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I Am an Imposter!

coaching, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery
imposter syndrome

I have been trying to write a blog for days.  Ok, it’s been weeks, and have had total “writer’s block.”   Sure it can happen to anyone, but there’s an irony when one who is a coach (that would be me)  and writes so much about building confidence; ending procrastination; boosting one’s motivation; having an attitude of gratitude, yet here I am,  stuck. 

I ask myself, “How is it that ‘I’ am so stuck??”…..(crickets chirping in the silence) I DON’T KNOW! I JUST AM.  When honest with myself, I’ve been stuck for over a month. The polite word is “writer’s block,” but let’s be honest, I’m in a yucky funk with it.

Have you ever gotten “stuck” and had no idea why?

Time Warriors Steve Chandler

I have been trying to self-analyze this, and the only thing I accomplished there is creating more confusion and, ultimately, procrastination.   In my mind, I hear passages from one of my favorite books, Time Warrior by Steve Chandler, an amazing and inspiring book to overcome procrastination, yet I no movement. 

Like a good coach, I have a coach (two actually), and I have had chats with them both.    The feedback is different as they have different specialties, but the common denominator amongst coaches is we all believe that the client has their own answers. The key is to tap into their inner wisdom.

What would I say to a client who is as stuck as me?   How can I walk the talk and get out of this?

First things first, I would suggest (or try and tease out of a client) to use prayer and meditation to get grounded and centered.

Great idea, I do this frequently, but I’ll do it with a more specific intention and see what happens.    It’s incredible, for the first time in my life ever, I have been utterly thoughtless in a meditation.  Yes, I have tried to accomplish this for years with no avail.  Guess the trick all along was to seek writing inspiration and voila, silencing of the mind.

Ok, screw it, “Just start”, that’s what I would say to a client.

100 ways to motivate yourself

Another Chandler-ism pops into my head, “do something badly.”  Yes, from 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself, it’s better to do something bad than to do nothing at all.   We get so crippled by thinking we must do something perfect that it’s often hard to begin.   We’ve defeated ourselves before beginning.    Just open a document and start writing!

(to myself)  “OK, that helped, I have a few paragraphs of total junk written…hooray 😊. “

Next???  Explore what fear or blockages are getting in the way?  So, I write down the usual culprits and see if any of those pesky f*ckers are robbing my creativity.  

Fear of failure?  

Nope, not that one, I’ve failed at so many things in the last few years, failure and I have become buds.      I prefer it if you all enjoy the writing and get something out of it but have made peace with the idea that many will not.   

Fear of success?

 Sure, success can be daunting.  With it comes responsibility and expectations of continued success.   Plus, people start scrutinizing you for flaws when you start to get successful.    A problem I do hope and pray to have to deal with on a high level someday.  Not successful enough yet for that to be an issue.

Imposter Syndrome?  Ouch! I think I just hit a nerve.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

The imposter syndrome refers to the feeling people have when they do not see the connection between their accomplishments and their abilities.  They often have a deep-rooted fear of being exposed as a fraud. The term was coined by clinical psychologists who  found that despite having plenty of evidence of success and accomplishments, people remained convinced that they don’t deserve the success they have.   (Megan Dalla-Camina).

I think I’m on to something.   Even though I have:  been recovered from addictions for over 31 years; have spent thousands of hours in the pursuit of personal growth through modalities like psychotherapy, metaphysical energy work, and bodywork; attended countless growth-centered retreats and workshops; read hundreds of self-help books; mentored dozens of others in their growth journey; spoken at numerous venues on healing related issues; and have 25 graduate-level credits in counseling; I’m really not qualified to be writing these blogs.   IMPOSTOR!!! 

Not until I have 3 Ph.D.’s and know everything about everything am I qualified.   LMAO (at myself)

How do I overcome Imposter Syndrome?

Like I just said, I am not a psychologist, and I hold no doctoral degrees.  I’m just a self-help zealot who has been passionate about the pursuit of emotional and spiritual growth and helping others on that same journey for decades.

I have learned that most of my discontent is rooted in being stuck in “self.”   Whether I’m taking myself too seriously and thinking a blog must be perfect or wallowing in self-pity because I’m so stuck and I can’t get out of my own way, I am stuck in “self”.    The problem is me.   The problem is always me, and sometimes I hate it.  I wish that once in my life, the problem was someone or something else, but ultimately it never is.  External circumstances can really suck sometimes, but if I can’t change them, how I relate to them is on me.  Translation=the problem is me.

The good news is if the problem is me, so is the solution. 

Sometimes it only takes a shift in perspective.   Instead of operating from fear that if I don’t get something done, there are dire consequences,  I can shift to an attitude of love.   There’s gotta be at least one person out there that gets madly stuck sometimes and will get something out of it.   Even some other life-coach reading this might possibly relate.   I write with the hope that it helps someone.   Anyone.   Just me putting love and light into the universe. 

Other times, it requires action.  I don’t always love spending time and energy getting outside of myself,  I think I’m busy with important things to do.  But, when I do get out of my own way and reach out to others my energy multiplies, and it costs me a fraction of the time I’ll waste if I don’t.    It pays dividends.  

I try and connect with a girlfriend that might be having a tough time. Find out how she is and extend a sincere offer to help in any way that I can. 

Sick kids at home?  I’ll go to the grocery store for you….(even though there aren’t any groceries in the grocery store right now) .  

Need a ride, I’ll come get you.  

Something on your mind?  Talk to me, I am all ears…

Regardless of what transpires   I always end up with a profound sense of gratitude.  So no, I don’t have an expert explanation on how to overcome feeling like an imposter.  I only have my personal experience to share with you, but this is what works for me.    Maybe it will work for you too.

This post is far from perfect but in the spirit of “just start” and “It’s better to do something badly than not at all.”    I will post it and look the world in the eye knowing that to the best of my ability, I do walk my talk.

Warmest regards, Wendy Cope

P.s.  if any of you could help a sister out and let me know what personal growth topics you may be interested in, I’d love fresh ideas and inspiration for writing.    

By WendyC

I help people get "unstuck" and pursue their hearts desires. I specialize in helping anyone affected by addictions (personal recovery, adult children, or codependents) or dysfunctional upbringing emerge from limiting belief systems so that they may live beyond GOOD and find GREAT.

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