How to Build Confidence
If you struggle with confidence or low self-esteem, this guide on how to build confidence can help you! The benefits of having confidence are real. Confident people are often more successful and happier in life!
Dream bigger dreams
When you gain confidence, you’re able to visualize and act. Not only that, you’ll understand how much of a waste of time and energy worrying actually is. Especially once you recognize that it is rooted in fear, you can overcome it because you have learned to believe in yourself. As a result, you automatically trust yourself to make decisions and readjust as needed.
Live a fuller life
When you build self-esteem and believe in yourself, you’ll be more willing to try new things. Although this doesn’t necessarily mean you will be successful at everything you try, it does mean that deep down you know that you are resilient and that it is the project that fails, not you.
Be viewed as wise and mature
Ironically, the quickest way to boost confidence is to stop worrying about what other people think of us. However, when we do, they respect and admire us significantly more than if we were trying to impress them.
Be more attractive
Employers, potential partners, peers, even strangers will sense your self-assurance and that magnetic energy is one that people are naturally attracted to.
What does not having confidence cost you?
Because when you lack confidence, you don’t pursue your dreams. Translation: you’ll never get the job because you don’t step outside of your safety zone to pursue it; you shy away from the girl or guy you’re crushing on out of fear of rejection; you don’t chase the adventure or life that you want out of fear something might go horribly wrong. In short, you’ll always settle for safe and get stuck in a comfort zone.
- People weighed down by doubt never believe what they’ve done is good enough. They spend significantly more time on a project than their bolder peers.
- Studies show that a confident person will earn an average of $7,000 more than their passive counterparts with the same job description. They’re more apt to negotiate higher salaries and ask for raises.
- Being full of fear leads to over-analyzing potential opportunities instead of taking risks and going for them.
- Those who lack esteem continuously compare themselves to others and either has a false sense of superiority or believe they always come up short. In other words, they either chronically find fault in others to build themselves up or live in a state of envy. Both are just plain yuck!
The biggest regret most people have in life is rooted in things they didn’t do vs. stuff they did do. Why didn’t they do those things? You guessed it; they lacked the confidence!
How to gain confidence
Naturally, you can’t magically develop confidence overnight, but here are some useful ways to start turning “I can’t” into “I can” right now!
Don’t take yourself so seriously
People often believe that what they say, do, or how they look is relentlessly judged by others. The truth of it is, most people are so self-absorbed they’re hardly paying attention to you. At most, it might be a fraction of what you perceive. Even so, if they are looking at or judging you, who cares? What other people think of you is none of your business. Chin-up and carry on!
Find yourself doing something right
For instance, if you lack confidence, chances are you spend a lot of time thinking about all the things you aren’t doing good enough, right? Stop that! Look for the things you are doing right. If this is too much for you right now, find someone you trust and notice what you admire about them. Typically, you can’t see something in someone if it does not exist in you. For every negative thing you think about yourself, find 5 that are positive. This works for everything.
Focus on what you are good at and forget the rest!
How often do you try to build confidence or impress others by killing yourself trying to do something that just isn’t you? As a result, you don’t feel better about yourself but actually feel worse. For example, if housework isn’t your thing, but you love to cook, stop beating yourself up because you can’t fold the perfect fitted sheet, and focus on making amazing meals for the family. Maybe you think you’re supposed to be able to fix things around the house, but you’re not exactly the handy type. Instead, you’re gifted in math. In that case, put your effort into something like investing so you can make enough money to pay someone to fix the car!
However, if something makes you happy, like singing or dancing, even if you’re not talented, go for it! In short, don’t stress over the things that you’re not innately blessed to do and home in on those you are!
Make the most of the first 20 minutes every day
Science reveals that what the brain acknowledges in the first 20 minutes of being awake impacts how it will perform all day long. When you’re trying to build self-confidence and overcome a poor perception of yourself, it is vital to start believing that you are enough. Right here, right now. You are not “going to be” enough when (for example) you lose weight, have more money, or find your soulmate. You are enough at this moment. Therefore, having a morning routine where you practice visualizing a fantastic version of yourself and one where you are achieving your goals is a powerful way to set the tone for the day.
Similarly, habits such as reading daily affirmations or practicing mindful meditation will train your brain to think positively about yourself. At the same time, if you find that your inner-voice resists believing positive things about you, write down what the negative messages are. The first step to overcoming limiting beliefs is being aware of what they are. From there, you can question their validity and start to replace them with empowering thoughts.
Get a confidence boost by obliterating limiting beliefs
Did you know the average person has over 60.000 thoughts per day? Most of them are not even conscious. Psychologists claim that over 70% of them are negative.
A damaging belief is something you believe to be true about yourself, others, or the world that does not serve you. Unfortunately, it keeps you from living to your full potential. In the past, it may have helped you. But now, it holds you back from taking chances. Likewise, It also clouds your thinking in a way that you don’t see opportunities to reach your goals or your worthiness to experience them. Ultimately, they are keeping you stuck.
Surround yourself with confident and positive people
Indeed, being surrounded by confident people will modal confident behaviors. Not only that, but their positive energy can also be contagious if you let it. We all have people in our lives that are negative and overly critical. Sometimes we don’t have the choice to sever ties with them. In those cases, try and detach and just know that their lack of confidence is hurting them, but it doesn’t have to hurt you.
Try new things
In truth, a lot of people get stuck in a comfort zone. The sad part is, it’s a vicious cycle. Because they’re stuck, their confidence gets sapped. Because their confidence gets sapped, they stay stuck. Instead of always doing what you are good at, try something you enjoy but know you aren’t. At first, it will be uncomfortable, but you will be surprised at how good it feels after. On the contrary, don’t do something that terrifies you, just take a small step outside of the familiar. As a result, you will develop a higher level of confidence.
Boost confidence by running to what you fear!
In fact, the best way to improve your self-confidence is to grab the bull by the horns and face it head-on. Most of the time, fear is what keeps us from chasing our deepest heart’s desire. Think of fear as an acronym that stands for F#$% Everything and Run!
What would you do if you knew you would not fail? No one is without fear. No one. What makes those who look fearless different is that they FEEL THE FEAR BUT DO IT ANYWAYS!
There are hundreds of possible fears, but here are the top ten:
- public speaking
- the unknown
- abandonment or rejection,
- ridicule or embarrassment
- being found out (imposter syndrome)
- being vulnerable; needing help
To begin, do something small that scares you every day. Accordingly, and you’ll gain confidence from every experience. Challenge yourself by signing up for a dance class, throwing a small party, or applying for a job you are nervous about! Whatever it is that delights but scares you, just go for it!
In a fantastic book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Susan Jeffers spells out some truths about fear.
In summary, she writes:
- When we face our fears, we grow, but it will never go away because as we continue to grow, we encounter new challenges. Things that do not grow are dead.
So, this is both bad news and good news: The bad news is you’re always going to have fear, sorry. I wish I could tell you that you’ll reach a point in life where there is no more fear or worry, but nope, it’s not happening. The good news is, you’ll become comfortable walking through it. Every time you walk through fear, it will be akin to depositing into a bank account. The more you do it, the larger the balance in the account gets. Instead of being paralyzed by fear, you will feel more energized and alive.
If you want to move past your fear, go out and do it.
Like the title says, feel the fear and do it anyway. 99% of what we fear never comes to pass. Think about a child who is afraid of trolls under their bed; to them, it is terrifying, but in fact, they are quite safe. Our brains make up false perceptions of danger that rarely materialize. Maybe in the past, we had one bad experience and have convinced ourselves that it is the norm, but giving up is giving in, and that is the real failure.
- When you confront your fears, you’ll feel better.
In other words, just do it, and regardless of the outcome, you’ll feel better. I repeat, step outside of your comfort zone and do one thing that scares you every day. You will gradually improve your confidence, and you’ll feel great. Don’t do it, and you’ll have given into fear and feel worse.
Everyone feels fear. Everyone.
It’s easy to misread people who appear calm, cool, and collected at all times as being heroic. On the contrary, even they have uncertainties and doubts. Feeling fear is perfectly healthy. At the same time, letting fear run our lives is not. Those who look fearless are just moving through it. There are so many tactics they use that you can use too. Many times, public speakers envision their audience wearing their underwear to lighten the intimidation. Similarly, others find ways to turn stressful and intimidating situations into games.
Another great read is Rejection Proof: How I Beat Fear and Became Invincible Through 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang. This guy recognized that his fear of rejection was a bigger obstacle than any single rejection would ever be. To find a way to bolster confidence, he needed to find a way to cope with rejection without getting derailed. He didn’t just run to what he feared; he deliberately tried to get rejected 100 times.
Fear leaves you feeling helpless; living in fear is scarier and more painful than pushing through it.
You are bigger than your fears. Overcome the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck and walk through them. Even if you have to fake it until you make it pretend you are the courageous and confident person you admire and do as they do. You will become the person you need to be to look fear in the eye and press on because your dreams and goals live o the other side of your fear.
Eat well and get regular exercise:
So maybe your mom told you to eat your veggies because they’re good for your body, but did she mention they are good for your career too? In short, proper nutrition and regular keep the body in a state of homeostasis, which means “stable.” Realize it or not, when we are not in homeostasis, or “stable,” our body chemistry directly affects our moods, thoughts, and behavior. All of these are factors in improving our confidence, which affects every area of our life. Yet, this doesn’t mean you have to train for a triathalon or start some new fad diet. However, if your wellness plan needs to be improved, eliminating some junk foods and taking a brisk walk will make you feel like a new you.
Lastly, be kind
I genuinely believe that the road to confidence and true self-worth will be paved by being the best person one can be. We all get to define what that means to ourselves, but allowing others to just “be” permits us to just “be.” Gaining confidence doesn’t mean that we think we are perfect; it means we know we are perfectly imperfect.
Final thoughts on boosting self-esteem
Everyone struggles with confidence issues at one time or another. When chronic feelings of fear or not being good enough interfere with living our best lives, it’s time to get our arms around it and change our thinking. We hope you find these tips helpful! If you feel like you’re ready to be proactive in building confidence, and achieving your goals, breaking through limiting beliefs and overcoming negative thinking is what life-coaches specialize in. You can try here, risk-free!