There are two significant mindsets that we build our worldview on: We are either The Victim or The Creator
Since childhood, my passion was to have self-awareness and how life shaped me and also to talk to people from all walks of life to learn about their thoughts, motivations, desires, and fears so that I could see how experiences changed them. The more people I talked to and the more I learned about them, it became evident that the main difference between someone who turns their dreams into reality and people who are stuck with their life is their attitude. How people interpret the events of their life becomes their beliefs, and their beliefs are what determine if they will live their dreams or not. To put it simply: Are you a victim or a creator?
How do victims see the world?
The Victims believe that they are the sufferer of their circumstances and do not have the power to bring about a change in their world. When it comes to their problems, they blame politicians, family, country, the media, or anything outside of them. They are unhappy with their lives, but it is someone or something else’s fault. The truth is they are happy to feed on others’ attention as they complain, and they feel comfortable to stick to this stage. Blaming others is easy and requires no effort.
How do creators see the world?
The Creators, on the other hand, understand that, to a large degree, they are in control of their lives. They don’t blame others for their shortcomings or wallow in self-pity when things don’t go their way. They analyse and observe their difficulties from all angles and are willing to change their perspective and behaviours to get closer to success.
The Creators don’t get stuck by taking everything personally, they can detach themselves from the level of ego and, through their continuous observations grow their understanding of the connectedness of life on a deeper level with their experience.
Why is perspective so important?
The reason why I place this as the most important lesson that I have learned in life is that: The quality of our lives depends on which of these two positions we take most.
Victims often find themselves in a pattern where every day feels the same, and life seems to be passing them by. Time goes by, and they feel like nothing has been accomplished or achieved. They have excuse after excuse but not one legitimate reason.
On the other hand, the Creators choose to be proactive. They learn to take the lead of their life and “sail their own boat” in the direction they want to explore. Therefore they are full of experiences that fulfill their desires at that moment in time.
How can you become a creator in your life
What is the key element to step into the Creator mindset? To mature and take responsibility for one’s decisions and the consequences that come with them. It is not always easy to take responsibility but that is the difference between the victim and the creator.
Believe that your life is created by the decisions you make.
Sometimes the smallest choice that we pick out of the many creates the biggest effect on our life: For no reason, you decide to take a different route to work, which creates a whole different path for the day. If you took your normal road, you could have been a fatal accident, but since you didn’t, you arrive safely.
Many people talk about listening to their intuition, and it somehow saved their life or created for some amazing circumstances which never would have happened otherwise. The opposite can also happen when a seemingly small choice leads to misfortune.
These types of choices are not the ones we actively have control of. They are a matter of the ‘laws of nature’ or fate.
Our habits, the decisions we make every day are the ones that shape our reality. When we continuously eat more calories than we use up, it is almost sure that we will gain weight over time. If we put effort into learning something new, this skill will evolve and grow over time. If we drive recklessly, we have an increased chance of getting into legal troubles, having an accident, killing someone else, or dying ourselves.
Regardless of what we choose in our daily life, we shape our world. Each decision adds to our future, whether it’s going to blossom with new opportunities or feeling beat up by life, becoming tired and moody.
So how do you know how to make tough decisions?
- Use your common sense!
There are so many outcomes that you can predict if you look at your choices by adding your common sense to it! We dislike using that part of our sensibility because many times, it goes against our desires, and we ‘want to control an outcome’ so we overlook logic and reason and focus on emotion.
- You can’t fill an inner void with outer things.
The ego runs in a continuous loop that keeps telling us we need things (outside of us) to finally become happy/successful/content/etc… but it never seems to last very long. So we keep creating cycles when we run after stuff/goals to achieve to make ourselves feel good within ourselves because we aren’t present with ourselves and grateful at this present moment. When it is the case, we can never succeed the way we want to because the only thing how we can fill our internal void is to turn to ourselves.
- Use your intuition!
Trust yourself. When you have an intense sensation within you about what you should choose to do it is usually in alignment with the deepest parts of you. This will create positive changes in your life in the long term. Sometimes what we sense on this level seems illogical but somehow, these deep internal suggestions connect us with those events we wish to experience.
- Understand what you want and why you want it!
Sounds very obvious, and still, many of us can only articulate what we do not wish to have and experience in our world. Only when we know what we want and what it means to us, we can choose the choices that take us closer to get there.
No wind supports a sailor who doesn’t know where he wants to go or only knows where he does not want to end up.
It is not what you find in life, but what you make out of it what matters!
I have heard once that the best chef is one who can make a tasty dish out of the ingredients he finds at home. I agree, and I love to apply this method in my world. We like to believe what we have is not enough to create something amazing, so we keep looking outside. But the thing is that all of us already have enough to create something extraordinary! I believe that bringing the best out of what we already have is the attitude that can serve us best in the world to keep ourselves not only grateful but also inventive and open-minded when it is about new elements that come to our world.
It is easy to get lost in the options that are in front of us if we have no idea what are the things that really “float your boat” or what “crumbles your cookies.” We all have heard stories about lottery winners who found themselves miserable, or talented people who wasted their life getting sucked into addictions, or people who have incredible luck and opportunity but were too damn afraid to take it.
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, on things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like” Will Rogers
Because no amount of money can help a person to become truly happy if they can’t connect with others, or have low self-esteem, or no real sense of purpose to live an authentic life. For this person, money is only lending them an illusion that is attractive to others, but it is a temporary fix to a deeper, permanent problem.
Money can be wonderful; the difference is that a truly happy person does not connect their self-worth or their deep fulfillment to the money or material things. A balanced person relies on his personal skills and capacities as a priority to create their life and can creatively make use of the elements that are in his surroundings. They do not get scared if he needs a doorstop but doesn’t have one; instead, they look around and find something that will serve the purpose and continues the project.
In short, when we know what we are doing and why we are doing it, the world provides us an easy way to fulfill our desires. All we need to do is to open our senses and notice them!
‘How can you be fully in peace with who you are at this moment in time?’
There is no better question to ask when turning from victim to creator.
It all boils down to self-acceptance. This isn’t the kind of self-acceptance you proclaim to your therapist when they ask you, ‘Do you love yourself?’. In which case, of course, you say ‘Yes!’.
By true self-acceptance, I mean when your heart is fully involved, and you have no lumps and bumps regarding this question on the level of feelings and sensation.
Self-love is not a face-mask with a never-ending smile or a continuous can-do attitude.
It is the deep and peaceful inhalation and exhalation about our existence.
It is having an awareness of our strengths and weaknesses with knowing that everything is as it should be here and now while experiencing inner-peace.
The real self-acceptance is very difficult because
- We were conditioned to believe that we must act in specific ways to have the acceptance/love/care of others.
- We continuously compare ourselves to the standards set by the world, forgetting that we see only the best of others and compare it to the worst of ourselves.
The person who embraces themselves ignores the opinions of the world and listens and acts to their inner voice. They are aware there may be negativity, but they do not let that negativity determine their dreams and desires. They do not act according to other’s standards or view themselves through other’s lenses. Their state of being comes from their heart over their head, and they feel connected to their core and authentic being.
How does low self-acceptance influence your decisions?
Here are two examples:
- When you have a negative and unrealistic image about yourself, it affects your decisions. For instance, you wish you could learn to dance, but you are shy because you think that your moves are gawky, so you talk yourself out of taking lessons.
- When you have low self-esteem, it is tough to let go of a relationship that does not give you value any longer. Why? First, you are likely feeding off each others’ energy, and you are scared to be alone.
- In healthy relationships, you stay because you WANT to be there and not because you NEED to be, or are afraid to not be.
Your interpretation of life events:
People with low self-acceptance tend to project their insecurities in their body language, speech patterns, and social skills. Everything they hear, see, and experience must pass through a “negative” filter and ends up being interpreted in a negative way that will mirror the same negative feelings that they have.
With healthy esteem, they see the world for what it is. They can observe events without internalizing them or taking them personally and emotionally. They learn from things that go awry and revise their strategy to adapt to reality.
The state of our self-acceptance is within all of our actions/reactions and determines how we act. We can choose to settle for less than what we dream of OR we can dare to go for it and allow ourselves to enjoy our world by living true to ourselves. This is much better than choosing to never measure up to other’s standards and go through life with the weight of the world placed on our back.
Embracing yourself fully from your heart is the entrance for creating a quality life for yourself where you enjoy your creations. No work for this is a waste of time!
Oh, and one last thing…..
Don’t forget to laugh!
Becoming an adult is not easy and being one isn’t either!
With several responsibilities such as family, work, friends, etc… on our shoulders, it is easy to get stuck in a rut. Don’t let life become a heavy burden. Remember to have fun and enjoy the experience. Be a creator, but don’t forget to enjoy the silly little ways of life that are non-sense and holds no weight in their results.
Blow soap-bubbles with your kids, or make up funny stories with them and laugh together! Go to a comedy show, or watch a movie that makes you laugh with your partner, then talk gibberish while you tickle them in the bed!
Most importantly, don’t take yourself too seriously. Remember to laugh at anything, especially at yourself sometimes! The world will keep spinning, no matter what.
From Hungary, ‘Be Real! Life Coaching’ has been her dream her whole life. Always interested in learning how people make sense of the world and form their adult perspectives, she believes the key to true happiness lies in fully accepting oneself exactly as they are.