.

 Creative Consciousness wishes the best for the world every day, in every situation, just waiting on standby for you to tap into it.

creative consciousness

There are so many other characteristics of living in alignment with creativity.  I’m sure you can add something, and trust me it will be part of Creative Consciousness in action.

As always, though, it’s all well and said, but we need to apply these actions to our daily lives to see results.  Information is never enough; it takes motion.

Finally thoughts

I would like to clarify that every successful person started off as an everyday person and his or her own reality. Even the richest man Jeff Bezos, was an ordinary person until he became rich one day. So, I am looking to eliminate any degree of separation between this person or that person and instead remind us that we are one.

I love you very much. Thank you for reading and Namaste.


About Delina Dimova, Creative Consciousness Coach

From Bulgaria, Delina studied psychology and computers in the United Kingdom.  She is a certified Creative Consciousness coach whom clients describe as an idealist, full of passion and of high vibrational energy. Her lifelong passion is to help others achieve what they set out to.

Anyone Can Learn How to Meditate

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth

I was always intrigued by the idea of mindfulness, but at the same time, I was so intimidated because I didn’t have a clue how to meditate.  The word brought up images of Tibetan monks sitting in the lotus position chanting “OM” while sandalwood incense permeated the air.  While I have nothing but high regard for Tibetan monks, that just wasn’t me. 

Fortunately, I later learned that there are numerous ways to practice mindfulness, and anyone can learn how to meditate and reap its benefits.   It’s like making spaghetti sauce.  Everyone either has their own recipe or buys it in a jar.   Some throw together a spaghetti dinner inside of 11 minutes while others are pure gourmet and spend days preparing the sauce.  In the end, everyone leaves the table full.  So, no one method of contemplation is right or wrong, although some may be more vigorous about their discipline than others.   But, you have to start somewhere, and even an entry-level practice is better than never doing it at all. 

The misconception that it was transcendence or bust is precisely what got in the way of sincerely engaging in what has become the single most positive and life-changing habit I practice. Got in the way for years

What are the benefits of meditation?

Since the beginning of time, men and women have meditated to gain serenity, clarity, and divine connection.  In the modern world, doctors recommend meditation to their patients to improve both physical and emotional symptoms.   Research shows that consistent practice helps to develop a stronger self-awareness and find relief from painful thoughts or feelings. In short, the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits are said to be profound. 

Some of the most common health & wellness benefits are:
  • Lowering one’s blood pressure
  • Decreasing cholesterol levels
  • Reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression
  • Better sleep
  • Boosted self-image and a more optimistic attitude
  • Enhanced concentration and memory
  • Pain management
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Control or break free from addictions
12 Science-Based Benefits of Meditation

Why is such contemplation so powerfully effective?

how to meditate

Celebs like Oprah Winfrey, Paul McCartney, Madonna, and Katy Perry are just a few who swear by meditation.  Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan use it to achieve peak performance. At the same time, the CEO”s of Linked In, Huffington Post, and Ford Motor Co. meditate to cope with the stress of running major organizations and gain much of their inspiration from meditative practices.

When you learn how to meditate, you experience how powerfully effective it can be.   For many, it goes beyond words.  Learning to train the brain to focus will help you thrive in anything you strive to achieve.

 Stop and think.  Have you ever felt that you were overwhelmed or confused, and you just needed to “pause” and took time to think about things?   Doesn’t the process of slowing everything down and not acting until you gain clarity make the best solution all but obvious?   When you learn how to meditate, it is like that on steroids.   Your mind slows down enough to bypass the conscious clutter and allow your most intuitive wisdom to present itself. 

A practical explanation of how it works

The human brain is super-busy once it is awake.   The average person has roughly 60 thoughts per minute.   Believe it or not, only about 10% of those thoughts are conscious, while the other 90% are hanging out in the sub-conscious. Psychologists say that for most people, the majority of their unconscious thoughts are limiting and negative beliefs (Psychology Today, 2012).

the neuroscience of meditation

So, if you are having about 1 thought per second, it’s safe to say your brain waves are pretty rapid.   When you are awake and fully alert, brain activity is in a gamma or beta stage. 

When you learn how to meditate, you start by focusing on your breath, and as a result, your brain automatically slows down because it is in tandem with the pace of your breath.   So, as you relax, the brain waves slow down to the alpha and theta states.   Here is where you ease-up and begin to have heightened intuition.   Metaphorically, the waves slow down enough to open the door to the unconscious thought, a.k.a. inner wisdom.

That inner wisdom can provide answers to questions that have baffled us.  It gives us precious feedback as to what our buried negative, fear-based, & limiting beliefs are.  Once we know what they are, we can begin the process of weeding them out and replacing them with new, positive, and empowering ones.  You can’t change anything until you know what the problem is, right?   

Meditation 101: The Neuroscience of Why Meditation Works

Positive Affirmations vs. Meditation

Affirmations are sometimes used in meditation and are referred to as an intention.  However, they are not exactly the same thing.   Many people use affirmations to try and change a behavior or a thought pattern.   This isn’t a bad thing, but its effectiveness is debatable, and any real change takes a very long time.    In my opinion, this is because we are citing affirmations while we are fully alert when all hyper-brain activity is happening.   I don’t think it works for two reasons.   First, the message we’re trying to assimilate into our being can’t “get past” the frenzied brainwaves that are running in our consciousness.  Secondly, it doesn’t work as well to overcome the limiting beliefs that run against them; it’s simply an attempt to mask them.  

Weed Out Faulty Beliefs and Break Free from “Inner Child” Syndrome

In truth there are an infinite number of ways to meditate and none of them are wrong. The common thread amongst all meditative practice is the cultivation of awareness and expanded consciousness.

How to Meditate- A Beginners Guide

Not quite feeling your inner guru yet? No worries-you CAN do this!

how meditation works

So, as I said, there is an infinite number of ways to meditate, and none of them are wrong. The common thread amongst all meditative practice is the cultivation of awareness and expanded consciousness.

Here are some basics to help you get started and discover what works best for you.  These steps are only suggestions to begin learning how to meditate. None of them are requirements.  However, they are what I do and suggest to coaching clients who want to start a routine.  

First of all, I either light a scented candle or burn incense. Depending on where I’m at, I may do a guided meditation (there are thousands of them on YouTube).  One of my all-time favorites is I AM that I AM, by Dr. Wayne Dyer. Other times, I’ll just listen to peaceful and calm music.

Next, when I meditate, I like to set an intention, but this is not a requirement.  Conversely, some who are veterans of meditation discourage it.  Again, this is just what I do, and it has worked for many others.     

An intention either the empowering thought I want my unconscious to resonate with or the answer that I hope to discover while in deep introspect.  An intention should always be stated positively based on what one DOES want, never what they DON’T want. 

Examples of empowering thoughts:

DO say: I love to eat healthy foods.   I am patient and serene.

DON’T say:  I will not eat junk food. I will stop being anxious and impatient.

Get comfortable and ready to relax.

  • If you are not using your cellphone for music, turn it off; otherwise , put it on Do Not Disturb.
  • Get cozy.   If you can sit comfortably with your legs crossed , more power to you.   If not, don’t worry, you can sit in a comfortable chair, or lie down if you prefer.  Meditative energy knows where to go, and not being comfortable makes you feel awkward, which defeats the purpose of the whole experience.
  • Grab a blanket if you like.  Tibetan monks say one can control their body temperature while meditating, but if you’re not there (I’m not) being chilly makes it hard not to think about anything besides being chilly.

Learn to stay present in the HERE and NOW.

  • Close your eyes and bring your awareness to your breath.  First, take 2-3 slow and deep breaths.   As you inhale, silently count to 5 and the same as you exhale.  Only the first few breaths are long and deep, and that is to help you begin to relax and get centered.  After that, you should breathe at a normal pace.    Your brain will follow cues from your breath and begin to slow down.
  • While you breathe normally, just “notice” your breath.  Feel the cool air coming in through your nose, traveling down your throat, and wherever it moves in your body after that.   Don’t “try” to breathe fast or slow, shallow or deep, simply “notice” your breath.   When we bring our awareness into our body, we are by default, bringing our awareness to the present moment.   You cannot be thinking about the past or the future when you are aware of your body.  

Set your intention

  • In your mind, say or see your intention.  ONCE.  Then, let it go.  Affirmations are done by repeating a positive thought over and over again.  That is not the purpose of an intention.   The intention is just your conscious mind telling the unconscious where it would like to go.
  • Whatever thoughts come up and trust me, they will.  Try to just notice them without engaging them.  Think of them as clouds in the sky just rolling by. One passes – and another may come –  or not.  But, they’re just up – in the sky –  moving along.  There’s no meaning attached to the clouds; there’s no judgment; no one wonders what the backside of the cloud looks like; it just passes by…get it?  This takes a bit of practice, but you will get better at it.
  • If you notice yourself getting caught into your thoughts, don’t panic.  It’s normal and to be expected.  Just gently bring your attention back to your breathing and your body.  Feel your heart beating, or notice how warm your hands feel.   Again, being in the body brings you back to the present moment. 
  • Start small.   Begin with about 5-10 minutes each day and gradually increase.    Intuitively you will know where your ending point is.  You’ll just get restless and feel “done.”   Take another long deep breath or two and affirm to yourself the insights and awareness you just had.  If there weren’t any, simply acknowledge to yourself that you just did something super healthy and positive. Kudos to you!

Try journaling

For years, I kept a meditation journal, which is basically the same thing as a dream journal.  No this won’t help you learn how to meditate but I found it to be extremely helpful in understanding what my blockages and self-limiting beliefs were.  That, in turn, helped me overcome them because you cannot change anything if you don’t know what it is you’re trying to change, right?  Life coaches are professionals at helping clients overcome limiting beliefs so if you don’t know how to go it alone, it’s easy to get help.

The thoughts that come up during meditation are gold!  They reveal to us what the other 90% of our 60 thoughts per minute are all about.

If your affirmation is “I love to eat healthy and nutritious foods” and in meditation, all the thoughts you have are (something like) “you always try but fail”, or you hear a parents voice saying “you should try to eat better” or an old gym teachers voice tells you “you’re weak and no willpower”  (etc., etc., etc.,)  you have valuable feedback about what has sabotaged your success in the past.  

Writing these down right after helps us to remember them and then challenge their validity.  Then, and only then, you can replace them with positive and empowering beliefs.   The likelihood of them becoming automatic and permanent is significantly higher through meditation than it is by citing affirmations. 

Be patient

It takes 14–30 days for the unconscious to absorb new information and accept it as automatic. When you learn how to meditate and make it a regular part of your day, your “new normal” will be having an increased sense of happiness, gratitude, clarity, focus, and inner peace

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Financial Security: 6 Steps to Achieving It

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth
6 steps to financial security

Financial literacy is not an innate skill that one Is just born with; it must be learned.   Achieving financial security requires both an understanding of how money works and the discipline to make wise decisions with money.   

How many people do you know who live paycheck to paycheck or are always broke?  Are you one of them?  Do you ever wonder how other people manage to save money and live a good life, yet you’re struggling?  It might seem like there is some secret formula to growing wealth, and a person has to  crack the code.

I lived that way throughout my 20’s and early 30’s. What’s worse, I had higher than average earnings.   The problem was, the more I earned, the more I spent. I didn’t get richer; the bills just seemed to get bigger.   I bought more expensive clothes, drove a faster car, dined in posh restaurants, and did everything that I thought defined living the American Dream.

I had to learn the hard way that having financial security isn’t about how much money you earn; it is about how much money you save! On top of that, saving cash is only useful if it stays saved. That’s different than saving a bunch of money, and then one day, you impulsively decide it’s time to reward yourself with some luxury purchase that all but cleans out the account. (ask me how I know 😉)  

Financial literacy + discipline = financial security

Therefore, suffice it to say that financial security is both rational and emotional.  Not necessarily in that order either. For many people, spending money and accumulating “stuff” is a “fix” like a drug would offer.

There are thousands of great books about budgeting, financial literacy, and building financial security.  Two that were highly influential in my turning point with money are The Total Money Makeover, by Dave Ramsey and RICH DAD, Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki.  

Rich Dad Poor Dad

To begin, I have to tell you one thing.  All of the information in the world will not help you until you are ready to look within yourself and make a change.   However, once you are prepared to get brutally honest with yourself, you are already well on your way.  

The 6 Steps to Financial Security

Steps One – Four: the pillars of financial stability

Step one:  Make a budget

This is probably the easiest step. Here is a simple formula for a budget:

  • Record all income per month. 
  • Make a list of all expenses.  Divide them into two columns: fixed and variable.  Fixed costs are expenses that are the same every month, such as rent/mortgage, car payments, insurances.  Variable costs can fluctuate, such as gas, groceries, and some utilities.
  • Add up all your expenses and deduct that from your total income. The remainder is what you have left for savings, incidental expenses that weren’t in your original budget, and disposable income. **(Step 4  is saving a minimum of 10% in a retirement account.  The most financially savvy people I know “pay themselves first.” That means they take a minimum of 10% of their income right off the top for savings, and then use the remainder to calculate the rest of their budget).
  • Track every penny you spend.  Find a budgeting app that suits you and use it!  Being mindful of spending will help guide your decisions.  What’s more, you’ll also learn a lot about your unconscious spending habits.
change your relationship with money

If you’re serious about getting your finances straight, be rigorous in deciding what expenses are necessary. In the modern world, we’ve convinced ourselves that a 70-inch flatscreen TV and 400 channels are essential, but believe it or not, you will survive without one. 

How you rationalize your spending speaks to your values.What does your spending say about you?

For a more detailed guide to budgeting, you may enjoy Budgeting 101: How to Create a Budget


Step Two: Put $1,000 into an emergency fund.

Having an emergency fund is critical!
Life is going to happen! Have an emergency fund!

If you don’t have this already, you should aim to get this done within a month, two max.   This is probably the hardest step.  Why?  Not because $1,000 is a whole lot of money, but because if you don’t have it already, you probably need to make some serious changes.   Change is hard, but the truth is you either  get control of your money, or you let money control you.  In other words, life isn’t all fun and games; live it up now and get into a funk when you need new tires, or make responsible decisions and have peace of mind knowing you’re tracking stability.   

Chances are, you will have to cut something out to meet this goal.  You might have to lose the $7.00 lattes or forego the latest and greatest gadget.  Maybe you have got a closet or garage full of stuff that you never even use that can get sold on  Facebook or eBay?  In short, have a “whatever it takes attitude” and get there ASAP! 

Remember that long term satisfaction is so much sweeter than instant (fleeting) gratification.   

Step Three:   Start hammering away at debt. 

Start with the credit card or loan with the highest interest rate.   Pay as much monthly as you possibly can.  Make it sacrificial.   Furthermore, make sure all payments are on time, and that means early.   I have coached too many people who somehow think that 4 days late is “on time enough.”  It’s not.  It damages your credit, which means you will pay higher interest rates on future purchases.   Here’s a quick lesson in financial literacy and the cost of money.

While a couple of percentage points on a loan doesn’t sound like a lot, picture this:

things you should know about money

Two guys buy the same exact $25,000 car.  One has excellent credit because he has always paid their bills and paid them on time.  The other has ok credit but has been late a few times for whatever reason

The guy with excellent credit gets a rate of 2%  over 5 years so he pays $1,291.40 in interest for a total of $26,291.40 for the car. 

The other guy gets his loan at 5%.  He pays a total of $3,306.80 in interest, so the same car cost him $28,306.80.  

The difference = $2,015.40.   I don’t know about you, but I have no friends at the bank that I’d like to fork over an extra 2 grand to.  Imagine a pile of money on the ground and lighting it on fire.  That’s’ what late payments cost you, and that’s on a car loan.  The number is exponentially higher on a mortgage.   

If you’re stuck with high credit card interest, consider transferring them to a lower rate offer. But I recommend doing this no more than once as there are fees involved, and in the long run, it’s better to establish a credit history with a single creditor.

Best Balance Transfer Credit Cards of 2020

Step Four: Bump up your emergency fund to a full  3 (good) to 6 (better) months living expenses. 

To begin with, $#!+ happens.   Indeed, as I write this, the country and much of the world is closed due to the coronavirus.   Do I need to say more?  Probably not, but I will.   Coronavirus pandemic is an anomaly that no one could have foreseen.  On the other hand, downturn economies, layoffs, (personal) health issues, and other unfortunate unknowns do happen, and financially savvy people have a plan for them.  For most people, it’s not a matter of “if” but “when.”   Times like those are when many people run into financial ruin because they don’t have a safety net.   In extreme cases,   6 months of savings may not even be enough, but it sure as heck softens the blow.  If financial security is truly what you seek, this step is a must! It will take time, but make it a priority and get it done!

Step Four:  Invest 10-15% of your pretax income in a retirement plan.

Let your money work for you! If you have a 401K or 403B available to you, max them out and never touch them unless it is a dire emergency, and then pay it back ASAP if you do.  If you don’t have an employer facilitated retirement fund, you can still stash money in an IRA.  There are several types, so you’ll have to determine which best meets your needs.  If you need guidance, find a mentor to coach you and to help you plan out a budget and your finances. 

Steps Five – Six:  Build Wealth and Live in Luxury

Step Five: Invest and Plan for the future

Do you want to buy a home?   Putting down a minimum of 20% will get you the best interest rates and save you from paying a nasty monthly fee called PMI (private mortgage insurance). 

Besides that, you might have kids.  If you do have them, will you contribute to their higher education?  

Do you dream of owning a yacht or a summer home?  Maybe you’d like to travel the world?   Retire at 50?  You can make possibilities become a reality if you plan for them correctly. 

invest money and watch it grow

There are many ways to invest money and watch it grow.  Real estate is often considered one of the soundest investments over the long term, although history teaches us that stock markets trend upward over time, even when factoring in the ups and downs of market trends.   Safer investments have smaller returns, while those with higher risk offer larger payouts.   When you get here, it is imperative to either do extensive research or enlist the expertise of a financial planner. 

Step Six:  Give

how to budget your money

One well-known advantage of giving is that contributions are typically tax-deductible.  However, the benefits of giving extend far beyond a tax break.   Giving connects us to the community and makes us feel a part of the greater good.  Research proves giving to charity creates the brain response associated with happiness.  Helping others and being a part of something bigger than ourselves cultivates a deep sense of purpose and passion in life.

Many people believe that giving is the foundation of receiving. This is a fundamental principle of the law of attraction and is grounded in the belief that giving freely (without expecting any return) supports an abundance mentality that opens us up vibrationally to attract more abundances. 

How You Can Attract Money with the Law of Attraction (does it work?)

In summary, financial security is the result of knowledge + discipline.   Having all the information in the world will not do you any good if you don’t act on it.  It takes courage and determination and it will involve change.  Please remember, permanent change comes from within.

learn dicipline with money

Final thoughts to ponder when beginning your journey to easy street

What are your beliefs about money? 

…about people who have lots of money? 

…about people who don’t?  

What emotional needs does money serve for you? 

Where you spend your money speaks to who you are….what do your spending habits say about you? Changing your beliefs about money, and your relationship to it, may well be the cornerstone of actualizing your financial goals. 

Read: How to Negotiate Salary or Ask for a Raise

Be Happy: Quarantine Life & Beyond

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth
how to be happy

As the country continues to follow social distancing guidelines to help curb the spread of COVID-19, many of us are experiencing feelings of angst, fear, and worry.   However, it is not only possible to be happy and stay positive while social distancing at home; it is vital for all our emotional wellbeing that we do.  Undoubtedly there are times when being happy or positive is challenging, and we need a quick way to reel ourselves back in. 

Here’s mine:

  1. Recognize the connection between beliefs and feelings and know that you have a choice.
  2. Have a clear vision of your BIG WHY
  3. Chose love over fear
  4. Be happy

What is the connection between beliefs and feelings?

First, let’s talk about thoughts/beliefs and feelings.  What comes first, thoughts or feelings?  There are arguments for both sides.   Ultimately, I don’t think it matters, but I know that Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists (CBT), Emotional Intelligence (EQ), and Neuro-Linguistic (NLP) Coaches work off the behavior cycle modal.  In that modal, (subconscious) thought precedes emotion.  I resonate with this and will use this modal to form a baseline. 

The Behavior Cycle Modal

In short, this cycle describes how our thoughts become beliefs that then guide our feelings.  Then, we choose actions based on how we feel.  Consequently, our efforts bring about the results that define our reality.  Lastly, our perceived reality guides our thoughts and beliefs.    

A screenshot of a cell phone

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Now you may be thinking that you can’t control how you think or feel, but the truth is, you do have a choice.    We all have  “trigger” thoughts that run automatically in our unconscious.   While this is true, we can’t control them right now; there are ways to learn to ‘reframe’ old limiting beliefs into empowering ones.  When we slow ourselves down and listen to our inner thoughts, we do have a choice to either believe or dismiss them.   It does take practice, but the better you get at it, the more positive your automatic thoughts become.

Know your WHY; have a sense of purpose!

Every small task in life has a purpose, but what is your primary purpose in life?   Let’s say the goal of going to work is to gain a sense of satisfaction and to earn a paycheck.  But what is the importance of the paycheck?  To have financial security and, hopefully, some enjoyment.   But is life just about financial protection and fun? I do hope you answered no.

So, take a moment and consider what the WHY is in your life?   Research proves that people who’s purpose is to be a part of something bigger than themselves tend to be the happiest.   For me, my big WHY is to live in line with the will of a higher power, whom I chose to call God.   Respectfully, your WHY may be entirely different.   To some, it is to contribute to society, others it is just to be the best person/spouse/parent they can, while others yet have an entirely different purpose.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  It only matters that you are clear on what yours is. 

Choose love over fear to be happy

Famed Swiss-American psychiatrist, Elaine Kubler-Ross,  coined the theory that there are only two true emotions, love, and fear.  In short, all positive emotions such as happiness, hope, serenity, gratitude, confidence, etc., are rooted in love.  

On the other hand, all negative emotions, such as loneliness, sadness, resentment, jealousy, greed, etc., are rooted in fear.    Ultimately, every emotion can be categorized as positive or negative, and therefore is rooted in either love or fear.  

If it’s more sensible for you to group them as positive or negative, light or dark, good or bad, it’s okay, whatever is most comfortable for you. 

I choose to use love and fear.   Whatever you decide, take a moment to think about how your decisions and actions connect to your WHY. 

I make the connection this way, if it is of love, it is of God, and if it is of fear, it is not.  Period.   That is my thought process, but here you can read 12 reasons to choose love over fear that are not related to spirituality.

Love is not just a feeling; it is a CHOICE.  The same is true for FEAR.  The two cannot exist in the same space, so you can only choose one at a time.  

Choosing love only leads to happiness
how to be happy and stay positive

So, let’s take reacting to the COVID-19 crisis as an example.   To start with, I am not minimizing its seriousness or passing any type of judgment on how some people seem to be reacting to it. One of the universal fears of all humans is the fear of death.  You can feel fear and chose not to act out on it, though.  You always have a choice.

Those who choose love choose to seek out the positives of any situation actively.   They are grateful for the downtime and see it as an opportunity to reprioritize.  They are looking at loved ones and cherishing precious life.  Their time is spent thinking of ways to better themselves, and most importantly, thinking about what they can do to help others.  They don’t see it as a total disaster, but a chance to live on purpose, true to their big WHY.

some examples of choosing love and rejecting fear:

At the grocery store: you have the good fortune of finding toilet paper (or hand sanitizer or cleaning products)!  (Lucky you)

Fear: I buy 10 packs because it’s hard to find, and I need to stock up in case there isn’t any more until 2021. Result: you have lots of TP, but it’s kind of sselfish and comes from what is known as a lack mentality. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

choose love reject fear

Love: I’ll buy 2.  I can take care of myself and my family and leave the rest so that others can take care of themselves and their families.  Result: You have plenty of TP to meet your needs and the belief that there will be more later on.   You thought about the greater good and have an abundance mentality. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Life as we knew it will change forever:

It’s true, it will. Again, feeling some fear is healthy; it’s how we act on it that can be destructive.

Fear: You assign blame to people, countries, or some conspiracy theory. Result: It manifests in anger, racism, mistrust, and more fear.   Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Love: You believe endings are beginnings, change is a natural part of life, and some of the best things often come as a result of what seems like the worst things. Result: You have confidence in the resiliency of the human spirit and believe we will adapt and grow stronger as a result of it.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Personal relationships

Some believe that choosing to love and rejecting fear is only applicable to major events like a pandemic or significant life changes.  However, it the smallest moments that give us the best opportunities to make this vital choice (Psychology Today). 

No matter how good your relationships are, when everyone’s emotions are heightened (and they are), it can take some effort to stay patient, loving, and tolerant. Double down on that when there are stresses during the best of times.  Life is never “cotton candy and unicorns” but sometimes are more difficult than others.

Respond with love even when our feelings are hurt

Fear: lashing out with a counterattack, shutting down completely, holding on to resentment for it until you have a chance to fire back.  Result: A full-blown argument that could escalate into something ridiculous; internal dialogue that festers resentment, self-pity, or shame.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Love: Take a deep breath, and a moment of pause to recover from the “sting.”  Clearly, the other person is acting out of some hurt or fear of their own.  Maybe the criticism is warranted; maybe it’s not.   You don’t have to be a doormat to others hurt, but responding in anger or sarcasm won’t help anything.    Depending on the situation, some loving responses might be : “I’m sorry you feel that way, can we talk about this?”  or “If I’ve done something that hurts you I am sorry, how can we make this better”  or if the words just aren’t coming, say nothing and detach completely until you have a chance to think about responding in a healthy and loving way. Result: Negativity evaporates, and, in that space, intimacy expands, bonds strengthen, hearts heal.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

choose love reject fear
 Acts of service for others:

Fear: Doing it because it makes you look good or to feel like a superior person for reaching out.  Hoping others will like you in return or think of you as a superstar for it.  Feeling like they owe you something in return.  Result: you can never get enough attention and praise to be happy, and that insatiable need will prevent you from knowing true inner peace.  Feeling like the world owes you will cloud your thinking in a way that stops you from seeing the beauty and generosity around you. Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Love: Believing its an honor to be capable of helping others and having gratitude for the opportunity to give back, having a humble attitude about it.   Any good feelings that result are just a bonus, not the goal.   Result:  A deep and sincere feeling of inner peace, greater confidence, vibrationally more attractive, creating space for more love to exist in your life.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Acts of service for the family:

Fear: Thinking you must perform for others to be loved and accepted by them.   For example:

  • One may think “I’m not a good spouse if I don’t cook/clean/mow the lawn/take the trash out”
  • “They won’t love me if I don’t, maybe they’ll leave me.”

Result: When someone is trying to fill an inside void with outside approval they are left never feeling they have enough, which means they are not good on their own.  Confidence weakens, relationships become stressed, and the spirit breaks down.   Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

Book suggestion: Strategies to change thought patterns and daily habits to live a happier life.

Love: You know you are loved and accepted just as you are, but you choose to do nice things because you love them back. Result: Happiness occurs in the giving, not the receiving.  Confidence and motivation are boosted.  You know you are enough.  Chances are that type of thinking permeates into other areas of your life.

In summary

My main point is that choosing love to be happy and stay positive works! This is because it results in making positive decisions that bring better results. Great results will circle back around to an optimistic and happier you.  This modal can be applied to any area of life.   No one among us is perfect, that’s not the point.  The point is we make a continuous conscious effort to come from a spirit of love. There isn’t a secret formula to answer the question “how to be happy and stay positive”. There is however, a workable strategy to find your own inner peace.

To recap:

  1. Recognize the connection between beliefs and feelings and know that you have a choice.
  2. Have a clear vision of your BIG WHY
  3. Chose love over fear
  4. Be happy
how to be happy
Final thoughts

The chances are you already know this, but now is a great time to remind ourselves and put it into practice. We’re all in this together.  Find a way that works best for you, and we all benefit.  There is no gain in emotional distancing while we’re socially distancing.  

What I offer to you is a “tool” that works for me.  It is a practice informed both by psychology and spirituality.  Maybe it will work for you too?

Are You a Victim or a Creator

Life Lessons Learned During Covid-19

Are You a Victim or a Creator?

Health & Wellness, Personal Growth
live your best life

By Sophie Fuzi, Holistic Life Coach

There are two significant mindsets that we build our worldview on: We are either The Victim or The Creator

Since childhood, my passion was to have self-awareness and how life shaped me and also to talk to people from all walks of life to learn about their thoughts, motivations, desires, and fears so that I could see how experiences changed them.  The more people I talked to and the more I learned about them, it became evident that the main difference between someone who turns their dreams into reality and people who are stuck with their life is their attitude.   How people interpret the events of their life becomes their beliefs, and their beliefs are what determine if they will live their dreams or not.  To put it simply: Are you a victim or a creator?

How do victims see the world?

overcome victim mentality with professional life coaching
Victim mentality can be crippling.

The Victims believe that they are the sufferer of their circumstances and do not have the power to bring about a change in their world. When it comes to their problems,  they blame politicians, family, country, the media, or anything outside of them.   They are unhappy with their lives, but it is someone or something else’s fault.  The truth is they are happy to feed on others’ attention as they complain, and they feel comfortable to stick to this stage.  Blaming others is easy and requires no effort.

How do creators see the world?

law of creation

 The Creators, on the other hand, understand that, to a large degree, they are in control of their lives.  They don’t blame others for their shortcomings or wallow in self-pity when things don’t go their way.  They   analyse and observe their difficulties from all angles and are willing to change their perspective and behaviours  to get closer to success.

 The Creators don’t get stuck by taking everything personally,  they can detach themselves from the level of ego and, through their continuous observations grow their understanding of the connectedness of life on a deeper level with their experience. 

Why is perspective so important?

 The reason why I place this as the most important lesson that I have learned in life is that: The quality of our lives depends on which of these two positions we take most.

Victims often find themselves in a pattern where every day feels the same, and life seems to be passing them by.   Time goes by, and they feel like nothing has been accomplished or achieved.  They have excuse after excuse but not one legitimate reason.   

On the other hand,  the Creators choose to be proactive.  They learn to take the lead of their life and “sail their own boat” in the direction they want to explore.    Therefore they are full of experiences that fulfill their desires at that moment in time.

How can you become a creator in your life

What is the key element to step into the Creator mindset? To mature and take responsibility for one’s decisions and the consequences that come with them. It is not always easy to take responsibility but that is the difference between the victim and the creator. 

Believe that your life is created by the decisions you make.

Sometimes the smallest choice that we pick out of the many creates the biggest effect on our life: For no reason, you decide to take a different route to work, which creates a whole different path for the day.  If you took your normal road, you could have been a fatal accident, but since you didn’t, you arrive safely.

Many people talk about listening to their intuition, and it somehow saved their life or created for some amazing circumstances which never would have happened otherwise. The opposite can also happen when a  seemingly small choice leads to misfortune.

These types of choices are not the ones we actively have control of.  They are a matter of the ‘laws of nature’ or fate.  

Our habits, the decisions we make every day are the ones that shape our reality.  When we continuously eat more calories than we use up, it is almost sure that we will gain weight over time. If we put effort into learning something new, this skill will evolve and grow over time. If we drive recklessly, we have an increased chance of getting into legal troubles,  having an accident, killing someone else, or dying ourselves.  

Regardless of what we choose in our daily life, we shape our world. Each decision adds to our future, whether it’s going to blossom with new opportunities or feeling beat up by life, becoming tired and moody.

So how do you know how to make tough decisions?

  • Use your common sense!

There are so many outcomes that you can predict if you look at your choices by adding your common sense to it! We dislike using that part of our sensibility because many times, it goes against our desires, and we ‘want to control an outcome’ so we overlook logic and reason and focus on emotion.

  • You can’t fill an inner void with outer things.

The ego runs in a continuous loop that keeps telling us we need things (outside of us) to finally become happy/successful/content/etc… but it never seems to last very long. So we keep creating cycles when we run after stuff/goals to achieve to make ourselves feel good within ourselves because we aren’t present with ourselves and grateful at this present moment. When it is the case, we can never succeed the way we want to because the only thing how we can fill our internal void is to turn to ourselves.

  • Use your intuition!

Trust yourself.  When you have an intense sensation within you about what you should choose to do it is usually in alignment with the deepest parts of you.  This will create positive changes in your life in the long term. Sometimes what we sense on this level seems illogical but somehow, these deep internal suggestions connect us with those events we wish to experience.  

  • Understand what you want and why you want it!

Sounds very obvious, and still, many of us can only articulate what we do not wish to have and experience in our world. Only when we know what we want and what it means to us, we can choose the choices that take us closer to get there.

No wind supports a sailor who doesn’t know where he wants to go or only knows where he does not want to end up.

It is not what you find in life, but what you make out of it what matters!

I have heard once that the best chef is one who can make a tasty dish out of the ingredients he finds at home. I agree, and I love to apply this method in my world. We like to believe what we have is not enough to create something amazing, so we keep looking outside. But the thing is that all of us already have enough to create something extraordinary! I believe that bringing the best out of what we already have is the attitude that can serve us best in the world to keep ourselves not only grateful but also inventive and open-minded when it is about new elements that come to our world.

It is easy to get lost in the options that are in front of us if we have no idea what are the things that really “float your boat” or what “crumbles your cookies.”  We all have heard stories about lottery winners who found themselves miserable, or talented people who wasted their life getting sucked into addictions, or people who have incredible luck and opportunity but were too damn afraid to take it.  

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, on things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like”  Will Rogers


Because no amount of money can help a person to become truly happy if they can’t connect with others, or have low self-esteem, or no real sense of purpose to live an authentic life.  For this person, money is only lending them an illusion that is attractive to others, but it is a temporary fix to a deeper, permanent problem.

Money can be wonderful; the difference is that a truly happy person does not connect their self-worth or their deep fulfillment to the money or material things.  A balanced person relies on his personal skills and capacities as a priority to create their life and can creatively make use of the elements that are in his surroundings. They do not get scared if he needs a doorstop but doesn’t have one; instead, they look around and find something that will serve the purpose and continues the project.

In short, when we know what we are doing and why we are doing it, the world provides us an easy way to fulfill our desires. All we need to do is to open our senses and notice them!

 ‘How  can you be fully in peace with who you are at this moment in time?’

There is no better question to ask when turning from victim to creator. 

learn the art of self love

It all boils down to self-acceptance.   This isn’t the kind of self-acceptance you proclaim to your therapist when they ask you, ‘Do you love yourself?’.  In which case, of course, you say ‘Yes!’.

By true self-acceptance, I mean when your heart is fully involved, and you have no lumps and bumps regarding this question on the level of feelings and sensation.

Self-love is not a face-mask with a never-ending smile or a continuous can-do attitude.

 It is the deep and peaceful inhalation and exhalation about our existence. 

It is having an awareness of our strengths and weaknesses with knowing that everything is as it should be here and now while experiencing inner-peace.

                The real self-acceptance is very difficult because

  1. We were conditioned to believe that we must act in specific ways to have the acceptance/love/care of others.
  2. We continuously compare ourselves to the standards set by the world, forgetting that we see only the best of others and compare it to the worst of ourselves.

Read: Looking at Life Through a Lens of Self-Love

The person who embraces themselves ignores the opinions of the world and listens and acts to their inner voice. They are aware there may be negativity, but they do not let that negativity determine their dreams and desires. They do not act according to other’s standards or view themselves through other’s lenses.  Their state of being comes from their heart over their head, and they feel connected to their core and authentic being.  

How does low self-acceptance influence your decisions?

Here are two examples:

overcome limiting beliefs


  • When you have a negative and unrealistic image about yourself, it affects your decisions. For instance, you wish you could learn to dance, but you are shy because you think that your moves are gawky, so you talk yourself out of taking lessons.  


  • When you have low self-esteem, it is tough to let go of a relationship that does not give you value any longer.  Why? First, you are likely feeding off each others’ energy, and you are scared to be alone. 
  • In healthy relationships, you stay because you WANT to be there and not because you NEED to be, or are afraid to not be.  
how to achieve goals

Your interpretation of life events:

People with low self-acceptance tend to project their insecurities in their body language, speech patterns, and social skills.   Everything they hear, see, and experience must pass through a “negative” filter and ends up being interpreted in a negative way that will mirror the same negative feelings that they have.  

With healthy esteem, they see the world for what it is.  They can observe events without internalizing them or taking them personally and emotionally.   They learn from things that go awry and revise their strategy to adapt to reality.  

The state of our self-acceptance is within all of our actions/reactions and determines how we act.  We can choose to settle for less than what we dream of OR we can dare to go for it and allow ourselves to enjoy our world by living true to ourselves.   This is much better than choosing to never measure up to other’s standards and go through life with the weight of the world placed on our back.

Embracing yourself fully from your heart is the entrance for creating a quality life for yourself where you enjoy your creations. No work for this is a waste of time!

learn to laugh at yourself

Oh, and one last thing…..

Don’t forget to laugh!

Becoming an adult is not easy and being one isn’t either!

With several responsibilities such as family, work, friends, etc… on our shoulders, it is easy to get stuck in a rut.  Don’t let life become a heavy burden.  Remember to have fun and enjoy the experience.   Be a creator, but don’t forget to enjoy the silly little ways of life that are non-sense and holds no weight in their results. 

Blow soap-bubbles with your kids, or make up funny stories with them and laugh together! Go to a comedy show, or watch a movie that makes you laugh with your partner, then talk gibberish while you tickle them in the bed!

Most importantly, don’t take yourself too seriously.   Remember to laugh at anything, especially at yourself sometimes! The world will keep spinning, no matter what.

About Sophie Fuzi, Holistic Life Coach

From Hungary, ‘Be Real! Life Coaching’ has been her dream her whole life. Always interested in learning how people make sense of the world and form their adult perspectives, she believes the key to true happiness lies in fully accepting oneself exactly as they are. 

Book Recommendations

atomic habits
Create good habits, break bad ones, and get 1% better every day!
Whole Again
Toxic relationships leave scars. This book shows how to work through these symptoms and find love on the other side.

5 Essential Steps to Success

Career & Business, Personal Growth
essential steps to success

First, lets define success. It is getting rich?  Finding the love of your life?  Reaching a goal? There are many definitions of the word. However, there is one common theme and that is clearly defining what it is you want and then being proactive to get it. So, what are the steps to success?

Here are  5 essential steps to find success:


Be True to Yourself

No matter what your definition of the word is, the first step to achieving success is to make sure your goals are in line with your values and not someone else’s.    Ask yourself what do you truly want? Then, pay attention to your inner self and notice if you start telling yourself you “should” or “shouldn’t” want something.   That’s a red flag that it’s someone else’s goal and not yours. 

As long as you are clear on what you really want, notice your self-talk.   Are you telling yourself you can’t do it or it’s not possible?   Question the validity of those  beliefs.   Are they true and do they serve you? Or are the self-limiting beliefs based on fear or lack of confidence that are getting in the way of pursuing your own happiness.

Don’t be afraid to go outside the norm.   Someone had to assemble the first rock-band.  If they didn’t, we’d still be listening to classical music.  People thought Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were both crazy and they have revolutionized how the world lives.  You may be nervous about your ideas but meet your fear with confidence and courage and you’ll be amazed at what unfolds once you start. 

Create a vision 

The next step towards success is to think about all areas of your life.   For most people, the list includes things such as family, career, health, personal growth, spirituality, and finances.  Think about where you’d like to be in all areas of life a year from today.

how to create a vision

Having a vision is only the start.  A vision means nothing if not followed by action.  Too many people focus on the end-goal without giving serious thought about what they need to do and who they need to be to get there.   

For each part of your life, set one meaningful goal that will have the greatest impact.  Prioritize which goals are most important to you.    If your goals are set for one year, think about what needs to happen in one month to get there.  Then break down what needs to happen in one week to achieve your monthly goals.  The words best goal setting modal is  the SMART goal strategy.   The more specific your goals and strategy are the greater your chances of success are. 

Exercise self-discipline  

One of the most critical parts of staying motivated through the ups and downs of everyday life is remembering WHY you want something.   Reaching the goal itself is not what you’re really after, it’s the impact that it will have on your life that is what you are really chasing.    

As you plan your day (s), make goal oriented decisions.   There is no single action that will have a profound effect finding success.   Success comes from hundreds of tiny actions, repeated consistently over time.    Learn how to be selfish with your time.    Figure out how to eliminate distractions and accept that there will be times when you just have to say “no” to others so that you can stay focused.  Ask yourself what you are willing to sacrifice to actualize your dream and learn how to ask for help and delegate tasks when needed.

Focus on your strengths.  In many cases, the biggest mistake people make is spending too much time trying to improve on their weaknesses.  Instead, find someone who is strong where you are weak and get better at what you are naturally good at.   It’s far sweeter to be great at one thing than mediocre at five. 

Be ready to deal with change

how to deal with change

The road to success is not lined with unicorns and cotton-candy.  Therefore, things are not always going to go according to your plan.   One of the most important steps to success is to be adaptable and resilient. Don’t let the unexpected knock you down or deflate your enthusiasm, just deal with it.  As we are all acutely aware, the world is in constant flux and there is so little we can do about it.   With this in mind, remember the only part we can control is our responses to each circumstance.   Persevere and be resilient and adaptive.   Whenever there is a problem, a solution exists somewhere.  Learn how to find solutions.  Turn problems into games and you’ll relieve yourself of unnecessary stress and angst.   Believe that some of the best things come from some of the worst things and look for the positives. 

If it feels like failure, remember that these are life’s learning opportunities.  No one is wildly successful on their first attempt at anything.  Therefore, even the best can only hope to learn, adjust, and carry on.  If you can’t figure out what went wrong or what the next step is, ask someone who has been successful.  

Stay open-minded

Finally, don’t feel like you have to go it alone! Sometimes it’s hard to know when to stick with a plan or to change your strategy and try something else.   The key is to be deeply honest with yourself and ask yourself empowering questions.  

Here are a few examples:

                        Is there another way to look at this?

                        Is there a better way to do this?

                        Am I afraid?  If so, what of?   How can I overcome it?

                        What did I learn?  How will I adjust?    

As a result of answering these questions, you will deepen your understanding of what is happening so that you can invest your energy in what is working avoid burnout. 

Ask for help!

Have a support system. No one gets a gold medal for doing things all by themselves and most people who are successful have teams of people that have helped them get there.  With this in mind, try to surround yourself with positive minded people.   Look for people who have what you want and find out how they got there.  Sometimes friends and family mean well, but even if they are well-intentioned, they aren’t always the best allies for us to move forward.  They love you and don’t won’t to hurt your feelings, and as a result, may not give you honest feedback that is needed.

8 Mindsets That Will Set You on the Path to Success

You’ll go much further when you collaborate with others. You’ll likely have different strengths and weaknesses and can help each other.  Someone who is objective is better able to see your “blind spots” and help you gain a fresh perspective on things.   They’ll help you brainstorm ways to overcome obstacles and they are able to hold you accountable.  Because of that, you’ll be less likely to make mistakes or excuses along the way.  These are the things that life-coaches are professionals at doing.

What is your top goal right now?    What is your plan?   Can you get there on your own? Time and repetition are the key.   In the long run, all of the small steps today eventually become something massive in the future.   

6 Steps to Achieve Financial Security

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Break Free of the “Inner-child” (adult-child) Syndrome

Personal Growth, Recovery
limiting beiefs and inner child

Weed-out the faulty & limiting beliefs that do not serve you!

What is “the inner-child” and the “inner-child syndrome”?

A term coined initially by famous psychoanalyst, Carl Jung, the “inner-child” refers to the belief systems that are developed in childhood.  It is easy to grasp the idea that everyone’s belief systems are rooted mainly in childhood; after all, everyone learns about the world primarily from their parents. 

The “inner-child syndrome” refers to a term used to describe the dysfunctional or destructive behaviors that continue in some people’s adult lives.  These behavior patterns that occur as a direct result of thoughts and beliefs that run automatically or unconsciously.  Those thoughts come directly from childhood development (Steven Diamond, Ph.D.).

What are the issues associated with having limiting beliefs or “inner-child syndrome”?

There are numerous ways this can manifest in one’s life.  For the most concise list, I would like to refer you to The Laundry List of Adult-Children Of Alcoholics.  This compilation was originally written for children raised in alcoholic environments; however, psychologists recognize these traits as typical amongst various populations.   The mutual attributes being any form of abuse, neglect, or mental illness present in the home. 

For this article, I would like to focus on what I call living on “repeat”.   What I mean by that is often, as adults, we find ourselves in the same type of situation over and over and over.  

For example:

  • Getting out of a bad relationship, only to find ourselves in another lousy relationship
  • Getting out of debt only to rack up new debts
  • Losing and regaining the same 20 pounds repeatedly
  • Being taken advantage of by others again and again
  • Thinking you’ll be happy “if” (something changes) or “when” (something happens), only to realize that you’re no happier when those things occur.

…..there are countless other scenarios.

“We learn our belief systems as tiny children, and then we move through life, creating experiences to match our beliefs. Look back in your own life and notice how often you have gone through the same experience.”

You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise L. Hay

Why is it essential to revisit childhood to overcome limiting-beliefs and heal the inner-child?

Why can’t the past be the past? Because ultimately, at the root of living on “repeat” are unconscious limiting-beliefs that inform every thought, action, and therefore result in what we create in our life. 

With spring right around the corner, I will use planting a garden as an analogy to explain the importance of weeding out self-limiting and damaging beliefs so that adult-children can live fuller happier lives. .

You can’t change anything until you know what it is you are trying to change: Identify the Weeds

I am not a green-thumb by anyone’s standard, but you don’t have to have a degree in horticulture to understand that a critical step in growing a beautiful garden is to get rid of all of the weeds.

For the most part, weeds are just another type of plant that is growing in the wrong place. Some plants look like they could be weeds but aren’t.  Conversely, many weeds look like they could be plants. The belief system of an adult-child is quite similar.

Most weeds are harmless, but they just look ugly.   Then, some weeds are literally poisonous and will wreak havoc and destroy your flowerbed.   There are even some that are dangerous to other living creatures. They might be pesky to deal with, but wishing them away or ignoring them will not make them disappear. Neither will pretending it is a plant help it to result in beautiful spring tulips.  In fact, that sounds downright silly, doesn’t it?

One can also convince themselves that dandelions are harmless, and there is no use in working on getting rid of them.   That may be true, but the end result is accepting a second-rate garden.  Understating  the seriousness of a bishops weed could result in severe illness or death to a beloved pet.

So, even a wannabe gardener like me can wrap their head around the idea that the only way to get rid of them is to pull them out by their root; otherwise, they will just grow back and start the cycle all over again.

The Journey to Growing

To deeply heal the “inner-child syndrome” and overcome limiting beliefs, a couple of things have to happen so the journey can begin: 

One must look back to what went wrong in childhood, particularly in the early (birth to 7 or 8 years) childhood.   This does not mean they have to relive the experiences and “become” the emotions, but rather observe what happened with adult eyes to understand what happened and replace old damaging beliefs with new and empowering ones.  A great way to do this without reliving the pain is using an NLP technique called Association and Disassociation. 

Life Coaching for Less than a Latte: Crush Self-doubt and Unleash Confidence the workbook

For the wounded-child to begin to heal, it is critical to get it through to one’s core that what happened in the past was NOT THEIR FAULT.   I cannot stress that enough.   I have worked with many clients who intellectually know that events in their lives weren’t their fault but, on an emotional and even spiritual level, carried some guilt and shame.  At the core of their being, they got the message that if they were somehow better, smarter, quieter, cuter, etc., that mommy or daddy would have acted differently and real or perceived, they believed it.    

Awareness is the stepping-stone to change:  Once we are aware the real cause of “adult-child syndrome” is bad programming, we have two choices.  We can consciously decide to stop the denial; to stop hiding from the pain; to stop lying to ourselves;

OR we can perpetuate the narrative that everything is ok and believe that the same thinking that created chaos in our lives can somehow fix it, ultimately continuing to repeat the cycle of misery repeat again and again and again.  

That may sound harsh, but those are the two choices.

Fortunately, there is freedom in accepting this as reality.  It takes so much energy to try and “pretend” everything is OK when intuitively, we believe something is awry.   The effort it takes to attempt to control outward appearances (and seem “normal”) is exhausting and keeps us from using that same precious energy in pursuing our dreams.

Uncovering the damaging lies (weeds) that do not serve you anymore allows you to replace them with empowering truths (lilies) that will help you manifest the life you desire and deserve.    It is then that life begins to bloom.

You may like: The Dis-Ease of “Not-Enough”

Change is possible, but it is not always easy to do it alone.  If you think you have characteristics of the “inner-child” and would like support in weeding out these faulty beliefs, why not try working with a professional Life-Coach?   Life coaches are trained at helping their clients overcome limiting beliefs and moving forward with their lives.  There are times when a psychotherapist is more appropriate than a life coach.   If the wounds of the “inner-child” are still very raw and painful, a therapist is a better choice as they will provide an environment conducive to healing.   If you are ready to move forward and need to breakthrough old blockages, a coach can be a game-changer in your life.   Life Coach Library makes it convenient to find the best coach for you, and the process is risk-free!

Reignite Some Passion in Your Love Life!

Personal Growth, Relationships & Family
choose love

Forget your New Year’s resolution (chances are you have already).   How about merely deciding and committing to set and reach your goals?  With cupid flying around why not set some relationship goals?

2020 is well underway, and at best, a few of you are on track to reach your resolutions.   Some of you are re-negotiating your plan of action, but a large percentage of you are having trouble remembering what that resolution even was. 

Whatever your goal is or was, chances are you’re “why” comes down to LOVE.  Whether it is self-love, love for your significant other, or you would just love to find someone to love, Valentine’s day is right around the corner, and it seems to be all anyone is talking about.

Human beings are designed to be social creatures, yet navigating healthy human relationships remains one of the most complex and challenging tasks in life (Leon F. Seltlzer, PhD).  

Why are healthy relationships so important?

We all need healthy and loving relationships to function properly in life. Poor connections can bring us down and have an impact on our career, social life, and even our health.

More than that, if you are serious about your partner, if you love them and if you want to spend the rest of your life with them, maybe your most important goal for this year should be to work on building a healthy relationship with them.  It’s easy to get complacent in any area of life, and relationships certainly are no exception. 

Ignite romantic passion in your life!  It will take some planning and effort; it is so worth it in the end.  

Go on Fun Date Nights: 

You NEED to have confirmed date nights with your partner. Remember when you first started dating?  The excitement of getting ready and the anticipation of seeing each other was exhilarating.  It’s easy to get caught up in the tasks of daily living and forget just to play together.   Dinner and movies are great, but I’m willing to bet if you’ve been on enough of these dates that there is no excitement or novelty left in them.  Are you the romantic type?  Trade the restaurant for a tour of a vineyard or winery.  Many offer samples that will help get your romantic juices flowing 😊 If weather permits, go on a picnic.  If it doesn’t, pack a picnic anyway and have one indoors.   Finger foods that you can feed each other and creatively make and clean messes with are great for this.  

For the more adventurous type: Go to an amusement park or try simulated skydiving.  If you’re really adventurous, do the real thing!   

Take a walk down memory lane together, remembering the things about each other you were first attracted to.   Try a couples’ massages or take turns giving to each other.    Whatever you do, just make sure to do something both of you enjoy!  It can even be something as simple as cooking a nice meal together or going to the mall for an evening. Whatever works best for both of you!

Change up your sex life!

Remember the hot, steamy times you spent with one another when you first met? You couldn’t get enough of each other.  It seemed like things would never get boring – but then you get too familiar, life gets busy, and next thing you know, you’re scheduling it on your calendar, hoping your calendars are in sync. And then it is as predictable as a multiple-choice quiz with a, b, or c as the only possibilities. Don’t be that couple. Good sex is the best way to maintain a connection with your partner.

The best way to reignite the fire is to focus on your partner and ensure you can meet all their desires. When is the last time you opened up to one another to talk about what you’d like to want to experience?   Keep an open mind.   Dozens of legitimate websites can offer creative ideas and do a much better job of it than I can here.  I urge you to keep an open mind, not to be judgmental, and explore each other’s desires and fantasies. The goal is to explore and connect with your partner again.

Thank one another:

Gratitude increases happiness and improves relationships (Read: Gratitude for Happiness). All relationships come to a stage where we get comfortable with one another – possibly too comfortable. The little things we did for each other in the beginning get taken for granted, and we either stop doing them altogether or come to accept it as part of the relationship.

Start thanking your partner. Maybe they did something grand like take you on holiday, or simple like preparing a nice meal. Perhaps they let you choose the movie or they were just patient and listened to you rant about a crappy day at work.   Thank them for both the things that they do and being the person that they are.  Never take the relationship for granted.  Saying thank you for something simple shows is sometimes more meaningful than the bigger and more obvious things.   

Start appreciating the little things you will immediately see a positive reaction!

Never stop trying to be a better you:

Work on eliminating one bad habit. We all have pet peeves and so does your partner! 

No one is perfect, and we all have bad habits that someone else finds annoying. If you have been in a long-term relationship, you will find a lot of things downright irritating in the other person!

The problem is, we take our partners for granted and don’t even think about working on ending some of our bad habits they don’t like. The mantra ‘they should accept us for who we are’ has gone too far nowadays. There’s a difference between changing something about yourself because you want them to love you and doing it because you love them.   When you love someone, you want to put some work into this relationship.

Do you drive her nuts by leaving the toilet seat up?   Make a conscious effort to put it down.  Put a post-it note on the wall if it helps.

Do you drive him nuts by talking his ear off as soon as he gets home?   Please take a few breaths and let him relax in whatever way he likes to most.

Some habits can be changed easily, others not so fast.  For the tougher ones, even small steps that show respect for your partners’ wishes will send a strong message.

They will notice the effort you put in, and you will love the compliments!

Imagine if you can completely transform your relationship and have something money alone can never buy? A New Year’s goal of having a healthy relationship might be challenging, but it will be the most rewarding as well.

What is Real Intimacy to You?

Ready to take all of your relationships to the next level and improve your professional, romantic, and social life?   Try working with a relationship coachLife Coach Library makes it convenient and risk- free to experience life-coaching!   

I Guess That’s Why They Call it the (Winter) Blues…

Health & Wellness, Personal Growth

The holidays can be so stressful and hectic, and like it or not, we are typically surrounded by people.  Lots of people.  Family members, friends, colleagues at your office holiday party, crowds of people in the malls, restaurants, and traffic…the list goes on and on.

Then, poof! its over and everything is eerily quiet, or comparatively so.   

For many, this drop in activity and social interaction leaves a feeling of loneliness and emptiness. Couple that with single digit temperatures outside… and oh, those New Years Resolutions that you’ve already forgotten about, again…and. (deep sigh) yep,  the winter blues have crept right in.  

Regardless of why the first few weeks after the holidays can be emotionally overwhelming. 

My top 3 go-to’s when getting in a winter funk: Lights, Connection, Action!!

Let there be light! 

It’s common knowledge lack of sunlight during the winter months is connected to feeling down.   The scientific term is seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and while some people suffer from it severely, almost everyone agrees the gloom of winter is a downer.    Dress warm and go outdoors if you’re able.   Being cold stinks, but as long as you’re warm, breathing the brisk air can be invigorating.  If you’re a dog owner like me, you know that getting them out sometimes is a pain, but everyone is much happier after.  Have an elderly neighbor with a dog?  Offer to help them.  They’ll appreciate it, and doing something for someone can really lift your spirits.  However, you choose to do it, don’t get too cooped up inside. 

Open your curtains and let the light shine in.    A lot of times, we close them because they do help insulate and keep the heat in.  I get it.  Keeping the heat in is good, but the flip side is that it blocks the light out.   Even if you only open them for an hour a day, let there be light!  You’ll feel better.  

 Feeling blue, try Gratitude for Happiness

It’s almost impossible to feel down when you have a real sense of gratitude.  Take a moment to think of anyone that did something extra special over the holidays and reach out to thank them.   You could call them, send them a card, or an email.  I discourage texting, but if that’s what feels right to you, then by all means, go for it.  Everyone loves to receive thanks and to get outside of yourself and to connect with another person with a grateful heart creates endorphins related to happiness (Psychology Today)

Make a plan

Just get going again.  Think of how focused you were during the holidays.  How ever you celebrate, making plans, meeting deadlines, reaching goals is a big part of the process, and chances are, you did all of that without even being aware of it.  Now is your opportunity to focus on something for yourself.  We all have something we’d like to accomplish and have procrastinated on (until after the holidays?)

Here are a few ideas.

Pick an area of your life you want to work on.   Are you happy with your career?  How’s your love life?   Still eating Christmas candy or just feeling the after-effects and ready to get back into healthy habits?   Thought about starting a business or writing a book or taking up a new hobby?  Pick one (or two), and write down your ultimate goal with it.  Even if it seems lofty now, as long as there is some reality to it, get it on paper.  Then break it down into chunks by what you need to accomplish in (for example) one year or six months. Then what do you need to get done each month to get to the end?  After that, break it into weekly goals to reach your monthly objective.  Lastly, what can you do TODAY to meet your weekly commitment?  

Don’t put massive stress or pressure on yourself.

That’s counterproductive.  The stress will create negative feelings that will ultimately be the demise of the plan. Even people who think they are motivated by pain or panic typically fizz out.  It just doesn’t work, or at least not for long.   If you find yourself feeling angst or stress, try setting SMART GOALS.   These  are smaller, more specific and managable goals allowing you to celebrate even your simplest victory.

Winter can feel like an ending while you’re waiting for the new beginnings that come with spring.  However, it doesn’t have to be.   There are only so many tomorrows, and letting nearly 90 of them pass you by does not serve your highest good.   You deserve so much more out of life.   Let yourself live it to the fullest.  

Ring Ring Your Life is Calling: find your true calling in life

Career & Business, Personal Growth
stop procrastination

Realize it or not, we all experience a sense of passion and purpose at some time in our lives. Think back to when you were a child and had an unfiltered interest in a game or toy.  Maybe you played a musical instrument or lost yourself in arts and crafts.  

Finding a passionate purpose in your adult life is not so different from this.  We resonate with a vision of possibility.  It may start seemingly ordinary, but as we lean into it, the possibilities seem endless, and it takes on a life of its own. The clearer we can see the vision, the more doors to new opportunities appear, and our vision becomes deeply meaningful. 

Living authentically frees you to turn possibility into reality. 

Are you living in line with your authentic self?  Do you do what is meaningful and inspiring to you? Are you achieving the results you want in your life? Do you feel fully alive? How much do you wholeheartedly engage and enjoy each moment, no matter where you are or what you are doing?   How you live one day is how you live your life. The answers to these probing questions define it.

You’ll have more confidence and self-respect; you’ll feel better knowing your strengths and weaknesses in a true and accurate measure; you’ll be more optimistic and be ready to forward, even if you’ve felt stuck in the past.

When you ignite your passion, you procrastinate less and have more drive; your relationships will improve because you being the best version of you. 

Uncover your true passion and purpose

It starts with a vision.

Allow yourself some time to quiet the mind and slow down the chaos of everyday life.  Ask yourself: What do I want? What makes me happy? What am I passionate about? Don’t filter your answers.  The answers you seek exist inside of you if you’re willing to listen.  It can take time, so don’t try and hurry the process.

Pay attention to shifts in your thought process.

You’ll start to notice your mental energy flowing towards unraveling what it is that you truly are meant to be or do.  You’ll be amazed as you begin to attract the elements that resonate with your calling.  It will be as if life is calling you on your own personal telephone, you just need to answer the phone. 

As ideas come to you, imagine that you are already living your ideal life.   Close your eyes and as if you are watching a movie starring yourself, fill in all the details with vibrant color; hear the sounds of success; feel the satisfaction and joy that comes with it.

It takes consistent vigilance

To manifest situations that provide the opportunities you desire, you must maintain focus on the end-goal.  Spend time each day doing even the smallest thing that is consistent with someone who already has or is what they desire.   Be selfish with your time and not get distracted, even if only for 15 minutes. Make this time yours without negotiation and be willing to repeat it again and again.

Ask for Help

You will always have to do “it” yourself, but you never have to do it alone.  Find a trusted confidante to run your ideas by.  Try to find someone who will support you without judgment.  That someone should also be living in line with their true passion and purpose.  Inner vision can take time to activate, and it’s essential to know where, how, when, and who to ask for help. 

These suggestions will help you get in touch with your core values and deepest desires.   They will stimulate your imagination to identify what your life’s purpose, vision, and mission are.

Consider that as you discover your passions that life is calling you.  Are you going to answer the phone?   Or are you going to wait for the voice mail (procrastinate)?   Will you respond with a text because you don’t have the “perfect” response? Or will you put a post on social media asking for permission from others to do what you desire most?

When you feel a strong pull that something is your calling, the best thing to do is get busy!   The sooner you start, the quicker you feel better and build momentum.  When you decide to live your purpose and go for what you really want, amazing things start to occur.  

Start today!  A year from now, you’ll be so glad you did.


Career & Business, Personal Growth
new years resolution

Happy New Year and cheers to a new beginning!  I hope you had a wonderful holiday season. Christmas is a wonderful time of year, time to be with your loved ones, and a time for laughter and cheer. But it is also a good time to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas. Christmas is not simply a commemorative Christian holiday. It is not simply celebrating with family and friends. It is not simply a time to give gifts and to be a giving person for a few days out of the year. The Christmas holiday can certainly be all these things, but it can be so much more. No matter what your religious beliefs, this time of year can be a time to reflect on our lives. Every year, I am particularly moved by the song “Happy Christmas” by Celine Dion.

So, this is Christmas and what have you done

Another year over, a new one just begun . . . .

Every year when I hear this song, it touches my soul in a very personal way, and it always gets me thinking about my life. What meaningful things have I done over the last year? Certainly, my accomplishments and goal achievements come to mind, but it is actually much more than that. It is about who I’ve become and what I have done for others. Each year it is my goal to become a better person. Health and wellness is something I always need to work on but, equally important, is my goal of becoming the person I want to be. I want to demonstrate my love for my family in many different ways. I want to create beautiful memories for my children and grandchildren that will live on for a lifetime. I want to deepen the relationships I have with my spouse, my family, my friends, and others. I want to step into the shoes of others, so I can see and feel things from their perspective, experience their world, understand and help them work through challenges, and join them as they celebrate their successes. As a life and leadership coach, I want to support my clients to reach their goals, achieve their dreams, and, in the process, become their personal and professional best.

There have been a number of self-improvement efforts I’ve made over the years. One that I would like to share because it has had a very positive impact on my life and may on yours too is learning to be present, to live in the present moment, the here and now. Most of us spend the majority of our time focused on either the past or the future. We have 40,000 to 50,000 thoughts entering our minds every day, and as many as 80% of these thoughts are negative.  While some past thoughts may be pleasant, many aren’t, and those are the ones we tend to focus on. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness are all emotions that can come from focusing on our past. We hold grudges and, as such, compromise our relationships. Thoughts about the future are also a source of negative emotions.  We worry about things that may never happen. Anxiety, tension, stress, and worry come from focusing on too much future. To make matters worse, we play these same negative thought patterns over and over and over again in our minds.  When we do this, we are escaping the present moment that is our life now. We may be eating a delicious meal or spending time with friends, yet our minds are “miles away,” stressing over a problem at work or replaying for the thousandth time an argument we had with our spouse a few days ago.   We don’t fully enjoy the food we’re eating. We don’t really hear what our friends are saying, and we don’t enjoy our time together as much as we could. We’ve lost connection. Our relationships and joy can be seriously compromised. Just think about how much we are missing out on life by not being present. To become present, ask yourself from time to time what you are thinking about, and instantly, you will become present. Note where your mind was. Were you dwelling on something from your past or possibly worried about something in your future?

Have I achieved being the best version of myself? No, I have not, but that is the point. It is something we need to work on continually. As I approach the New Year, I think about how I can become a better person to make more of a difference in the world. Change takes time. The New Year is the perfect opportunity for a new start, a new beginning.

Use Your Professional Network for Job Success

So, I invite you to search your soul to see if you are becoming the person you want to be and making the difference you want to make in this world. As the song goes, what have you done? Another year over, a new one has just begun. When the Christmas holiday returns in December, and we hear the lyrics to “Happy Christmas” again, let’s have something to say about how we’ve been a giving person all year long and how we’ve made a significant difference for others by who we’ve become. The people that mean the most to us, our families, our friends, and others may not remember all our accomplishments, but they will remember who we are, how we’ve treated them, and the impact we’ve made in their lives.

We wish you a year of love, laughter, connection, success, joy, and fulfillment!

While no one can create your happiness but you, reaching our goals can be tough to do alone.  If you’re ready for better results than you’ve achieved in previous years, consider reaching out to a professional life-coach.  You will go further and do it faster than you will on your own!  Life Coach Library makes it convenient and RISK FREE to experience the impact working with a coach can have. 

Submitted by:

Robbie Carlson

Professional Life and Leadership Coach

“Helping women leaders create successful careers and extraordinary lives.”

If You’re Not Achieving Your Goals, It’s Time To Look Inside

Career & Business, Personal Growth
achieve your goals

Can you believe there are only a few weeks left before the New Year is upon us?  Is your life today as you hoped it would be this time last year? Have you kept your New Year’s promises and made the changes you were so enthusiastic about?  Or, are you among the many who wanted change, wanted results,  had powerful intentions, but once again, you didn’t go the distance and achieve your goals?

The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” Albert Einstein.  The truth is, if you want change, it’s you that needs to change.   No one is saying this is easy; old habits and old beliefs die hard.  The key to powerful, lasting change is having a clear vision and setting compelling goals.

Even though most people understand goal setting on a rational level, a whopping 80% of people never set clearly defined goals.  If that’s not bad enough, of the 20% who do set goals, nearly 70% of them never reach them.  Why not?  There are several possible reasons.   Sometimes there are outside circumstances that they genuinely have no control over. Still, the reality of it is the biggest obstacle to reaching the personal and professional growth we aspire to lives between your ears.  The typical culprits are lack of commitment, inactivity, or perhaps having too many goals. But even if these things are in perfect order, you could still miss the mark.

Here’s why:

  1. You need a change in attitude and to address self-limiting beliefs: Using the same thinking that got you “here” isn’t going to get out.  When you want something new on the outside, you need to create something new on the inside.  Most of our thought process runs in the unconscious, and that’s is where many damaging thoughts camp out.   Think of these limiting beliefs as pesky weeds which, until pulled out from their root, keep coming back and airing their ugly head. Typical examples are believing you’re someone you’re not; you’re not good enough, not smart enough, too young/too old, or some such disempowering label. Until that limiting belief is discovered and replaced with something positive and empowering, you are set up for failure.
  2. You fear failure, or even worse, you fear success: Some people are afraid they will fail, but the fear of success undermines even more people.  If they fail, they anticipate people labeling them a failure or a loser. If they succeed, they think people may be envious and treat them differently, perhaps negatively or that they can’t keep up the pace and will humiliate themselves.  As cliché as it may be, deep down, they might believe they’re unworthy of attaining the goal and, consciously or unconsciously sabotage themselves.   Either way, if you lack faith yourself and your potential, why would you even invest your energy and make the kind of non-negotiable commitment needed for success?   If you can’t give everything you’ve got, what can you expect to get back?
  3. You’re not being true to yourself, and there is a conflict with your core values and/or life purpose. Are you doing what you are passionate about or what you think you should be doing?   Are you trying to please yourself or someone else?   Get clear about your core values and life purpose because they will serve as a compass, pointing out what it means to be true to yourself.  If you are living in conflict with your core values, you create stress, like running against the wind or trying to swim against the current.  It leads to frustration and disenchantment.  When you live “on purpose,” you will be amazed how easily things can fall into place.  You still have to work hard and very hard at that.  However, your motivation will be stronger and last longer because you are doing what you love to do, what you are good at, and accomplishing what is important to you. You are making a difference in the world.   These are the key ingredients to finding success, joy, and fulfillment. 

The most common characteristic amongst successful people is the ability to take 100% responsibility for their lives, including their achievements, the results they produce, the quality of their relationships, their health and well- being, their income, and everything else. They are goal-oriented and take action.  When stuck, they don’t blame people, places or circumstances, they reassess and readjust and keep going.  Even if things do not go as they hoped, they do not feed themselves the lies ‘I am a loser, I am a failure, or I can’t achieve anything.’ They redefine their failure as a success by looking at the reality of the situation, learning from it, and pressing on. 

While no one can create your success but you, you’d don’t have to do it alone.  If you’re ready to go all the way and move past your fears, consider reaching out to a professional coach. Overcoming the limiting beliefs that interfere with success is what life coaches specialize in. 

Reach out and receive a free consultation to experience the impact a coach can have!

Written and submitted by:

Robbie Carlson

Professional Life and Leadership Coach

“Helping women leaders create successful careers and extraordinary lives.”

6 Steps to Achieving Financial Security

Lacking Confidence =Time, Money, Your Love-life AND Opportunity

Personal Growth, Relationships & Family
cost of lack of confidence

That’s what lacking confidence is costing you!

As both coach and client, I am blessed with the opportunity to work with some truly amazing and inspiring people. As a result, I am eternally grateful to be “sandwiched” somewhere in the middle of what I perceive as some of the most accomplished and the most aspiring people on this planet. On top of that, I am always fascinated by the exchange of ideas and perspectives that are shared. I have come to believe we are all both teacher and student, giver and receiver and ultimately here together on one journey committed to, and on some level, obligated to, carry each other along the way.  

In short, I have witnessed success in people’s lives that are beyond my wildest dreams.  

Unfortunately, I have also witnessed what, at best, are living in mediocrity. Why do intelligent, hardworking, and competent people seem to underperform or just accept less? I have researched this and tried to analyze it deeply. I have discussed this with some of the most successful people I know at length. There is only one answer that comes up consistently. At the core of every theory is one common denominator: lack of confidence.  

When we think of people who struggle with self-assurance, many blatant images come to mind but seldom do we consider the subtle and insidious costs and consequences.  

What are the costs of lacking confidence?  

1. Lacking confidence is costing you thousands of dollars.

Studies show that blue-collar workers who test higher in self-confidence scales earn an average of $7,000 more than their lower-scoring peers. That same study reveals that professionals earn an average of $28,000 more (Neil Burton, M.D.).  

Managers will typically promote, the person who exudes fearlessness over someone who may be more capable but lacks esteem. The perception of confident people is that they are more skilled, even when they are not. They’re not afraid to ask questions or even make mistakes; managers see them as the “go-getters”. Unfortunately, bosses, clients, and customers make negative assumptions about people who exhibit behaviors of low self-confidence, believing they are incompetent or apathetic. That stinks, but it’s a reality of life.  

Less secure people are often timid about asking for raises or promotions. I have yet to meet a career or business coach who doesn’t swear that self-doubting clients stay stuck in comfort zones significantly longer than their confident peers. They have a greater need to feel safe, even if that safety is costing them endless opportunities, including living their passion. To step out of one’s comfort zone for necessary growth translates risk and possible rejection. Maybe they’re secretly waiting to be recognized and approached but, in most cases, it is those who are big and bold and speak up for higher positions and salaries are who receive them (Ashley Staht).  

2. Your most precious resource is time. Lack of confidence is stealing it from you: 

 Think perfectionism is a virtue? Not always true! In many cases, perfectionist doesn’t believe anything is ever good enough, including themselves. They will spend hours longer on projects trying to perfect every detail, simply because anything less than perfect is sub-par. While attention to detail is important and held in high regard, for them, this approach is very inefficient and leads to more frustration than satisfaction. Studies show that the delta between the work produced by competent people vs. that of the perfectionist is marginal and typically not valued as high as the extra resources utilized. Perfection simply does not exist. On top of wasting valuable time, the perfectionist will lose-out on joy because they are never truly satisfied with what they’ve accomplished.  

On the other side of the coin is the procrastinator. Not all procrastination is linked to self-confidence issues, sometimes it’s simply a matter of motivation. However, for those who are self-doubters, there is a vicious cycle of putting things off and then feeling bad about it. This, of course, leaves one even less motivated to do anything, therefore, putting the next thing off even longer, and then naturally they end up feeling even worse…and so on. Fear and worry are the culprits. There are hundreds of possible fears, but the fear of rejection, failure, or even success are the biggies. It is the “fears behind the fears,” such as the approval of others or appearances that create worry.  

3. How can you get the guy/girl if you shy away?  

Low confidence will dramatically affect your love life. It will dramatically impact all of your relationships. According to relationship coaches,  people who lack confidence will:

  • Second-guess their choices in friends/partners/bosses. Even worse, they are often skeptical of those who choose them. 
  •  Constantly try to analyze what the other person is thinking
  • Are in constant need of reassurance, which can be an energy suck for the other person.  
  • Often sabotage good relationships or stay in bad ones too long.  
  •  Frequently lose themselves in the relationship because they can’t set healthy boundaries.  
  • Because they are trying to win approval from others, they try to morph into being someone they aren’t. This is dishonest and unsustainable so there is seldom a happy ending.  
  • People who lack confidence usually a) take responsibility/fault for everything or b) take responsibility/fault for nothing. Neither are good.  

4. You will lose opportunities that you never even knew existed   

Having confidence allows us to see opportunities that we would not usually see. Because confident people are generally more positive, they recognize potential that others would readily dismiss. Someone lacking confidence will view the situation as a problem, while the confident person sees it as an opportunity to succeed.  

Have you ever heard a motivational speaker that did not mention the power of the mind and positive thinking? Almost all agree that positive thinking creates more positive activity. Conversely, negative thinking creates more negative activity. Is there any question which one is which?  

What has it cost you? 

In short, if you see yourself in any of these scenarios or if you lack confidence it is costing you the happiness of leading the fulfilled life that you rightly deserve to live! What is the price tag of that?  

Are you ready to move on?  

How to be more confident now  

The good news is it doesn’t have to be that way! You cannot change your past but you can take control of your future. You have a choice to take action and overcome any obstacle that gets in the way.  

At the core of the matter are limiting beliefs. These are the negative thoughts that we form, subconsciously that undermine our success. They result in self-doubt and questioning our judgment. They prevent us from taking strategic risks, setting ambitious goals, and acting boldly on them.  

Luckily, by being aware of what your limiting beliefs are, you can change them into positive and empowering ones. When you change your thinking, you change your story. Once you do that, you see everything through a new filter and the world becomes a different place. Boosting confidence won’t happen overnight, but if you are willing to be honest with yourself, you can gain the esteem you desire.  

Improving your self-image requires change, and change takes courage. It also takes persistence. But you can do it if you are willing to decide that your life is worth it.  

Feel like you need a life coach to help you overcome your limiting beliefs? Find a life coach today and open your life up to endless possibilities!  

Isn’t it Time to Get Off the Hamster Wheel?

Personal Growth
live with passion

Have you ever felt like you’re this guy? Running really fast and hard in the game of life but feeling like you’re simply not getting anywhere? Being busy is not the same thing as being productive. I personally have known that feeling and know how bad it sucks. It’s what it feels like when one lives in a continual state of reaction instead of creation. Yes, there are times in life when everything that can go wrong does and all at the same time and is way beyond our control. However, the truth of the matter is that we humans have so much more control over our thoughts, actions, and ultimately outcomes than most people have the stomach to own up to. The good news is, it is much easier to get off the hamster wheel and take control of your life than you may think.

The first step is to consciously decide to act. The second step is to SET GOALS. Even if the first goal you have is to sit down and examine which parts of your life you want to improve so that you can set goals. Do it.

Even the best of us sometimes wake up one day and wonder “How did I get here?”, “This is not where I want to be!” Somewhere along the way, we had dreams and visions, yet we lost focus and got detoured. If that sounds like you, it’s ok, make today the day you turn it around. Let today be the day you set specific, realistic, and achievable goals to have a better tomorrow. Make today the day you write the story of how the next chapter of life will go!

WHY does setting goals matter so much?

We all know it’s easier to act when we have a defined vision. However, besides gaining vision, focus, and clarity, there are many important reasons why you must set goals to be successful.

1. Setting goals helps you become who you need to be to reach them. When you have a clear goal, your motivation boosts and it triggers you to act in line with reaching it. Motivation and goals are akin to the chicken and the egg: it’s hard to decide which comes first but it’s nearly impossible to have one without the other. You will define what is most important to you and then naturally give your attention to what you want. Your thoughts and behaviors shift towards it and you will effortlessly gain momentum. Imagine playing darts with no target. Not only do you have nothing to aim for but why would you even pick up to dart?

2. Goals help end procrastination: It’s much easier to put off what seems irrelevant, intangible, or unattainable. At the root of procrastination is perfectionism, fear, or poorly defined goals (Lieberman, 2019) Using a modal such as SMART Goals will make your goals meaningful, measurable, and achievable! Sometimes to overcome procrastination, you’ll have to set smaller goals. It’s easy to get overwhelmed looking at the whole distance to the finish line so let it be ok to focus on the first few steps. Have goals for the short term (daily or even hourly if necessary), mid-term (weekly or monthly accomplishments) and long-term (your ultimate success) so that you are actively pursuing your goals in a manageable way. You have the means to measure progress and know you are moving in the right direction.

3. (Smart) Goals help build confidence: When you have enough confidence, you’ll try anything. When you try new things, you build more confidence. This is where having carefully planned goals and a strategy is crucial. If you have a realistic goal and strategy, even if things don’t go as planned, science proves you’ll begin to feel good about yourself (Will Meek, Ph.D.). However, if you just have a lofty dream without a plan, you are likely to run into unforeseen challenges that could potentially deflate your enthusiasm and shatter your confidence. Don’t let the latter be you. It’s a great idea to have a buddy to help you strategize and hold you accountable in cases such as these. The most successful people in the world work with coaches. A life-coach is trained to work with you on this.

4. Goals define your road-map to happiness: Setting and achieving goals are what provide direction and destination in life; give it meaning, purpose, and fire-up your passion; they satisfy an innate need to live-up to our potential and provide a sense of contribution. Instead of simply reacting to life, letting it just happen and responding to it, going through the motions and merely surviving, why not design a life you love, waking up with a sense of purpose, acting deliberately, and thriving?

It all begins with setting goals.

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How to get unstuck and move forward

Personal Growth, Relationships & Family

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they feel overwhelmed, confused, depressed, in a funk, or just plain “stuck” – it happens to the best of us! It can be hard to get “unstuck” on our own, especially if it is our best thinking and acting that got us into a funk to begin with.

Why do we get stuck sometimes?

The reason we get stuck is because this is real life and not a fairytale where some conflict is overcome and everyone lives happily ever after. Real life doesn’t always go according to plan.   We can’t give people a copy of a script and expect them to follow their lines and act the way we want them to. No matter how hard we work, we don’t always have control over the outcomes.   At the end of the day, life is not always fair.

There are so many reasons we get stuck. Here are 6:

  • We simply cannot accept the outcomes of a situation and move on.
  • We believe we should be something or someone we are not.
  • We’ve compromised our values and settled for less.
  • We’re creatures of habit, we get into a comfort zone and are afraid or unwilling to step out of it.
  • We feel guilty or shameful about being stuck so we beat ourselves up.   Negativity only reinforces whatever is not working and keeps us stuck.
  • We repeat a pattern over and over again, thinking “this time” the results will be different, but they never are. In fact, many times they get worse.

Advice to help you get out of a rut today!

Regardless of why we are stuck, what matters most is “how does one get unstuck and move forward with their life?”   Deciding to take some action is the first step to getting out of a rut.

  • Let Go!: When we resist accepting things for what they are vs. what we want it to be, we suffer. It is healthy to experience our emotions, even sadness and disappointment, but getting trapped by them is destructive. Holding on to anger, grief, or guilt is living in the past and robs us of the ability to experience joy in the now. Acceptance is often the key to peacefulness.
  • Think small: Looking at the whole situation can be really overwhelming and cause analysis paralysis (overthinking something so much you cannot make a move).   Even the smallest step moving in the right direction will get you closer to your goal than waiting for the perfect execution. Start with small manageable changes and they will gradually become bigger, more impactful ones.
  • Get an attitude adjustment: Instead of looking at situations as problems, think of them as challenges and make solving them a game.   No matter how bad things seem, there is always something worse and much to be grateful for; instead of feeling like you have to do something, tell yourself you get to and see how much better it feels. This works for everything.   Try and focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong; this will give you an energy boost to move forward.
  • Don’t go it alone:   Chances are your best thinking is in part why you are in a funk.   No shame or judgement; we all do the best we can with what we have to work with.   The problem is, we all have “blind spots” too and having a support system that is both objective and honest will shed a new perspective on things in the most helpful way.
  • Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and act: Insanity is often defined as “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result”. If you want a different result, do something different! Sometimes just doing something is different.   Don’t worry if it’s not your ultimate best plan, as long as it is in line with your final goal. Even the best ideas and plans mean nothing if not followed up with action.

Remember, you are not alone! We all get stuck from time to time. The longer we stay stuck the harder it may seem to breakthrough. However, the change you wish for is possible as long as you are willing to make it happen.

If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

What is The Law of Attraction (LOA) and How Does it Work?

Personal Growth
attract abundances

The law of attraction (LOA) is the most well-known and one of the most powerful of the 12 UNIVERSAL LAWS. Based on a theory stating that from the words you speak to your unconscious beliefs, you attract and create everything that appears in your life. Simply put, the law of attraction states that you will attract whatever you focus on most.

If you are ready to unlock this powerful gift for yourself, why not contact us today?

Many have either read or at least heard of The Secret, a well-known book describing in detail how LOA works. The main principle is that your unconscious programming is sent out to the world vibrationally. Because like attracts like, you attract the people in your life who resonate with your vibrational or energetic frequency. Whether it’s negative or positive, everything you see in your life is what you’ve attracted and/or created energetically. By focusing on good and positive things in your life, you will automatically attract and create better and more positive things. If you focus on scarcity and negativity, then that is what will be manifested instead.

There are 7 principles to the Law of Attraction

  • Manifestation: conscious choices create our present moments.
  • Magnetism: we attract the same energy vibration that we put out.
  • Pure Desire: free of fear and doubt, we attract the most beneficial outcomes.
  • Focus with Confidence: desperation creates a paradox and attracts desperate events.
  • Right Action: treat others with dignity and high value and be treated justly. Tear others down and attract destruction.
  • Gratitude: the more gratitude you feel, more things to be grateful for will appear.
  • Influence: good or bad, we all have impact. Positive energy spreads and becomes systemic.

Many famous people attribute their success in life to the Law of Attraction. Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and many others, have all practiced working with the Law of Attraction coaches and credit much of their personal success to it.

What benefits does use of the Law of Attraction have in someone’s life?

When you meet someone who has been practicing LOA for some time, they speak about it like it is some type of magic. Whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you and your programming, but consistently, people who practice LOA describe these amazing effects.

Some profound shifts they often speak of are:

  • They no longer simply react to the circumstances and people around them; they consciously and intentionally create what they want in life. Managing thoughts and feelings empowers them to create more of what they want.
  • They think differently; attract more confidently; consciously respond differently to negativity and criticism to it and decrease the frequency of it recurring.
  • They choose to focus on what they want and not give attention to what they “don’t” want, therefore attracting more of what they do want.

Practicing the Law of Attraction Will Dramatically Change Your Life!

  • Attract more money: most people want more money but are completely unaware of limiting beliefs they have around it. Those limiting beliefs and a lack mentality are precisely what block people from creating abundances in their lives. The good news is that LOA can make abundances easy to come by. Many people report unexpected checks, seemingly random job opportunities and even literally finding money as some of the first results.
  • Attract love and satisfying relationships: change your thoughts about love in the past, present, and future and you will attract more of the types of relationships you desire. The LOA is a great tool for finding love. Because the LOA means working on yourself and being clear about your desires, it inherently makes you a more attractive person with a clear vision of what you want and need in your life.
  • Intuitively know how to handle situations that once caused angst: when we change old patterns of thinking and focus on what we truly want, we no longer create situations that are against our desires, which feels like running against the wind. We are much better at working through them if they arise.
  • Have more fun: The results of using the LOA techniques are only limited by your imagination (although there are still the laws of physics and gravity: you’re not going to manifest supernatural powers anytime soon).
  • Spiritual awakening: By its very nature, LOA connects you with higher consciousness and existence. A spiritual awakening can literally mean an awakening of the spirit by having a shift in awareness. Realizing that we are connected to everything around us and everything is connected to us awakens the spiritual force inside and unlocks infinite potential.

Learning how to practice the LOA is not difficult but it takes practice and time. Here are some of the basics excerpted from Jack Canfields, Maximize your Potential.

1. Be clear on what you do want, not what you don’t: you can’t tell a taxi driver you don’t want to go the airport, right? You must be clear on what you want.

2. Believe what you want will happen and then ACT LIKE IT HAS. Put confidence and trust in the powers of the universe and know that it absolutely will happen or is happening already.

3. Receive what you want by becoming a vibrational match for it: By focusing on positive emotions like joy, love, happiness, and gratitude, you will create and attract more joy, love, happiness and gratitude into your life

How to Be Happy During Quarantine Life and Beyond

Are you ready to take more action?

Open your heart and your mind and begin to live the transformation that allows infinite possibilities to become realities. If you’d like to talk to a coach who specializes in practicing the law of attraction, it’s simple to find one on Life Coach Library. Once you are registered and complete a short questionnaire, you will be matched with up to 3 coaches who will give you a complimentary coaching session so you can decide for yourself how amazing it is. Give it a try, it’s FREE.

If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

How a Life Coach Helped Me Get “Unstuck” (and why I became one myself)

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth, Recovery, Relationships & Family
how I got unstuck with a life coach

Anyone can get stuck in life.

This is my personal story of getting “unstuck” so that I could take my life from “good” to “great”.

I was a rebellious teenager. Very rebellious. To say my childhood was not idyllic is understated, but seriously, who’s really was? No long or dramatic stories here, but by the age of 20, I couldn’t stand myself or my life and ended up in a recovery group for alcoholism and drug addiction. Trust me when I say I didn’t get there a minute too soon. Getting sober saved my life: physically; mentally; emotionally; and spiritually.

To paint a picture:

I was 20, working in a bar (underage with fake identification) , my best “friend” was a 45 year old junkie with a criminal record as long as my arm. I weighed 205 pounds, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day and couldn’t make a sentence without using “F — -“as the noun, verb, AND adjective. Lovely right? (not).

That was over 30 years ago.

I have been a personal-growth zealot ever since. The first several years were rough. I had much soul searching to do. The only thing I had to change was everything. Pain motived me to become feverous about turning a troubled life into a sane and purposeful one. I worked (several) 12-step programs. I went to therapy for years. I read every self-help book I could get my hands on. I helped others. I prayed. I meditated. I did yoga. I ate veggies…I did whatever I could grasp. Life got so much better. Unbelievably better in every way.

The new picture:

I lost over 40lbs, quit smoking, and upgraded my circle of friends, I could even get through a whole day without dropping an F-bomb (most days 😉). I am the first and only female in my family to get a 4 year college degree (and then go beyond), I’ve traveled much of the world, married the man of my dreams, (better still, the man of my dreams married me) and in my early 40’s, had practically checked off every box on my bucket list!! (I do have a new one though 😊) All gifts of grace.

That list is mostly “outside” stuff that came as a result of the “inside” work I had done. I had worked hard to gain self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect; I had healed old wounds from the past; I had successfully turned around what could have been a total disaster of a life.

Life was good. But something was missing….

Part of the problem was that life was good. I didn’t want “good”. I wanted “great”. I had come too far to settle and rest at good, but I had no idea how to move forward and I had no I idea why I couldn’t figure it out.

I went back to therapy because that was in my comfort zone. I had been doing it off and on for years. I have nothing but respect for the mental health profession but creature of habit that I am, I went even when it just wasn’t working anymore because it was what I knew, and it was safe.

Why wasn’t it working? Because I wasn’t trying to heal anymore; I was done being pissed at my parents and not a stone from childhood left unturned; I was in touch with my feelings. I just wasn’t getting much out of it anymore. I had done so much therapy that there were times I felt like I was coaching the therapist and they should give me the co-pay. Seriously.

Therapy was good when I felt like I was drowning and couldn’t even get my head above water. However, I felt like I’ve been floating for years and I wanted to learn how to swim. Intuitively I knew how, I just needed someone to (gently) push me off the float.

I had a lot of practice going bad to good, but I simply sucked at going from good to great. Damn it! I had to try something different because I didn’t want to just “exist”, and I was determined to breakthrough this invisible barrier and thrive.

Fortunately, I found a way out.

Life Coaching picks up where therapy leaves off…

I had considered working with a life-coach years prior but to be completely honest, I could not justify spending money on something that in my mind, may not work. Therapy wasn’t exactly working anymore, but insurance paid for it. Now, let’s be clear, I would easily drop a few hundred bucks on a shopping spree for things that I didn’t really need but would bring me about 48 seconds of glee. I did have a problem investing in myself. Ironically, that thought process itself was part of the problem.

So, I was skeptical and even cynical, but I convinced myself was if it didn’t help, the worst case was I got a few less massages or ridiculous shopping sprees. That is what it took for me to take the first steps and what has become one of the most positive and life-changing experiences I have ever had. I consulted with two coaches and I found one I intuitively knew was the right one for me.

I learned at the core of my “stuck-ness” was old faulty and limiting beliefs. Ones that I had no clue I even had. So deeply embedded in my thinking they weren’t even conscious. Until, with my coach, I slowed down. Way down. None of these ran in my “conscious” but like peeling layers off an onion, when we explored what was behind the conscious thinking, there were some pretty damning beliefs about myself and the world running behind the scenes.

I’ll share a few of them with you here:

Old Beliefs about my self-worth:

I’m a good wife/daughter/sister/friend when I DO things for people.

I need to excel at something simply to measure up. If I was the same, I was less than, if I was better, I was ok. I never believed (really believed) like I was good enough at anything.

Confident people are so cocky and arrogant. Having true self-confidence will mean I am conceited.

Old Beliefs about money:

People who are rich are selfish and greedy. Translation: If I have a lot of money, it will mean I’m selfish and greedy.

Spiritually and money cannot exist together.

Spending money on my well-being was a waste because there was no instant or tangible return. (cliché as it is, the old “I’m not worth it” belief)

Old Beliefs about taking risks to fulfill my dreams:

What I dreamed of was not rational but lofty and whimsical, therefore childish.

I don’t have a Ph.D. so no one will take me seriously.

It’s better to have the security of a job that I’m barely content with than be vulnerable to try what I truly am passionate about. * * (even in a situation where I do have a safety-net to catch me if I fall).

These are just a few, the list was much, much longer and deeper than this.

Coaching offered a practical, solutions-oriented approach to overcoming them. Were there moments that related back to my past? Yes. Where there new self-awareness’s that brought on painful moments? Yup.

The difference was that I quickly learned how to weed-out these thoughts without dwelling in them or their roots all over again. There was just old programming that needed to shift but it did not involve reliving it. Simply observing experiences with adult eyes and deciding the message was either never true, or true once but no longer serves.

In 12 weeks, the change was profound. Like, 5 years of therapy profound. It was almost like being lost in the forest, wandering in circles for hours but not realizing, a quarter mile in the right direction will take you straight to a road.

Worth every cent. Exponentially worth every cent.

Finally, really happy and really unstuck. Finally living my dreams. Life just keeps getting better every day. It’s not all rainbows and roses but I have found a true sense of wholeness and happiness. I know what I am truly passionate about and have a deep sense of purpose.

Instead of reacting to the world doing what I believe it expects of me, I consciously and deliberately create the life I want; doing what is true to me and as a result I feel energized. I feel enthused. I feel grateful and I truly look forward to whatever adventure or challenge life has for me.

I continue to use those same strategies in my daily life and to help others to find what works for them.

Sadly, I think many people live their whole lives, cradle to grave, never knowing their true calling and purpose. Afraid or simply “content”. Content is good but when you know great exists and you can create it, why settle?

If any of this resonates with you and you think you’d like to work with a life-coach to reach any of your goals, it’s simple to find one here at Life Coach Library. By registering and filling out a short questionnaire you will be matched with up to 3 coaches and then can see for yourself how amazing working with a coach is. Give it a try, it’s risk-free.

If you’re still sure if coaching is for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

Author | WENDY COPE, Personal Growth Coach


My story is told above. The profound transformation I experienced triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walks of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about.

Education: I completed my coaching certification at Coach Training Alliance. I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia and Delaware. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning.

Why Online Coaching is Your Best Option

Personal Growth
caareer coaching photo

Congrats! You’ve decided to take the plunge and be proactive in reaching your goals of getting into the best shape of your life, sparking up some passion in your love-life, or improving your work-life balance. Now, you’re just wondering if online coaching is the right choice…. For most people it is! And, here’s why.

1. You’re probably already uber busy!

One of the best parts of working with a coach is saving time in reaching your goals. What gain is working with a coach if you spend the most limited resource any of us have, time, trying to find the right coach and getting to and from coaching sessions? Between the commute, a full-time job, family, squeezing in a happy-hour with friends, the gym…where is the time to find a coach you love and travel to and from appointments? The flexibility offered by online coaching leaves you much more time to actually do what you love and put your energy towards reaching your goal. Coaching happens anywhere you take your cell phone or tablet.

This is only the start of why online coaching is the obvious solution.

2. It is simple to find the perfect coach

Finding the right coach is a matter of finding the right chemistry and that means you may have to talk to a few. We recommend three. Think of some of the professionals and services you use in your life: doctors; lawyers; mechanics; hair stylists; home services; etc. Wouldn’t it be awesome if three of each would give you a free sample of their service before you made any commitment? Most of the time, just getting an appointment takes several phone calls and possibly weeks to schedule. Being confined to local professionals is not ideal when the best candidate happens to live in a different state. With Life Coach Library, up to three coaches who can meet your specific needs will offer you a complimentary coaching session, and then you get to decide who you want to succeed with, all from the comfort of your home, car, or hotel room.

But wait, there’s still more……………

3. You can be completely anonymous

Anytime you do something to empower yourself you should be confident and proud. However, a lot of people still prefer to keep working with a coach confidential. Many people find it easier to open-up over the telephone vs. face to face, especially when they know their coach has no connection to any of their local associations and that everything they say is strictly confidential.

Our preliminary questionnaire gives you a chance to share in detail what you are looking to achieve. Based on your criteria, only the coaches who can serve you will contact you. Knowing you’ve got the right professional on the phone creates a safe environment to relax and talk about your deepest desires.

4. You become more empowered and independent.

Probably one of the biggest reasons why online life coaching is better than in person is the fact that you don’t get dependent on your coach and your coach remains completely objective. Coaching in person can create a slight dependency where they seem responsible for your successes and it can be difficult to detach when it’s time. An online coach will work with you to develop a strategic action plan, but you alone take those steps. You are never alone though as you do have access to your coach whenever you need a boost. Simply text or email him/her to keep you on track or share your mini victories along the way.

5. It’s Simply More Affordable

Online coaching limits the overhead costs for coaches, passing the savings on to you as reflected in reasonable coaching fees. The last thing you need to be worrying about is another massive bill being added to the pile. Online coaching is almost always more practical live coaching.

How to find an online coach?

As the coaching industry has grown in popularity, online coaching has become the preferred medium for coaching. In fact, online everything has become a way of life. Life Coach Library was designed by coaches who have been clients and have the best interest of both in mind. Potential clients have a convenient and risk-free way to experience the impact a coach can make. Coaches can utilize a platform that does extensive marketing for them so that they can spend more time doing what they love and do best ~ help people reach their goals! Just like a recruiter brings amazing employees to great companies, Life Coach Library connects goal-oriented clients to certified coaches. Sure, you can find a job on your own, and companies can scout out talent for their openings, but having someone who completely understands the needs of both cuts out the frustration and saves everyone time and money in the end.

That is why online coaching is the best option!

If you’re still not sure if coaching is for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

Written by Wendy Cope, Positive Change Coach & Founder, Life Coach Library

How to Form Habits That Will Help You Reach Your Goals

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Personal Growth
career goals

One of the keys to reaching a new goal is to have habits in place that support that goal. If your current habits are counter-productive, you’ll need to change them or face the reality of not reaching your goals.

How do success habits help you reach your goals?

Suppose you have the goal of running a marathon: if you don’t already have the habit of running regularly, your chances of you reaching is very low. Running regularly gets you closer to attaining your goal in several ways, including getting you in great physical shape and strengthening your endurance.

Developing supportive habits can be easier than you think and far more powerful than you can imagine!

Identify the Habits You Need

Before you create new, positive habits, you’ll want to figure out which habits will help you attain your goals. For every goal, there are habits that can pretty much guarantee your success. Reflect on your goals and what actions you can take to help bring them about.

Here are some habits that people who always reach their goals have:

1. Look for daily habits. Habits you practice each day are much easier to put into place and keep than those that are less frequent.

2. Keep it simple. The more complex the task, the less likely you are to stick with it. If you really do need to implement a complex habit, start with a simpler version and then add more complexity later. Set some SMART goals to develop new habits in your routine.

3. Be specific. It’s not enough to just specify what you’re going to do; include the how, when, and where as well. Time is always critical when creating a new habit. Be sure to specify a precise period of time in which you wish to implement the new actions.

  • So “I’m going to exercise 1 hour per day” is inadequate. “I’m going to swim from 6-7 am, Monday through Friday at the YMCA” is more like it. This has enough detail to be quite clear about what you want to accomplish and includes the how, when and where.

Prepare for Interference

There are usually obstacles to creating new habits and behavioral patterns. Try to figure out these possibilities ahead of time so you can eliminate them as soon as possible.

How to achieve personal success

For example, if you’ve decided that you’re going to eat a healthy breakfast every day, get rid of all the breakfast junk food in your pantry and freezer. That junk food is an obstacle to successfully implementing your habit. The obstacle might be time interference. Maybe your partner, child or family members do not usually leave you alone for 20-40 minutes every night so you can meditate, write, read, or whatever it is you want to do towards your goal. Simply let them know ahead of time that you need be undisturbed during this time.

Look for More Supporting Habits

When you determine supporting habits that will help you reach your goal, consider going even deeper into the details to find habits that will help you accomplish your other new habits.

For example, if one of your new habits is to make it to the gym every morning by 6:30 am, you can develop several supporting habits to help you establish this habit, such as:

  • Get out of bed by 5:45 am.
  • In order to get up at 5:45 am each day, you might need an additional habit of always being in bed by 10:30 pm.
  • Another supporting habit might be to pack your gym bag the night before.

These supporting habits are extremely importance to your success. Spend some time thinking about additional habits you can develop to support your efforts.

Just as counter-productive habits can keep you from success, supportive habits can aid to your victory. So, consider the habits that will best support your goals, put them into action on a daily basis, and enjoy your new success!

If you’ve tried to reach your goals on your own in the past and fallen short, or if you’re ready to start and want to save time in reaching success, try working with a life coach. A coach will help you stay motivated, hold you accountable, and strategize ways to overcome interference so you can stay on track. Life Coach Library makes finding a coach simple. Simply register and we will match you with up to three certified coaches. It’s free and each coach will offer you a complimentary coaching consultation so that you may conveniently find the right match.

Clifford Aning

It’s Time to Spring Clean Your Negative Self-Talk!

Personal Growth

It’s true we all experience negativity in our lives. One day you’re in a great mood until you talk to that one friend or family member that always manages to bring you down. They may have been well intentioned, but they were just so negative it was an energy-suck. You may have even been that person a time or two, possibly thinking you were being helpful or cautious.

The average human has about 48 thoughts per minute. Only 6-8 of them are conscious and the other 40 or so are running in the background, in our subconscious. That means that almost 80% of your reaction to the world is literally on auto-pilot.

What’s even more alarming is that psychologists say on average 70% of unconscious thoughts are negative or limiting. YIKES! If you’ve ever wondered why you’re just not that happy or feeling stuck, read on….

Here are a few of the most common automatic negative thoughts (ANTS):

1. All or nothing thinking: Everything is black or white. Think of the words always and never. “I always mess things up “ “I never get what I want”. “I never do anything right”, “Nothing is ever good enough” “It’ll never work out”

2. Catastrophic thinking: Fixating on the worst-case scenario. “If I fail, I’ll never recover, and life will be ruined.”

3. Emotional Reasoning and/or Mind Reading: You are so sure of an outcome you actually create it. “I know she won’t go out with so I won’t even talk to her” or “I know he’s mad at me so I just ignored him”.

4. Should-ing on oneself: Feeling guilty or trying to live up to others values. “I should lose weight” “I should have studied more”. While seemingly harmless, should-ing on oneself is based in guilt or shame and keeps us stuck in a cycle of fear. It is not the same as “I want to lose weight” or “Now I’m going to study more seriously”.

5. Labeling: I’m “lazy, stupid, a terrible cook, cheap”.

6. Blaming others: Chronically being the victim; “I would have been ok if you didn’t…” “I am trying but everyone else is…” “This place is just so…”

These are just some of the biggies, but there are countless more. Any inner-talk that is telling you why you can’t do something is a limiting belief or ANT. Not ALL negative thoughts are bad. Some of them keep us safe. The key is to understand which ones are working for you and which ones are not.

The good news is, that once you understand your limiting beliefs, you don’t have to allow this negativity to rule your life! We all have a choice to either run on auto-pilot or consciously choose to boost positive thinking. The question is, do you have a true desire and willingness to look inside to improve yourself?

Have you noticed how much more energizing it is to be around positive people than negative? Negative people leave you feeling tired and depleted. Positive thinking not only feels better emotionally, it creates endorphins in the brain that make you feel better physically and open you up for bigger possibilities and creativity. Building confidence and self-esteem.

You can turn the negative thoughts that no longer serve you into positive ones that do! And, changing the way you think will change your life! Here is a practical approach to practice:

1. Awareness is the stepping stone: You can’t change anything until you know what it is you want to change. Practice thought awareness. One way to start is to pay attention to your body’s cues. How do you breathe when you have certain thoughts? What thoughts make you feel anxious? Laugh? If you want something badly, and the first thoughts you have feel depressing or give you a feeling of angst PAY ATTENTION. They are likely limiting beliefs and probably distorted lies! Listen to the “inner-voice” that is telling you why something isn’t possible. Try and figure out who is telling you that your idea isn’t good. Is it you? A friend or family member? Maybe a teacher or boss?

Try journaling. Writing down your thoughts without judgement is a great way to go deeper into them. Often when we uncover one thought we become aware of two or three more that are running behind it. Try this until you feel sure you have gotten to the “core” of the belief. This may be going back years in your life. Our childhood experiences dramatically shape our world view. What served us as children may not necessarily work for us as adults.

2. Is it really true? Does it always (or never) happen this way? Really? If it was true in the past, is it really still relevant? Who or what situations have defied this lie?

3. Consciously choose a better thought. You do have a choice. Decide on a moment-to-moment basis that you are going to stay aligned with happy and cheerful thoughts. This works better when you state them positively. Don’t tell yourself what you’re not going to do (for example: “I will not overeat”). Even if the intention is positive,

it is still a “negative” thought. State this in a positive manner, like “I only eat until I am satisfied”. Believe it or not, thinking positively will create pleasure hormones in your brain which will make you feel happier.

4. Fill up with positive, motivational and inspirational messages and people. There are a bunch of ways to do this: daily affirmations; videos; pod casts; blogs; my personal favorite is guided meditations. Focus on positive thoughts and your mind will begin to recognize and eject the negative ones easily. Surround yourself with positive people and you will naturally become more upbeat.

5. Make a conscious effort to notice how much better positive feels. There is a real domino effect that is going to take place either way. If you stay negative, you will continue to feel more and more negative. When you begin to think positively, you will create more positive situations in your life which will leave you feeling and thinking more positive again.

6. With practice, most people begin to have awareness of the underlying core issues that drive limiting beliefs. It is common to realize our negative and limiting thoughts are rooted in something deeper than the surface. Don’t be afraid of it, it is only a thought. If it feels overwhelming or you just want to connect with someone who is highly charged and positive, life-coaches are trained and experienced at helping people uncover the root causes of limiting beliefs and overcoming them.

7. If you can, minimize negative or toxic relationships – None of us need people in our lives who chronically make us feel bad about ourselves. Sometimes we can step away from them, but other times we can’t. Do your best to detach both physically and emotionally whenever possible. If you can’t remove yourself from negativity you still don’t have to let it drag you down. Try to focus on something that brings you joy.

8. Be true to yourself. We can’t make everyone happy all the time and sometimes we just have to say no. It can be hard, but it is better to say no than to lose yourself and end up resentful.

These are just a few practical suggestions that can help you lose the negative self-talk and replace it with positive thoughts. It is time to say good-bye to limiting beliefs and say hello to empowering thoughts that will enable you to feel truly happy and achieve your dreams! If you have a personal favorite strategy you’d like please share it below or email me directly at

By Wendy J. Cope – Recovery & Positive-Change Coach

About the author:

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery I felt really “stuck” and needed to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound.

I felt inspired to become a Positive-Change Coach and later to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients. Hence, I created Life Coach Library. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their businesses is what Life Coach Library is all about.


I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and I’m currently pursuing a graduate degree in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia and Delaware. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and Reiki master. I completed my coach certification at Coach Training Alliance and I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning .

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