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Looking at Life Through the Lens of Self-Love

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery, Relationships & Family

At the core of happiness is self-love. It’s that strong sense of security one has both when life is going as planned, and when it’s not, it’s a profound satisfaction in knowing you are a fantastic human being, even though you are not perfect.   

Self-love can best be described as knowing yourself intimately, being well aware of your assets and having taken responsibility for your shortcomings AND having zero interest in hiding your true-self or pretending you are something you are not. For effect, I repeat zero interest in pretending you are something you are not. 

With self-love comes freedom   

  • Freedom from fear of rejection: Will you still experience rejection?  More than likely.  I didn’t say freedom from rejection, I said freedom from the fear of rejection.  You’ll take chances knowing that even if (for example) the girl says no, you don’t get the job; the customer refuses to buy, it is no reflection of you, and you’ve just moved one “no” closer to a “yes.”   Without hesitation, you believe you have value, even if someone else is too blind to see it.   Sure, there will be times that people may judge you or even laugh at you, but you are not afraid of it b because you know you are enough.    
  • Freedom from financial insecurity:  Are you going to be rich?  I don’t know, that’s up to you.   Will you be in constant fear and worry about money?  NO!  You will have enough faith in yourself to trust your instincts; you will learn that you are resilient and resourceful and will find ways to meet your needs.   
  • Freedom from fear of failure:  I’m not guaranteeing you are going to be wildly successful at everything you do.  I’m saying you will embark on new things, take calculated risks and step out of your comfort zone because you are not afraid.   You are resilient; you look at outcomes as learning experiences, not a failure.  Besides, you know that the worst-case scenario seldom comes to pass anyway. 

Will there be bad days, challenges, or storms in life.  PLAN ON IT.  Having self-love is not synonymous with living a life full of rainbows and unicorns.  Things will go awry, and when they do, it stings.   Badly.  Will you feel lousy when it does?  Probably.  You are still human, and grief is a valid, natural, and healthy emotion.   I suggest you do feel it, feel it fully, and then let go of it, so it doesn’t keep you down.  Think of it as an unexpected guest that is allowed to “visit,” but don’t let it “move-in.”      

How do you move on?  Change your perspective.  Instead of looking at the experience as a loss, consider it a gain.  You’ve paid the tuition of life so that you can become stronger and wiser.  It’s an investment that will pave the way for your next venture.  Failure only has the power that you assign to it; decide you are more powerful.    When you empower yourself, it’s easy to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move onward. 

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” 

Winston S. Churchill 

Read: Redefining Failure for Success   

With self-love comes opportunity. 

Opportunity can be created from the inside. When you love yourself, you have less fear. When you are free of fear, your vision is not clouded with worry over an endless list of “what if’s??”   Your energy is not sapped, trying to make others happy.  Intuitively you will know what the next right thing is, and confusion will evaporate.  You’ll be able to nurture and develop your passions and talents so that you are ready when the opportunity comes; you can see it and see it clearly.   

Read: If Only Life Came with a Tracking System… 

Are these new opportunities? Probably not, they have likely been there all along, but you may have been so clouded with fear and doubt that you missed them. It’s like when the sky is cloudy and gloomy for a while until it gradually opens up and the sun starts beaming down.  Eventually, the clouds disappear, and there’s nothing but brilliant blue sky above you. Everything becomes crystal clear, and one opportunity morphs into many. 

If you’re not there yet, you can be, it’s a CHOICE  Here are 3 simple steps to begin:  

Forgive yourself 

Read: Guilt (and shame) Sap Confidence. 

Guilt is the biggest obstacle to knowing self-love.  It saps confidence and destroys esteem.  No matter where you are, where you’ve been, who you are, what you’ve done, you need to let that $#!T go! Believe that you did the best you could with what you had to work with.  Life isn’t always kind, and sometimes we are presented with challenges that didn’t bring out the best of us.  It’s ok, no one is perfect.  You’re here now, and at this moment, you are perfect; you are enough; you are worthy.  

If you can “right the wrong” do it, it will create positive feelings, and it will shut-down the space that guilt lives in.   Self-love is based on who you are, not what you do.  Self-esteem comes from what we do.  If you want to boost self-esteem, do self-esteem-able things.  Eat well, get some exercise, help someone in need, be kind to others even if they aren’t kind back!  Feeling good about the things you do will progress into feeling good about who you are.  

Choose the people you want in your life.  

Be fair to yourself. I just want to be practical here.  Sometimes we can’t choose who we spend time with but why volunteer to be around negative and toxic people who make you feel bad about yourself.  If they exist in your life, know that they are projecting their own baggage, and it’s NOT ABOUT YOU. 

Celebrate your successes  

Make a list of everything you’ve achieved and that you are good at. Think about your talents, hobbies, every little thing that you have ever been complimented for. Make a list, and read them at your own pleasure. Add to the list often.  Find 5 things positive about yourself for every 1 negative.  Do this for other people too because seeing the best in others affirms seeing it in yourself.  

Believe 

Everything you need to be the person you want to be lives inside of you right now. If you struggle to access it, get help,  I promise the answers you seek are within. We human beings are always moving. We are either moving to or from our dream, but we are never at a standstill.  When you shift into the gear of self-love, you can only move forward. 

At Life Coach Library, we make finding a coach you love convenient and simple.  All you have to do is register and fill out a brief questionnaire.  We will match you with up to three coaches who are exactly what you are looking for, and they will all give you a free consultation. The best part…our service is completely FREE.   Visit lifecoachlibrary.com to find out more about the impact of working with a certified coach will have. 

How to get unstuck and move forward

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery, Relationships & Family

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they feel overwhelmed, confused, depressed, in a funk, or just plain “stuck” – it happens to the best of us! It can be hard to get “unstuck” on our own, especially if it is our best thinking and acting that got us into a funk to begin with.

Why do we get stuck sometimes?

The reason we get stuck is because this is real life and not a fairytale where some conflict is overcome and everyone lives happily ever after. Real life doesn’t always go according to plan.   We can’t give people a copy of a script and expect them to follow their lines and act the way we want them to. No matter how hard we work, we don’t always have control over the outcomes.   At the end of the day, life is not always fair.

There are so many reasons we get stuck. Here are 6:

  • We simply cannot accept the outcomes of a situation and move on.
  • We believe we should be something or someone we are not.
  • We’ve compromised our values and settled for less.
  • We’re creatures of habit, we get into a comfort zone and are afraid or unwilling to step out of it.
  • We feel guilty or shameful about being stuck so we beat ourselves up.   Negativity only reinforces whatever is not working and keeps us stuck.
  • We repeat a pattern over and over again, thinking “this time” the results will be different, but they never are. In fact, many times they get worse.

Advice to help you get out of a rut today!

Regardless of why we are stuck, what matters most is “how does one get unstuck and move forward with their life?”   Deciding to take some action is the first step to getting out of a rut.

  • Let Go!: When we resist accepting things for what they are vs. what we want it to be, we suffer. It is healthy to experience our emotions, even sadness and disappointment, but getting trapped by them is destructive. Holding on to anger, grief, or guilt is living in the past and robs us of the ability to experience joy in the now. Acceptance is often the key to peacefulness.
  • Think small: Looking at the whole situation can be really overwhelming and cause analysis paralysis (overthinking something so much you cannot make a move).   Even the smallest step moving in the right direction will get you closer to your goal than waiting for the perfect execution. Start with small manageable changes and they will gradually become bigger, more impactful ones.
  • Get an attitude adjustment: Instead of looking at situations as problems, think of them as challenges and make solving them a game.   No matter how bad things seem, there is always something worse and much to be grateful for; instead of feeling like you have to do something, tell yourself you get to and see how much better it feels. This works for everything.   Try and focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong; this will give you an energy boost to move forward.
  • Don’t go it alone:   Chances are your best thinking is in part why you are in a funk.   No shame or judgement; we all do the best we can with what we have to work with.   The problem is, we all have “blind spots” too and having a support system that is both objective and honest will shed a new perspective on things in the most helpful way.
  • Get comfortable with being uncomfortable and act: Insanity is often defined as “doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result”. If you want a different result, do something different! Sometimes just doing something is different.   Don’t worry if it’s not your ultimate best plan, as long as it is in line with your final goal. Even the best ideas and plans mean nothing if not followed up with action.

Remember, you are not alone! We all get stuck from time to time. The longer we stay stuck the harder it may seem to breakthrough. However, the change you wish for is possible as long as you are willing to make it happen.

If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

Master Motivation in 6 Simple Steps

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery, Relationships & Family

The most outstanding characteristic of successful people is the ability to set goals and take action to achieve them. Everyone can do both. Where many fall short is not in setting goals but taking the disciplined and sustained action needed for success.

Why??? Could it be people often go about tapping into the kind of deep motivation that will fuel the process from start to finish completely wrong? They muster up enthusiasm, will-power and determination and intensely focus on the “outside” stuff that must be controlled to produce desired outcomes.

While this may work for some people all the time, and all people some of the time, most people cannot sustain this and go the distance, and they repeatedly come up short. It’s like swimming upstream or running against the wind. So much energy is exerted yet eventually their enthusiasm peters-out and they are simply tired. What’s worse – not only is goal not met, but feelings of failure creep in to wreak havoc and leave them even less motivated than before.

Here are 6 strategies to boost motivation and jump start success today!

1. Create a crystal-clear vision: You must know what you really, really, really want and why you want it, or you cannot achieve it. First, think of a goal and imagine you already have it. Take a few moments to really let yourself experience what it will be like when you get there. Try to involve all 5 senses (sight, sound, taste, touch, smell). When you have a crystal-clear vision of what you want, you can begin to lean into that goal as if it has already been achieved and act the part.

For example: You want change careers and become a teacher.

  • See yourself walking through crowded hallways to a classroom; visualize how your classroom will be set up;
  • Hear the chatter of students quieting down as the bell rings. Hear yourself ask a probing question and engaging students in discussion.
  • Feel the dust of dry erase marker on the whiteboard; the stack of papers you are collecting for review. Feel the sense of satisfaction you have when you see progress.
  • Smell the fresh make-up and mix of perfumes from blossoming high school girls or the construction paper and glue for elementary students’ activities.
  • Taste the coffee you’ll sip in your classroom while planning (I do not recommend imagining the awful cafeteria lunches that hopefully you’ll never have to eat 😊)

2. Know why you want it. Go at least 3 deep in asking yourself why. The answers can be extrinsic (money, schedule) or intrinsic (pride, satisfaction):

  • Why do you want to teach? There’s a shortage of teachers and I like helping people.
  • Why do you like helping others? I’m good at finding what makes people tick and it feels good to help them.
  • What feels good about it? Deep connection with others it what makes me feel alive.

When you uncover your reason behind your reason, you are uncovering gold! Within the deeper reason is what your true motivation and passion are and identify a true purpose.

Ever notice how most people perform better under pressure? It’s because deadlines (or whatever is causing that pressure) give them a sense of purpose. That’s why people go on diets before big events, clean their house best before company arrives, save more money when they have something specific they want to buy. Acting deliberate and with a sense of purpose will keep you fired up, especially when the unexpected comes up.

3. Write your own eulogy: Yes, you read that correctly. As morbid as that sounds, many a great motivational speaker and writer suggest doing this. I have done it myself and must agree. None of us are here forever and beginning with the end in mind will help you to truly define what who you want to be and what you want to do.

Imagine those last few minutes where you are looking back on your life like you are watching a movie about yourself. What kind of person were you? What did you accomplish? What did you not accomplish that you wish you did? What is the one thing you will be most remembered for?

Using this insight, work backward. Make a plan that you can start today that will, over time, get your life aligned with to how you want the story to read. What is the smallest first step (see #4) you can take right now? What get’s in the way of you taking it? Are you afraid?

Everyone has some fear. You’re not human if you don’t. but fear shouldn’t run your life. Instead, run to what you fear, it’s never as bad as you imagine and on the other side of that fear is what you really want. Just the act of doing something you’re afraid of is empowering and creates confidence which is where success lives.

General George S. Patton is often quoted in saying “Fear kills more often than death!” You only die once, but fear kills you every time you give in to it!

4. Do one thing daily that is out of your comfort zone. If you want to lose 20 pounds but feel stuck, don’t lie to yourself in thinking if you can’t stick to the perfect diet and exercise routine, it’s not worth trying! Pass on one snack that you usually have or do just 5 minutes more exercise than your daily average.

Focusing on everything needed to reach the end goal is often overwhelming and leads to greater procrastination. Even the smallest step is a step and doing something small today will get you much closer to goal than thinking about big steps for weeks, months, or years without action. Give yourself credit for even the small victories, as feeling successful will create more energy and motivation to do more things that lead to success.

Don’t be a perfectionist. To some, perfectionism seems virtuous, but it can be self-sabotaging in so many ways. Perfectionists are almost never satisfied and

usually rob themselves of feeling joy with their accomplishments. Don’t let this be you.

Lastly, how you act is who you become. Doing one thing daily that is in line with your goal is how you become the person you want to be and achieve your goals.

5. Never be the smartest or most ambitious person you know. Surround yourself with winners:

People who are optimistic and positive thinkers are not only the most pleasant to be around, they are typically more creative, inspiring, and successful. When you’re looking for ideas and influences to keep you moving forward, you must draw on something bigger than yourself. Open yourself up to new ideas through other people who have what you want to achieve. Even if you don’t use their ideas, they may inspire your own creative genius. Have a friend or mentor or a life-coach who will help you come up with winning strategies and keep you honest and accountable. You must do it yourself, but you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re surrounded by pessimists and cynics, you’re in a toxic environment and nothing extraordinary comes from toxicity. If you can’t lose them completely, keep a strong network of positive thinkers to help you stay on track.

6. Live in the NOW. It’s the only place real happiness can exist.

Yesterday is gone. Realistically, your memories of it are probably either full of guilt or nostalgia.

Tomorrow isn’t here. If you’re living in tomorrow, you’re either worrying about things you can’t control, or you could be confusing hope with discontent.

If you’re not happy NOW, you won’t be “when…” Hoping for something better means something is missing now and truth is when happiness depends on something outside of NOW, it only lasts for 20 minutes and then you’ll focus on the next think you need to be happy.

If you’re not happy now, try a gratitude list. No matter what life is handing you, if you’re sitting upright and reading this you likely have something to be grateful for. Read: Gratitude for Happiness.

Final thoughts:

These are just a handful of ways you can take control of your inner voice and get the motivation juices flowing. There are countless others, the key is finding what works for you. Wanting to achieve a goal is fruitless if youre not willing to make a change that includes action.

These strategies are ones I’ve learned over 30 years of passionately pursuing personal growth. In that time, I have read dozens of self-help books that have inspired core-level changes in my thinking. It’s not possible to credit every book and author that may have influenced this post but I’d like to shout out big thanks to Dr. Joe Vitali, Steve Covey, Steve Chandler, Tom Hoobyar, Susan Sanders and Tom Dotz, whose written works truly are the motivation behind this post.

If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

6 Times You Should Hire a Life Coach

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery, Relationships & Family

When is the best time to hire a Life Coach?

Studies on the effectiveness of life-coaching show that 99% of people who work with a coach have a positive experience. According to a survey conducted by The International Coaching Federation’s nearly that same number find it effective and report they will work with a coach again in the future.

So when do people hire a life coach?

We have found that every great coach has a great coach. Here are the times great coaches will work with their coaches and we suggest you do too:

1. You’re inspired but unsure “I’m gonna make this happen but HOW do I make it happen?

You have a dream, a vision, and/or a goal. You’ve either tried and didn’t get there; started with excitement and enthusiasm, only to peter-out halfway through; or you simply do not know where to start. Whether you want to lose a few pounds, find the love of your life, make a total career switch, or build the business of your dreams, a great coach can help you overcome obstacles, strategize next steps, keep you accountable and motivated, and support you while you create your dream. They also can see your “blind-spot” and help you avoid making costly mistakes.

2. You wake up one day feeling blah and realize “Nothing is happening”

You’re simply stuck. Things aren’t bad but they aren’t great either. Nothing is really exciting you and you’re just out of ideas. A coach can help you uncover why you’re stuck, form a collaborative think-tank with you, and reenergize your plans to start moving forward. They will help you reignite passion for life and find your purpose, causing a whole new perspective will cause a total paradigm shift.

3. You’re overwhelmed and wonder “What the heck is happening?”

Sometimes in life things are beyond our control and nothing seems go right or make sense. There are always things we cannot control but the one piece we can control is ourselves. Sometimes the root is our own belief systems, others it is because we have changed while than others haven’t, or have we just changed differently OR beliefs that worked in the past no longer serve us anymore. Having a skilled and objective coach can help to quickly identify any beliefs that are running in the background and raise your conscious awareness and making moving forward virtually effortless.

4. You’re so excited “Something wonderful happened

Yay for YOU! You started a new business, got promoted, married or had a baby, suddenly you don’t recognize your life anymore because life as you knew it no longer exists. Change, even when it is fantastic, can throw us off center. So many unexpected things come with change, even good ones. Your coach can help you navigate this new beginning and support you in transition.

5. You’re in a good place but “Now what happens?

Maybe you’ve just overcome a major obstacle and are out of the weeds so to speak. Now what? Overcoming a crisis can be exhausting and leave us feeling empty and off center. When things go from crisis-mode to maintenance, its not always easy to shift gears back into production. Fortunately for you, you are closer than you think! A great coach will help you figure out when your next steps can be. They will help you create that amazing life you’ve been dreaming about and support you through exciting elements that may a little scary but in the most wonderful way

6. You’re not feeling up to par “Something Terrible happened

Life is not always kind. Loved ones pass away, relationships end in heart-break, healthy people succumb to illness, jobs are lost…. It can just really stink sometimes. I am so sorry if this is you. Having a strong support system is so important when life takes a turn. It’s not always easy to turn to friends in these

situations and having someone who allows it to be “all about you” by offering you their undivided attention and compassion allows you to process in a confidential and safe place. There are no shortcuts through the grieving process, but a good coach can help you find the path back to living happily and lighten the sadness and despair.

Ultimately, you are embarking on a life-changing experience if you are open-minded and willing to try new things. A coach will improve your self-awareness, help you stay focused, and access your greatest talents while keeping you motivated to go the distance. You might be able to do this on your own if you are super-disciplined and ambitious, but you can do it so much quicker with motivation and accountability behind you.

If you’re still not sure if coaching is right for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

Why Online Coaching is Your Best Option

Career & Business, Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery, Relationships & Family, Uncategorized

Congrats! You’ve decided to take the plunge and be proactive in reaching your goals of getting into the best shape of your life, sparking up some passion in your love-life, or improving your work-life balance. Now, you’re just wondering if online coaching is the right choice…. For most people it is! And, here’s why.

1. You’re probably already uber busy!

One of the best parts of working with a coach is saving time in reaching your goals. What gain is working with a coach if you spend the most limited resource any of us have, time, trying to find the right coach and getting to and from coaching sessions? Between the commute, a full-time job, family, squeezing in a happy-hour with friends, the gym…where is the time to find a coach you love and travel to and from appointments? The flexibility offered by online coaching leaves you much more time to actually do what you love and put your energy towards reaching your goal. Coaching happens anywhere you take your cell phone or tablet.

This is only the start of why online coaching is the obvious solution.

2. It is simple to find the perfect coach

Finding the right coach is a matter of finding the right chemistry and that means you may have to talk to a few. We recommend three. Think of some of the professionals and services you use in your life: doctors; lawyers; mechanics; hair stylists; home services; etc. Wouldn’t it be awesome if three of each would give you a free sample of their service before you made any commitment? Most of the time, just getting an appointment takes several phone calls and possibly weeks to schedule. Being confined to local professionals is not ideal when the best candidate happens to live in a different state. With Life Coach Library, up to three coaches who can meet your specific needs will offer you a complimentary coaching session, and then you get to decide who you want to succeed with, all from the comfort of your home, car, or hotel room.

But wait, there’s still more……………

3. You can be completely anonymous

Anytime you do something to empower yourself you should be confident and proud. However, a lot of people still prefer to keep working with a coach confidential. Many people find it easier to open-up over the telephone vs. face to face, especially when they know their coach has no connection to any of their local associations and that everything they say is strictly confidential.

Our preliminary questionnaire gives you a chance to share in detail what you are looking to achieve. Based on your criteria, only the coaches who can serve you will contact you. Knowing you’ve got the right professional on the phone creates a safe environment to relax and talk about your deepest desires.

4. You become more empowered and independent.

Probably one of the biggest reasons why online life coaching is better than in person is the fact that you don’t get dependent on your coach and your coach remains completely objective. Coaching in person can create a slight dependency where they seem responsible for your successes and it can be difficult to detach when it’s time. An online coach will work with you to develop a strategic action plan, but you alone take those steps. You are never alone though as you do have access to your coach whenever you need a boost. Simply text or email him/her to keep you on track or share your mini victories along the way.

5. It’s Simply More Affordable

Online coaching limits the overhead costs for coaches, passing the savings on to you as reflected in reasonable coaching fees. The last thing you need to be worrying about is another massive bill being added to the pile. Online coaching is almost always more practical live coaching.

How to find an online coach?

As the coaching industry has grown in popularity, online coaching has become the preferred medium for coaching. In fact, online everything has become a way of life. Life Coach Library was designed by coaches who have been clients and have the best interest of both in mind. Potential clients have a convenient and risk-free way to experience the impact a coach can make. Coaches can utilize a platform that does extensive marketing for them so that they can spend more time doing what they love and do best ~ help people reach their goals! Just like a recruiter brings amazing employees to great companies, Life Coach Library connects goal-oriented clients to certified coaches. Sure, you can find a job on your own, and companies can scout out talent for their openings, but having someone who completely understands the needs of both cuts out the frustration and saves everyone time and money in the end.

That is why online coaching is the best option!

If you’re still not sure if coaching is for you, take our quiz, it’s under a minute!

Written by Wendy Cope, Positive Change Coach & Founder, Life Coach Library

A Beginner’s Guide to Meditation for Wellness

Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Recovery

If you’re anything like I was, the word meditation brings up images of yogi’s sitting in lotus position chanting “ommm”~incense burning in the background, all in a quest to enlightenment.

For me, that misconception got in the way of sincerely engaging in what has become the single most positive and life-changing habit I practice. Got in the way for years and not until I discovered meditation on You Tube did I change my stance.

What are the benefits of meditation?

For thousands of years people have meditated to gain peace of mind, clarity and focus. Today, some begin on a doctor’s recommendation, others to find relief from painful thoughts or feelings, while others simply want to find greater self-understanding. Regular meditation has proven to have profound benefits mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Just to name a few:

  • Decreased blood pressure
  • Lower cholesterol levels
  • Decreased depression and anxiety
  • Restful sleep
  • Improved self-image and increased positive thinking
  • Longer attention span/concentration
  • Pain management

Why is meditation so powerfully effective?

Have you ever been overwhelmed and confused for a while until you just stopped to take time and think? And when you slowed down to really process you were able to see clearly, and simple solutions became obvious? Well, meditation is kinda like that ~ on steroids.

I’m not a guru or a neuroscientist, but based on my research here is a practical explanation:

When we are awake, our brains are busy. Like 40-60 thoughts per minute, busy. Only about 10% of those thoughts are conscious, while the other 90% are running in either the sub-conscious or the pre-conscious. Think of the pre-conscious as the “waiting room” between the other two. For most of us, a whopping 80% of those unconscious thoughts are negative (Psychology Today, 2012).

So, while we are having 40-60 thoughts per minute, our brainwaves are pretty rapid. These are called alpha or beta-waves. They correlate to active learning, thinking and processing information. I think of this an impenetrable and frenzied barrier that clouds any inner wisdom we may possess.

Photo by Davinder Ojaita

In meditation, the brain slows down to theta and delta waves, which is related to relaxation and heightened awareness. In short, it slows down the frenzy enough to open the door to the sub-conscious, leading to deeper self-awareness and visualization, a.k.a. inner wisdom.

In this relaxed state, we are able to uncover buried negative, fear-based, & limiting beliefs and then begin the process of weeding them out and replacing them with new, positive, and empowering ones.

Not quite feeling your inner guru? No worries!

In truth there are an infinite number of ways to meditate and none of them are wrong. The common thread amongst all meditative practice is the cultivation of awareness and expanded consciousness.

Learn to Practice Meditation

Here is a very simple process to help you get started in your practice:

Before beginning any meditation, I always set an intention. This is not a necessity to meditate, but it is what I do.

An intention is a positive thought that I hope to make a part of my unconscious schema. For example, years ago, doing deep inner-child work, I needed to release shame. I didn’t know I carried shame unconsciously because I never actively thought “I wasn’t good enough”. However, running in the background were core-beliefs that my worth was measured and valued by what I accomplished and how I looked.

So I wanted to be rid of shame, but telling myself “I don’t want to feel shame anymore” wasn’t going to cut it. It’s the right idea, but it is stated negatively. Stating a negative intention is sorta like getting into a taxi and telling the driver you don’t want to go to the train station, expecting him to know that means you want to go to the airport. Doesn’t work. Stated positively, I began to use the mantra “I AM ENOUGH” (right now).

To begin:

  • · Turn your cellphone OFF! Yes OFF, you can do it 😊 (IF you use your device for music/guided meditation, you may put it on Do Not Disturb)
  • Sit or lie comfortably. Not sure about you, but for me sitting on the floor with my legs crossed is not so comfortable after a few minutes. I prefer to lay down. Some highly recommend “grounding” by sitting or having your feet on the floor and opening your palms upward to increase “energy” flow. If you are comfortable with this, great. If not, don’t fret, it’s ok not to. The energy knows where to go and doing something that makes you feel awkward defeats the purpose of the whole experience.
  • Close your eyes and bring your awareness to your breath. Take 2–3 slow and deep breaths. In your mind, try counting to 5 as you inhale, pause for a count of 3, and slowly exhale counting back to 5.
  • Breathe normal. As you begin to relax, your breath will automatically slow down (your breath and your brain are in tandem so as one begins to slow, the other will naturally follow).
  • When your thoughts begin to scatter, (trust me they will) simply accept it. Don’t judge the fact that you are having thoughts or engage in them (this will only create angst) Just try to “notice” them like a cloud passing by in the sky and then and bring your attention back to your breathing.
  • As you breathe, notice your body from the inside. Bring attention to your feet, then to your legs, then your torso, and so on… Being aware of your body puts your awareness into the present moment.
  • Do this for about 5 minutes each day and gradually increase time.

When I began to meditate, I did the Chopra Centers 21-day Meditation Challenge, which I found on You Tube, along with thousands of guided meditations and meditation music tracks. I love, love, love using them. I find the best ones use binaural beats and do require headphones, so make sure you have a pair comfortable enough that you can forget you are wearing them. Binaural beats mean the sound in each side is traveling at a different speed. The impact of this is that when the brain processes them, it responds in slower waves that are best for expanded awareness.

Be patient, it takes 14–30 days for the unconscious to absorb new information and accept it as automatic. Meditating regularly will make happiness, gratitude, clarity, focus, and inner-peace your new normal.

By Wendy J. Cope, Positive Change Coach

References:

https://www.livescience.com/

https://faithhopeandpsychology.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/80-of-thoughts-are-negative-95-are-repetitive/

About Me:

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery I felt really “stuck” and needed to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound.

I felt inspired to become a Positive-Change Coach and later to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients. Hence, I created Life Coach Library. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their businesses is what Life Coach Library is all about. If you simply register and fill out a short questionnaire you will receive up to 3 coaching sessions on us!

Education:

I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and I’m currently pursuing a graduate degree in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia and Delaware. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and Reiki master. I completed my coach certification at Coach Training Alliance, and I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning.

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