relationship advice Archives | Life Coach Library

Being Single on Valentines Isn’t A Bad Thing!

Health & Wellness, Relationships & Family
you are not alone

The retail world would have you think that if you’re not spending a sentimental and romantic February 14th with a special someone that you are missing out.  Every website has Valentine’s advertisements practically every TV and radio station talks about it or fills the airwaves with jewelry, chocolate, card, and other commercials designed to pull on your heartstrings.   There’s dozens of Romcoms, novels, and memes on the internet, depicting single people as depressed, introverted loners who will cry themselves to sleep on February 14th.

Please don’t fall for it.    

There is something powerful about being free and independent, and there is no need to go on a date just for the heck of it. Don’t stress out; there are plenty of reasons to celebrate being single on Valentine’s Day.

  • No Valentine’s day anxiety

Ladies can be relieved that they don’t have to change clothes 15 times, worry about the extra weight that came with Christmas festivities, or spend an hour trying to get every strand of hair and speck of makeup perfect.

Guys don’t have to sweat getting the right gift and card.  You know, this one’s too serious, that one’s not serious enough, a card that seems funny to you and your guy friends could royally piss her off, but you aren’t sure….

Restaurants are all booked solid, and if you didn’t make a reservation in January, there’s likely either an hours-long wait, or it’ll feel like New Years because you’re eating dinner at midnight bringing in February 15th

Chill-ax!  You can stay home in your sweats and binge-watch Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones, (again). 

  • You will save money

The average person spends close to $200 on Valentine’s day with men spending as high as $399. A beautiful gift, fancy dinners, French wine, and flowers don’t come cheap. But don’t worry, you can have a good night’s sleep knowing you’ll be saving a lot of money.   Buy yourself something you’ve really wanted and be your own Valentine.

  • No disappointments

The morning after, you will be one of the few people who will not be disappointed. While the night might not have been special, it was also not a let-down or, in some cases, an absolute disaster! You spent the whole day, exactly the way you wanted to, and that’s what matters.

  • Better to be single than with the wrong person

Some people are single just because they like being alone.  Others have had some rough relationships and have come to the decision that being alone is better than wasting your life with someone you aren’t totally feeling,  Being with the wrong person is like being in a trap because you don’t even have the option to find the right one.   Anyone who has ever been stuck in bad relationships knows and appreciates having space and opportunity to find someone special.

  • The Potential of finding the right partner

Every new turn in life is an opportunity to start all over again. If you are single, but would like to find someone, there is plenty of opportunities to connect with other singles.  Take your time and find someone with who you can connect and have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

        You might not be single until next Valentine’s day – savor this moment!

If finding or keeping healthy, loving, and fulfilling relationships in your life is a priority and you think you’d benefit from honed relationship guidance, talk to a relationship coach and see how they can help you get to the next level. 

Crush Self-Doubt and Unleash a Super-Confident You a workbook designed to breakthrough limiting beliefs and get you moving forward to being the best you! 

Stop Combo Dating!

Relationships & Family
first date last date

Combo dating: when the first date is so bad it’s also the last date   

What to do and what not to do

Whether you’re looking for Mr./Mrs. RIGHT or Mr./Mrs. RIGHT NOW, nothing can be as much fun yet at the same time nerve-wracking as a first date.   

The internet has profoundly changed the way we meet people and, in many ways, changed the rules of dating.  Whether you’re Tindering, Match.com-ing, or meeting the though your own social networks or by chance, here is some timeless advice to consider when you’re just over combo dating!   All of these are suggestions that may need to be tweaked to fit your lifestyle but keep an open mind, and you’ll understand why the rules became rules, to begin with.  

Time:

Anything after 10:00 is just a booty-call, right?  DO pick a decent hour to meet for a first date. You’re trying to get to know each other, and it makes sense to be both alert and sober when that happens.   It doesn’t matter if you’re a night owl and will be home watching TV with the cat that night, late evenings are for down the road.  

DON’T be late!  Fashionably late is unfashionable when it is at the expense of another person’s time and emotion.   It is disrespectful and sends a message that you are either undependable or inconsiderate of others.  Being on time will tell the other person how much you value the interaction and what they can expect from you as a person. 

There are exceptions.  Your car breaks down, your boss makes you stay late to finish a task, there’s an emergency.  Fine, pick up your phone and call and let the other person know and set their expectations of when you can meet or if you have to reschedule. 

Practice the 15-minute rule.  Always text/call if you will be more than 15 minutes late.  If you’re the one waiting, 15-30 minutes MAX is enough time to give someone.  Your time is precious, and you could be doing a lot of things besides sitting around waiting for someone to show up.    

Games

DON’T play them.   You know what I mean, but if not, don’t play games with people’s affections.   DO be honest about what you’re looking for.It is never a good idea to lead someone on. Whether you are looking for a causal relationship or something more serious, it is better to let the other person know.   This doesn’t have to be a discussion on the very first date, but it should be early on. If you’re getting a vibe that the other person is really out of sync with you (you want commitment, they want to play the field), then do bring it up.   It’s ok to simply ask where they are with it.  Trust your instinct to know if they are being honest and upfront with you or playing you.  Your gut reaction is often spot on if you listen to it.

At the end of the date, there is no need to ghost someone or play the waiting game. We are all adults here, so text or call them and let them know if you want to see them again or not. If you wish to decline the offer, do it politely not to hurt their feelings.

Dress

You don’t have to dress to impress but DO try to present yourself well.  It should go without saying (in my experience it is not), but basic hygiene is super important.  If you’re going to a ball game you can wear your jeans and a t-shirt, but please make sure they and you are clean and for the love of God, brush your teeth or carry breath mints! Even if you’re not smooching, bad breath is such a romance killer.  

If you’re going to dinner, it’s ok to ask your date if you should dress up or dress down.   You don’t want to show up in a suit or dress in a pizza place anymore that you want to be wearing flip-flops at the Ritz.  Whatever the venue is, it’s always nice and appreciated when you make an effort and look good. Not only does it make a good impression, but it will also boost your confidence, which in itself is attractive and sexy. 

Use your best judgement

DO be careful about comments on things such as appearance, social issues, politics, religion, and those types of sensitive topics.  These topics are important, and if it’s absolutely critical for you to know these things up front, then have at it. Still, I’m warning you that the potential for things to get intense and go south quick are far greater than the chance anything positive coming out of it.  If you end up going there, DO keep an open mind and you may delightfully see a new perspective.

It’s best NOT to criticize your date, not even playfully, or if you think you’re being funny.  Chances are you’re not.  Commenting on their hair color, or choice of clothes might be a fun tease later on, but when you meet for the first time, it’s better to be well-mannered and make the other person feel comfortable.  Oh, and weight….DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT say anything about the other person’s weight!

Remember, this is a DATE, which is supposed to be light and fun and flirty. 

Affection: OK, everyone has their own standards with how physical first dates should be. Here are a few things to ponder.  You don’t really know each other yet, and sex can cloud thoughts.  When I say sex, I mean everything from holding hands to going all the way. Depending on what you’re ultimately looking for, just know that the level of affection you engage in on the first date sets the tone for the relationship.  Not just physically, but also emotionally.  If I may be candid, I am convinced that as evolved as we are in 2019, this primal instinct carries deep psychological implications and should not be taken lightly. My best advice is to be crystal clear on where your boundaries and stay true to yourself.

Those are the big ones, here are a few more.

DO show interest: You might have had a long day at work, but a date is no time check out or be self-absorbed.   You are not there talk all about yourself for the entire night nor to be the designated listener.  Show some interest in the other person, ask them questions, and get to know them.  People love a meaningful interaction, and the better the communication, the better your date will be. This is the time to get out of your cocoon – ask questions about their work, their family, their life aspirations, and you might be in for a treat. Listen to them and engage in the conversation. 

DON’T drink too much: This goes for both men and women! No one wants to go on a date and end up taking care of a drunk person. Drinking changes people, and if you’re looking to get to know the real person, that doesn’t happen when either of you is polluted.  You’re on a date, not at a frat or sorority party. 

DO give compliments: Do not be shy when it comes to giving compliments but DO make them sincere compliments. If you think she looks fantastic in that black dress, let her know! If you love the way he smells, tell him. Don’t hold back – these subtle flirtatious moments will help to make the night even more special. DO be respectful. Call me old fashioned, but this is just everyday manners.  

DON’T be a big-shot by showing off your education or wealth or any status in a cocky and arrogant way.  You can be confident yet kinds and humble.

Dating can be an enjoyable experience or an excruciating disaster.  The key ingredients for lasting relationships boil down to compatibility and chemistry.  Dating is the process of discovering if those critical components exist. In this technological age, remember the human.  We all seek good company and a loving friend. Be confident, have fun, and go with the flow!

If you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while and are unsure how to get back in, or if you’re looking for more out of your relationships, consider working with a Relationship Coach.   They are experienced helping people just like you reach your relationship goals.  Whether your goals are romantic or you want to increase business and social possibilities by learning better communication skills, a coach can help you get there faster than you will on your own.

At Life Coach Library its easy to find a coach.  Just register and fill out a survey.  We will match you with up to three coaches who are exactly what you are looking for, and they will all give you a free consultation. The best part…our service is completely FREE.    

Sources:  

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/first-date-tips/

http://www.psychology.com/articles/?p=392

Save Filter
×
Menu
Account