Recovery – Codependency
Characteristics of Codependency
Summarized from AL Anon literature
- Feeling responsible for solving others’ problems, believing they are incapable of making the right decisions and that their (the codependents) help is needed.
- Offering advice to others even when they didn’t ask for it.
- Making excuses for others bad behavior. They feel responsible for others behaviors and will rationalize to explain others poor behavior.
- Unclear personal boundaries. They want others to follow their advice and often need others to validate what they are doing.
- Try to control others by manipulation, shame or guilt. This is an attempt to control outcomes and compliance.
- Typically feels used and under-appreciated. The codependent will expend enormous amounts of taking care of others and feels resentful when it is not appreciated.
- Feeling like a victim. Things are always happening to them.
- People pleasing to gain affirmation. Their self-worth is usually tied to the approval of others.
- Taking everything personally. They believe even the slightest of remarks or gestures reflect on them.
- Fearing rejection and being unlovable. The codependent is often a perfectionist, fearing if they are not successful at everything, they will be unlovable and rejected.
- Avoid confrontation.
- Have difficulty asking for help.
- Put others needs in front of their own.
- Accept abusive and negligent behaviors.
- Suffer from low self-esteem, feel shame if mistakes are made.