personal growth Archives - Life Coach Library

If You’re Not Achieving Your Goals, It’s Time To Look Inside

Career & Business, coaching, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

Can you believe there are only a few weeks left before the New Year is upon us?  Is your life today as you hoped it would be this time last year? Have you kept your New Year’s promises and made the changes you were so enthusiastic about?  Or, are you amongst the many who wanted change, wanted results,  had powerful intentions, but once again, didn’t go the distance and are back at square one?

The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” Albert Einstein.  The truth is, if you want change, it’s you that needs to change.   No one is saying this is easy; old habits and old beliefs die hard.  The key to powerful, lasting change is having a clear vision and setting compelling goals.

Even though most people understand goal setting on a rational level, a whopping 80% of people never set clearly defined goals.  If that’s not bad enough, of the 20% who do set goals, nearly 70% of them never reach them.  Why not?  There are several possible reasons.   Sometimes there are outside circumstances that they genuinely have no control over. Still, the reality of it is the biggest obstacle to reaching the personal and professional growth we aspire to lives between your ears.  The typical culprits are lack of commitment, inactivity, or perhaps having too many goals. But even if these things are in perfect order, you could still miss the mark.

Here’s why:

  1. You need a change in attitude and to address self-limiting beliefs: Using the same thinking that got you “here” isn’t going to get out.  When you want something new on the outside, you need to create something new on the inside.  Most of our thought process runs in the unconscious, and that’s is where many damaging thoughts camp out.   Think of these limiting beliefs as pesky weeds which, until pulled out from their root, keep coming back and airing their ugly head. Typical examples are believing you’re someone you’re not; you’re not good enough, not smart enough, too young/too old, or some such disempowering label. Until that limiting belief is discovered and replaced with something positive and empowering, you are set up for failure.
  2. You fear failure, or even worse, you fear success: Some people are afraid they will fail, but the fear of success undermines even more people.  If they fail, they anticipate people labeling them a failure or a loser. If they succeed, they think people may be envious and treat them differently, perhaps negatively or that they can’t keep up the pace and will humiliate themselves.  As cliché as it may be, deep down, they might believe they’re unworthy of attaining the goal and, consciously or unconsciously sabotage themselves.   Either way, if you lack faith yourself and your potential, why would you even invest your energy and make the kind of non-negotiable commitment needed for success?   If you can’t give everything you’ve got, what can you expect to get back?
  3. You’re not being true to yourself, and there is a conflict with your core values and/or life purpose. Are you doing what you are passionate about or what you think you should be doing?   Are you trying to please yourself or someone else?   Get clear about your core values and life purpose because they will serve as a compass, pointing out what it means to be true to yourself.  If you are living in conflict with your core values, you create stress, like running against the wind or trying to swim against the current.  It leads to frustration and disenchantment.  When you live “on purpose,” you will be amazed how easily things can fall into place.  You still have to work hard and very hard at that.  However, your motivation will be stronger and last longer because you are doing what you love to do, what you are good at, and accomplishing what is important to you. You are making a difference in the world.   These are the key ingredients to finding success, joy, and fulfillment. 

The most common characteristic amongst successful people is the ability to take 100% responsibility for their lives, including their achievements, the results they produce, the quality of their relationships, their health and well- being, their income, and everything else. They are goal-oriented and take action.  When stuck, they don’t blame people, places or circumstances, they reassess and readjust and keep going.  Even if things do not go as they hoped, they do not feed themselves the lies ‘I am a loser, I am a failure, or I can’t achieve anything.’ They redefine their failure as a success by looking at the reality of the situation, learning from it, and pressing on. 

While no one can create your success but you, you’d don’t have to do it alone.  If you’re ready to go all the way and move past your fears, consider reaching out to a professional coach. Overcoming the limiting beliefs that interfere with success is what life coaches specialize in. 

Reach out and receive a free consultation to experience the impact a coach can have!

Written and submitted by:

Robbie Carlson

Professional Life and Leadership Coach

“Helping women leaders create successful careers and extraordinary lives.”

www.robbiekcarlson.com

Stop Combo Dating!

coaching, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality, Relationships & Family

Combo dating: when the first date is so bad it’s also the last date   

What to do and what not to do

Whether you’re looking for Mr./Mrs. RIGHT or Mr./Mrs. RIGHT NOW, nothing can be as much fun yet at the same time nerve-wracking as a first date.   

The internet has profoundly changed the way we meet people and, in many ways, changed the rules of dating.  Whether you’re Tindering, Match.com-ing, or meeting the though your own social networks or by chance, here is some timeless advice to consider when you’re just over combo dating!   All of these are suggestions that may need to be tweaked to fit your lifestyle but keep an open mind, and you’ll understand why the rules became rules, to begin with.  

Time:

Anything after 10:00 is just a booty-call, right?  DO pick a decent hour to meet for a first date. You’re trying to get to know each other, and it makes sense to be both alert and sober when that happens.   It doesn’t matter if you’re a night owl and will be home watching TV with the cat that night, late evenings are for down the road.  

DON’T be late!  Fashionably late is unfashionable when it is at the expense of another person’s time and emotion.   It is disrespectful and sends a message that you are either undependable or inconsiderate of others.  Being on time will tell the other person how much you value the interaction and what they can expect from you as a person. 

There are exceptions.  Your car breaks down, your boss makes you stay late to finish a task, there’s an emergency.  Fine, pick up your phone and call and let the other person know and set their expectations of when you can meet or if you have to reschedule. 

Practice the 15-minute rule.  Always text/call if you will be more than 15 minutes late.  If you’re the one waiting, 15-30 minutes MAX is enough time to give someone.  Your time is precious, and you could be doing a lot of things besides sitting around waiting for someone to show up.    

Games

DON’T play them.   You know what I mean, but if not, don’t play games with people’s affections.   DO be honest about what you’re looking for.It is never a good idea to lead someone on. Whether you are looking for a causal relationship or something more serious, it is better to let the other person know.   This doesn’t have to be a discussion on the very first date, but it should be early on. If you’re getting a vibe that the other person is really out of sync with you (you want commitment, they want to play the field), then do bring it up.   It’s ok to simply ask where they are with it.  Trust your instinct to know if they are being honest and upfront with you or playing you.  Your gut reaction is often spot on if you listen to it.

At the end of the date, there is no need to ghost someone or play the waiting game. We are all adults here, so text or call them and let them know if you want to see them again or not. If you wish to decline the offer, do it politely not to hurt their feelings.

Dress

You don’t have to dress to impress but DO try to present yourself well.  It should go without saying (in my experience it is not), but basic hygiene is super important.  If you’re going to a ball game you can wear your jeans and a t-shirt, but please make sure they and you are clean and for the love of God, brush your teeth or carry breath mints! Even if you’re not smooching, bad breath is such a romance killer.  

If you’re going to dinner, it’s ok to ask your date if you should dress up or dress down.   You don’t want to show up in a suit or dress in a pizza place anymore that you want to be wearing flip-flops at the Ritz.  Whatever the venue is, it’s always nice and appreciated when you make an effort and look good. Not only does it make a good impression, but it will also boost your confidence, which in itself is attractive and sexy. 

Use your best judgement

DO be careful about comments on things such as appearance, social issues, politics, religion, and those types of sensitive topics.  These topics are important, and if it’s absolutely critical for you to know these things up front, then have at it. Still, I’m warning you that the potential for things to get intense and go south quick are far greater than the chance anything positive coming out of it.  If you end up going there, DO keep an open mind and you may delightfully see a new perspective.

It’s best NOT to criticize your date, not even playfully, or if you think you’re being funny.  Chances are you’re not.  Commenting on their hair color, or choice of clothes might be a fun tease later on, but when you meet for the first time, it’s better to be well-mannered and make the other person feel comfortable.  Oh, and weight….DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT say anything about the other person’s weight!

Remember, this is a DATE, which is supposed to be light and fun and flirty. 

Affection: OK, everyone has their own standards with how physical first dates should be. Here are a few things to ponder.  You don’t really know each other yet, and sex can cloud thoughts.  When I say sex, I mean everything from holding hands to going all the way. Depending on what you’re ultimately looking for, just know that the level of affection you engage in on the first date sets the tone for the relationship.  Not just physically, but also emotionally.  If I may be candid, I am convinced that as evolved as we are in 2019, this primal instinct carries deep psychological implications and should not be taken lightly. My best advice is to be crystal clear on where your boundaries and stay true to yourself.

Those are the big ones, here are a few more.

DO show interest: You might have had a long day at work, but a date is no time check out or be self-absorbed.   You are not there talk all about yourself for the entire night nor to be the designated listener.  Show some interest in the other person, ask them questions, and get to know them.  People love a meaningful interaction, and the better the communication, the better your date will be. This is the time to get out of your cocoon – ask questions about their work, their family, their life aspirations, and you might be in for a treat. Listen to them and engage in the conversation. 

DON’T drink too much: This goes for both men and women! No one wants to go on a date and end up taking care of a drunk person. Drinking changes people, and if you’re looking to get to know the real person, that doesn’t happen when either of you is polluted.  You’re on a date, not at a frat or sorority party. 

DO give compliments: Do not be shy when it comes to giving compliments but DO make them sincere compliments. If you think she looks fantastic in that black dress, let her know! If you love the way he smells, tell him. Don’t hold back – these subtle flirtatious moments will help to make the night even more special. DO be respectful. Call me old fashioned, but this is just everyday manners.  

DON’T be a big-shot by showing off your education or wealth or any status in a cocky and arrogant way.  You can be confident yet kinds and humble.

Dating can be an enjoyable experience or an excruciating disaster.  The key ingredients for lasting relationships boil down to compatibility and chemistry.  Dating is the process of discovering if those critical components exist. In this technological age, remember the human.  We all seek good company and a loving friend. Be confident, have fun, and go with the flow!

If you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while and are unsure how to get back in, or if you’re looking for more out of your relationships, consider working with a Relationship Coach.   They are experienced helping people just like you reach your relationship goals.  Whether your goals are romantic or you want to increase business and social possibilities by learning better communication skills, a coach can help you get there faster than you will on your own.

At Life Coach Library its easy to find a coach.  Just register and fill out a survey.  We will match you with up to three coaches who are exactly what you are looking for, and they will all give you a free consultation. The best part…our service is completely FREE.    

Sources:  

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/first-date-tips/

http://www.psychology.com/articles/?p=392

Gratitude for Happiness

Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

If you woke up tomorrow, with only what you were thankful for today, what would you have left?

Every November, we kick-off the holiday season with the theme of gratitude. But why wait until November? Common sense tells us that expressions of gratitude can lift the spirit. Research shows that the benefits of gratitude don’t stop there. Here are some of the scientifically proven benefits.

  • Better relationships: More than good manners, it helps to build connections which lead to friendships and other relationships. People who are often thanked by their partners feel more appreciated and thus more positive toward each other.
  • Improved physical health: Experience fewer aches and pains. People who are gracious typically display more willingness/ability to exercise, eat healthfully, and take care of their health.
  • Enhanced mental strength: It can reduce stress; help overcome trauma; reduce aggression; and increase empathy and other prosocial behaviors. A healthy dose of gratitude can overcome toxic emotions such as envy, resentment, guilt, or stress.
  • Elevate one’s self-esteem: A strong sense of self-esteem is essential to optimum performance. When feeling thankful, the amount of effort comparing oneself to others is reduced and leaves greater appreciation for what one has or does.

Students from Harvard Medical School conducted a study with 3 groups. One group wrote about things they were grateful for, a second group wrote about daily irritations or things that had displeased them, and the third wrote about events that had affected without emphasis on them being positive or negative. After 10 weeks, those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives. Surprisingly, they also exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians than those who focused on sources of aggravation.

Gratitude is not only a feeling but to many it is an action. For some, the source of that goodness lies within something outside and larger than themselves— whether it is other people, nature, or a higher power. It is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new or thinking they “will be happy when……. (something happens) “When you focus on and appreciate what you have instead of what you lack, your mental and emotional states grow stronger.

There are so many ways to cultivate an attitude of gratitude, but below are my top 10 favorites:

  1. Make a list of 50 things that you’d like to have BUT at least 25 of them must be things you WANT and ALREADY HAVE.
  2. Do something nice for someone without out telling anyone.
  3. Abe Lincoln says, “you’re as happy as you make your mind up to be”. I agree. Make a conscious decision to find things you are grateful for throughout the day.
  4. Smile randomly at strangers. You’ll be surprised at how nice it makes you feel, and it will likely make them feel just as good.
  5. Make a deliberate and sincere effort to tell others what they are doing right, and double down if they do something above and beyond what is expected.
  6. Practice forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes and holding on to resentment is “like drinking poison and expecting them to die from it”. By forgiving, we free ourselves of negative feelings and make room for appreciation and delight.
  7. Thank someone mentally (if you cannot in person). This act creates positive feelings and expands our emotional state.
  8. Appreciate nature and the divinity of life. Stop and wonder how a sunset or a rainbow is so perfectly colorful and beautiful. Hold a baby and embrace its innocence and perfection.
  9. Meditate. There are countless proven benefits of meditation. Setting the intention of feeling grateful will open your consciousness to see the many blessings in your life.
  10. Give thanks in prayer. This does not have to be a religious practice. You can give thanks to any source you are comfortable with, nature, light, or a religious deity.

Wendy Cope

Recovery and Personal-Growth Coach

www.healthytothecore.net

Articles referenced: https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/7- scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude

Overcoming Stumbling Blocks to Goal Achievement: It’s an Inside Job

Career & Business, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

It’s the New Year, a time for new beginnings, a fresh start. Inspiring, right?

Then why do I feel defeated already?

Looking back on the past year, I wanted change, I wanted results, I had the best intentions, but everything remained pretty much the same. I’m still in the same dead end job, I’ve actually gained rather than lost weight, I abandoned my exercise routine a month after it started and I’m still a stranger to my friends and family because I do nothing but work. Why would I think anything would be different this year?

Maybe, intellectually, you understand the importance of how to approach the goal setting process but that nasty little voice in your head tells you that you are a loser, a failure, and you can’t achieve anything. While you could be struggling with the obvious, goals lack specificity (specific, measureable, achievable, relevant, time-bound, “SMART” goal method), no real commitment, inactivity, or too many goals, I suspect it could be you are dealing with an underlying belief. Like many, it is not something you can see for yourself. Being the responsible person you are, you probably tried to figure it out but became stuck, frustrated and defeated. Let’s take a look at this challenging issue and how you can get past it.

To bring about something new on the outside, like a new outcome, often requires something new on the inside, a change in attitude, paradigm or underlying belief. An underlying belief is like the pesky weed which, until pulled out from its root, continues to air its ugly head. Our weed is our limiting belief: we believe we are someone we are not, not good enough, not smart enough, too young/too old or some such disempowering label of not being enough. Until that limiting belief is discovered and removed, we may be held back from achieving our goals. For example, we may neglect to go after a job we really want because we
think we’re not smart enough to handle it so we stay stuck in a dead-end job. No matter how many may tell you how smart you are, if you have the underlying belief that you are not smart enough, it doesn’t matter what people say. You won’t believe them and it will hold you back. This limiting belief may have started years ago when you had a defining encounter, maybe failed a class, were denied application to a college, or given multiple disengaging messages from your parents. You continue to add to your disempowering story and reinforce your limiting belief whenever you encounter things you don’t understand. It completely paralyzes you from moving forward.

Another significant stumbling block for many is fear, fear of failure or even, fear of success. Some people are afraid they will fail, but even worse, that they may actually succeed and, as a result, they never take the first step toward achieving their goals. They lack belief in themselves and in their potential. If they fail, they anticipate people labeling them a failure, a loser. If they succeed, they think people may be envious and treat them differently, perhaps negatively. (Vermeeren, D 2018) They may even believe they’re unworthy of attaining the goal and, as such, sabotage themselves. I like the acronym, F E A R, Fictitious Events Appearing Real. We worry about things that may never happen and, in the process, make ourselves miserable, stuck and defeated. Believing in yourself is a choice and an attitude you develop over time. We need to take charge of our own self-concept and beliefs. Unfortunately, this is where many get stuck. Doing the internal work to ensure success is critical. It may actually take the support of a professional to help you move forward. A professional life coach is highly trained in helping clients see what they cannot see for themselves. They help clients discover and remove the limiting beliefs that hold them back from achieving their goals. They also act as a catalyst for change helping clients achieve their goals faster than they can do on their own. If you just can’t figure out where to start, consider working with a professional coach who is well trained in helping clients identify their stumbling blocks to success. A coach helps you see things you cannot see for yourself, uncovers and removes limiting beliefs that may be holding you back, and helps you become your personal and professional best. The coach-client relationship is highly confidential, tremendously supportive, totally focused on the client’s needs and all done in a convenient setting, usually by phone.

Do not give up on your goals, dreams and aspirations. When stuck, don’t beat yourself up and give yourself all kinds of disempowering messages. Silence those nasty voices in your head that have you defeated before you even start. Commit to making 2019 YOUR BEST YEAR YET!! A Professional Life Coach can make the difference for you. To experience how inspiring, supportive and helpful a life coach can be for you, consider booking a complimentary and confidential Discovery Session:
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=16511562

When working with a Life Coach, you will be absolutely amazed at what you will be able to accomplish when all roadblocks to success are removed, you are empowered and energized, successfully achieving all your goals, living the life of your dreams and, in the process, becoming your personal and professional best.

Happy New Year!
Robbie K Carlson
Life & Leadership Coach
Reference:
Vermeeren, D. (2018) “Why People Fail To Achieve Their Goals”

How to Obliterate Limiting Beliefs and Open Your Life up to New Possibilities

Career & Business, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

Your limiting beliefs aren’t doing you any good. In fact, they’re keeping you from living your best life. Learn how to get rid of them! 

Our beliefs define who we are. For better or for worse, what we believe dictates our behavior, thoughts, and reactions.  

If the belief is strong enough, it can carve out our entire destiny. Limiting beliefs included! 

Our beliefs serve many purposes. They keep us safe, reflect our self-esteem, and maintain our social status. To step outside these beliefs means we risk rejection and loss. Believing we will lose something if we strive to meet a goal makes us fearful and avoidant. 

Beliefs are also kept intact because of a psychological concept is known as belief perseverance. In belief perseverance, our brains persist in weeding out evidence that contradicts our belief. Our brains focus on reinforcing memories, thoughts, and actions related to the belief while leaving out evidence to the contrary. 

Giving up a self-limiting belief isn’t easy. The unknown and the fear of being wrong is scary. These beliefs are familiar to us even when they are unhealthy or self-defeating. 

But, there is a way to obliterate self-limiting beliefs once and for all!  

If you want to live your best life and let go of limiting beliefs, then read on to discover how to let them go. 

Finding Freedom by Obliterating Limiting Beliefs 

Beliefs provide us with a sense of certainty. We all need certainty, but we also need to progress and grow in life. Explore the following ways to let go of self-limiting beliefs so you can open your life up to new possibilities.  

1. Truth and Reality 

The truth can be translated in a variety of ways. As we switch from one news channel to another, we know this to be true! One news channel focuses on one aspect of a story making it positive or neutral and the other focuses on another part of the story to make it seem negative.  

Which news channel is “right”? It depends on who you believe and what you believe already! 

To open ourselves up to other beliefs, we need to lovingly turn our attention inward. We need to gently ask ourselves questions about our limiting beliefs.  

Author Byron Katie created a method for questioning strongly held beliefs and judgments in order to accept reality. She calls it “The Work” which includes “The Four Questions.” 

These questions are: 

1. Is it true? 

2. Can you absolutely know it’s true? 

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? 

4. Who would you be without the thought? 

The key message to Byron Katie’s questions is that we can never know for sure if one belief is absolutely true. We may believe it to be true, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually true.  

You discover this by turning around the initial statement you made using opposite statements. These statements could be about yourself, another person, or the world. When you turn around these statements, you’ll discover that they are just as truthful as your initial statement.  

We discover holes in our beliefs when we consider that other truths may be just as true, if not truer than, our original belief or judgment. When we accept that many “truths” can exist at once, we open up our minds to believe in other possibilities and discoveries.  

2. Change Your Story 

Beliefs are usually a part of a story we tell ourselves. In the case of self-limiting beliefs, these stories provide us with a detailed explanation as to why we can’t do something. 

For example, imagine a young man who believes he can’t go to college. His story says that he can’t go to college because his family can’t afford it, no one in his family went to college, and his grade average isn’t good enough. 

Imagine another young man with the exact same background who believes he must go to college because of his upbringing. What’s the difference? One used his background to form a self-limiting belief whereas the other created a story to use as fuel to overcome his struggles.  

Ask yourself how you can use the past to create a motivational story. How can your story be changed from limitation to overcoming obstacles? Has someone with the same background as you created a different ending to their story? 

Find a spark of inspiration such as another person’s story and never look back! If they believed it, so can you! 

3. Build on Success 

We normally aren’t composed of only self-limiting beliefs. We also have beliefs which have served us well! We can use these existing beliefs to give us the confidence to overcome self-limiting beliefs.  

Take out a pen and paper and write down all the times you’ve succeeded in life.  

Did you graduate from high school? Do you have a job? Are your relationships successful? 

What strength and beliefs would someone need to accomplish these tasks?  

For example, to get a job, you would have to be brave enough to apply and be qualified in some way to do the job. To graduate from high school, you would have to be persistent in getting your work done and intelligent enough to pass exams. 

Make a list of skills and beliefs needed for each accomplishment. Then return to your self-limiting beliefs. 

Have you used skills in the past that contradict your self-limiting belief? Do these skills directly contradict your limiting belief? 

For example, imagine your self-limiting belief is that you can’t lose weight because you’re not disciplined enough. Define what “being disciplined enough” looks, then turn to your list of accomplishments. 

If it’s true that you aren’t disciplined enough, then how did you graduate from high school? Going to high school means getting up early and getting homework done for four years. Would you agree that that takes discipline even if you didn’t see it as a discipline at the time? 

Perhaps the biggest problem is that your discipline “muscle” is just out of practice! Does that mean you can’t lose weight? No, it means you’re going to have to re-learn how to be disciplined so you can lose weight.  

Your belief that you can’t lose weight isn’t true, you just are out of practice in believing in yourself and following a plan.  

4. Avoid Comparisons 

When you think about your accomplishments, try not to compare yourself to others. When we compare ourselves to our peers we can instantly believe we can’t do something. The reasoning goes, “if I could, I already would have been successful like them.” 

Life, however, is not linear. The people you are comparing yourself to also may not be as successful and happy as they appear. And if they truly are, then ask them what their recipe for success is! 

We can all use someone to look up to. If they did it, then so can you! 

Obliterating Limiting Beliefs, Gaining Back Your Life 

To obliterate limiting beliefs, we must nurture our strengths. We have to feed the good in ourselves by shifting our focus and changing our stories. 

We can do this on a daily basis. We can set small, manageable goals for ourselves. We can allow the truth to overpower our beliefs by being open to other interpretations.  

It takes courage. It takes persistence. But, you made it this far in life, and that isn’t by accident.  

You made it this far in life because something inside of you believed you could. Build on that belief and you’ll open yourself up to a whole new reality. One where you believe in yourself more than you believe in your fears.  

Feel like you need a life coach to help you overcome your limiting beliefs? Find a life coach today and open your life up to endless possibilities! 

Author | WENDY COPE 

About: 

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery, I felt really “stuck” and need to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound. 

That triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walk of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about. 
 

Education: 

I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am presently training with the Coach Training Alliance and while I will complete this module in February 2019, I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning in the coaching profession. 

How to Unlock Your Passion and Find Your Life Purpose: It’s Never Too Late!

Career & Business, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

Are you wandering around life without knowing your life purpose? That’s not truly living. Learn how to unlock your passion in this guide. 

You may be content with your life, but are you happy? 

According to the most recent findings from the Harris Poll Survey of American Happiness, the answer is most likely no. Only 33% of survey respondents reported feeling happiness. 

One of the biggest reasons why people feel unhappy is because of a lack of direction. They feel that their life has little purpose, and thus, no aim. 

While that may sound rather dour, not all hope is lost. It’s never too late to find your purpose! 

Read on below for a guide on how you can unlock your passion, reach your potential, and find your life purpose. 

Appreciate the Value of Childhood 

As we grow up, we’re told to put childish things away and grow up. To conform to society and everything we believe we’re supposed to be. 

In fact, the very idea comes about in the Bible

But what does it mean to be “childish?” Is it such a bad thing? 

It’s quite the opposite. 

Think back to when you were a child. Chances are you were quite happy most of the time. You most likely felt loved and safe and secure, living each day with a new sense of wonder. 

But as we grow up, many of us lose that sense of wonder. 

It’s a shame. Our childhood selves have so much to teach us, from exercising unbridled passion and unconditional love to the curiosity we found in even the simplest aspects of life. 

It’s time to stop quelling your inner child and get in touch with them once more. 

Start viewing life through a new lens, where creativity and curiosity rule. Let yourself be happy and the rest will flow. 

Ask the Tough Questions 

Imagine a world where you have access to anything you could ever want. Money isn’t a concern, so instead of slaving away at your 9-to-5 job, you’re off living your best life. 

What does that look like for you? What is it that you really want out of life? 

For many of us, that question is so unfathomable we may not be able to come up with an answer right away! 

If you can’t come up with anything right away, that’s alright. Give the idea space to grow. 

Congratulations, you’ve just answered one of life’s toughest questions, and as a result, you now understand your purpose and passion in life. 

Visualization may not seem like it has much power over our lives, but doctors and social scientists are discovering that visualizing success is highly influential over our decision making. 

From ‘Why?’ to ‘Why Not?’: Living a Life of Purpose 

The biggest thing holding you back from a life of purpose isn’t money. It isn’t your job. Nor is it your looks. 

It is, however, your attitude and your approach to life. It’s time to reframe your thinking into something more positive. 

For a great example of what living a ‘Why not?’ lifestyle looks like, let’s look at an unexpected source: Filmmaker, podcaster, and entrepreneur Kevin Smith. 

By all accounts, Smith could have ended up as another statistic. 

By the time his first film, “Clerks,” made the rounds at film festivals, young Smith was a film school dropout living with his parents and working a dead-end job at a convenience store to pay off his massive credit card debt. 

And then something astonishing happened. Critics and audiences loved the candid nature of “Clerks.” So much so that the distribution rights were purchased on the spot, launching Smith’s career. 

It’s because he followed his passion that he found his success. 

Years later, Smith would go on to write, “…there is little sense in not at least trying to accomplish all of your wildest dreams in life. 

Now he travels the world telling his stories and working with his friends — all because he said ‘Why not?’ to shooting a small film at the very convenience store he worked at. 

But you don’t need an award from the Cannes Film Festival to live your dream. A life of purpose is following your passion, even in the face of adversity. 

You owe it to yourself to try and follow your passion. 

Life Is Tough — Be Tougher 

You might wonder why, if a life of passion is easy to lead, more people aren’t out there living their dream. 

It boils down to an answer that tends to scare most people: Work. 

Indeed, to be happy and successful requires more — more than many expect. 

Success doesn’t happen overnight, nor does it happen in a bubble. It requires long hours, sacrifice, and above all else, drive. 

And as a result, you’ll need to be patient with yourself along the way. 

There will be days where following your dreams may seem pointless if not outright impossible. Don’t let that negativity overcome you. 

Persistence is key, even when it comes to something like unlocking your dreams. 

Be tougher than those negative thoughts telling insisting you can’t do it. Push through and do it anyway. Soon you’ll be so happy you did. 

Ask for Help 

Too many people view asking for help as a sign of weakness. 

They believe that, because they need some assistance, they’re incapable of accomplishing their dreams on their own. 

The truth, however, is that it takes a great deal of strength to ask for help. 

If you can’t seem to unlock your dreams or find your passion, there’s no harm in reaching out. 

Consider finding a life coach in your area who can offer one-on-one coaching and personalized advice. 

Finding Your Life Purpose: Final Thoughts 

Finding your life purpose is something anyone can do at any point in their life. The trick is to want it. 

If you have the desire, drive, and passion, you too can achieve your dreams. 

If you need a little help getting there, don’t forget that we can put you in touch with a life coach. 

Contact us today to learn more about finding a life coach who can help you unlock your full potential. 

Author | WENDY COPE 

About: 

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery, I felt really “stuck” and need to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound. 

That triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walk of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about. 
 

Education: 

I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am presently training with the Coach Training Alliance and while I will complete this module in February 2019, I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning in the coaching profession.

Live Your Next Level Life: How You Can Leap to the Next Level with a Life Coach’s Help

Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

Are you feeling like there has to be more to life? Or you have to be able to do more? Learn how to get that next level life in this post. 

Do you feel like your life is a bit stagnant at the moment? 

Would you like to be able to both recognize and take advantage of the opportunities life has to offer you?  

Sometimes, do you just feel like you need a little bit of a push?  

If you answered any of these questions with a “yes,” then life coaching may help you to get to the next level in your life.  

What’s your life like? If you’re like 70% of people, you might not be fully content with where you are at the moment. Ready to live your next level life with the guidance, encouragement, and honesty that a life coach can provide you with? 

If so, then keep on reading this post to learn more about how a life coach can help your life be as awesome as you’ve always wanted.  

Life Coaching Increases Accountability 

Sure, you’re accountable to your boss, your landlord, and maybe even to a few of your family members and friends.  

But in most cases, these people hold you accountable for the things you’re supposed to do for them. The real question is: Who in your life is holding you accountable for bettering yourself and achieving your dreams?  

If you work with a life coach, you’ll have someone that you have to report to — and get feedback from — when it comes to moving forward in your life. 

You’ll be able to make fewer excuses. You’ll also develop a real-life, actionable plan to make your goals a reality. Above all, you’ll learn the most efficient and even emotionally healthy ways to get what you want.  

You’ll Develop an Actionable Plan 

If you want to live your next level life, then you need to find a way to turn your dreams into reality.  

Sure, being a dreamer is wonderful. It’s one of the ways that we as people can remain optimistic, even in tough times. But eventually, you have to stop dreaming and work to make things happen.  

You can’t just “wait” for good luck and opportunities to come to you. When you choose to work with a life coach, you’ll learn how to find them for yourself.  

You and your coach will create an achievable, step-by-step action plan for turning your life around. You’ll research education programs together, look for new employment opportunities, and even talk about your dating life.  

In short? 

Whatever you want to improve in your life, you’ll need a map to get there. A life coach helps you to draw that map. Most importantly, they can also prepare you for the obstacles and setbacks that you’ll likely face along the way.  

You’ll Address Your Anxieties 

Think about the top things that you feel like hold you back in life. In other words, what’s preventing you from living your next level life?  

Is it the opinions of others? Is it your current living and financial situation? Is it the professional qualifications you possess, your work environment, or even your current mental health?  

Now, think about how much more you would be able to accomplish if these stressors and anxieties were absent from your life. Think about how much happier you’d be. In some cases, this might mean you have more time to spend on things you actually enjoy doing.  

Your life could change for the better. You just have to take that first step. 

What if you could develop real-world coping mechanisms? What if you could figure out which of these stressors you’re in control of, and which ones are worth changing?  

Life coaching helps you to do just that.  

In addition to identifying — and discussing the reasons for — some of your biggest fears, you’ll also learn how to better manage them.  

You’ll be surprised at what you can accomplish when you’re not standing in your own way.  

You’ll Develop Self-Confidence 

An astounding 85% of people currently struggle with low self-confidence.  

If you’re among them, then you know firsthand just how much your lack of an ability to believe in yourself can get in your way.  

Maybe you have amazing ideas that would improve the lives of others, but feel like you’re not “qualified” enough to share them. Maybe you have imposter syndrome and feel like you’re not “worthy” of the life you’ve been given.  

Perhaps you just live in constant fear of rejection. You feel like it’s just easier to avoid seeking new opportunities, because that way, you’ll be able to avoid feelings of failure.  

The truth is that a lack of self-confidence doesn’t just hurt you. It also deprives the people around you of wonderful, helpful ideas that could also make their lives easier and happier.  

Working with a life coach is an awesome way for you to remind yourself of what you’re capable of. You’ll recognize your talents, learn to advocate for yourself, and finally start taking risks again.  

Are You Ready to Live Your Next Level Life? 

We hope that this post has shown you how you can make your dream next level life a reality through life coaching.  

Whether you want to advance personally, professionally, or even physically, having someone to help encourage and support you can make all the difference.  

Are ready to connect with a life coach who will inspire you to grow — and to dream even bigger?  

If so, then learn more about the extraordinary life coaches we can connect you with. Don’t waste one more day not reaching your full potential. Instead, reach out to us to find a coach and level up in life. 

Author | WENDY COPE 

About: 

I was a rebellious teenager and at the age of 20 found myself in a recovery program for drug and alcohol addiction. That was 30 years ago and I have been passionate about the pursuit of personal-growth ever since. At one point in my recovery, I felt really “stuck” and need to do something different. That was my first encounter with coaching. I completed a 12-week program and the changes I experienced were profound. Like more than 5 years of therapy profound. 

That triggered a deep passion and desire to help others. Anyone can get “stuck” at some time in their lives. I work with people of all walk of life although my area of expertise is the recovery community. Helping people get “un-stuck” brings me deep satisfaction. I felt inspired to create a platform that serves both coaches and clients and that’s how Life Coach Library evolved. Educating people and getting the message to them that they CAN reach their goals while providing a practical means for great coaches to grow their business is what Life Coach Library is all about. 
 

Education: 

I hold a bachelor’s degree from Hawaii Pacific University in Justice Administration and have 25 graduate level credits in professional counseling from Walden University. Later in my career, I completed a career switcher program and hold a professional teacher’s license in Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. Additionally, I am a certified hypnotherapist and reiki master. I am presently training with the Coach Training Alliance and while I will complete this module in February 2019, I am committed to personal-growth and life-long learning in the coaching profession.

Get “unstuck” with Association and Disassociation

Health & Wellness, Life Coach Library, Personal Growth & Spirituality

Written by Wendy Cope, Personal-Growth & Recovery Coach, www.healthytothecore.net

Have you ever noticed when a friend comes to you for advice about a situation it is so easy to offer great ideas and solutions to them, yet, when confronted with our own it is much harder to see clearly and come up with practical answers? The reason is we are generally observers for our friends and when we observe, we can think more rationally. We are disassociated with our friends’ challenges. In our own situations we often become our situations. We feel everything, and we get stuck. We are associated with our own dilemmas.

Disassociation:

When we disassociate with something, we are more detached. We have the ability to observe. It’s like watching ourselves on t.v. or from afar. We only see and hear what is going on. We experience feelings about the situation, but not like the characters we are observing who are feeling the powerful sensations.

Be mindful that disassociation has nothing to do with the mental health diagnosis of “dissociative disorder”. Dissociative disorder is characterized by:

* The splitting off from consciousness, as in amnesia or mental blocking.

* Not remembering or connecting to a feeling as a coping or defense mechanism.

Disassociation in this article means to observe a situation to gain a different perspective and decrease the intensity of negative feelings associated with it, both mentally and physically.

Association:

Association is when we relive an experience. We are in it and see everything around us from that perspective. We feel the feelings in what seems like real time. We have other sensory experiences. What we see, hear, smell, even taste, as if it were happening right now. Association is when we are being the active participant.

Try it….

Think of a time you were very happy, like a graduation. What pictures do you see? Are you watching yourself walking across the stage to get your diploma or are you walking across the stage to get it? Whichever one you answered, try to see it from the alternative perspective. Which one feels more intense? Is it happier? Does it feel different physically? Which feeling would you rather have? If you are like most people, association feels much happier. It is usually more sensory, and physically triggers endorphins that add to the emotional experience.

Now think of something that was disappointing, maybe not getting a job you really wanted. What picture do you see now? Are you watching yourself open the mail and reading some type of notice or are you standing there with the reject notice in front of you? Whichever you answered, try it from the other perspective. Which seems less intense? Is there a difference in how you experience it physically? If you are like most people, disassociation takes the sting out of rejection and makes it easier to look at it logically.

When is it best to be Associated or Disassociated?

Unfortunately, research has found that many people disassociate with happy memories and associate with unpleasant ones. That is backwards!!! When we are thinking of something pleasant, we will view it more positively when we are associated in it. It will create positive thoughts which will make us feel happier. When we feel happier, we physically become healthier. Our heart beat settles and our blood pressure calms. If we take a moment to slow down and experience other sensations, (sounds, smells, sights…) it will enhance the feeling even deeper. This can be a powerful tool when trying to get motivated.

Dissociating from unpleasant memories or experiences decreases the emotional pain, depression, and anxiety that often accompany them. When we become an observer (vs. participant) we can see things from an objective viewpoint, and release emotion attached to an event. In my experience, this release has a positive impact both emotionally and physically as well. I have combined this with other techniques to decrease the intensity such as “dimming the lights” and “lowering the volume” (heck, hit the mute button) and “making the screen smaller and fade out”. These tools are powerful because they decrease or eliminate the sensory connections, which is what the unconscious is more likely to hold on to.

It’s never wise to get stuck in one mode or the other. Pain is not comfortable, but it can be part of an important learning and growth experience. When person gets stuck in disassociated mode, they analyze everything rationally but will not experience a range of emotion and are not better off. They should learn how to associate into their feelings, at least some of the time. When someone is so associated with their pain, they relive it over and over, even if unconsciously, and it becomes problematic. It can increase anxiety, depression, and lead to self-destructive behaviors. They would then benefit from learning how to disassociate from painful experiences.

Brown, S.. Psychology Today. Retrieved fromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pathological-relationships/201211/dissociation-isnt-life-skill

Hall, L. M. . NLP Mentor. Retrieved from https://nlp-mentor.com/association-dissociation/

Author unknown, World Trans. Retrieved fromhttp://www.worldtrans.org/TP/TP1/TP1-119.HTML

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