At the core of happiness is self-love. It’s that strong sense of security one has both when life is going as planned, and when it’s not, it’s a profound satisfaction in knowing you are a fantastic human being, even though you are not perfect.
Self-love can best be described as knowing yourself intimately, being well aware of your assets and having taken responsibility for your shortcomings AND having zero interest in hiding your true-self or pretending you are something you are not. For effect, I repeat zero interest in pretending you are something you are not.
With self-love comes freedom
- Freedom from fear of rejection: Will you still experience rejection? More than likely. I didn’t say freedom from rejection, I said freedom from the fear of rejection. You’ll take chances knowing that even if (for example) the girl says no, you don’t get the job; the customer refuses to buy, it is no reflection of you, and you’ve just moved one “no” closer to a “yes.” Without hesitation, you believe you have value, even if someone else is too blind to see it. Sure, there will be times that people may judge you or even laugh at you, but you are not afraid of it b because you know you are enough.
- Freedom from financial insecurity: Are you going to be rich? I don’t know, that’s up to you. Will you be in constant fear and worry about money? NO! You will have enough faith in yourself to trust your instincts; you will learn that you are resilient and resourceful and will find ways to meet your needs.
- Freedom from fear of failure: I’m not guaranteeing you are going to be wildly successful at everything you do. I’m saying you will embark on new things, take calculated risks and step out of your comfort zone because you are not afraid. You are resilient; you look at outcomes as learning experiences, not a failure. Besides, you know that the worst-case scenario seldom comes to pass anyway.
Will there be bad days, challenges, or storms in life. PLAN ON IT. Having self-love is not synonymous with living a life full of rainbows and unicorns. Things will go awry, and when they do, it stings. Badly. Will you feel lousy when it does? Probably. You are still human, and grief is a valid, natural, and healthy emotion. I suggest you do feel it, feel it fully, and then let go of it, so it doesn’t keep you down. Think of it as an unexpected guest that is allowed to “visit,” but don’t let it “move-in.”
How do you move on? Change your perspective. Instead of looking at the experience as a loss, consider it a gain. You’ve paid the tuition of life so that you can become stronger and wiser. It’s an investment that will pave the way for your next venture. Failure only has the power that you assign to it; decide you are more powerful. When you empower yourself, it’s easy to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move onward.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston S. Churchill
With self-love comes opportunity.
Opportunity can be created from the inside. When you love yourself, you have less fear. When you are free of fear, your vision is not clouded with worry over an endless list of “what if’s??” Your energy is not sapped, trying to make others happy. Intuitively you will know what the next right thing is, and confusion will evaporate. You’ll be able to nurture and develop your passions and talents so that you are ready when the opportunity comes; you can see it and see it clearly.
Are these new opportunities? Probably not, they have likely been there all along, but you may have been so clouded with fear and doubt that you missed them. It’s like when the sky is cloudy and gloomy for a while until it gradually opens up and the sun starts beaming down. Eventually, the clouds disappear, and there’s nothing but brilliant blue sky above you. Everything becomes crystal clear, and one opportunity morphs into many.
If you’re not there yet, you can be, it’s a CHOICE. Here are 3 simple steps to begin:
Guilt is the biggest obstacle to knowing self-love. It saps confidence and destroys esteem. No matter where you are, where you’ve been, who you are, what you’ve done, you need to let that $#!T go! Believe that you did the best you could with what you had to work with. Life isn’t always kind, and sometimes we are presented with challenges that didn’t bring out the best of us. It’s ok, no one is perfect. You’re here now, and at this moment, you are perfect; you are enough; you are worthy.
If you can “right the wrong” do it, it will create positive feelings, and it will shut-down the space that guilt lives in. Self-love is based on who you are, not what you do. Self-esteem comes from what we do. If you want to boost self-esteem, do self-esteem-able things. Eat well, get some exercise, help someone in need, be kind to others even if they aren’t kind back! Feeling good about the things you do will progress into feeling good about who you are.
Choose the people you want in your life.
Be fair to yourself. I just want to be practical here. Sometimes we can’t choose who we spend time with but why volunteer to be around negative and toxic people who make you feel bad about yourself. If they exist in your life, know that they are projecting their own baggage, and it’s NOT ABOUT YOU.
Celebrate your successes
Make a list of everything you’ve achieved and that you are good at. Think about your talents, hobbies, every little thing that you have ever been complimented for. Make a list, and read them at your own pleasure. Add to the list often. Find 5 things positive about yourself for every 1 negative. Do this for other people too because seeing the best in others affirms seeing it in yourself.
Everything you need to be the person you want to be lives inside of you right now. If you struggle to access it, get help, I promise the answers you seek are within. We human beings are always moving. We are either moving to or from our dream, but we are never at a standstill. When you shift into the gear of self-love, you can only move forward.
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